Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

Astronaut - proof not only that there's a God, but that he's particularly fond of facetious tabloid headline writers. There's no other explanation for the word lending itself to so many smirking variations.

Homemade Space Rocket is Astronuts!

Steak-Dinner Pill for Gastronauts!

AstroCourt! Judge Judy Beamed to Alien Galaxy!

Zero-Grav Olga gets Astronaughty!


Incidentally, God's pretty keen on rock lyricists too, which is why there are so mainy convenient rhymes available for adolescent songs - school/fool/rule, change/rearrange, boy/toy, honey/money and of course champagne/cocaine/pull a train/stick various parts of the body in garbage bags and dispose of them in some remote stretch of inhospitable and bleak terrain.


...er. Sorry. Where were we?

effervescence

Effervescence (1) - the fifth of the crazy, but completely natural light effects - phosphorescence, luminescence, fluorescence, iridescence, and, sadly, lastly, effervescence

Why sad? Why last?

Because the phenomena may only be experienced by the fortunate few synaesthetics amongst us (of which group I just so happen to belong - er, rainbows don't smell like you'd think they would, if you were wondering)

This was twisted by a marketing genius into a quality that may be contained in an aerated liquid form to be tasted as though you can see with your tongue

Though actually having been around for centuries in the form of champagne and ages in the form of natural spring water - it's only very recently that scientists have begun taking it seriously - why exactly they feel the need to take it seriously is the result of a miscommunication in an inter-office memo

The directive was actually to 'taste it - seriously' with the word 'refreshing' cut off due to a printing error and the word 'taste' rendered sufficiently illegible that it required interpretation - wrongly as it turns out

There is an artificially manufactured version of effervescence but as it's a bit pricey compared with the generic lemonade and ginger ale very few have heard it with their own noses and it is largely left on the supermarket shelf


See also poison gas, toxic fumes, greenhouse gas, mustard gas, Nazi nerve gas


Effervescence (2) - The type of personality disorder which sees the afflicted taste rainbows in everything, put sugar in their coffee, require continual stimulation through 'earbuds', feel the compulsion to rub their tummies up against furniture and strangers, and like words with 'gh' in them

If you find this person pm me immediately - they are extremely ferocious and should be removed from the party with tact, delicacy and deceit - whichever works...


Magazine

Magazine Written publication that used to contain stories and articles but now contains mostly advertisements and is a depository for endless "bill me latter" offers

Writer

Writer - Contrary to popular imagination, not actually one who writes


Actually it's one who has been published in some traditional form, for better or worse, for good or ill, for warp or weft, for profit or loss

see also 'MarkBastable' (or better yet ask him to explain the ropes)



MarkBastable

MarkBastable Mysterious poster of weird and wise sayings who apparently is a dead ringer for the Joker

Asylum

Asylum (1) - place where what is served is all that's left, left is write, write is black, black is Blake, Blake is Yeats, Yeats is in cake, cake is cream, cream is off, off is on, on is strange, strange rhymes with orange, orange is apples, apples is pears, pairs is threes, threes is fours, fours is easy, easy is hard, hard is soft, soft is solid, solid is liquid, liquid is lunch, lunch is dinner, dinner is served

Periodically the loonies overtake the place, but then the other loonies take it over from them, and then the other loonies take over from them, so it's never quite clear who's in charge, but it's one of the best parties in town


Asylum (2) - an imaginary land where there are no wars, no riots, no racism, no-one gets mugged, beat up for no reason, everyone has the same chance, all are equal - but at least the government appears to change hands fairly regularly (actually that last one might be a bit true...)


Democracy

Democracy Government of the people by people old enough to know better, and who can not remember a time when they weren't arrogant fools

Liberty

Liberty

a) An imposition that is to be taken.

b) The specious conceit that one might have something
to do with steering the life they are leasing.

How about some of our own words and definitions?

Destabilize: To let the horses out

Crystal set - to be a member of a hippie sect


That's no fun! You want to know how the next poster jumblifies the chosen word


Sectarian

One doesn't have to exclude the other.

Sectarian: One who believes everything should be divided before eating.

Summa cum laude: Latin for "An angry mob is approaching."

Partisan

Partisan Stubborn refusal to see anything outside of the story your group has come up with, glaringly obvious facts to the contrary...

Obvious Clear enough to me and you cannot help it if you are a blind prejudiced fool!

Runaway

Runanway - someone who simply cannot be induced to hang around a dull atmosphere while there is so much excitement to be had elsewhere

My 95 year old Grandmother was a a habitual runaway from her nursing home causing much consternation amongst family and staff - but to her it was the clear distinction of living a death or seeing some of the world while there was still life left in her, unfortunately I was too young to intervene and went with the family attitude that she was a pain - but really if they'd left her be she probably would have become a success in some field and lived to see 195 (at least)

Old age - no such thing - 100 years isn't old it's just not long enough for people who still have all their faculties

Some people are already old at ten, others at twenty etc - so really it's just relative


Tearaway

Tearaway: To bulldoze a new path

Indifferent: The same


Habeas Corpus

Maybe we should have another thread for old words that you've already prepared new definitions for, as opposed to new definitions for words that are proposed by someone else - which admittedly can be a bit frustrating if you've got a good definition all lined up and no one seems likely to propose the word that would allow you to trot it out.

I don't think we really need an entirely new thread for such a subtle distinction. The Devil's Dictionary is funny definitions; seems to me irrelevant whether they're provided by the same person or different people. Both are fun to read and write, and fun is what it's about, no?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Calidore

I don't think we really need an entirely new thread for such a subtle distinction. The Devil's Dictionary is funny definitions; seems to me irrelevant whether they're provided by the same person or different people. Both are fun to read and write, and fun is what it's about, no?

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Good God, no.

But that apart, it's a game - which is why it's in the game section - and the game is that you supply a definition and set the next word to be defined by someone else. Indeed, in the post that set up this thread, Nikhar said,

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nikhar

I post a word. You tell us what it means. You post another word. The next person tells us what that means.

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It's not a complicated game, but that's the way it works.

Compare the 'Rate That Song' thread, in which someone posts a link to a music video, and the next person comments on it, rates it out of ten and then posts a new link. There's no real reason why people shouldn't just post links willy-nilly, and comment on them themselves, and then rate them - but that's just not how the game works.

Both threads are specifically about passing on the baton, and are designed that way to minimise the possibility of one person churning out multiple entries in multiple posts. Of course - there's no reason not to have a thread that actively encourages that, but my own suggestion would be that this isn't it.

What do other regular posters to this thread think?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MarkBastable

What do other regular posters to this thread think?

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One thread, irregardless of which way we do it. Some are too good to miss posting, but always, always leave a word for the next person.

Habeas Corpus Latin meaning "you have the body?" a nebulous writ sometimes applied to crimes where it has no jurisdiction, there not being a body since the malefactor was arrested simply for forgery. It is also applied to crimes where the body/bodies are all too evident, but the lawyer is sharp enough to claim "unjust detention". (See OJ Simpson)


Malefactor

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pendragon

One thread, irregardless of which way we do it. Some are too good to miss posting, but always, always leave a word for the next person.

---

Absolutely.

Malefactor: Y chromosome


Absolutely

Absolutely Said of something that has a slightly better chance of being true than a snowball's chance in Hell, often loudly, as if volume can make it true or false!


Nefarious

Nefarious Famous for wrongdoing, so obviously an elected official in any political stage, able to put both feet in their mouth at the same time while simultaneously jumping to conclusions, pushing their luck and swapping horses in midstream at flood stage. Highly hilarious to watch, shows nightly on the evening news.

Election

Nefarious: One who commits naughty deeds, recognizable by his unnerving, boisterous laugh and his twirlable mustache.

Election: Causing a political party member to rise higher, enabling him to screw his constituents senseless.

Lackadaisical

Lackadaisical Being too apathetic to get up from in front of the TV to get that cold beer you've been dying to get, and waiting for your spouse to appear so you can holler at him/her to get it for you, only he/she has figured you out by now and has gone to bed

Ostentatious

Ostentatious - committing a verb so that everyone observes and makes comment, and for no other purpose

Going to the more populous supermarket so that as many people as possible will see that you're still alive is a form of ostentation

'Hello Frank! Fancy meeting you here - I thought you were dead! Hey look everybody - it's Frank! And he's still alive!'



Gregarious

Gregarious 1) Said of a person who has the right to remain silent but lacks the wisdom to do so

2) Said of people whose tongues are tied in the middle and blab at both ends, see Gossip

Blogger

Blogger: A male tree harvester

Prestidigitation: The art of using ten fingers to suspend the disbelief of thousands, without visible wires.

Fanatic

Fanatic Completely devoted to a sport, athlete, race car driver, cause, etc. that I personally despise.

Exams

Exams - mysterious qualification tests (derived from X-M - X for mystery and M for mapping) designed in such a manner that no matter what you do for preparation you can never actually be prepared

Some X-M s have become so sophisticated in their elusive illusory purpose that an entire year must be set aside in order merely to steady the participants' nerves - but no allowance is made for the outcome except that a tick will find you walking a path you may not have considered while a cross will find you walking a path you may not have considered

Because the ultimate judges in these trials are the Secret Secret Association of Monks found hidden in the caves of Shangri-La who communicate with ESP, only they can tell which path for whom will be which - but they aren't telling



Thesis

Thesis - Sibling of Thebro

Apprehension

Apprehension: A state of nervousness about 1) whether one's application software will be used by anyone; or 2) the possibility of being arrested.

Promote: To advocate digging a surrounding ditch.

Glacial

Glacial Ice on a slow, slow ride

Forget An illusion that never happens when you actually are trying to get over something, like your pants falling down on stage during the Senior play, but manifests itself whenever you really need the facts, such as during that final exam that will earn you a Doctorate

PHD

PHD - Supposedly impressive sounding but ultimately silly and fluffy bit of the alphabet some misguided wretches choose to bung at the end of their names to show that they've accomplished a tedious task few others are actually interested in

Though in rare instances it may have the effect of drawing attention away from the rest of the person's given name, it won't necessarily produce the desired result

'My name is Billy-Bob Bouncy-Bumboils PHD-'

'Step back from the car... I said step back from the car! Put your hands behind your head where I can see them..!'

A far easier and quicker way to collect the initials for those whom this cautionary warning has been insufficient to dissuade, is simply to adopt an Oxford stammer away from the famous university town and say phrases like 'I'll get you, you wascally wabbit!' whilst toting a shotgun and duck hunter's cap


Cartoons

Cartoons: Road trip songs

Collate: Jointly tardy

Stereo

Stereo - to drive with the radio so loud that it interferes with your competence and you should be riding bulls in Nebraska

Curiously, having two voluminous sound sources in an enclosed environment actually negates the effects of separation, music, and brain function which is the reason passersby can only discern a repetitious muffled Doof! Doof!


Corruption

Corruption: When two people simultaneously lose their temper.

Misanthropy: Donating to women's causes

Heirloom

Heirloom - what the Duke of Cambridge will use to knit a new rug for incubating his egg and thence the Duchess of Cambridge can run her fingers through it without ending up with a hand full of dilapidated rusty springs

The real purpose however is for the crown to fit comfortably on his crown

Can also be used, and probably will, to create manly chest merkins


Throne

Throne - a false sense of superiority coupled with acute mental idiocy produced by inbreeding. Also known as an object representative of pointless bickering.

Island

Island I am told, reliably, that "No Man" is an island, which is actually a piece of real estate completely surrounded by water and covered with a thick growth of real estate and IRS agents

Royal Having the fortune to be born into the reigning family regardless of whether you are an homicidal maniac or a complete fool.

"Would your Majesty please step this way and place your Royal hands into these handcuffs?"

A good example of this is having The Crown Prince known affectionately as "Prince Eddy" be a prime suspect in the Jack the Ripper murders and vanishing in such a way as to suggest he was perhaps "culled for the greater good."


Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage Military for "Oops!"


War

War The usual end of negotiations when neither party really wants to negotiate, but hold stubbornly to their own agenda, expecting the other to change

Refuge