Thanks, Moonbird! I think I will assign a Pantoum as the next form. Instructions for writing one are here: http://volecentral.co.uk/vf/pantoum.htm
Good luck, contest ends November 15th.
Printable View
Thanks, Moonbird! I think I will assign a Pantoum as the next form. Instructions for writing one are here: http://volecentral.co.uk/vf/pantoum.htm
Good luck, contest ends November 15th.
Autumn Walking
The wind blows rain into my face.
October days are turning cold.
I walk regretting my slow pace.
The rainfall hurts. I'm growing old.
October days are turning cold.
There's no one waiting up tonight.
The rainfall hurts. I'm growing old
And darkness follows every light.
There's no one waiting up tonight
Although today I'm not alone
And darkness follows every light.
I have no need for what I own.
Although today I'm not alone:
There was that angel sprinkling grace.
I have no need for what I own.
I only want to see her face.
Yo! Where all the poets at? Must we have a win by default? Is no one else interested? Say it ain't so, Joe!
I wanted to enter this one, but I have been having trouble coming up with what I want to write about and had other stuff come out. I will try and enter something before it is too late.
Death's Romance
Death beckons my soul
to take me sweetly away
into my dreams he stole
in his embrace I must stay.
To take me sweetly away
we danced with the night
in his embrace I must stay
given to immortal delight.
We danced with the night
on the edge life and death
given to immortal delight
upon his lips lives my breath.
On the edge of life and death
among shadows we dwell
upon his lips lives my breath
until the stroke of midnight's bell.
I've taken two stabs at it, and couldn't get past the second stanza. This one's pretty tough, but third time and all that...
"Insert twenty five cents for fun"
The fee paid, I punch the button.
The screen reads "Ready player one!"
and I ready the plastic gun.
The fee paid, I punch the button
to select which level is one
and I ready the plastic gun.
I shoot zombified aliens.
To select which level is one
is all of the thinking I've done.
I shoot zombified aliens
to create corpses by the ton.
Is all the thinking I've done
Undone by my violent run?
To create corpses by the ton
for a binge gaming marathon.
Undone by my violent run,
"Insert twenty five cents for fun."
For a binge gaming marathon
The screen reads "Ready player one!"
(When challenged, get silly!)
OK, OK, lets just end this. I saw where the pantoum was considered the most difficult poem style by the writer of the article to which I referred you. The weird thing is, he doesn't even have the form totally right, according to my Poetry Writer's Handbook. As I have written many pantoums, I thought something seemed strange with your entries, but I must judge by the example by which I myself gave you to go.
The problem lies in the last verse. A pantoum may be as short as three stanzas, or as long as you can keep the thought going, but the final verse must use the two lines from the first stanza that have not been repeated so far. Assuming a three stanza poem, the last line goes:
3.1, 1.1, 3.3, 1.3, or a variation, 3.1, 1.3,3.3, 1.1
So much for technique, now to the poetry:
YesNo
Wise choice in your initial repeating lines:
This left room for a lot of flexibility. Well done.Quote:
The wind blows rain into my face.
October days are turning cold.
I walk regretting my slow pace.
The rainfall hurts. I'm growing old.
DarkMuse
I really liked these very descriptive lines:
And as is your forte, you created another beautiful, moving poem. Great job!Quote:
We danced with the night
on the edge life and death
given to immortal delight
upon his lips lives my breath.
KrymsonKyng
I give you great job on the humor, but by the second verse you have already missed the rhyme scheme, not by a little, but by a mile!
So what we have is an hilarious little gem of a poem that unfortunately has to be disqualified because this contest speaks as to form.Quote:
The fee paid, I punch the button
to select which level is one
and I ready the plastic gun.
I shoot zombified aliens.
So I declare DarkMuse to be the winner! Congratulations! :hurray::hurray::hurray:
Perhaps DarkMuse will give us a less stressful form!
Pen
Thank you and hopefully people will not find my choosen form to be so difficult.
Ok your next form is the Haibun.
It is a Japanese form which combines haiku with prose writing. The haiku should not repeat the imagery used in the prose but should loosely link to or juxtapose the prose. How the two elements are combined is up to you.
This site provides examples of different Haibun's:
http://contemporaryhaibunonline.com/
Deadline: Dec. 5th
I'm composing one, Muse. Hang in there!
The squirrels run down the tree, eager for the feast of peanuts I brought them
I often sit here at the park in town, just enjoying the peace and quiet. The squirrels know me well by now. A cheeky little female sniffs at my shoe. A very fat little gray fuzzball sits on the table opposite mine, munching away at a peanut, and mooching me for another. It is a wonderful day!
Gray flashes circle the trees, playing hide and go seek peering at me
I feel something touch my leg. It is an over-eager male grey squirrel that looks up at my startled face. I toss a peanut and he catches it midair. By now I have about seven furry little customers. I wonder if they would be bold enough to take one from my fingers.
Grey sentinels watch
For the thieving crows that snatch
Four nuts at a time
Really terrific to see how much they trust me. I am gonna need a bigger bag of nuts next time. Perhaps pistachios?
I know many of us have probably been busy lately, but no other takers willing to give this a shot?
I will do my best to have a poem completed in the coming days.
Here is my try (after a long gap) at using rhyme
Essentially follows the pattern of "3 rhymes with 1 and 2 with 4" in 1 2 3 4 with variations to break the monotony either of the form " 3 rhymes with 2 and 1 with 4" or rarely of the form "1 with 2 and 3 with 4"
Loving an Amazon
There she was,
The rough tomboy
Could ride the horse
And float with the buoys
This was her fourth
Of many such
Delicate ways as befits a court
And Amazonian (yet maternal and feminine) ways like a butch
A cloth around her neck tied
Like an adventuring fisherwoman dressed
Dagger against her dress pressed
Her opponents like brides cried
Could gut the whale
And cut the wolf rabid
Take care of her followers avid
Yet tame and shear the recalcitrant male
She takes her fifth shot
I am struggling with my second
Her scars the “medals” from battles fought
Mine arise from feelings for her heightened
She treats me by turns
As a fool, a stool pigeon, a clown
And at times an idiot to be controlled by treatment stern
Or more often ridiculed and humiliated for the edification of the town
She hoists me up to be exhibited like in statues
In tarred finery, hugging mannequins
Prompting me to ask : Is My love for her fatuous ?
Am I doomed to be hoisted on pedestals only to be let down by my self indulgent sins
One day, like a painted and (pinned and pained) bird,
I rise on the wings of my feeling seared
I cry out both for myself and the amazon I have loved
Who across the oceans of the world has rowed
Like a swarthy female version of Othello
Myself the male Desdemona to whom she at last consents
To relate the tales of the seas , black to yellow
Through which she has sailed up to times present
The characters whom she has met , rascals and saints
And of every hue in between
Her tales were enough to give a delicate lad like me the faints
Telling of a world beyond what he had ever seen
She wonders and marvels at my innocence
Like a diver , she means to torment and bully me out of my shell
And extract the pearls of good sense
That lies buried in my dell
At last we give way to the feelings of mutual affection and love
A mating like that between land and sea
Between the fiery eagle and a gentle dove
Each loving the other, both know “Who is me ?”
The Amazon warrior in star like hues her lover dyed
Who in pain filled ecstasy cried
Zen like In the morning after,
Things are the same fore and after,
The sun still shines, the birds still sing
But the lovers view it as the beginning of eternal spring
I somehow feel that 1 rhymes with 2 and 3 with 4 and so on seems to catch the ear the most unless more advanced devices are employed ( as in multiple voices in music , drama , opera etc) to reinforce the rhythm
And this fits the stated form by DarkMuse exactly how?Quote:
Originally Posted by sundarramchand
Quick question:
May I use my haiku from the minimalist poetry contest since, for me, the prose is the meat of the poem?
I will allow you to use that Haiku since you will still have to write and original prose.Quote:
Originally Posted by krymsonkyng
Okay, the format suggested by Dark Muse seems to be as follows :
a, b and d rhyme with c's theme (in the sense of rhyme) being continued in e f and h in the following 4 line stanza pattern.
"a b c d e f g h"
This seems to bring about some continuity
OK, in my case, i had already written the poem and for me (coming from rhyme less poetry), the images / themes are key and i tried to fit it in the current framework
Would my form come close to a sonnet or some other known theme ? I tried to base it on what i felt was the key motif of a sonnet " a-c , b-d " kind of pattern
Where did you get that from?Quote:
Originally Posted by sundarramchand
The form I propsed was as follows:
Nothing about rhyme or stanzas or sonnets in there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Muse
On a tour through the Cave of the Winds, a couple cozies up to railing.
The melted wax of stalactites takes on the lighting's colors, red and gold and blue. Not much further in, a tunnel narrows and trails back into the Earth's depths.
"Now," says the tour guide "I'm going to turn off the lights. No light from the surface can reach down here, so we will experience absolute darkness. It can be a little disorienting. For your safety please stand still until the lights come on."
For a minute they are transported to a world of sounds. The dry air carries the tap tap dripping of eternities worth of stone under construction. In this false night, the couple kisses until their return.
Up close and open
jagged colored edges that surround
smiling black
Today was the original intended deadline but since there are really own two entries, and I know another expressed an interest in wanting to submit something I will extend the deadline. For now I will not propose an official end time so feel free to keep posting.
For Emily (Happy Birthday)
When I think of flowers in a garden
my thoughts stray to dear Emily
and her bitter-sweet tears
As death mulled her years time was
measured with sweet mordents
of poetry with a hint of Spring
brightened with bird song...
Some sorrowful; all eternal
Chestnut lock of hair.... A hint of nosegay still sweetAfter all these years
:tailor STATELY
Because of health concerns, I will not be able to complete an entry for this competition.
Sorry to hear that you are ill. Will pray. God bless
Pen
Because I do not know how much time I will have for judging this month and so not to leave people hanging I decided to set the deadline for January 1st.
Thank you everyone who entered. This one was very close, and I almost did not want to have to choose only one winner. But it had to be done.
Pendragon: A very playful and endearing poem. I really enjoyed reading this one, and it gave me a chuckle or two. I thought you did a very could job of capturing the feeling of an Autumn day. I could visualize it so perfectly. I loved the different personalities you gave to the squirrels . this one had such a relaxing feeling to it.
krymsonkyng: I really enjoyed the atmosphere you created for this poem. The juxtaposition between the darkness and the romance I thought worked out well. The poem built up a certain feeling of anticipation. I loved the imagery and I thought you really transported the reader into the cave.
And the winner is....
tailor STATELY: A beautiful and elegant poem. I thought this was beautifully written. It painted such a vivid picture and had such a feeling of sadness and nostalgia to it. I thought your haiku paired perfectly with the verse. There was an elegant flow between the two different styles. I think you really captured the essence of the form.
Thanks for the feedback, Dark Muse!
And tailor STATELY! Two "knock it out of the ballpark wins in a row! Nice job, mon ami! :seeya:
2 ? (takes time to peruse other threads... cool !)
Thank you ! and congratulations to all that entered. I really enjoyed this form and will revisit it often.
For the next form I would like to try the abstract form.
From http://www.poetrybase.info/forms/003/359.shtmlAt least 10 lines long.Quote:
Poetry based on conveying emotion rather than thought, using textures, sounds, rhythms, etc. rather than making sense.
Let your imaginations run rampant.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Congratulations, tailor STATELY. I don't know if this fits the abstract form, but here it goes:
The Quest for Gweneloup
Immersed by waters ever walking
Gurgleberg is oozing red.
Mindlessly the mind keeps talking,
Drivel-gray. He's being led
Where peace is bound and still he's stalking
Gweneloup who's long been dead,
Or so those angry maggots said.
They exited her lovely head.
But when he and his bride have wed
Would the earth refresh their bed?
Would the wonder of the season
Been enough, but who can tell?
Come, don't cry. There is no treason.
Sometimes lovers land in hell
For a while for any reason.
Life is just a wishing well
Where the darkness churns a spell
That is where those heroes fell.
Hear the stinging of the bell:
Wedding day as waters swell.
This is my first attempt at this form, so hopefully I grasped the basic concept behind it.
We Danced in the Rain
I have become
--undone---
a reflec-
tion
of your face
tinted in plum.
A fist
like a bruise
(Southern Comfort)
amber in the glass
you laughed
at my frat-
ernity
class.
and all our dreams
are gone
of living on the moon
It was over too soon
but we danced
a moment or
two in the rain.
Now I speak for you
a memory from the past
or have you become me.
It is all a lie
based upon a vague
fac-
simility of
(truth)
descent
hurling down the dark, empty roadway
in a vehicle hung in high gear;
the horn blares only silently,
the brakes failed long ago,
the steering forever locked into a reckless course
leading towards a hairpin curve
that traverses the edge of a two-hundred foot drop
into the smoke-filled abyss…
pendragon
um... BUMP?
truffles of love
chuckle the hearts
laughters of joy
tearless they fall
sound like a prayer
symbols of far
further the truth
simple is life
that lets you
find
rivers and air
such is the care
made out of fair
that leads you out
carefree and lush
fanciful hair
beauty is dared
waving at earth
stars are the soul
the eyes behold.
I'll give this contest 1-more week - final entries by 12:00 mid-night tSst ( tailor STATELY standard time ) February 7th.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
In the night fog of the unremembered the whistle screams of the unwanted,
down trails of the abandoned, where desires chase shadows until the cruel daylight enters and grabs you at your lonesome, throws you across the room into the streets of the hollow-eyed seekers hungry for the bread of complacency, their web-filled notions bleed into conspiracies of consistent so-called conservatism, a thin sheet over their fears, and the walking self that changes little is anchored in decay, prone to repetition and faulty fading senses.
Back
When she texts at the airport
thrushes fly in twitters from the drains
bees swarm like candy floss
on the spire of Crystal Palace
gibbons swing under silver satellites
fur fizzing with elided electric vowels
when she texts at the airport
white clouds whistle Dixie
When she settles in the taxi
pearls loop through the syllables of our address
bubbles pause short of the meniscus
the orrery gears clench perfect teeth
and their jewellery oil resolves in orbit
refracting sweetshop shards of rainbow
when she settles in the taxi
white clouds inhale the breeze
When she fumbles her keys
the house bubbles honey from windows
the carpet sweats peppermint
and the wallpaper breathes camomile
the staircase cascades Chanel in rapids
sluicing out week-dust of Madras and Marlboro
when she fumbles her keys
white clouds envelop me in the hallway
About time for a judging, I'd say.
(Enters through the proscenium)
Forgive me my tardiness... I needed to take some time off the web.
Worthy entries all. In order:
YesNo - A wonderful macabre tale. Enjoyed: " Gweneloup who's long been dead, Or so those angry maggots said. They exited her lovely head."
Dark Muse - Quite enigmatic. "Southern Comfort" sent my mind racing down into the rabbit hole; lost, once more, in Santa Clara.
Pendragon - A flight of vehicular fancy; or one obsessed or possessed perhaps.
cacian - "stars are the soul the eyes behold" - quite delightful.
jajdude - Enjoyed this part: "where desires chase shadows until the cruel daylight enters and grabs you at your lonesome" -
MarkBastable - An interesting piece that reads well. "When she texts at the airport thrushes fly in twitters from the drains" tickled me at the start.
.
.
.
.
And the winner is: MarkBastable... Congratulations !