Concrete A type of shoe worn mainly by those who have fell afoul of organized crime families
Blasphemy
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Concrete A type of shoe worn mainly by those who have fell afoul of organized crime families
Blasphemy
Blasphemy: Disagreeing with somebody who can no longer resort to call you a fool, illiterate, uneducated or a heathen.
Reverend
Reverend Title given to men who claim to be selected of God, God sometimes denying any connection whatsoever for blushing shame at their antics
Holy
The state of the average clergyman's socks, stipends being as low as they are, only a few thousand a year more than most people in the parish.
Bishop
Bishop: a high order in the Church of England. Since the controversial ordination of women to this elevated office, there has been amongst the general congregation a marked increase in the practice of bashing the bishop.
pestilence
Pestilence - those times of the year when churchgoers resolve not to be a nuisance.
shark
Shark: Predatory fish that is the proof of the existence of God. What possible evolutionary advantage can there be in having a fin that means people can see you coming a mile off? Obviously the Almighty put it there to give his favourite primates a fighting chance.
mushroom
Bijou residence for small creature with Big Ears, red hat and scruffy beard, whom even the council could not house.
Yorkshire.
Yorkshire: see mushroom
fountain pen
A device used by accountants, lawyers et al to make you think that they are above you, and anyway, it won't go through to the carbon paper underneath, thus facilitating fiddles.
novelist
novelist One who assails the ears through the printed page with a story not quite long enough to fill a book, but too long to classify it as a short story
Prison
Prison: A concept similar to a wine cellar, wherein vice and villainy are honed and matured by the passage of time into a truly remarkable vintage.
Thunder
The name added to words like Cat. Bolt, Chief and many others to make mediocre machinery sound better than it is.
plaque
Plaque : The raison d'etre of dental hygenists, vibrating toothbrushes and minty mouthwash. The person who discovered it can expect to have a circular blue sign nailed to the place of his birth in his honour.
Receipt.
Receipt; proof of payment. You can never find the ones you need, but the one you have bears no relation to any memory of the transaction recorded, as you try to explain to your wife, who understandably reckons that if there's a receipt for a meal for two at Jamie Oliver's '15' in your jeans pocket, then you must have been there at some point and if it wasn't with her then who the f*ck was it with?
Pluck