WWN has to be the most absurdly compelling "news" paper ever. Tis awesome in it's cheeziness.
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/
7 WAYS TO ANNOY CO-WORKERS -WITHOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE!
By DORIAN WAGNER
BOCA RATON, Fla. — Every office has one: The guy who is always looking for new ways to drive everyone crazy. You want to fight back but don't want to risk getting in trouble, right? Well thanks to a new book, Legal Ways to Drive Them Loony, you too can be extremely — yet innocently — annoying.
"The tried-and-true pranks I've outlined in my book are guaranteed to get them good and give you a good laugh — without technically doing anything wrong," author Rick Quigley told us. "And believe me, it's those little things that really get to people."
Here are 7 of his favorites:
* SEND VOICEMAILS THAT GO ON AND ON. Call a coworker and make your point over and over or don't make one at all. "Either way, be sure to talk until the message stops recording," Quigley said. "Most desk workers don't know how to stop a voicemail before it's over so they're forced to listen to the whole, frustrating message."
* FORWARD AS MANY STUPID EMAILS AS POSSIBLE. According to Quigley, the average office worker receives 42 emails a day. "Imagine if you could bump that number up by another 40 or 50!" he said. "Bonus points for anything with puppy pictures, a sappy story or a link to some tremendously long news story no one cares about."
* COMMUNICATE ONLY IN BABY TALK. Enough said about this one.
* MASS E-MAIL ASKING IF ANYONE WANTS FREE TICKETS. "Timing is everything on this one," Quigley said. "Make sure it's right before the NBA finals, Super Bowl or World Series. When the excited responses pour in, simply write back, "Yeah — me too." It's not your fault they misinterpreted your question as an offer. "The important thing to remember is that it's easy to get their goat — without needing a scapegoat."
* BANG YOUR HEAD REPEATEDLY ON YOUR COMPUTER KEYBOARD. "Coworkers have to look over, to ask 'what's wrong,' " Quigley said. "Then you say 'nothing' — but keep banging. It's like tapping your fingers on the desk only 10 times worse."
* BREAK OUT THE SPORTS SECTION DURING IMPORTANT MEETINGS. You're at the meeting, you were on time, you're not talking out of turn. Heck, you may even be listening! "But it gives off an air of 'I don't care' that is priceless in terms of annoyingness," Quigley assured us.
* YELL FOR SOMEONE TO "CHECK THIS OUT" RIGHT NOW. Make sure it's pointless — and that they're busy. "Then have your latest paper clip chain or face-of-Jesus on the bottom of your coffee cup all ready for them," Quigley suggested. "You made them get up and wasted their time. Two points for you."
