If I were a ______, what would you be?

one of the spoils of war (first pick though!)

if I was hungry and wanted something tasty and exotic to eat, what would you be?

The guy who brought you a plate of snails. :devil:

If I was a glass, what wine would you be?

a nicely chilled Chassagne-Montrachet, elegant and lush.

if I was the gentle breeze blowing through the meadow,what would you be?

An old buzzard, soaring and hunting for bunnies.

If i were a cop, what would you.... etc.

a bad girl handcuffed in the back seat of the patrol car

If I was wandering lonely as a cloud, what would you be?

An undercover agent.

If I were a secret mission, what would you be?

Oops! lilimarlene is real fast. But I'll leave it as such.

I would be the detective to uncover it!

If I were the bone of contention what would you be?

A molar.

If I were a whimsical spirit haunting an old castle, what would you be?

A dribbling candle.

If I was Don Quixote, etc...?

Sancho, with a video camera.

If I were an old car, what would you be?

Your costly mechanic.

If I were a lager what would you be?

A packet of crisps.
If I was a dark and stormy night, you would be?

A cabin loaded with booze and stuff.

If I were a crashing wave what would you be?

I would be the one hanging on and riding the wave

If I was an enigma shrouded in a mystery, you would be?

A riddle wrapping the mysterious enigma.

Would you ask if your a rse "looks big in this"?

That's not an issue for me (big behind)but I would only ask those kind of questions to a girlfriend who would tell the truth.
If you weren't sure, would you ask someone was it good for you?;)

no some people are quiet.

If i were rich would you work or just be leisurely ( a very hypothetical)

(There are a lot of people that are quiet ,it's the one's that make all the noise that would be more suspect.But I think we are off the theme of "if I was....)

If I was further than your dreams could imagine, you would be?
(yes I would sign a prenup once my lawyer approved it but on some level I would be disappointed)

Curious.

If i were your next door neighbor, what would you be?

Next door.

If I were a venn diagram, what would you be?

A square.

If I were St. Peter at the Gate, what would you say?

Dunno. Hi?

If I were a sign that said "Free Coffee", what would you be?

A panhandler.

If I were a paradox, what would you be?

Confused

If I were closer than you think, you would be?

Confused.

If I were to ask you how far is "close, what would you say?

(I believe the correct way to phrase this Q"is: If I were to ask you how far is"close, what would you be?)

enigmatic

If I were poor and had only my dreams, you would be?

(I know, I'm experimenting with the rules - my bad{smack}).

I would wake you up.

If I were a Category 5 hurricane, what would you be?

(still experimenting with the rules, eh?)

a hurricane hunter

if I were an accident waiting to happen, you would be?

A match (or banana peel).

If I were a boring banker what would you be?

your most favourite money laundering client

if i were a magical mystery tour, you would be?

The Egg Man, and possibly the walrus too, Cu-koo-Ka-chu.

If I was Gandalf...?

The White Tree of Gondor

If I were pub with drinks on the house, what would you be?

Happy hour.

If I were the organ grinder, what would you be?

A gypsy dancer like La Esmeralda.

If I were a bride, what would you be?

Your Garter.

If I were a richman?(sung, in yiddish, with fiddle) what would you be?

A walrus! :D yeah!

If I were running shoes, what would you be?

running like the wind......

if I were on the dark side of the moon, you would be?

Comfortably Numb.

If I were a noisy (but endangered) parrot in a mango tree that woke me up this morning(why will they not eat quietly) what would you be?

(so, you are both the noisy parrot and the guy in the bed?)

I would be the one quietly climbing the tree to grab a mango.

If I were the cure for boredom, you would be?