gravy train
Said to mean the same as "Easy Street" although this quality has nothing to do with the food "gravy" and even less to do with a "train"
Enlightened
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gravy train
Said to mean the same as "Easy Street" although this quality has nothing to do with the food "gravy" and even less to do with a "train"
Enlightened
Enlightened - of those who have sought to replicate - whether intentionally or otherwise - Benjamin Franklin's 1750 experiment with a kite and key in the middle of an electrical storm
Some have been enlightened more than a dozen times
Grugues the Farmer of Brussels was said to have enlightened all of Belgium and half of the Netherlands
Electricity
Electricity Natural earth force, discovered by Franklin, who should have been electrocuted for his foolishness, harnessed by Telsa, and sold by Edison, to whom we owe the torture of steadily increasing electrical bills. Strangely enough, all three have been considered insane at one point or another... Perhaps electricity, said to take place within the human brain, is the source of insanity
discover
discover (1) - the myriad tiny scratches that completely cover the surface of unscratchable cd's (and dvd's, and now Blu-Ray discs), which, while offering an interesting diversion from the original content, are highly sought by break'n'enter'n'thieving swine, and cannot be adequately insured because all scratch formations are unique. Fortunately the internet has come to the rescue and offers replacement content for no charge (if you run across the right thieving swine) and there are many downloadable plugins available to add your own virtual scratches
discover (2) - backform of discovery and thence Space Shuttle Discovery and which is coming to an end after 39 missions. It discovered a lot of space junk, and allowed us to rediscover William Shatner (he's still got it)
Corporal Punishment
Corporal Punishment Slapping A for the misdeeds of B
Prison
Prison - the jail house where you break rocks - at least where you used to - nowadays you get forced to lay around and watch hi def television all day, and forget the bread and water - your food is prepared for you
Yep, if you've been naughty this is the holiday hotel they send you to
Most ex-cons will tell you it's quite a nice place - except for the dickheads - without realising...
Also once on the outside many find that their best memories were back inside The Big House with their brothers, dads, uncles, sons, cousins - where reality in contrast offers only the hard work of planning a bank robbery, breaking into a happy home and terrorising the occupants, shooting people, stealing property, whatever despicable thing it takes to get back in there
Criminal Behavior
Criminal Behavior Any actions that are actionable, i.e., that involve police, a lawyer, a courtroom appearance, and possible jail time. This can range from any number of things according to who you are and where you are. For example: It is criminal behavior for an individual to run a "numbers racket" but the State/Country calls it "playing the lottery." Murder is criminal behavior but the government calls it "lawful execution." Usury is considered criminal behavior but the banks and credit cards call it "interest due", the CEO's "rightful bonuses" and the government "taxes". And in Singapore, it is criminal behavior to as much as drop a gum wrapper or spit on the sidewalk, and is severely punished. Having a lot of money can limit liability for criminal behavior nicely.
perjury
perjury - Mafia slang for a unit of bribe.
"What's it gonna cost to boost Yonkers Pete and Jackie Shadow outta this mess, Joe?"
"We gotta be lookin' at ten, twelve k per jury, Mikey."
statuesque
statuesque Politically Correct for "Built like a brick pig house"
Imitation
Imitation - not, as some would have it, 'the sincerest form of flattery', but rather a creepy violation of one's uniqueness, for have we not all been privy to the feature release Single White Female (with Brigitte Fonda - even if only for the joy of Brigitte Fonda)?
Surely a cautionary tale if ever one needed to be told
Cautionary Tale
Cautionary Tale Akin to an "Old Wives Tale" it is a story with a moral told by a parent in the vague hope it will prevent their child from making the same mistakes the parent did
Bogey Man
Bogey Man - A bit like the Tooth Fairy. The Bogey Man collects and removes all the bogeys picked by people on buses and surreptitiously wiped on the bottom of the seat. Were it not for the Bogey Man, the bottom of each seat on the bus would soon be all bogeyed-out and people would have to resort to more obvious surfaces. Within months every bus in the fleet would be completely encrusted in dried bogeys.
Earwax
Earwax - bitter residue left after a hive of earwigs (q.v.) have dined on everything at the local brain retaurant. It indicates to other earwigs, in Earwiggian terms, that there's no further good eats do be 'ad around 'ere Wig
Brain Blister
Brain Blister Abnormality blamed for those times when you blunder so badly that it becomes highly embarrassing. Also known as a "Brain Fart"
Lost
Lost - (and Found) the important part of the box kept under the sink at the local train station. I't's generally full of discarded socks and undergarments which no-one, not even charity shops want. If however you lose something useful like an expensive camera with your precious unrepeatable holiday snaps on it, well, the good news is it's been found, though not by you, but the Station Master who will keep it in his safe under lock and key until someone claims it
Supertrains
Supertrains They go under various mild-mannered secret identity's such as the 5:15 (to Paddington), the 3:10 (to Yuma), and the 10:15
(to Grand Central)
Lawbreaker
A round hard candy chewed by criminals.
ascertain
Ascertain - Funky little outpost in the North-West Frontier where Dusty Boogins formed an alliance with Jack the Backslapper to rob the post train. What they hadn't counted on was a battalion of Mounties in one of the carriages on their way to guard against another similar (though only rumoured) plot whose beans were spilt by Charles the Snitch at the Ontario State Penitentiary (then holding the worst reputation of all prisons in the territories) in a vain attempt to get him off a charge of adultery, the outcome of which is still pending
Target Practice
Target practice - What you do at Walmart.
imbibe
imbibe Politically correct for "I drink like a fish"
darkness
Darkness - A state of the world after the unexpected actually happens. In the back of even the most optimistic mind toothaches are a very real possibility, but nothing can prepare you for the onset, and you can't remember the pain - but it's its own self-contained Hell
Dentist
Dentist - sadistic freak of nature. The dentist attempts to deny any human sympathies. However, unable do this indefinitely, when they finally get to him an overwhelming sense of guilt causes the dentist to commit suicide.
Housewife
Housewife Now more politically correctly known as a "stay at home mom", she does the million things to keep a clean house and prepare meals for her indifferent husband and ungrateful children. She dreams quite often of running away and the vacuum cleaner salesman at the door looks pretty cute
Enslaved
enslaved: see housewife
ensconce
Ensconce: A little forensic etymology is needed here.
sconce /skɒns/
–noun
1. a bracket for candles or other lights, placed on a wall, mirror, picture frame, etc.
2. the hole or socket of a candlestick, for holding the candle.
So ensconce (verb) means to stick a candle in.
In its literal form, the word is pretty much moribund. But it has a slang meaning that we'd probably better not get into as it will provide further evidence to those flocking to agree with the OP in this thread that the world is becoming an irreversibly vulgar place and we're all going to end up reading comic-books and using the wrong spoon for our soup.
cutlery
cutlery - plural of preferred pirate weaponry, as uttered by the cutthroats wielding them.
'Arr - 'Fore we boarrd The Rose-Marie we wanta panic-stricken 'em, so make sure thar's a proper show an' clash o' glitterin' cutlerry - Arrr!'
Galleon
Galleon Originally a sailing ship, this wooden wonder has gone the way of the dinosaur, meaning that people doubt that it ever existed in the first place outside of movies, despite evidence to the contrary
Existence
Existence
A psychological disorder whose symptoms include excessive coffee drinking and an obsession with wearing berets.
Obfuscate
Obfuscate - an expression akin to What the bejeezes!, usually declared when someone realises that they've been duped - and uttered very fast to obscure the actual words e.g. at Royal dinner parties (Oh - For F***s Sake! would see you removed from the Queen's table and reseated somewhere near the Queen's stable)
Embarassment
Embarrassment - Nervous agitation caused by one's foot entering one's mouth.
Pestilence
Pestilence: A request by one jousting knight to borrow the weapon of another.
Sanitary
Sanitary The word originally meant "free from germs" but now means "having an acceptable number of deficiencys"
such as the standards for food packaging which alows for a certain amount of hair, mouse poo, and other contaminants, but is still considered "sanitary" possibly because the powers that be have lost their sanity.
DNA
DNA - (1) an acronym for Denver Naval Attachment (rarely used)
DNA - (2) attempt by scientists to formularise by abbreviation the wonder that is life (an attempt incidentally which doesn't work as life is already too short for most (and unfortunately too long for a few). In the future they hope to extend life by studying the formula so that they will have more time to study it and therefore to extend it etc etc - a vicious circle indeed
Google: Like HAL, but much much scarier.
Dalek
Dalek - the metallic vernacular of Dr Murgatroyd Cocopops Who (13th Doctor) (am I allowed to use his full name? No matter - he can always go back in time and change it) anyway, his most resilient and persistent toythings, for why should a child-entity who keeps regenerating through universe to universe not have a few toys resistant to the ravages of time to play with? Try as he may to break one, immediately appear ten in its place. Davros, their controlling head-of-operations speaks this language like a native (a native of 'where' is another question) and uses it to full effect in the third installment: The Elocution of Halfo, where (spoiler alert!) the good Doctor (of psychology this time around) makes the speculative connection that the nasty D's recalcitrance may be in part due to his bad enunciation. Many hijinks ensue as he vainly attempts to remove Davros's tongue and vocal tract via the 'forcefeeding sonic screwdriver' method championed by K9 the robot puppy (spoiler over) which if successful and proving true would be no problem except-
Ah but you'll have to wait for that episode...
Tardis
TARDIS An improbable blue Police Call Box, bigger on the inside than out in defiance of all laws of physics, able to travel in both time and space, ergo to be anywhere and anywhen, sometimes simultaneously. This is piloted by a being over 900 years old, who regenerates upon death into a different actor, um, person, but can only do this 12 times, making 13 Doctors in all, unless the show runs out, in which case like the Doctor’s enemy, The Master, who ran out of regenerations years ago, a loophole will be found. Death in itself is a paradox for the Doctor, as his past personas cross paths with his present on occasion, leading to gatherings of up to all 13 at the same time. A fabulous paradox!
Who
Who - Horton's notable auditory input.
Dr Seuss
Dr. Seuss: Reverse malpractice
Classical
Classical Any song that was recorded or written before your teenage kids got into music, sometimes referred to as "That garbage my parents listen to."
Teenage
Teenage - the years of all knowing and all woe, when no one gets you and you get no one.
Adulthood