Snapshots

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin

Over lunch with Hazel
at Maiko Sushi, I fight as hard as I can
to resist her effort to flatten everything
-–including my love-affair with Sweets
--into a cliche

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Though I LOVE this one just as much, it doesn't seem to go along with the other Snapshots. I have no picture of Hazel unless it would be my own cliched version of a woman like that.
Now, that guy at the end of the terrace, now that's a picture. :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ampoule

Though I LOVE this one just as much, it doesn't seem to go along with the other Snapshots. I have no picture of Hazel unless it would be my own cliched version of a woman like that.
Now, that guy at the end of the terrace, now that's a picture. :D

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Yes, I see your point. It's more an inner snapshot than the sort I prefer to make.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Umbilical

I understand that feeling (in my own way).
Sometimes I walk away from discussions feeling like they might have taken my childhood away from my excitement of adulthood, and it's not fair,
they can cry themselves to sleep - just don't take me with you.

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You know, with some sensitive attention to the line breaks, this might make a poignant poem.

Jer, you have such a beautiful way of capturing the things you view into these lovely short 'n sweet poems.

I love the way you look at life, and I like how we can see a little of you in each snapshot -- a man with a twinkle in his eye who misses nothing.

Keep 'em coming!

K♥zzo

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin

Over lunch with Hazel
at Maiko Sushi, I fight as hard as I can
to resist her effort to flatten everything
-–including my love-affair with Sweets
--into a cliche

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Love the way this works, or the way I think it works with sushi. Never could figure people like that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin

a young woman,
who makes me think of a jolly stuffed cabbage,
chats animatedly
with her somewhat
dry-looking male companion

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I had to laugh trying to envision an animated woman who looks like a jolly stuffed cabbage. The sounds go so well against the comparison with her companion.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kiz_paws

Jer, you have such a beautiful way of capturing the things you view into these lovely short 'n sweet poems.

I love the way you look at life, and I like how we can see a little of you in each snapshot -- a man with a twinkle in his eye who misses nothing.

Keep 'em coming!

K♥zzo

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Just guessing, mind you, but I think one could do a whole lot worse than to have you as a friend. Yup, a whole lot worse!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by firefangled

Love the way this works, or the way I think it works with sushi. Never could figure people like that.

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Very little I dislike more than to pass up an appreciation of my astuteness but really I had no idea that the sushi was a relevant part of the observation, other than it happened to be there. And if you're ever in these parts, here's an offer to take you to that particular place

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ampoule

Though I LOVE this one just as much, it doesn't seem to go along with the other Snapshots. I have no picture of Hazel unless it would be my own cliched version of a woman like that.

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Further to my other response to you, if you were to imagine Hazel as a cliche you might not be far off the mark, because she's constructed herself as a character and don't most characters come from Central Casting and are therefore to some degree or other cliches?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin

Very little I dislike more than to pass up an appreciation of my astuteness but really I had no idea that the sushi was a relevant part of the observation, other than it happened to be there. And if you're ever in these parts, here's an offer to take you to that particular place

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When I read it, I thought of the way sushi is often sliced into flat pieces. It worked for me.

I accept your offer I love sushi.

Early Saturday evening
The streets have rarely offered up so few passersby
The air feels like something is being withheld
The buildings are like a stage set
about to be struck
before the show goes on the road

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kiz_paws

Jer, you have such a beautiful way of capturing the things you view into these lovely short 'n sweet poems.

I love the way you look at life, and I like how we can see a little of you in each snapshot -- a man with a twinkle in his eye who misses nothing.

Keep 'em coming!

K♥zzo

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I agree with Kizzo. This thread is a gem. :thumbs_up

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin

You know, with some sensitive attention to the line breaks, this might make a poignant poem.

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All of my poems are fu.ck ups, all of my attempts are attempts.
I talk like this often in real life,
I have someone following me around with a pen...
only they're shoving it up their as.s and getting OFF on the
instrument
rather than on the poetry - the message, big boy.


sing it for me.


...ladeeda, I need to be with my woman in America especially when she whimpers for peace.

A young woman with a long,
loose, lazy body
exits the café
wearing a grey, brushed-cotton
panty and halter-top combination
every sashay of her hips proclaiming
I don’t give a damn! I don’t give a damn!
I really, really don’t give a damn!

you should put these pictures - snapshots,
up on myspace.
everyone always says "you look way better on myspace than in real life."
lucky for me I look good all over the place, all over someone

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin

A young woman with a long,
loose, lazy body
exits the café
wearing a grey, brushed-cotton
panty and halter-top combination
every sashay of her hips proclaiming
I don’t give a damn! I don’t give a damn!
I really, really don’t give a damn!

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Reminds me of a gal I used to work with. We called her "The Washing Machine" because of the way she walked! :lol:

Ahead of me at the frozen desserts
a man with a disfigured face,
the whole of the right side of it
seemingly caved in.

I struggle not to look

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin

Ahead of me at the frozen desserts
a man with a disfigured face,
the whole of the right side of it,
seemingly caved in.
I struggle not to look

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Striking! I like the ambiguity of it, the "not to look" and how it contrasts with the fact that the speaker must have looked in order to say this about that man's face. The reference to the frozen desserts perfectly fits too, thanks to the contrast between the ideas behind both words. There is so much in this poem, Shoutie!