Hello guys,
I've been away for the past couple of days; I'll have the winner selected and the reviews up either tonight or tomorrow morning. Sorry for the delay!
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Hello guys,
I've been away for the past couple of days; I'll have the winner selected and the reviews up either tonight or tomorrow morning. Sorry for the delay!
Sorry for the delay everyone -- I've been a little busier than normal in real life, but I've got the results of our stellar contest. Thank you all for submitting. It was fun to read each entry.
Revolte "A Million Souls"-- I loved the five-count rhythm of your work and the lines "and pray that tomorrow,/our wars will grow ill" were my favorite --that whole stanza actually.
Pendragon "Eyes in the Sky": the poem leaves a short but lasting impression on me (sort of like a star). The phrase "flotsam and jetsam of forever" playfully hinted at the cosmic wreck of the big - kaboom. Lovely.
free "Salute from a Friendly Star"-- I loved the hope in this poem and, more importantly, how the parallel that you build between the stars and the narrator. The powerful line "why shouldn't it be the truth" testifies to the great power of small gestures of acknowledgment.
Dark Muse "When a star falls" -- I was struck by the phrase "dead eyes" to describe the star light; the cool, silver light of the night sky has always felt a little dead but animated to me too. Yours also plays with ideas of distance: while the stars themselves may be long dead, their light reaches us now and we, here, are in turn a sort of heaven for their light.
But the winner is BienvenuJDC for his untitled entry. The strongest part of the this poem, to me, was the narrator who uses the sky to speculate on ends and beginnings of things. The poem's light rhyme & the playful diction, "doughnut" and "sparks", brought humility and delight to this reader, a good paring. The poem also suggests of divinity, but doesn't dictate so that the reader could linger in the cosmic question.
So, BienvenuJDC, pick a picture!
EDIT: hoope -- unfortunately, I could not count your submissions as you entered two poems, while the rules state that you could only enter one. I noted this earlier in the thread when free made multiple submissions, and she then told me which one to formally judge for the contest.
Congratulations, Bienvenu! A fine poem.
Congratulations, I quite enjoyed your poem.
Thank you all for your congrats and comments. I have posted a picture to inspire you all. I would like to propose a deadline of April 7th at this point. This should give everyone enough time to consider the image and develop your thoughts and feelings. I hope to see a good response from everyone.
I LOVE your image, cannot wait to come up with something for it.
Reflections In the Morning Mist
I
Morning hush
a cold breath
stirring my reflections
through the misty veil.
II
I caught a glimpse
for a moment
of her face
and just like that
she disappeared
beneath the fog.
III
In the stillness
of the air
perched alone
as if at world's edge
voices sing
from the waters below
like a siren's song.
IV
With the shifting winds
behind the gray haze curtains
a way is set, a bridge in the gap
between two worlds.
V
Perhaps Avalon
awaits upon the other side
where she still dances
in spring rains
but that isle of
faerie specters
is a world for the dead.
VI
Here I stand alone
within the morning mist
hoping with fear
to catch a glimpse
of those far away
lands of myth.
VII
A whisper of sweet
good-byes to a fading
memory as the fog
falls again and conceals
my haunting dreams.
A great start for this competition, Dark Muse...
Now we can only hope that some competition shows...
Thank you for your submission, and I'm glad that you liked the picture. I had picked about five pictures to choose from, but when I saw this one...well, it was automatically the one!
Bridge Over the River Styx
The other end of the bridge lies shrouded in fog
What lies just beyond is something I cannot see—
Heaven or Hell, something more, something less
To know with a certainty I must cross the bridge
Vaporous shapes seem to move in the mist,
Voices call out and beckon me on
Then shadows and ghosts wave me back from the edge
Whisper that the time is not yet and to resist
Any feelings that might turn my hand against myself
To hurry the crossing before the crossing over is due
My exit from life remains a unwritten time:
I am forbidden to cross the bridge today
Pendragon
March 17, 2010
Oh sorry i was busy .. didn't sign in muchQuote:
Originally Posted by The Comedian
Congrats BienvenuJDC. You deserve it you poem was great..
I will post my poem soon .
Good luck for all
I look forward to seeing it...Quote:
Originally Posted by hoope
Paths
The marriage of your ambition and doubt
builds a robust
bridge to nowhere.
Here on its narrow platform you stand:
recounting the vacant
vows of vacuity,
shimmering with a black anxiety
and weeping tears for your
lost potential.
You watch them falling, slow as marriage,
to hit the aisle of the bridge
like jealous confetti.
With no hope of anyone to hold your hand
along the zirconium ring of its
daunting arches.
But even the most burdened girder
can suspend over frothing waters.
And paths, made and mended
from the smallest lot of soil.
If only you would divorce your ambition from doubt
and immerse yourself in the free-flowing streams.
I hope i can come up with better than this but i really got exams and paper to think of ... Sorry for this humble submission. It all came at once when i saw the picture.. It's nyc i will save it and make a design carrying the winning poem .. That is a gift from me to whoever makes it -:smilewinkgrin:hehehe
And here is my poem.. Good luck for all !
Guide me through
Help me find the way
Hold my hand
and never let go
Let your love be my light
Let your will be my way
Stay for me
Stay with me
And don't vanish
For you’re my Hope
You make me strive
Through the Darkness
And through the mist
You knew we'd make it through
I knew we'd make it through
It's the love that makes us survive
To survive is to find the love.
Here's my submission
On the Practice of Modern Construction
Those painted iron rails
That crest and trough like waves
Were shipped from Mexico
By capitalist knaves.
Each picket is welded
To a base and a top,
Frozen in sectioned place
To begin and to stop.
It's hard to tell from here
But those weathered floor planks
Appear pressure-treated
In fabricated links:
Little groups, joining loops
Galvanized, synchronized
To make the new look old
And the sides harmonized.
It's not the touching
That brings us together:
The slouching mist and tree
Are just wood and weather.
Welds and nails, joists and joints,
Loggers and arsenic,
Chopping and injecting. . . .
Slow steps into the quick.
And here this empty bridge
Spans a piece of city
Park where we recreate
Home and community.
Ghost Fog
1.
it was me
last night
just outside
your window
but deep inside
your dream
2.
on the snowy bank
trees have long dropped
their green overcoats
shadows of bare limbs
tightly entwined
3.
what happened next
will remain in the dream
4.
why...
the next day
always comes at
the wrong time
5.
dawn drifts in
loosely clad in a
lavish white sheet
feel it
...the fog
so soft yet
so corporeal
you can wrap your
arms around it
and that’s all
is left of
me
6.
if you don’t want to
be awakened so soon
and it’s not too late
to follow the dream
I’m here
on the other side
of the bridge...
Tomorrow is the deadline. If anyone would like to post their poem you have until midnight of 4/6/10. Then after a couple days I will post the winner. Good luck!
We already have some fantastic entries. I have enjoyed them all. I love that everyone has a little different perspective. Thank you all for your efforts.
Before you cross the bridgeQuote:
Originally Posted by BienvenuJDC
of your worldly life
mind your steps carefully
lest under the burden of the knapsack
of your past deeds
that you carry on your back tips
and makes you lose your balance
tripping you on the way
or tires you up in the midst
of your journey to the other world-
the world of Celestial Justice;
If your good deeds
outweighed your evil acts
crossing the test bridge
would be like one step for you,
to make you the hero of the Canterbury Tales;
and if the matter turns out otherwise
your steps will lead you
to the cryogenic abyss of hell!
the mist, the fog, the haze, the blur
is just an illusion for the test of the Righteous!!
by mazHur
http://jurylaw.typepad.com/photos/un..._b0a500797.jpg
Dark Muse
Reflections in the Morning Mist
I loved the way that you divided each section. That allowed me to take one small increment at a time. You brought such feeling into it...and I actually felt the cool mist on my face. A magnificent job making me WANT to cross the bridge, yet FEAR to cross it. Very comparable to Hamlet's soliloquy...
In the sixth stanza, I found that the words that you used (mist, glimpse, myth), while not actual rhyme, possessed a kinship. It was not too bound in the traditional pattern, yet they all belonged together.
Pendragon
Bridge Over the River Styx
I loved the theme, especially the title, for the picture inspired to me a crossing over. Again, there was the concept found in Hamlet's words..."To be or not to be". You did well to appeal to my senses of sight and sound, and then alluding to any other senses.
TheDave
Paths
Wow...a completely different perspective, a bridge to nowhere. I liked how you used the illustration of a marriage between opposing concepts, and how it leads to no destination. It inspires me.........deeply. I want to comment more, but I don't know how. Your poetry is truly as deep as what may lie beneath the fog. I especially like the way that you did not leave despair without solution.
hoope
{no title given} (which is okay)
Great style...liked the bold and the two line stanzas...
The first half of the poem is a plea for help (but laden with confidence that the request will assuredly be fulfilled). Sometimes what is not said is as important as what is said. Thank you for not defining the type of relationship between the Requester and the Savior, for it could be between lover, siblings, parent/child, God/follower. You allowed for the reader to make that definition in their own mind (which might change over time). You did well with the second half, giving the assurance found in faith in the other. I was intrigued and focused on the capitalization of Hope and Darkness, two different ideas...possible opposing, but the relationship between the two is still left to the reader.
The Comedian
On the Practice of Modern Construction
Ok, now I love the perspective on this one...however, since I have been working in a metal fabrication shop for the past four years, I cannot help but critique some minor details in my own mind. I will try my best not to though. (This piece is probably not galvanized though....because you typically can't paint galvanizing. It is probably Powder Coated....I'm typing this all with a huge grin on my face because of the irony of my position as a Project Manager in a weld shop...almost laughing now!) OTHERWISE...great job!!
Haunted
Ghost Fog
In dream land, an excellent new scope for this inspiration. I like the ambiguity of what is happening. It allows for the imagination to go and dream whatever it wishes. The lure here is not to death, but into the deepest realm of one's own mind and desires. The 'dawn' attired in the weather was a great illustration. I could almost feel the 'fog' as something to grasp.
mazHur
{no title given}
Good theme, however, I could not find a good rhythm or rhyme in which to read it. There were some great images and lines, but I had a hard time putting them together. Thank you for your submission.
My choice for the winner is yet to come...
Bien! You mean my poem clearly illustrates my tendency to make up a bunch of sing-songy bs! Usually I'm so much better at covering up this fact. :lol:
:smilielol5:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Comedian
Okay....now I am rolling on the floor!! You would have had me believe that you fabricated that rail yourself even three years ago. I really enjoyed reading it though.
So...who here likes the suspense of waiting to hear who won? :yikes:
Ok...Ok...
I chose Dark Muse... Excellent Job!!
I chose that poem, because I could actually feel and sense being there.
Everyone, great job...and thank you for your submissions.
Oh wow, thanks a lot. It was a great photo you choose and I will have the next image posted asap.
I'm looking forward to a great photo. The worst part about the last round was that I couldn't write the poem....but now that I'm thinking about it....why couldn't I? Well, I will be posting a poem for MY picture. Disregard that one for this next round. Then I will post one for the next round.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Muse
Thanks again, DM!!
I had a tough time on choosing what image to use, but this one gripped me above the others.
http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs38/f/20...OfEterinty.jpg
Deadline is pending
I'm SO pleased and chuffed with the comments I got for my poem BienvenuJDC that I almost don't care that I didn't win. But yes I still feel a twang of dissapointment, but then again that's rude as all poems were brilliant, and yes Dark Muse's particularly so.
...right, the new picture. It strikes me as being a fantasy image. She has a human form but there's something visibly sub-human about her. This is niche I might struggle with this but I will try to come up with something as meaningful as I can make it.
Congratulations DM! It was an excellent poem.
Me too am so pleased with the comment i got from BienvenuJDC and Dark Muse deserves it .. her poem was so perfect.. :)
Waiting for the new picture.. :D
I enjoyed reading all the poems here and learned a lot.
Bien, thanks for the time to comment on my piece.
Dark Muse, congrats!
Thank you all and the new image is posted on the previous page, I will post it again here so it does not get missed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Muse
The windows of the soul are outlined in kohl,
Blue shining stars in the universe of her lovely countenance
Shyly she hides behind the mystery of those eyes—
The longing sketched upon her face, the promise of true love
It seems so surreal that I sometimes wonder if this fair one is real
And waiting for me just behind the tapestry of the palms
It really sometimes seems, that it all is just a passing dream—
Dreams have a way of coming true and my true one waits…
Pendragon
© April 9, 2010
Thank you for your wonderful first entry. I was quite excited to see your use of khol, I thought I was the only one to draw on that in poetry.
I tentivly set the dealine for May 5th.
“Rangda”
Like modern day Rangda, your eyes seduce
My inner desire, to put lust to use.
But just like the scorn,
Of a black widows bite
I fear your intention's
Unveiled are a lie.
Though lie as you may, I cannot refuse
My inner desire, to put lust to use.
And when we first touch,
My lips will explode
While color is risen
From passion I bode.
So feel me aroused, my heart is due
To act on desire, and put lust to use.
haze of blue black hue
fade to a view of me and you
the two and how we grew
into a city
nerves and veins
into
wires and streets
connect the dots
high rise surprise, defiant eyes
mimic magpie's cries
tied to a fan of feathers
whether tethered tight
to starless nights
or free to fly past
our city's lights
I live in your beauty
like the birds in the park
Here's my submission
Fickle is the Fancy
Will you continue to look at me, please?
Fair skin, dark hair, black circles, white sclera:
You're a pose of contrasts. Metallic blue
Feathers reflected under masqera.
They airbrushed you. Can't you see? No face is
That white, that unblemished, that de-veined.
You're a Wal-Mart shrimp frozen from the farm.
Bloodless and raised in a seine to be seined.
I retract my request. Please turn away.
I'm a fish lunging at a rapid flash,
Too dumb to see the hook and filament.
You prepackaged fire! You heap of ash!
Thank you everyone for the wonderful poems you have submitted so far, there is still time left, but the deadline is fast apporaching.
LIGHT AS A FEATHER
They say I have my grandma's eyes,
the irridescent blue of prairie skies;
both eyebrows curved like falcon wing
just hovering,
and lashes dark as darkest night
and skin as white as Appalachia snow.
They say I have my father's will,
his cruel instinctive urge to kill,
his cold resolve to pay no heed
to do the deed.
My soul like his, bereft of light,
I'm right behind you..... thought I'd let you know.
Hope I've not missed the deadline DM..... but no matter.
foxy
she’s got killer looks
she’s got
even better
instincts
she can read your mind
you can’t
say no to
those eyes
one gaze and you are game
she takes her time
with her prey
she’d sweetly
lap your lips
then she surprises you
with a ravenous
mouth to mouth
without hesitation she strips you
of your soul but not before she
mercilessly teeths the flesh
from collar bone to tailbone
in large & mini morsels until
you are no longer human
then she starts all over again & again &...&...
Thank you everyone thus far for the great entires.
Hillwalker: No, you are good, you have not missed the deadline
But a reminder to everyone else who has not entered, the dealine will be here in just a couple more days.
Only ever known by her staged name,
She is the one who is forsaken,
Her introverted nature is to blame,
The chorus girl for granted is taken.
Her hidden talent forever unknown,
The buried past of ancestors before
In blood and passion it is sewn
Waiting to emerge in vivid splendor.
The audition deadline is almost here,
The final call for the part is sounded.
Will her destiny be decided by fear?
Fate within timid grasp is bounded.