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Since there has only been 3 entries thus far, though as good as they are, to try and make things a little more interesting I will extend the deadline. Since I will be gone the first week of August I will make the deadline week after.
So you now have until August 8th
There is a soft stream, in the woods, which never speaks or listens.
There is a young rascal, who every night sings to it his memoirs.
The stream never answers; yet every night he is bathed in moonshine, by the stream.
Swinging, I'd go high, then lay back to look at the falling sky
Laughing, stretched out full length like a racehorse at the finish line
These days I sit, eyes turned inward, in the silent room of memory
Far beyond the mist a flute is playing a haunting melody
and the notes which drift upon the air whose tears veil the land
call to me but I still can’t see the man who stole my flute.
*delete*
The Crow and the Pigeon
Culling unanimously, the hordes of nights-dwellers.
Beneath the arcane moon, they teem into lighted pubs.
As there the crow sits with the pigeon over the city grubs.
Do forgive me Dark Muse for being two or three syllables short! :S
Wow this was really tough! There were in fact several poems which I thought would have made worthy winners and made my job as judge a most difficult one, for as we all know there can be only one ultimately declared winner. But everyone did an amazing job.
hillwalker: A beautiful poem which captures a very vivid and very touching scene which is filled with melancholy. I loved the concept expressed with the idea of the shared dream juxtaposed to the parting of the reality, and seeking peace within that private world of dreams.
krymsonkying: A very touching poem about loss and grief. I loved the way that in just a few short lines you displayed the different aspects of the character of the individual in the poem. The contrast in the lamenting and the practical. Missing the deceased and yet seeking the means of having to dispose of their belongings, I also loved how it circled back into the end with him taking his grandfather's place, and his connecting with his niece allowed him to re-evaluate his priorities.
Alexander III: I loved the way you drew from nature which is a common subject in many eastern poetry styles. You created some very lovely and almost haunting imagery, which creates a scene that feels both serene and yet seems also touched by a somberness.
qimissung: You created some lovely imagery with your poem, and it was wonderfully crafted. I particularly loved the line "stretched out full length like a racehorse at the finish line." I also thought the ending of your poem truly captured the essence of this style, as it did come completely unexpected.
Hawkman: I loved the unique direction you took with your poem. The touch of comic relief in the last line was great and it did come as a surprise. I also loved the way in which the last line seems to make the poem a parody of itself, as it stars off with this very dreary like atmosphere. A very enjoyable poem.
DanielBenoit: Your use of the word arcane moon makes up for a few short syllables *grins.* You had some great lines win your poem, and as always it was most enjoyable to read, as well as quite an original work. I particularly enjoyed the cleverness within the last line.
But after much difficult deliberation the winner is
~DRUMROLL~
Pendragon: Once again you delivered another marvelous poem. There was some stunningly beautiful imagery you produced in this rather haunting work. It was superbly crafted and I loved the way in which you turned the poem around at the end, and offered a glimpse of hope through the darkness in which the poem began. So much emotion expressed here in the use of only a few lines.
Congratulations Pen - a worthy winner, and thanks DM for setting such a challenging form, and for your insightful judgement as ever.
H
Congratulations, Pendragon!
Congrats Pen! :D
Thanks to you all and especially to Dark Muse.
I think what I will set as the next form is this: A four stanza poem with all four stanzas written in haiku. Best of luck, deadline September 1.
That sounds really cool!Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Totem
Thunderbird rises
beneath the red Eastern sky
born a guiding life.
Brother River flows
down through the Northern Mountains
carving out the Earth.
Trickster Coyote
of the Southern desert plains
swallows up the sun.
Grandmother Spider
weaves along the Western coast
spinning her star web.
Wow! A great start for this round, Dark Muse!
aki kinu
Dry lotus flower
Peering in the day's aubade-
A fire at night.
Winds murmur
Clothesline trembling-
Festive moon.
(Leisurely
I look up to see
The cuckoo.)
Fireworks thunder
Celebrating summer's end
By the riverside.
Seasoned old dragon
standing at the water's edge
feels a breath of air
carried his rider
over many a mountain
in untold ages
good days and bad days
he has seen his share of them
foolish ways, and love
journey is ended
and come to rest while standing
at the water's edge.
Winter Morning
dawn light frosted trees
withered fingers reaching out
grasping silhouettes
curved lines of charcoal
fading into whitewashed sky
moon blinks behind cloud
voices in the fog,
a curlew calling itself,
an echo answers
two graceless shadows
transform into stunned angels
escaping this poem
H
September's too long!!
I'm trying to encourage more people to post a poem into the contestQuote:
Originally Posted by NikolaiI
Four seasons by the pond in Astley Park
Snowdrops by the pond
shiver in morning’s embrace
a frosted carpet
Dragonflies hover
over waters thick with perch
pulsating sunlight
Violent with colour
fallen leaves layer the pond
night is approaching
Midnight at year’s end
a blanket of ice reflects
emptiness darkness.
The Results:
Contest closed, as we have had no new entries for a few days, and anyway the deadline was tomorrow:
One of the hardest contests I’ve ever had to pass judgment upon, but here goes:
Dark Muse: I loved the Native American imagery. A wonderfully flowing poem!
DanielBenoit: Loads of traditional haiku imagery, and a well crafted poem!
NikolaiI: Poetry about dragons I really love! Excellent.
Hillwalker: Loved the mix of colors, sounds, and shapes that combine to make this poem great!
TheFifthElement: Four seasons, four delightful images! Perfect!
I wish I could give this to more than one, but I must choose, and after carefully weighing all things, the choice is: Hillwalker
Congratulations, you may choose the next form!
Congratulations Hillwalker. They are lovely haiku, both individually and as a set. An excellent choice.
Thanks Pendragon :D
Thank you Fifth, everybody else who took part, and of course Pendragon. The same notable adversaries keep producing such good stuff I can sympathize with your difficulties in choosing one winner.
I hope the end of the vacation season might see more taking part in this month's comp.
I've gone for a tanka - the next stage from a haiku.....
one can stick to 5 -7 - 5 - 7 - 7 as a syllable count, but tankas are not so strict, as long as you have a short-long-short-long-long sequence.
The middle line is meant to be a pivot line - so the first 3 and the last 3 can be about 2 different things (with the middle line drawing a connection perhaps) but I'll leave your imaginations to come up with your own interpretations of the form.
Deadline - I suppose four weeks today gives enough time - one minute to midnight 28th September then.
Good luck, H
Forget this mem'ry
I am not worth your sweet sigh
But I'll remember
each smile, each glance...in my death
I will dream of your beauty
Straight out of the starting blocks.... brilliant start.
aki tatsu
Squirrels leap between trees
In September full moonlight,
Crossing from one end
To another, as I walk
Smelling Autumn's bonfires.
Solider's Heart
Death was in your eyes
with fear buried deep inside
yet your heart still beats
while each stroke cries out in pain
you know I'll always be here.
The slaves revolted—
Desperate men sought freedom:
The Romans struck fast—
Crucifixion sentences pass—
Crosses line The Appian Way...
She lowered her eyes
Mirroring the setting sun
As the evening light
Of their own shared existence
Faded into the twilight.
Just a reminder (more a dig in the ribs really) that anyone else considering taking part this month's deadline is one minute to midnight Tuesday 28th September.
H
The deadline has passed - let the judging begin :
5 Tankas (all adhering to the short-long-short-long-long format and 3 actually sticking to the traditional 5-7-5-7-7 form). Great stuff!
AdoreroDio - loved the title and the first 2 lines - written in such a gentle, selfless voice
DanielBenoit - the closing line in this was my favourite and the suggestion of the woods under moonlight
Dark Muse - you paint quite a melancholy image but round it off with a message of hope
Pendragon - history written as a set of headlines - a very original style, perhaps let down by line 4 that reads rather awkwardly
RaoulDuke - an evocative image of the twilight of an affair perhaps - indicated by one set of eyes unable to stay fixed on another's - and it fits the form to perfection without appearing forced.
Not the easiest of decisions to make but the winner is
RaoulDuke for such an elegant tanka.
Thanks everyone for participating.
H
Congratulations, RaoulDuke! Sorry about that awkward line, Hillwalker, but thanks for the kind words!
We all do it - just sometimes we read our own lines differently to the way others do. And never apologise :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
....unless you did something wrong!
H
Thanks Pendragon, and of course hillwalker. "Evocative" and "elegant" are high praise for any poet and I'm thrilled that you associate the words with my tanka.
I'm going to have a browse through the lengthy history of this thread and try and come up with a form that hasn't been attempted yet, which I will post tomorrow.
Scratch that - a flash of inspiration and a quick "search this thread" and we're away.
Moving away from Japan but sticking with rigid syllable poems, I've opted for a rictameter - which takes the following syllabic form:
2,4,6,8,10,8,6,4,2
...with the first and last line being the same word.
I will set the deadline for 3 weeks from now; a smidgen before midnight on October 20th
running
towards something
a thing greater than past
perhaps my brilliant, bright future
but something holds me back from destiny
past drags me under, suffocates
fear quickens my footsteps
getting away
running
My Jade Tears
Jade tears
bittersweet fall
raining locust blossoms,
your lingering scent haunts me still
and you face is a reoccurring dream,
the heart unfolds in rose petals,
blood on new fallen snow,
willows weeping
jade tears.
Crivens! Here we are post deadline day, and only two poems submitted. Well, a straight shoot-out it is then.
Thank you both for posting, I enjoyed reading and dissecting your poems.
AdoreroDio - Both the running metaphor and the image conjured of the poet quickening the pace suits the syllable pattern very well. The phrase 'Fear quickens my footsteps' is particularly descriptive.
Dark Muse - I love the oriental feel to your entry, it is mysterious and understated. I like how it describes the mix of emotions stirred up by the loss of someone close.
Enjoyed them both immensely, but my favourite is the entry by AdoreroDio.
Because it seems AdoreroDio has gone MIA I have been asked to present the next form and try and get this thread going again.
So for your next Form Poetry Challenge I give you the Quadrilew. It is a form of a Quatrain with a rhyme of abab, alternating syllable scheme and repeating lines.
The structure follows as thus:
VERSE ONE,
Line 1, 5 syllables.
Line 2, 6 syllables.
Line 3, 5 syllables.
Line 4, 6 syllables.
VERSE TWO,
Line 1, (which is a REPEAT of line 2 of the FIRST verse) has 6 syllables.
Line 2 new line of 5 syllables
Line 3 new line of 6 syllables
Line 4 new line of 5 syllables.
VERSE THREE,
Line 1, (which is a REPEAT of line 3 of the first verse) has 5 syllables.
Line 2 new line of 6 syllables.
Line 3 new line of 5 syllables.
Line 4 new line of 6 syllables.
VERSE FOUR,
Line 1, (which is a REPEAT of line 4 of the first verse) has 6 syllables.
Line 2 new line of 5 syllables.
Line 3 new line of 6 syllables.
Line 4 new line of 5 syllables.
Deadline is pending
Thoughts make ghosts appear.
They wait on us by day.
Nighttime brings them near
In dreams where some might play.
They wait on us by day,
Feeling love not fear.
Perhaps they want to say
What we want to hear.
Nighttime brings them near.
Who knows? Some of them may
Whisper in an ear
Soft mantras we could pray.
In dreams where some might play,
Nothing seems as clear
As mists that rise then stray:
Thoughts we still hold dear.