Lymerick

There was a young guy from the island of Honshu
Who set out to write a limerick-based haiku
He wrote of Mount Fuji
Whilst eating some sushi
Once done he sat back to eat a slice of pie too

Sweet geishas prefer
a haiku. A limerick
simply won't do. Their

tastes are extreme. In
bed, they're a dream. They get what
they want and me, too.

War Poem

An artist of the floating world
Greatly admired a geisha girl
His wife started a spat
When he went to her flat
Then it was goodbye to all that

Everyone's a critic

There was a young guy from the island of Honshu
Who set out to write a limerick-based haiku

But...

His lines were too lengthy,
Eating habits unhealthy,
And dramatic pauses aren't part of the stew.

What about a verse you can reverse, wikipedia suggests:

This limerick goes in reverse
Unless I'm remiss
The neat thing is this:
If you start from the bottom-most verse
The limerick's not any worse

Surely we can do better! (Can you really call a line a verse?) Here's a first feeble attempt:

Maybe start reading the last line
To the top, if that's your incline
To start in the middle is just fine
From whichever way that you climb
This limerick is just as divine.

Send up the Master

Ted Lear's limericks are very clean,
There's not a trace of the obscene;
This makes them very boring,
They'll soon have you snoring,
And suffering a nice, tedious dream

---------------------------------------------

Sorry Edward, here's an exception:

There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its colour and size,
So bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.

First and last

Edward Lear was a lazy old rhymer
Maybe he was writing to a timer?
First word your last, eh?
Come on, that's passé.
Edward Lear, you lazy old rhymer.

Old classic:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

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The other side

There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who ran away with cash in a bucket.
Her dad, that famous man,
Asked, "Where is it Nan?"
She said, you've guessed it, "Nantucket."

That old bemused man from Nantucket
Asked, "Nantucket meaning None took it?"
Or, perhaps it's Nantucket?
Or, is it Nan took it?"
"Yes," said that cute girl from Nantucket.

The Bard gives up Botany

On deciding, "To be or not be a tree"
Would be better without the botany
The bard sat down and cried:
"No, my muse has not died!"
A conceit with which we'd all agree.

There once was a lady from Dorking
Who loved it when guys went uncorking
Their bottled up lust
With a pop, bang and bust
To tick off her hubby from Dorking.

Was Lear a Corker?

On imitating the inimitable Lear
One should always remember he's queer,
So the guys don't go uncorking
With the Lady from Dorking -
For Lear the guys were corkers, I fear.

Happy New Lear

Mr Edward Lear has a new image today,
They say he's no longer sexy or gay;
Mars-Jones says, "Nonsense!
This all maketh no sense."
But, at least, his verse is here to stay.

Why do you write Limericks?

"Epilepsy derives from masturbation,"
Is a conceit that inspired a nation;
The fits punished bad boys,
So they stuck with their toys,
Writing nonsense verse for recreation

Edward's Diet

Edward's meat & two veg dropped off
After giving in to his need to boff
Like the Pobble without toes
He is happy without those
But doc can't do the old hold & cough.

Edward discovers Psychoanalysis

"In life, the greatest Evil done to me,
Excepting that done by my sib' C.,
Must last until the end,
To reason will not bend;
The solution, must be, a nice cup of tea"

The Female Academic praises Lear

"How pleasant to know Edward Lear,
Even though he's ill-tempered and queer.
His epilepsy's a drag,
And he's no money bag,
But at least he doesn't fondle and leer."

Lear repeats himself

Lear's use of that repeated rhyme,
Is oddly unsatisfying every time.
Thus sayeth the critic,
But don't be a critic,
A repeated rhyme isn't always a crime

Inspired by: http://www.theguardian.com/books/200...ighereducation

Edward Lear had his problems, I'm sure,
But his worst wasn't that he's impure.
On the fifth line his rhyme
Matched the first all the time
And for that now there isn't a cure.

Some of Lear's rhymes were shockers
So of course he had his knockers
From that time hence
He wrote nonsense
To annoy the critical fokkers.

There once was a poet when caught
Re-reading what readers had bought
Dropping praise on his stuff,
Got perturbed, said, “Enough!”
What he wrote was not quite what he thought.

There was a young Kurd from Erbil
Whose weekend was down right surreal
He had a near miss
While trapped by ISIS
From a shot fired by a schlemiel