Now that is going to be a challange for me hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by AuntShecky
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Now that is going to be a challange for me hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by AuntShecky
Oh, come now, Dark Muse, you've been light-hearted and witty! (Please note change to a week earlier.)Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Muse
Love Song
The sand on the beach, the waves of the sea,
relaxing and waiting for a moment in time
Reflections of love just for you and me
Remembrance of who we are
To hurry such precious moments would be a crime
May our love last as long as the endless sea
Forever together, our hearts all entwined
Making our life contented, together we will be
Until the final burnout of eternity and time
Two hearts bound together who do not wish to be free
Rememberance of just who we are
Pendragon
VIVE LA DIFFERENCE
Oo-la-la, c'est magnifique, the way those French girls sway
Their hips and legs like poetry in motion, they're so chic;
Their hairstyles and their fashions, all the rest seem so passe -
Oo-lal-la, c'est magnifique!
I love it when they flash their eyes, the breathless way they speak,
And when they meet acquaintances along the street they say
'Bonjour' before embracing, then a kiss on either cheek.
Oo-la-la, c'est magnifique, I'm drawn by their display
But then a finger flip, a sneer, a sudden fit of pique,
A puff of cigarette smoke then a snarl drives me away -
Oo-la-la, c'est magnifique!
Lovely lilt to this - and then the surprising turnabout at the end!Quote:
Originally Posted by hillwalker
Thanks for the two initial entries! Keep 'em comin'!
The Music of Love
Let us fall forever in the twilight,
hands clasped, my eyes upon the Northern star,
I'll listen to your music on hot summer nights.
Let us fall forever
Dreaming of worlds somewhere afar
you watch my face caught in the moon light,
your fingers will strum cords of love on a guitar.
Drawing your warmth around me in delight,
if only these moments could be bottled in a jar,
sweetly your tender melodies take flight.
Let us fall forever
The Play Fight.
A need is desire with a time limit
Hold it tight against your chest. Keep the fire
lit, that wiry bit, a still, silent fit.
A need is desire
Bright eyes set, lined, the mascara 'd crier
some slight against obsessed, made quick to quit
by the spinning sonnets of a liar.
The winding wounds we weave with lines of spit
words, heal; More venom cures the poison's ire.
Brevity more real than the argument
A need is desire.
The complexity of the thought in this somewhat eludes me after just one reading, but there's no way to overlook your technical virtuosity. Bravo.
Picking a winner for this "round" is going to be difficult, as they're all gems --
Nevertheless, let's get some more "hitters and ducks on the pond," to use a couple of bb clichés.
Entries may be posted through this Monday, May 10. Maybe some LitNetters will make this task even more difficult!
Consequences
My heart is pure, the maiden cried whilst running through the dell.
You shall not have your way with me unless I can be caught
But taking care to keep ahead, she did not run too well
For both desired but never gave the consequence much thought.
A tantalising promise of the union they both sought,
She slowed and let him catch her, surrendered all and fell
Their union in the womb of wood, in secret then was wrought.
But her father was not happy when her belly now did swell
Which indicated plainly what such sinful pleasure bought.
With shotgun and a priest her father youth’s rebellion quelled,
For both desired but never gave the consequence much thought.
Thanks for all of the entries so far. This leg of the contest will remain open for the rest of today and this evening. The "lucky" winner will be announced soon.
All righty then! The time to choose the winning roundel has finally come well, " 'round."
The roundel is, if not inherently difficult, an unfamiliar form to many of us. Yet ALL of the five entries fulfilled the criteria of this particular form admirably.(cf. Reply # above.) The other stipulation-- that the topic be "cheerful" was also more or less followed, but I must say that I'm surprised how the entire quintet chose "love," which, as a topic isn't always inherently cheerful. But that's a discussion for another day. For now, let's take a look at these fine entries.
Pendragon's piece is "Love Song," with "Remembrance of who we are" as the refrain. My favorite lines in this particular piece are lines 9 and 10:
Until the burnout of eternity and time
Two hearts bound together who do not wish to be free
Not only do they throw the reader a little curve ball, they
also recall Ira Gershwin's "Our Love is Here to Stay": "the Rockies may crumble/Gilbralter may tumble." I may have the crumble and tumble reversed, but in any event, nice work, Pen.
Speaking of music, Dark Muse said she doubted that she could write about a "cheerful" theme, but "The Music of Love" proves her wrong. The sounds in her poem live up to its name, and her lovely refrain demonstrates how lovers should keep their initial attraction alive and vibrant: "Let us fall forever."
And still speaking of music, Hillwalker 's "Vive La Difference" presents the Francophile's version of "California Girls" by the Beach Boys. With the poem's bi-lingual wit playing with the oft-cited "Oooh-la-la" expression and even some of the rhymes are French words: "passe,"
"magnifique."
There's much romantic tension in Krysomkyng's entry, but the title,"The Play Fight," keeps it from straying too far from the "cheerful" topic. The impressive opening line: "A need is desire with a time limit" is thought-provoking, as is the most expressive phrase in this highly-charged piece: "the spinning sonnets of a liar."
The old and the new kinds of love are evoked in the final
piece, "Consequences" by Hawkman. On the one hand we have the traditions of Puritanical-- if not medieval --morality contrasted with the urgency of young love "in the womb of wood." Methinks the weight shifts toward the former -- with the "consequences" of a "swollen belly" and the inevitable "shotgun wedding." I'll forgive you for wrenching the syllables in line 10, Hawkman, because the line begins with the phrase "with shotgun and a priest." This is a poetic device made famous by Alexander Pope: "sometimes counsel takes and sometimes tea." So you deserve a special award for being the first LitNutter (to my knowledge) to use a zeugma effectively. And by the bye, even your entry is reminiscent of a song: "Ballad of the Shape of Things" by The Kingston Trio.
Man oh man, with all my heart I wish I could declare every one of these five entries the winner. That's how much I enjoyed reading them. But, alas, there can be only one.
And so, congratulations to everyone, but especially Krymsonkyng. Please select the next poetry form.
Thanks AuntyS for your je ne sais quoi - no seriously, your kind comments much appreciated. And your musical taste (Beach Boys/Kingston Trio) is as commendable as it is varied!
And Krymson, a very worthy winner. From the opening line - a masterpiece of economy.
Well done.
Thank you kindly everyone who participated, and thank you AuntShecky and Hillwalker especially for such kind words! Such a fun form, and so many great poems...
The next challenge should play off of AuntShecky's wonderful commentary. The most effective use of zeugma (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeugma) within a seven line piece, any rhyme scheme, will take the cake.
How does June 1st sound for a deadline?
Ready? Set!?! Go!!!
Faced with problems, hurt, and pain
Drowned by sorrow and cold pelting rain
Both sorrow and happiness mixed in a refrain
Not knowing if up is down, down up perhaps
Moments and hours that so quickly fade and pass
Crying both "Huzzah!" and "Alas"
I took my coat and my leave
Pendragon
A great first entry! I like how you took advantage of the freedom with this round's form and hit zeugma after zeugma.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Keep 'em coming folks!
A honky-tonk woman with bile-bearing lips
Was propping the bar in the ‘Whistling Nun’.
I should have just taken one look then my leave
But she noticed me staring - drew breath then a gun.
She asked for my name and a light; I gave both
As she sank her last shot of tequila then down to the floor in a heap.
I was given no choice but to leave in a rush and the next train from town.
*aka Mick Jagger and Keith Richards who co-wrote ‘Honky-Tonk Women’ and probably the very first zeugma (?) I ever heard :
“she blew my nose and then she blew my mind…..”
Thank you Hillwalker for your excellent poem!
We're almost out of time... I'm beginning to think such a simple form was too little to ask. Come on folks, let's see some entries!
On a side note, I will be unable to judge until the third, as I'll be on an airplane for most of the 1st and 2nd... Sorry.
Your wish of being used, mechanical pleasure,
In a sense owned, by many, all the same,
A pleasure bound by leather, handcuffs and fire
The way of your dreams I could not comprehend,
As though you showed the world entire,
Again and again, you leapt through the frame
Of sanity and pain, through your sadness was satisfaction.
Well done folks! What we lacked in mass, we made up for with mastery. The challenge was to make a 7 line poem that used Zeugma, a literary device meant to bend words into double meaning, most effectively.
Pendragon- Your poem embraced the idea of duality in a way that left me smirking. It displays sound imagery and very well played meter. The last line serves as what seems to be a bit of a non-sequitur, which further emphasizes the zeugma within and makes for an entertaining twist. I thoroughly enjoyed digging into this poem. The union of the two emotions in the final line was tight, and turned zeugma into your tool.
Hillwalker- "Honky-Tonk Woman" was pure entertainment from the first line. "Bile-Bearing Lips" held me in place for a moment contemplating its' several possible meanings before I could move forward. It presents zeugma after zeugma to tell a fun and funny tale. It also effectively uses a break in rhyme to turn about line four, which also takes advantage of the freedom I was hoping to see in this form. So much impact, it rocked my socks and the world.
Jesterhead- Benny Benassi and the Biz couldn't beast it the way you did: Excellent work! The way each line orbits around the center, and the message there, as well as the first and final was very skillfully accomplished. Lines five and six especially, for me, are pregnant with potency. Almost as strong as your imagery, but the zeugma there (5) was subtle and makes your work a marvel of intricacy despite it's overarching... eheh, arching/aching? Effective and near erotic, this was a contender.
Winner
Tough call. All three entries displayed a level of skill and talent to make me jealous and inspired at once. The challenge was to most effectively use zeugma. While each poem did just that, I feel like Hillwalker earned the win, but if any one of you visit "the whistling nun", the first drink's on me or the floor.
Hillwalker....another fine piece...
Thanks krymson - your requirement for a 7-line piece did throw me for a while - and on further reflection I thought my poem might have been better posted on the 'write a really bad poem' thread.
But I appreciate the thumbs-up, and thanks to the others for making a real contest of it.
Having just recovered from writing my first terza rima I think I shall now pass the challenge on to other LitNetters.
It's not as obscure as it sounds - best-known perhaps for its use by Dante in his Inferno, Purgatory and Paradise.
The form consists of triplets or 3-line verses – line length and metre can be varied according to your own tastes
but end rhymes ARE important and have to follow a strict sequence
verse 1: A - B - A
verse 2: B – C - B
verse 3: C – D - C and so on in a continuous chain
Best of luck everybody - closing date July 1st.
Escape
She was the one in shades of black & blue
waiting enigmatically for the final train
her poor veiled eyes watched without a clue.
Navy blue duffle bag luggage soaked in the rain
lost among the crowd and totally alone
deep inside she'll never erase the reoccurring stain.
Her eyes turn upon the clock and contemplate the phone
feeling the weight of everything that will be left behind
cold skin like cold feet and fears like her hair wind blown.
Heavy metallic doors echo through her mind
and she hesitates for what seems like a life time
jarred as suddenly the gears begin to grind.
Still hovering half-way between escape the bells chime
almost a moment too late she says a last good-bye
and prepares to enter the great unknown sublime.
Crossroads
I stood in the night rain all alone
Blinded by tears and drops of rain—
Wondering where my life vanished and gone
Known only by sorrow and enveloping pain,
A moment frozen in space and in time
Forced to relive the past again and again
It makes no sense, neither rhythm nor rhyme,
To rehash the past, to dig up the bones—
Imprisoned in darkness having committed no crime
I seek refuge here among the standing stones
Placed here by Ancients now naught but dust
Yet company of ghosts beats being alone
Their polished, sharpened steel now gone to rust,
Yet still breathe their secrets and comfort to me
It’s not always that I want to be here—I must
Seeking the shadows, seeing what I shouldn’t see,
Echoes of the intangible, faces in the mist
Is there any comfort in this world for me?
I try hard to avoid this, I try to resist
So I part the curtain of the rain and take my leave
Cold comfort indeed may live in a mist…
Pendragon
© 6/4/10
Two great poems Pendragon and Dark!
I totally agree - just a gentle reminder there are nw just two weeks left before the deadline.Quote:
Originally Posted by Paulclem
Let them creative juices flow.
H
Thank you!
And thanks from me as well... :thumbsup:
Breath in. Breath out.
Hit rewind and
remove all doubt
about the sand
in our hour glass.
Relax your hand,
let slack that sass
and hook a brother up.
you've filled my glass,
I'll fill your cup.
we've got all the time in the world
with which to sup.
I know picking the best from 3 is going to be difficult enough, but there is still time for others to join in - deadline 23.59 Thursday July 1st.
H
Your time is up - thanks you 3 for trying your hand at the terza rima.....
3 wonderful poems, all with their own individual strengths -
Dark Muse : straight from that opening line you captured my attention with the ambiguous phrase 'shades of black & blue' .....and I'm still not certain whether the ending refers to an escape to a better life or to oblivion.
Pendragon : another poem about a significant point in life when choices have to be made. This has a strong rhythm that seems to echo the sounds of the rain - and I loved the closing pair of lines
'So I part the curtain of rain and take my leave
Cold comfort indeed may live in a mist...'
krymsonkyng : a very original twist on the form - short, spiky lines - almost a rap - about time and fate having a quiet drink together while they contemplate another's destiny perhaps?
Difficult to choose, but Dark Muse takes the honours with 'Escape' - my favourite of the three I'll admit.
Congratulations DM, and thanks to the other two for providing such strong competition.
Well done Dark Muse on your win, such worth winner.
Oh wow thank you!
I will have the next form asap, still have to figure out what I want to choose.
I really enjoy many of the Eastern styles of poetry and it seems outside of the haiku the great wealth of different Eastern styles are overlooked. So for this challenge I choose the Korean form known as Sijo.
The traditional Sijo is a 3 line poem that is a total of 44-46 syllables, which equals 14-16 syllables per line.
Line 1 presents a problem, beginning, question
Line 2 a development also known as a turn
Line 3 a strong conclusion with a surprise.
Here is an example of a traditional Sijo:
The spring breeze melted snow on the hills then quickly disappeared.
I wish I could borrow it briefly to blow over my hair
And melt away the aging frost forming now about my ears.
- U Tak (1262–1342)
I tentively set the deadline at July 15
The falling of Night sends icy cold deep into my lifeblood—
The desire for comfort and longing for the silent grave—
Yet the break of dawn sends promise that all is never vanished forever, a renewing hope
Pendragon
Nicely done! Great first entry!
We spent the silent hours last night in secret slumber – then you left
I wish I knew for sure you shared my dreams and took me with you
Then I could drowse some more; secure, not due quite yet to waken
H
Thank you for another great entry. I cannot wait to see more.
Don't be shy everyone!
He found Grandpa's threadbare armchair emptier without those tales
and thought a fuller wallet justified a garage sale
until his niece asked about brer rabbit. He took a seat.