What wonderful entries so far! Just one more day to go.... Those who're still penning out your poems, be sure to post them by June 10, 11:59pm.
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What wonderful entries so far! Just one more day to go.... Those who're still penning out your poems, be sure to post them by June 10, 11:59pm.
*Pendragon, your poem is wonderfull I love the steady flow than the abrupt repetition of the bus stops here, its a beautiful poem.
*Hillwalker, I love the imagry in your poem.
*Moonbird, I like it. Not sure if it fits the theme but thats up to the judge, would make an interesting short story if you wanted to expand on it.
*Krymsokyng, Interesting. I like the way you structured your poem.
*DB, I loved your poem! I like almost everything you do but this is my favorite. I love how you structured it, and the way it reads. It provokes feelings that made me go back and re-read it two or three times to see if it was really saying one thing, or another. :) I like it!!!
*Comedian, minus the cattails I loved yours :) sorry but I hate those things, jk. I really enjoyed reading it, and the imagry, it brought back memorys of riding through the fields..hmm wonder if my horses would appreciate me waking them up right now.. It was an enjoyable read.
*Dark Muse, your poem gave me chills! It was incredible, you are really a very talented poet! my favorite was the ending about the howling with no master at home and this one.
"Has the day
not yet begun,
or just coming
to its end?"
I always enjoy how you use your structure to help convey the feelings you want your reader to feel. I admire your writing greatly.
*Autolycus, I have not seen your work before, but I enjoyed this piece, I will have to go look some more up. You deffinitly have talent, I like how you phrase things, and "I feel the blood pop, pouring down the drain, I piston out but feel no pain" that is one of my favorites in your poem. well written.
Thanks everyone for letting me read your poems, HAUNTED, I'm glad your the judge of this round! Its going to be tough! Goodluck to all. :) Can't wait for the next subject maybe I'll enter that one if I have more time. Just thought I would throw my opinion of everyones work in since I was not entering. Hope I didnt step on any toes.
Woohoo! Congrats to all participants, especially Haunted! Such good stuff...
CORRECTIONS...they really meant Dark Muse. Haunted didn't write anything, she's judging *glump*
ahh, I love that line too. Just wish I wrote that. It's Dark Muse's poetry.Quote:
Originally Posted by stephofthenight
Quote:
Originally Posted by krymsonkyng
Thank you very much!Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
... right. yep. totally knew that...
:blush:
Thank you, you are quite right, I ment Dark Muse, please forgive me my friend lol I am on many pain killers that make me easily confused :blush: But I loved it none the less. I was thinking how much I would hate to be Haunted on this one lol.
I feel so privileged to be judge of this round of amazing poems. Any one of you surpasses me in your art and I'm feeling sooo small now *tiny tiny tiny* but I'll do my best job in picking a winner out of winners!!! I mostly agree with my co-judge Steph (lol), here's a bit more of my thoughts.
There was a time when crippled men gathered around bus stops on the streets of Manhattan asking for loose change. One lost both legs and had to drag himself along the sidewalk on his butts. It was gut wrenching to speculate the cause of these tragedies. Then they weren't around anymore. People walked past them everyday until one by one they died off, right on the streets of a country they once served. autolycus's poem is the voice for these forgotten souls. Now, tragedy has a name, Leyland. It's mean, it's gritty, and I digged every word of it.
Dark Muse, such an affecting piece. It draws me right in — the scene of desolation, and the sense of loyalty and unconditional love — so vividly presented. What happened to his master? What will happen to the dog? One may never know. But hope is on the next bus that stops here...even if only false hope.
Pendragon, great use of repetition "the bus stops here…". Same line, but a different bus stop and a whole different world and redemption. It's not a one way trip afterall, one can still return. I like it a lot. May I dedicate this song to you click
Comedian, I've never ridden a horse and the closest thing to riding one is in reading your poem. The short syllables simulate a crisp, robust, rhythmic ride. The horse-bus-railroad convergence is dynamic, I enjoyed it very much.
DanielBenoit, excellent poetry and amazing imageries... "still hungover after forty years / of abstemious nights", tear drops and tic-tacs...paper-bag bus stops and papier-mâché lunches. It's a very memorable piece — and not just for the Zhuzhu cats (hope they're not edible!)
Krymsonkyng, I really like what you did with the subject — the festivities and the partying and the hooking up. The bus stop is symbolic as a point of connection and accidental relationships. It's a cool poem.
moonbird, there's good tension in the exchange, and the nicknames Bus and Mini Bus are totally cute despite being frustrating to the persona. No disqualification for being a prose poem but...I look to the right, I look to the left, where's the bus stop?
Hillwalker, awesome description. This poem has a lot of potential. Is Salt Lake City is on a high elevation and Sacramento in a valley? In addition to a lateral journey, how about a reference to altitude to bring in focus of a young person's life slipping downhill? Maybe the emotionless scenic rundown is necessary to make the twist ending work, but for me personally, without an angst filled landscape the pay off line wasn't quite as believable as a trip played out in the mind of a runaway. Why Sacramento? It's an engrossing piece, I wish there were more!
I have so many favorites but one stands out more than others. autolycus, it seems that your hero won in the end. And he will be remembered. Will you have the honor to pick the next subject....
Can I cheer now? Can I? Ah who cares, congrats to everyone who participated!
Haunted - thanks so much for your detailed crit, and your kind words. Your suggestions are extremely valid.
I loved all the entries, and also felt autolycus's piece stood head and shoulders above the others (I read it before posting my piece and almost didn't bother).
Just to clarify - I believe it is written about an actual bus (the death throes of an old Leyland?). If I have misconstrued this piece then I apologise, but it read like a truly touching memorial to an old road warrior.
Thanks again, H
Great work autolycus! I also very much enjoyed your poem.
Song definitely fits the mood of my poem. Thank you for the kind remarks, and congrads to autolycus!Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
Thank you very much, Haunted! Strangely enough, it was partly based on my experiences in NYC both pre- and post- 9/11, as well as memories of old Leyland buses around the world. I deliberately put both memories of man and bus into one.
The next subject is: "Piles and Piles of Files". Deadline is... Saturday 17 July 2010, 2359 EST.
[ Haha, sorry, I couldn't resist it because this is what I've been seeing in front of me for the last few months. :) ]
Quick question: does the line "piles and piles of flies" have to be in the poem or just the subject matter that the line suggests?
Comedian: it's FILES not FLIES :D — or was that a joke :) and yes it's the subject, but does not need to be explicitly quoted in the poem itself... some people take it as a challenge to do so, but that's a personal thing.