Lymerick

Though his muse thinks that Sasquatch is cute,
There are some who think he's fit to shoot.
Does his wife ever care
With that muse always there?
If he's messing, she'll give him the boot.

There was a young fellow, Portnoy
Who was told to go play with his toy
"Not that!" said his mum
"Stop beating your drum!"
Lesson: metaphors don't work on the boy.

Kundera thought: "Sex sells better than tanks.
A Czech Don Juan, that's money in the bank!
Not so much the Prague spring
More 'my ding-a-ling-a-ling'
I'll call it, 'The Unbearable Lightness of Spanks!'"

A young German seeking some solace
Sought a book of the Odes penned by Horace
But he took down a book
And said with one look
'Ach mein Gott! Nicht Dave Foster Wallace.'

There was a young lady named Margot
Who despised the cold up in Fargo
She'd be in Havana
A warm beach cabana
Except for the Cuban embargo

Steamy sex is a wonderful thing.
Busy bees giving honey can sting
Like a wife who finds out
Then goes out and about
Getting hers in a steamier fling.

One day while at work
Working for a jerk
Jerking wrath I keep
Keeping fast a sleep
Sleeping with a smirk

Here's a famous one that betrays its age by referencing the actor Gerald Du Maurier and bandleader Jack Payne:

There was a young lady named Gloria
Who was had by Sir Gerald Du Maurier
As well as Jack Payne
And Sir Gerald again
And the band from the Waldorf Astoria.

^good one, Emil.
Here's one that'll play out on June 7th in New York:

There once was a horse that was reddish-brown
Who was fastest of all at Churchill Downs
Used a nasal strip
Not a jockey's whip
With any luck he'll win the triple crown

Though postmoderns' try to invite us
But rarely do they incite us
To read all those novels
Where each author grovels
At the altar of obscure detritus

Rocinante got it on with a pony
Deaf to the pleas of Quixote
The owners beat them
"Don't do it again!"
But Rocinante ignored them, he's horny

The spy who came in from the cold
Was met by his girlfriend, we're told
"It's smaller than a winkle!"
She said, as he tinkled,
And gave her his MR to hold

There once was a dragon of old
Who was hot but left fair maidens cold.
They preferred a tall knight
With a steed do them right
Than a beast popping pills to get bold.

There was an old chap with a major malfunction
His wife only smiled at his awkward compunction
Had love in his eye
But his pepe was shy
His affliction it's said was erectile dysfunction

BUT ALL WAS NOT LOST.

So his wife then sat on his knee
And whispered "I'll stiffen your tree
Just take this blue pill
It'll cure your ill
Though in your case you'd better take three"

There was a young man of Japan
Whose limericks never would rhyme.
When asked who this was,
He replied "It's me, the poet,
That handsome young man from Tokyo."

This was inspired by:

There was a young man of Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why this was,
He replied "It's because
I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as ever I possibly can."

MI5 file: XL878: Telegraphic message from "the east" 12/4/99:

I am a young man,
of Japan, now limited to
writing Haiku. I

On the same theme:

http://qrystal.name/a-limerick-haiku/