It's quite comon in some cultures to make such a decision but in ours (Nuns and RC priests excepted) it is more likely to be forced on us by widowhood.
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It's quite comon in some cultures to make such a decision but in ours (Nuns and RC priests excepted) it is more likely to be forced on us by widowhood.
When most people are talking about sex; are they talking about having a relationship? Would you find sex necessary without a relationship? While I am an older widow, the possiblility of "sex" knocks on every door. There are sex toys, computer dating sites, young people and divorced parents who consider me desirable because I am "settled"; I simply don't find any of these a decent subsitute for "chemistry with someone".
What are your thoughts?
In the perfect world, sex has no strings attached and relationships are optional.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Now, in the not so perfect world, sex is a neccessity, much like the TV remote.Quote:
Would you find sex necessary without a relationship?
Love the analogy; what I like abouth the TV remotes is that they are universal, so they work on all tvs and get every channel.:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
Don't you think that people gravitate toward relationships, if only to control when the other leaves?Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
I like the remote analogy; I like remotes, they are universal, so you can use them on any tv and control all the channels at the same time:D
Nay. Relationship means commitment, and commitment is a very scary word.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
I don't have a universal remote — never attracted to the idea of having just one device, and so I shall remain a multiple-remote person. I guess that'd make you a remote control freak, and me, a polygamist of remotes ;)Quote:
I like the remote analogy; I like remotes, they are universal, so you can use them on any tv and control all the channels at the same time:D
In point of fact relationship and sex are two things and that tone with each other and without it sex becomes uglyQuote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Did Kinsey write about this subject, even as ill-defined as we have it here?
That's a bit judgemental, coming from a philospher.Quote:
Originally Posted by blazeofglory
Don't you imagine we're alot more honest that the people in Kinseys day; I can just see him walking up to some sweet housewife in her heels, silk stockings and pleated skirt saying "have you ever masturbated"... Oh did he ask the women that?Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
I believe Blaze is just giving his opinion; and personally, I find sex without the benefit of some steady relationship a bit destabilizing. It's like having a revolving house and having to constantly look for the bathroom and kitchen:eek2:Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkBastable
That might be so but I think his posts in this thread and in the infidelity thread are clashing.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Yes, I can't quite imagine what Blaze experiences every day, sitting in his bedroom in India and being aware of all the terrible things going on right outside of his window because of a lack of the control he speaks of ; yet, writing on his computer, he is connected to another world with entirely different ideas of sexual behavior.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Truth be told, I am not sure what you mean in your post and how it is supposed to help interpret the differences in his posts in different threads.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Havind said that, I think I am about done here; so, no worries.
:)
I hope you will continue to post on this site, as well as others, Scher, we all enjoy your comments!Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
To me having "chemistry" is nice, but when you have an itch that needs scratching and there is no special guy why deny yourself.. To me sex is natural, it's about two people enjoying each others company and giving each other pleasure.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
I constantly find myself learning from you, papayahead! When there is no special guy; what is the criteria for the man you are with? What do you do to orgasm if you are not attracted to him.Quote:
Originally Posted by papayahed
That is the difficulty I recall with my marriages: I didn't love my first husband, nor was I attracted, so I tried to imagine someone else...that wasn't to hard because he didn't expect much participation. I loved my second husband; but wasn't attracted to him in bed. It was difficult to try to get an orgasm though; he wanted active participation and I had "run low" on fantasies.:redface:
Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
:blush: It has to be someone I like and both parties need to understand the "relationship".
I Understand your dilemma of understanding me as I use different ideas in different threads. All I want to be is honest. I do not want to hook myself like a philosopher who is always inflexibly hooked sets of ideas.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Ideas change. We humans are confused. different ideas evolve and revolve around us at different times and one idea may clash or contradict with another. Should I stick to one particular thought? Besides, we are here all set to share what crops up in our minds and I think that does not demand of us to be rigid to particular ideas. I am not from India.I am from Nepal.
Your are right I am connected to another world where ideas on sexual behavior is rather different and liberal.
I agree my ideas oftentimes seem contradictory. I am totally aware of them. But as I said earlier I want to be honest to what I feel at that particular moment. At one moment I maybe hooked to particular ideas and I may agree with those things and express here and at another moment I may have a different opinion and I put forth them.
In fact all of us are a little confused lots. Should we think and write fixedly, rigidly? Do not our ideas change quite often? When we read different books, listen to different people our ideas maybe shaped or conditioned and our expressions become then influenced.
I'm sorry Blaze, I had looked up your city; but in most of our literature, it makes reference to India.Quote:
Originally Posted by blazeofglory
We all have contradictory thoughts all of the time; It's what makes us human. I have often thought that your situation must be particularly difficult, though; because with the forum here, you are in two cultures at once. We all appreciate your thoughts.
:cool: That's so cool! Have you had any guys who say they understand the relationship and start stalking you afterwards:DQuote:
Originally Posted by papayahed
I understand it. In fact Nepal and India are culturally one though they are two geopolitical countries. And I confess you are totally right and as I am from a different cultural background and all I wrote is not exactly what happens in our society. Ours is a very traditionally rooted country with all age-old values. Faith, fidelity, trust are some of the values that are always greatly cherished in our part of the world.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
What I agree with you is also on the fact that I am in two cultures at the same time and most of what I write down here come from what I read in western books and western cinemas and I have no firsthand knowledge of your cultures and I neither have been to your countries nor ever have I discussed other than on forums.
All that make my ideas contradictory but I suppose I do not bore you with my ideas.
In my opinion, I don't think that there are any pros of celibacy. Sex is a healing act when done with someone that you love. It is unhealthy to suppress your sexuality. I read some book about sexual energy and its healing properties. It was very interesting and a welcome change from the chastity talks I got growing up.
You are refreshingly honest and forthright, Blaze; and never boring. There was a time when the very same ideals you speak of in your culture were a part of American culture. There were always times when the economy was lagging; but people stood by their word and their products. If a man fathered a child, he admitted it and took responsibility.We were responsible to our children and our elderly. That is what kept our economy and our family units strong. It amazes me sometimes when I see how much America has changed in only 50 years.Quote:
Originally Posted by blazeofglory
Yes, I often think those "chastity talks" do more harm than good; since I was brought up in a fundameltalist church I also got the: 26 hours of labor followed by a dead mother and baby and the story about the ballet dancer that didn't go to church, got into a car accident and got both her legs cut off:cold:Quote:
Originally Posted by Shalot
Of course, I'm still trying to figure out where all those sexually and intellectually satisfying partners are. I used to tell people that to have a perfect relationship, a woman needed 3 men: one to talk to, one to sleep with and the other to bring home a paycheck:lol:
The holy trifecta! we may never start with the three-in-one, but hopes arekept for the development of the same. :)
Ever since Barack, Buddy, I figure any dream is possible (So does Sarah):lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Celibacy isn't such a bad thing, after all, if the celibates keep up the good work, they'll improve the quality of the gene pool.
Brilliant atiguhya, as usual, you're right on point:lol: Has anyone figured out how to get the royal family to go celibate; I just can;t think of one more child looking like Charles;)Quote:
Originally Posted by atiguhya padma
Whoops. Let he who casts the first stone!
Its not only Charles who has big ears!
Which one will take out the trash? May I suggest 4...Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Touche Manichaean:thumbs_up; What can I say, It was in to be politically correct this season: so we cast about for middle-aged women who rode moose and shot bears, old war heros who shot friends, toast colored intellectuals that were still near Chicago action...but, we only keep them in for 4-8 years; long before they corrupt the gene pool.Quote:
Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN
:idea: Gosh, you're right; and one to do the lawn...Do you think they will all bring home paychecks. I always find husbands that stop working when I start;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted
each and everyone of us should sticke to realijty. Celibat4e? so what hey who where when.
Human touch is required to feel human. that's a 5 senses type thing. ner touched equal never human? Who would know? what woud it matter? what's true to self worth?" Fidelis, even if it only be to one's self.
Is it possible that all a man need do to to be a good man is to leave you?
sorry i'm not wellwer
:lol: If touch is required to feel human; what do people with those prosthetic scissor hands do when they touch themselves....:eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Oh well, so much for levity, You made a solid point, my friend::thumbs_up
I would have to say that the only person, man or woman, that a person longs for forever is the one who leaves.
so the fourth man walk out the door, and you don't tnink the trash has been taken out?
A local establishment that allows me had this to ay about me
Celibate human equals untouched person.
"what mean you to weep and break my heart? Wee p not for me but for yoursleves and for our children." supposedly said by Jesus
Buy, pay, truth, i an imagine an aesthete I should probably say goodnite.
I don';t any of us ever talked much with helen keeler, or mr merric k. Some woman just took (attempted) the wind out of my fair hairless sails? Now I'm really going to be come uncelibate.
Then the establishment does not perceive your great worth as we do, my dear gbrekken.Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
I am celibate because I was touched; just not the way I liked:brow:
Then we shall dust your ears with fairies wings and line your heart with gold:)Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Interesting point, I wonder what kind of noises Helen Keller would make in bed. Would having sex with John Merrick be considered be.... Oh, never mindQuote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
Where are you hiding your hairless sails:D
My long, and long overdue haitus begins shortly. I am celibate. I do not recommend it for any but the most principled. True to self (fidelis), I don't accept gifts motivated by pity, nor do I demean the giver/gift or purchaser/supplier by visiting business establishments legally established for the purpose of providing for those wishing to be incelibate. Ahuman child ignorant of human touch may be less than what is expected of human definition. While "doing it" has the possibility of elevating the human experience to one of its own ultimate levels, in and of, and for and only for itself, it also has the possibility of lowering to utter meaninglessness. It does fit the definition of sublime at its best. peace out.
You are a great romantic, gbrekken. I have never had pity sex; well, except in the blessed state of matrimony when it is not only allowed but sometimes advisable. My friends all tell me that they have only had sex during their marriage when "they wanted to"; I am curious whether they are lying to themselves or are just very selfish. Surely, someone has had sex with their partner when they are inebriated, or you have fallen "out of like" with them, or you have a headache?Quote:
Originally Posted by gbrekken
The idea that celibacy brings people "closer to nature" seems stupid to me. Sex IS nature.
I did that once. I was fed up with guys and couldn't be bothered with a relationship. And seeing as I'm not good at having one-night stands and don't know any guys who are either, the only way to avoid ending up in a meaningless "relationship" that is no more than a threadbare justification to have sex, I decided it would have to be celibacy for me. So I was celibate (as in not involving another person) for 3 years until I felt I was ready for a proper relationship. Why 3 years? Because I managed the first 2 easily and thought 'why not make it three'?Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny5
Is it difficult? No, not really, when you have other things to do and friends to spend time with.
Did it have any effect on me? Yeah, I guess it made me a little aggressive. But that allowed me to pour all my energy into my studies and sports, so that wasn't such a bad thing.
I appreciate those who feel they cannot have sex outside a 'meaningful' relationship, but I also think it is a sad state of affairs that there are some who somehow cannot have sex without all the burdens, the baggage, the compromises that a 'meaningful' relationship entails. Sure there may be many positive, passionate things about a continuous sexual relationship. There are also passions and romance about having sex with someone you know little about. In short, i think sex is too powerful, too important to be restricted to a particular type of relationship.
:eek: atiguhya, you are always astounding me! What, do you feel, you experience from sex with a stranger?Quote:
Originally Posted by atiguhya padma
Excitement, nervousness, uncertainty, an electric feeling of deep passion that is enhanced by not knowing so much about a person. Sometimes you might meet someone at a time and a place that makes you feel alive with an energy that encompasses you and them in a maelstrom of emotion that lives as much in that moment, in that space, as it does within you or them. To deny that feeling because you do not know enough about that person is an absurdity: there is both romance and passion in that brief moment, in that spontaneity of your raw emotion. Knowledge can add nothing to it. The Romantics knew what I am talking about. The Victorians did their best to deny it, to kill it.
I thnk that you would have to actually go through it in order to say how it helps you. I personally think that it makes you appreciate a close relationship with someone emotionally. many people base relationships with sex. so i think that it makes a point