Form Poem Contest

This was cool! here we go..

Left then right turned once, and lightly warmed was enough
circles round flipped and set drifting high
floating, spinning, falling
table meets bread
rising low, and lay flat
brown around red, swims spread
thin green or white stripe
floats foam white, brown, toasted
vapor rising, breath
Pizza

Pizza
breath, rising vapor
toasted brown white foam, floats
stripe white or green,
thin spread swims red, around brown flat
lay and low rising
bread meets table
spinning, floating, falling
high drifting set, and flipped round circles
Enough was warmed lightly, and once turned right then left
:banana:

I must say the poets are quite good here. You are going to make my decision very difficult, which I consider Fantastic!http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...s/Appaluse.gif

Only four days left until the final day for submission. You can do it. Trust me! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ane/blinky.gif

I'll get mine in tomorrow Pen. It's on my computer at work. Just needs another quick edit.

OK, Pen. I worked on this long enough. Not sure if it's any good, but it was fun, in a difficult sort of way. ;)

Quote:

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Once

Once, Red Knight rode lance pitched
Steeling his consanguineous neighbor
Lovely damsel, hair blonde flowing,
Sweetly talking, roughly riding.
Mysterious castle draped by fog
They lay, arms, legs, whispers
Until sun rising.
Vows love, marriage, lives
Together.

Together,
Lives, marriage, love vows.
Rising sun until
Whispers, legs, arms, lay they.
Fog by draped castle, mysterious.
Riding roughly, talking sweetly,
Flowing blonde hair, damsel lovely.
Neighbor consanguineous his steeling.
Pitched lance, rode Knight Red, once.

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Whew! Work cut out for me, but two days left for any other interested poets! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...lomKane/BC.gif

Hi Pen...great idea! and the poems are awesome everybody...i will try to give it a go..as virgil sed earlier it'll take some time...i will try to make the deadline...

Dead Line for poems is tonight! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ncfingfrog.gif

Let me see here:

Riesa: your first stanza seems to remind me of longing for love, the second the question of if the love could survive them being apart. That hinges on the one line

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“separate we are, alone, divided” and its reversal “Divided, alone, are we separate?”.

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All said, an excellent poem, and a good grasp of the admittedly unusual form!

Adolescent09: I loved your title, and you grasped the form very well. My favorite line was this:

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“please those who needn't be pleased” and the reverse “please be needn't, those who are pleased”.

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The first stanza has one out to please the world, the second realizes that one cannot. Excellent!

Il Penseroso: You played with the form before coming up with an excellent poem. Music certainly seems mathematical, and indeed is based on mathematics. Division of a string by a finger against a fret board plays a guitar. I really think I like this line and its reverse best

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“scratching pullovers” “Pullovers scratching”,

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as they represent all I think has gone wrong with music. Really, both stanza’s seem to lament the decline of music, but in different ways.

Kandaurov: The poem is very strong and grasps the form with precision. The first stanza is one’s past strength; the second, one’s present weakness. My favorite line is your first, the last in the second stanza:

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“Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...!

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Lovely!

Niamh: Interesting poem. You found a strength others had missed your poem—combining lines on the reversals to form new meanings. A little punctuation makes a world of difference: example: first stanza:

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“Quiet everything goes bye
good say I, no more time”
Now second stanza:
“time, no more I say good
bye...goes everything quiet”

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Quite a different meaning by rearranging the words with punctuation, don’t you think?

Petra: I see you used my nickname for you when you entered. Thank you. Small things matter more that anyone knows. You took a real chance and pulled it off. Long lines in the poem that must reverse perfectly. And they do. First stanza offers sadness, the second a breath of hope, that things are not as bad as they seem. Favorite line has to be:

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“Again paradise lost. Open gates closed. Once possible, it is now” “Now is it possible? Once closed gates open lost paradise again.”

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Orionsbelt: Pizza. Thinking with your stomach, yes? It was a good poem but was shaky on form. And the trouble is, reversed or not reversed, the same imagery of an Italian Chef skillfully manipulating the bread for a pizza is still there. Also you have a problem here:

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“brown around red, swims spread
thin green or white stripe “ from the fist stanza.

“stripe white or green,
thin spread swims red, around brown flat” from the second stanza.

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You moved a word to another line. That isn’t allowed. Sorry.

Virgil:

I must say I enjoyed your poem, and the reversal certainly manages to give a new meaning to several words! Take this line for example:

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“Steeling his consanguineous neighbor”” Neighbor consanguineous his steeling”.

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In the first stanza, the knight could have been “steeling” (running a lance through) his consanguineous (bloody) neighbor. But in the second stanza, perhaps “steeling” should be spelled with an “a”, thus: “Stealing”. “Consanguineous” means “of the blood, or of one’s blood” as well, meaning now he has stolen someone’s daughter, wife, concubine, etc. and consummated the deed. Good show!

First, may I thank each of you for entering the contest. I tossed out a very hard form, and you went to bat like the pros that you are. I would dearly love to call this a five-way tie, since five of you wrote excellent winners in my book: ‘Dole, Kandy, Niamh. Petra, and Virgil.

Yet I can only choose one. Niamh, congratulations Best use of punctuation to change meaning in a reversible! You are a winner, and may choose the next form.. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...s/Appaluse.gif

Yeeeah, Niamh rules!! :D She absolutely deserved it, she's a masterly poetess. And thanks for all the trouble you went through to give us your feedback, Pen, I truly appreciated it! :)

congrats niamh...so enjoyed reading everyone's poems they were all beautifully written...excellent idea pen...even tho i didn't make the deadline it has inspired me to keep writing....

:eek: Oh my god! i thought i'd made a mess of that form!:blush:
thank you so much for chosing my poem Pen. I really dont feel like i deserve to be the winner as everyones poems were so wonderful! Virgil, Kand, Riesa, adol and il Pens I really love you poems! Orion yours made me craze pizza!:lol: I'm so flattered!
Thank you for your feed back also Pen. Its nice to get feedback on ones work.(oddly enough... punctuation was what always got me in trouble in english!:D )

As for the next form... i'm not really sure... I dont generally work with form, just go with what comes out of my head. This is only my second time doing something in form, first was a sonnet.(hence why you never see me around the Haiku!) But i'll try come up with something as challenging as yours...

I'll get back to you on that...(unless you came help me Pen?:confused: )

Thank you!:)

Great job, Niamh. :thumbs_up :) Very good. I look forward to the next form.

Well deserved recognition for you, Niamh. Your submitted poem had truly singular lines and reversals as Pendragon obviously noticed.. It's actually quite funny that he quoted the reversal I, myself liked best in your poem. “Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...!". Kudos to you again, Niamh :)

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Originally Posted by Adolescent09

Well deserved recognition for you, Niamh. Your submitted poem had truly singular lines and reversals as Pendragon obviously noticed.. It's actually quite funny that he quoted the reversal I, myself liked best in your poem. “Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...!". Kudos to you again, Niamh :)

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“Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...!".
Em i think that that was Kands poem Adol....
But thanks anyway!

Oh crap, I'm sorry about that.

Congratulations Niamh! :banana:

And thank's Pen, for the feedback. :)

As I said, this one really needed to be a tie... but how do you do that in our type of contests? One the winner has to pick a picture, and the other a form. Hard to choose a multiple winner in this situtation! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...Kane/Atlas.gif

Hey everyone!
I've selected a new challenge for anyone participating in this contest.
This is a poem by the famous Irish poet Patrick Kavanagh. It is somewhat famous for its style!

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Inniskeen Road: July Evening

The bicycles go by in twos and threes -
There's a dance in Billy Brennan's barn tonight,
And there's the half-talk code of mysteries
And the wink-and-elbow language of delight.
Half-past eight and there is not a spot
Upon a mile of road, no shadow thrown
That might turn out a man or woman, not
A footfall tapping secrecies of stone.

I have what every poet hates in spite
Of all the solemn talk of contemplation.
Oh, Alexander Selkirk knew the plight
Of being king and government and nation.
A road, a mile of kingdom. I am king
Of banks and stones and every blooming thing.

Patrick Kavanagh

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This is clearly a Petrarchan Sonnet with its octave and sestet. But if you look at it closely it is also a shakespearian sonnet! It has three quatrains and one couplet concluding the poem at the end and has the same rythmn of a shakespearian. It is laid out like a Petrarchan as the octave expresses one thing, the sestet another.
So this is the challenge! To write a poem that is both Petrarchan and shakespearian in its style. Iambic pentameter is optional (to make it a bit different;) )

You have until the 29-may-07...

Goodluck!
Niamh:)

I’m sorry Niamh. I am not well acquainted with both the Petrarchan (never even heard of it) or Shakespearian styles but I will try my best to write a poem which conveys a similar style (in rhyme, stanza length and syllables) to the one you have quoted. (I think your quoted poem sounds lovely :))

Black Streets Stalk Peter

In the celerity of sunset’s death,
Young Adam flips stones ‘till the pit-pit-patter,
echos beyond stillness of moonlight’s breath,
and makes the milky, white dots supremely fatter.
Young Ike wants wings to transcend the moon
But dreams don’t grow on blackened roots for flight.
His low muttering provides somber tune
as shiftless feet glide mossy stones of night

Peter’s clamor breaks the liquified calms,
as improvisational crows chase his feet.
The sleepers are too tired to have qualms,
so High Pitch River floods the street.
He turns lanes, hits a pole, streaking scarlet
It might've been worse if he had struck a harlot

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adolescent09

I’m sorry Niamh. I am not well acquainted with both the Petrarchan (never even heard of it) or Shakespearian styles but I will try my best to write a poem which conveys a similar style (in rhyme, stanza length and syllables) to the one you have quoted. (I think your quoted poem sounds lovely :))

Black Streets Stalk Peter

In the celerity of sunset’s death,
Young Adam flips stones ‘till the pit-pit-patter,
echos beyond stillness of moonlight’s breath,
and makes the milky, white dots supremely fatter.
Young Ike wants wings to transcend the moon
But dreams don’t grow on blackened roots for flight.
His low muttering provides somber tune
as shiftless feet glide mossy stones of night

Peter’s clamor breaks the liquified calms,
as improvisational crows chase his feet.
The sleepers are too tired to have qualms,
so High Pitch River floods the street.
He turns lanes, hits a pole, streaking scarlet
It might've been worse if he had struck a harlot

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Actually Adol what you did was a Miltonic and Shakespearian sonnet Which is fine, I'll accept that.:nod: As a Miltonic is a slightly modified Petrarchan sonnet.
I think its a wonderful Poem, but your last two lines need to conclude the intire poem as opposed to just the last quatrain. Weldone!:D ;) (although your last two lines had me in stitches!)

Sonnet For the Ripper

In Whitechapel darkness a shadow would slink,
Who must have been able to pass as a toff;
Searching for fallen angels who had too much to drink—
Then out came the sharp blades as he sliced this or that off.
Some give the number of victims as low as just four,
While others claim as many as a dozen or so—
Cut down in the darkness, dissected, the blood gushing poured,
But the identity of Jack the Ripper is something no one knows—

Drop off another dispatch to the old post, now me luv—
Written in red ink since the proper red stuff has congealed!
Hee-hee! Bet I give the Inspector the fits with this stuff!
Could he but read between the lines, what secrets would be revealed!
But come now, Mary, don’t rise, stay flat off your back:
As you must! Hee-hee! Here’s a toast to saucy old Jack!

Pendragon
© 4/30/07

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pendragon

Sonnet For the Ripper

In Whitechapel darkness a shadow would slink,
Who must have been able to pass as a toff;
Searching for fallen angels who had too much to drink—
Then out came the sharp blades as he sliced this or that off.
Some give the number of victims as low as just four,
While others claim as many as a dozen or so—
Cut down in the darkness, dissected, the blood gushing poured,
But the identity of Jack the Ripper is something no one knows—

Drop off another dispatch to the old post, now me luv—
Written in red ink since the proper red stuff has congealed!
Hee-hee! Bet I give the Inspector the fits with this stuff!
Could he but read between the lines, what secrets would be revealed!
But come now, Mary, don’t rise, stay flat off your back:
As you must! Hee-hee! Here’s a toast to saucy old Jack!

Pendragon
© 4/30/07

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Weldone Pen! You handled the form well!

Niamh--I'm a tad confused. The poem you posted just looks like a Shakespearean sonnet to me, apart from the fact that it's formated on the page into eight and six lines. Are you saying the Petrarchan part is just that the volta occurs after the eighth line, or am I missing something?

Well usually a petrarchan is one octave split into two quadrains and one sestet that contains 'info' in the first three lines and conludes in the last three. both the octave and the sestet deal with different thoughts or issues of the poems subject. With a shakespearian the sonnet is separated into three quadrains and one concluding couplet. Each quadrain deals with somethoughs and the couplet concludes the poem.
In the peom i posted the Poet Patrick Kavanagh has laid out the poem in the octave and sestet form of the petrarchan, one issue in one and another in the other. But He also splits it up into the quadrains and couplet of a shakespearian. so instead of there being 'three forms of thought' there are only two and then it is concluded.
does that make any sense?

Yes, actually I'm very familiar with both forms. I was confused by what you meant because technically the Kavanagh poem is really a quatrain and couplet at the end, which isn't really a sestet in the traditional sense. Also, it isn't at all unusual for there to be a shift in idea after the second quatrain in a Shakespearean sonnet (this shift is usually referred to as the turn, or the volta). However, placing the volta after the eight line and formatting the poem on the page in this way are doubtless part of the Petrarchan influence on the Shakespearean form, so I see what you mean. I was just unsure as to whether there was somthing else Petrarchan about it that I wasn't seeing. Sorry about the nitpicking (blame the professor in me). I'll hush up now and go write some poetry. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love

Yes, actually I'm very familiar with both forms. I was confused by what you meant because technically the Kavanagh poem is really a quatrain and couplet at the end, which isn't really a sestet in the traditional sense. Also, it isn't at all unusual for there to be a shift in idea after the second quatrain in a Shakespearean sonnet (this shift is usually referred to as the turn, or the volta). However, placing the volta after the eight line and formatting the poem on the page in this way are doubtless part of the Petrarchan influence on the Shakespearean form, so I see what you mean. I was just unsure as to whether there was somthing else Petrarchan about it that I wasn't seeing. Sorry about the nitpicking (blame the professor in me). I'll hush up now and go write some poetry. :)

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when i was writing the last post i kept on forgetting terminologies. But i hope you understand what i meant. I had to study this poem in depth for my leaving certificate seven years ago and my teacher went into a lot af detail about this sonnet and its use of two forms.

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when i was writing the last post i kept on forgetting terminologies. But i hope you understand what i meant. I had to study this poem in depth for my leaving certificate seven years ago and my teacher went into a lot af detail about this sonnet and its use of two forms.

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No worries. I think we're all clear. :) The Kavanagh must have been fun to look at in depth. It's a wonderful poem.

Are you going to try the form Petrarch now that you get the gist?:)

Yes indeed, but I've got to slog through some student papers first. :p

cant wait to read your contrabution!:D

So anyone else going to write a poem in the form? any takers? or have i somewhat killed the thread?

It is a hard one, for me any rhyme scheme is. I'll try though, when I get some free time. Good choice.

No, you haven't killed the thread Niamh. We're just all busy thinking, and we've got until the 29th right?

Yep. you all have till the 29th.
Goodluck everyone. Hope i havent made things too difficult for you all by choosing this one!

could you explain the petrarch in "caveman speak"(really dumbed down) i got lost reading your description, just give me the requirements please

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Originally Posted by the silent x

could you explain the petrarch in "caveman speak"(really dumbed down) i got lost reading your description, just give me the requirements please

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Ok the form of the poem is this,
Petrarchan;
Octave (8 lines) split into two Quatrains (groups of 4 lines)the first carries the same theme into the second.
then there is a Sestet (6 lines, last three used as conclusion) new theme int first three lines leading to the conclusion in the last three.
abba,abba, cde,cde.
laid out with eight lines space six lines

Shakespearian
three Quatrains (groups of 4 lines) three separate themes
then a couplet (2 lines for conclusion)
abab,cdcd,efef,gg
No spaces

The Patrick kavanagh poem is both of these and is laid out like this;
Laid out in Octave and sestet form of petarchan
three quadrains (groups of lines) first two are in the octave same theme
third one is in the sestet different theme
them a concluding couplet (two lines)
i think its
abab, cdcd, ebeb,ff

so its something like this
a--
b :---------
a :Quadrain:
b-- :Octave
c-- :
d :Quadrain:
c :---------
d--

e--
b :---------
e :Quadrain:
b-- :Sestet
f-|couplet :
f-|----------

ok, thanks, i may not be able to get this form down, but i'll try

Any takers? Anyone willing to try?:(

Good gobbledy-goo! Tell me I am not the only entry! Come on, somebody can beat me! You get in here and try before I withdraw my entry! This is competition! Come on, write! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...heComputer.gif