"The myth camp" my firs story

Thanksfor all the lovely comments

Next Ann had to get electricity and water ( her best human friend hired a her a crew of great workers to do it, her friends were not capable of doing things like pluming ), paint the place ( she and her friends did it very well) and build everything she needed to open a camp. She saved money because she did not need to hire anybody for building, her friends worked for her and they did it for free. They built a big hut where meals would be served, She built huts where girls could sleep on rainy nights, an office, a terrace, a dock at the lake and of course she fenced the whole area because she didn’t want any uninvited guests to see what goes on in the camp. She and her helpers also built a lovely entrance gate. She had to also build fake environments like a snow world and a dessert which had glass walls and roofs around them.
Next she had to order furniture. Ann was a very eco-friendly and that is why most of the furniture she bought was made from recyclable materials. She put 4 beds in each sleeping hut. She put lovely tables in the cafeteria and supplied the kitchen with the best things she could. The terrace was furnished with hammocks, benches and a grill. Her office had things any office has. After the camp was filled with furniture Anne decorated it. At the end it looked great. She designed brochures with the help of Catherina and her children who were already 4 when she finished building. Catherina also organized an advertisement in the paper and on television. That’s how most people found out about it. Ann also started a website and everything was ready for the next month when the girls were coming.

This is pretty good. I feel like it's a lot of small chapters that could get compiled into one or two. I like the method though. I would suggest fleshing out the characters a little more, we know what they love and act like. I would like to "see" them a little more. In other words, please describe them a little, using their characteristics to enhance how they look. For instance using Abigail's earring to not match her clothing but her eye color, or skin. That would be grand. Thanks for the read!

Abigail was getting out of the jacuzzi placed in her limo. She took her towel dried herself and got dressed into her worst clothes she could find at home (still they were more expensive than what normal people could afford). A lovely t-shirt, a denim jacket, jeans and pink boots. She brushed her hair and tied it into a pony tail. The butler opened the door and let her out of the car. She and her mum went in threw a big gate with a big sign saying “Myth Camp” with a foot print picture on it. They went into a lovely wooden hut. The whole place was very beautiful but Abi thought it was ugly and dirty. At a desk at the end of the room in the hut sat a tall woman with blue eyes and a big smile. Her ears were big and her nose was small. Her back was very straight which made her look even taller. To Abigail Anna ( she saw her name on the name tag) seemed confident and very cheerful even thou she was in such an terrible forest filled with bugs. While Anna saw a nice 14 year old girl with fashionable clothes that seemed unhappy because of where she was. Abigail’s mum signed some papers and the teen was sent to her cabin and set her things out. On her way she saw something very strange.

The strange thing Abigail saw was not a monster it was a seven year old girl with gray eyes, brown hair and one arm. Lila was struggling to carry her big and heavy bag. If you looked closer you would notice she tightly clenched a piece of paper in her arm and was very happy to be in the forest. She didn’t notice blond haired Abigail staring at her, maybe it was because she was too exited or maybe because Lila was used to people freaked out by her appearance. The stones in the camp were normal but to her they seemed rounder and the dark grass seemed greener. She noticed how beautifully everything was painted and how well everything looked together. She knew it would look great on a painting because even thou she was only 7 she loved art and was great at it, loads of the people in the adoption center praised her for it. The reception hut where Abigail was few minutes ago was occupied by a plump woman and her daughter. She sat on a bench in front of the hut and took out a copy out of her bag. She started sketching and didn’t even notice when the mother and child went out and Anna came up to her. Anna seemed different than other people she looked at Lila like she was normal and didn’t seem to care about her arm.
“You must be Lila nice to meet you, you’re a great artist, I absolutely love your picture”, Anna said in a warm voice looking at Lila’s copy and shock Lila’s hand.
“Hello and thank you , is this where you drop the forms miss ?”, Lila asked quietly.
“ Yes, come on in and call me Anna”, she answered.
When the paper work was done Lila went to her new home for the summer and in it found Abigail unpacking herself.

I didn't have time to read all of it but I read most of it and I thought it very good and I wouldn't pay much attention to what others said about grammar because of course if you ever write a book about used car repair then you should of course use correct grammar but since this is a creative work grammar is not necessary.

Let your creative energies fly off the handle and let the creative juices splash across the pages like floods of everything inside of you bursting everywhere!

In other words do whatever you want!

Some people's works just don't have it. They put the periods in the right place. They know how to put the commas in the right place, but that's about it. Their writing is worthless and lifeless.

Your writing is full of life. Don't let yourself get confined into the box of correct grammar. Just let it flow, which is exactly what you're doing here.

thank, you made me feel very good

Erika also went alone because her granny was too weak to go with her. She thought that was great because she could run away without her granny being there and do something that had nothing to do with the camp for the next few weeks, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it because she kept remembering how proud her guardian was when she walked to the bus station. She had another great plan; she pretended to drop her admission sheet and pretended not to notice so nobody accused her of not wanting to go. She didn’t have luck with that plan either because people kept saying things like “look, you dropped this” or “I this yours, you don’t want to miss such fun”, one person even accused her of littering. The whole problem was that she hated the idea of going to the camp. She hated legends because she was a very realistic thinker. The thing that scared her the most was that she might actually change which was doubtful but possible. Even thou Erika was not a tiny bit creative she could imagine the owner of the camp looking down on her but Anna didn’t. The twelve year old was surprised when Anna wasn’t acting like she was better after reading her file but she didn’t show it, Erika as usual acted very confident and a little arrogant . She looked at the woman, she was beautiful but her brown hair was a mess. Erika left her papers and went to the cabin number 3 that seemed like her most unlucky number at that time. It was very warm but a little windy so her black hair kept covering her pail face and small green eyes. When she opened the door and saw two girls in the cabin she said “ Oh great, so now not only I have to go to this camp, I will have to live with these two” in her head and she was so angry she didn’t even notice Lila’s missing limb.

The radio was playing loudly and Susan’s dad was badly singing to it. The music didn’t stop her from falling asleep and when she woke up they were on the camp’s grounds. She tied up her dark hair into a plat and put on her anti animal cruelty, organic lip-gloss. Her parents had a lot of money but you couldn’t see it looking at them or their clothes, house or car because they give most of it away to charities helping animals and the environment. Everything in her house was made from recyclable material so as the camp which made her very happy and even her car was eco-friendly. They walked down an alley surrounded by loads of flowers and trees and she could name every single one of them and that’s exactly what she did impressing her that with her knowledge. She kept seeing animals and birds hidden well enough for most people to miss. She felt like that was where she was meant to be. Her dad dropped of the papers and kissed her tan chick before leaving her to go have fun in the camp. For a second she felt lonely but then she saw a rare butterfly and got carried away into her own imaginative and beautiful world. She loved the lovely smell of the forest and the diverse colors of the environment around her. If she could she would run after a squirrel or a fox but she knew she needed to unpack herself and she was excited about meeting her new roommates.

Lila sat up on one of the beds and started reading. She didn’t notice how quite the room was because everyone was looking at her. After a few minutes of this unusual silence everyone remembered why they were here and started unpacking, they all did it except Lila. The little girl still thought that her being in such a wonderful place was just a dream and looking back on her terrible and full of sad surprises life she nearly knew that any minute someone is going to take her away from this paradise. She didn’t want to think like that she wanted to think optimistically because she was happy but something really deep in her core told her it would all end in a wink of an eye so she just continued to read her book. Suddenly the quite stopped…
“Oh my Goodness how are all my clothes meant to fit in this little thing” Abigail complained.
Erika laughed in a low voice loud enough for everyone to hear except Abi who was too busy trying to close the lovely painted and carved recycled crate which was stuffed with her clothes. The other two also giggled. Lila stopped reading and put down her book. She finally decided to unpack herself but even thou she was very independent she struggled to do it with one arm. Suzie decided to help her since she was done unpacking and had a sister her age at home.
“You need help?” Suzie asked politely, unzipping Lila’s suitcase.
“Thanks”, Lila answered quietly and smiled faintly.
The little girl was surprised and a little embarrassed and ashamed of herself. All her life she has been very strong, independent and the exact opposite of shy, but here she was not able to talk because she was too shy it just was not like her. Then suddenly she decided there was no reason to be scared, she was in the most beautiful and wonderful place on earth and she was very happy. Now after the belongings were out of her bag she was bursting with excitement and all the bed feelings went away.

Erika was feeling miserable, all she could think about is how all the popular girls and soccer players from her school that she totally hates are at great vacations all over the world. All other poorer and less popular kids will probably have much more fun than she will. Abi also had very dark thoughts, she just could not bear the fact that her worst enemy Jennifer Fleet will have a better summer than she will and will brag about it, then tell the other rich kids how bad Abigail’s was and everyone was going to laugh at her. Suzie was thinking the exact opposite and deep down she knew this was going to be the best summer ever.
Suddenly they heard a loud knock on the door. The girls looked at each other, they were too lazy to go open the door. The person outside got tired of waiting and banged on the door as loud as possible. Finally after 5 minutes of staring into the girls eyes Susan decided to get up and open the door to the stranger. She didn’t know what amazed her more, the sky already getting dark in what seemed to her like such a short period of time or the strange costume the man was wearing. She looked at watch, 2 hours had passed since she was sent to her cabin. Her eyes went up again and examined the person in front of her. He was about 2 meters tall and had big brown eyes but they could of belonged to the costume, she wasn’t sure. It was a costume of a bear, monkey or maybe a monster, it seemed like a sasquatch, with tick dark hair covering it’s inhuman shape. The costume

Hiya!!!!
I think it is gr8 but you need to write some more of your story !!!!
Oh and thanks for giving me the link !!!

The costume was very convincing and realistic and if she was a few years younger she would probably believe it was a real monster.
“ Sorry for keeping you waiting, hello”, she said smiling at the strangely dressed human.
He just grunted and handed her a lovely light green envelope and walked away in the direction of the next cabin.
“What did that creep want?”, Erika asked.
“ He just dropped of this letter, by the way mu name is Susan nice to meet you guys”, she answered at looked at the letter.
“ Like we care what your name is, now tell us what it says!”, Abigail joined the cover sation.
Dear girls
I am very happy that you have safely reached the camp. This is a very special place and holds many mysteries. My job is to take care of you and make sure you have fun. I will teach you creativity, survival skills and much more. In time you will discover the beauty and secrets of this magnificent forest. To keep everyone safe and happy there needs to be some simple rules.
1. Do not wander into the forest without a member of staff.
2. No cursing or swearing.
3. Always listen to the member of staff and do exactly as you are told.
4. Be in your room before midnight unless your told differently by me.
5 . Have a great time.
There are not many rules to follow so I hope you obey them. I wish you all a wonderful time here . I would also love you all to attend the camp fire tonight at eight o’clock in the terrace.
Your Ann.
“ Let’s get ready if we don’t want to be late it starts in 15 minutes,” Suzie said happily and put the letter down on her chest. Abi started looking for her coat, she didn’t really want to go but she was curious of the mysteries and secrets. Lila was already waiting at the door for the others, she was ready, excited and as happy as a human being could be. Suzie was also about to leave but noticed Erika was still seating on her bed. “ Are you not coming?”, Susan asked softly. Erika just shrugged, she was clearly not happy. “Just go we’ll catch up with you two, k”, she shouted and sat down beside Erika. “ It’ll be fun trust me, there might even be marshmallows”, she said encouragingly and moved closer to her. “ If I go will you leave me alone,” she answered quietly and put on her coat. The sky was clear, the stars shone very brightly. The girls didn’t talk all the way to the bonfire and when they got there they sat in different places.
There was around 40 girls sitting around the fire. Lila expected more children but she remembered it was the first time the camp opened. She sat on the bench, Abigail sat beside some teens her age and started talking to them( of course they were not as good as her wealthy friends but better than nothing), Suzie also sat down beside girls her age. The only girl that sat alone was Erika because none of the girls seemed to suit her. Lila was sitting beside a girl a year older than her with rosy cheeks and golden locks. At first the plump girl seemed more interested in Lila’s missing arm than her but later they changed the topic and started a very nice and enjoyable conversation. It was a little chilly but no one felt cold because of the blazing fire. Not many people would notice how beautiful it was, Suzie did because she was a writer and noticed a lot of details. It seemed like the orange flames were hypnotizing her and the spark danced in the air. She wondered why something so beautiful, comforting and made you so warm could also destroy life. While Susan was imagining all Abigail could think about was how dirty her new boots were.
Suddenly a very tall, skinny and tan woman. She wore designer leggings (a present from Catherina) and a cheap a little too big jumper (she bought herself) and purple runners. She looked young around 22 years old. She had a little bit of lip-gloss on her tin lips and her hair was quite messy as usual. Everyone recognized her as soon as the light from the fire shown on her, it was Anna the camp owner. “ Hello girls, I’m very happy you all made it here tonight and I’m very excited about getting to know every single one of you, now if we could just over the rules before we go back to having fun …” she said very nicely sat down on a log and started reminding the children of the policy of the camp. Even thou Lila didn’t mean to be disrespectful and was very interested in everything she stopped listening after the first rule was mentioned. She went into a world inside her head. She looked around and her eyes started playing tricks. Something like rainbow colored sparks seemed to be flying beside a big oak tree. She blinked and then the lights disappeared. She would have thought she imagined it but then Erika said “Did you see that?”. It was a very fun and interesting night but Suzie was too tired to stay at the campfire because she was too tired. Abigail went with her because she was very unhappy because a mosquito bit her. Getting to know Abi better was hard because of her personality but Susan tried to understand that maybe some people didn’t like the camp like her. She tried to be nice to the stubborn teen but it didn’t work. “ So, how was your evening?”
“ Not great, and I have no intention of becoming your friend so don’t try so hard” she gave Susie a sour smile and walked quicker towards the cabin.
Lila was one of the last to go to her hut. She was nearly there and still had half an hour until the time when you had to be in your room. She was happy and excited but also confused. What were those colorful flying lights and I think I should tell Anna about them, Erika saw them too. She kept thinking about it and then she heard something, footsteps. She felt frightened, she was strong but she couldn’t defend herself with only one arm. Suddenly Erika came out of the shadows and she pushed little Lila against a wall, gentler than she did at school when she wanted something because of Lila’s condition. It was hard enough to leave a bruise on her delicate skin. Pushing her to the wall was not difficult, Erika did it to boys, so a light seven year old was not a challenge. “Now listen you little thing”, she said roughly, “I don’t want to hurt you and you know why”, it really hurt Lila inside did Erika go easy on me because she I am disabled, I don’t need her pity. “ I know you saw the lights too, I saw the amusement in your eyes, I’m already as unhappy as I am now and I don’t want you to tell anyone about tonight. I’m no weirdo. If you mention it everyone is gonna think we are mad, I don’t want that. So please keep that lovely mouth closed. I’m sorry about it all but you just don’t get it. Go!” Erika was definitely in a bad mood but what she did was absolutely terrible and Lila knew that. She kicked Erika in the knee and ran away. Erika didn’t bother to chase her, she was so sad. Lila went to bed, Erika’s bed was empty, she was very angry at her but also understood what Erika was feeling. Why can’t she just stop playing the mean girl she is actually quite nice when she’s not mad and maybe she is just confused .Lila was asleep when Erika came in, she got into her pajamas and went to bed. She couldn’t sleep. She kept thinking how bad and cruel she was, Lila was only small. Her knee hurt, a little girl with a lot of strength. She just couldn’t have people looking down at her like she was mentally insane, like when she changed school and everyone found out about her anger issues and appointments at the psychiatrist, it was a few years ago but the pain was still there. Maybe the lights were not even real, keep telling yourself that she thought. I really didn’t mean it but I had to do something. When she finally fell asleep she had nightmares.

Morning, the sun shone brightly, warm, fresh air filled the room. It was a lovely summer day and birds sang in the trees, they were loud enough to wake up Lila. She wasn’t upset about the other night, of course she felt betrayed but she did not want to waste her summer camp being angry and sad. It was early everyone was still asleep and Suzie was snoring. She put on her slippers and opened her crate. She took out her sketching pad and a pencil. She opened the door and the sun shone into her eyes. She walked back in and put on her cap. She went outside again and sat on the greenest grass she had ever seen, at least that’s how it seemed. She started drawing a few trees and suddenly she saw dark shape in the sky. For a second Lila remembered last night but then she noticed it was a bald eagle looking for something to eat. She sketched it quickly and went back to drawing plants when it flew away. She heard noises in the hut and noticed the sun went up higher than when she came out. Everyone was busy making their beds and looking for something to wear.
“Hey, look at this Susan, I drew it”, exclaimed Lila as she ran over to cheerful Suzie.
“ Wow, this is a bald eagle, I wish I had seen it, but your picture shows it really well”. Suzie answered and went back to looking for her sunscreen. She noticed that as happy as little Lila was she was also a little different, sad maybe. She also noticed that neither Erika or Lila could look at each other, but it wasn’t time to ask them why because that could end up in a fight. She finally found her sunscreen in her small backpack. Abigail got out of bed lazily and went to the bathroom, when she came back her tired face became something completely different and her young skin was covered in makeup. The girls headed for the cafeteria in the big hut. They sat down at different tables, Lila with Emily the girl she met at the bonfire, Abigail beside a group of teenagers, Suzie at a table of girls her age and Erika took her food outside and sat alone on the steps. Anna walked out of the kitchen and with the help of a woman with a weird color of hair that was green and looked very real and almost definitely not dyed walked out of the kitchen and put plates on every table. Then some more strange people put pancakes on every plate and gave us orange juice. “ Ain’t she pretty,” whispered Emily( the girl Lila met yesterday night). She is more than pretty she looks like a Greek goddess Lila thought but she didn’t say it instead she just nodded.

When breakfast was served Anna sat at a small table near the staff door. Whispers filled the room and most of them were positive. The day was very sunny and warm and that’s why Anna was wearing shorts and a purple t-shirt with a picture of Sasquatch on it, which was a little weird. To Suzie Anna was a hero, so she decided to ask if she can sit beside her. “ Hey, is this taken”, she asked. The camps owner had her mouth stuffed with food, she was mannerly and knew not to talk with your mouth full, she just gave Susan a hand gesture showing her she was allowed to sit down. Anna swallowed her food and smiled at Suzie but it was not like the fake smiles she saw all the time, it was a truly warm one. “My name is Susan, nice to meet you. I’m in hut number 3 and by the way I love this place great location and lay out and…”, she didn’t finish she noticed the woman was close to laughing. “You like to talk don’t you? I’m very thankful you like the camp it was always my dream to open it. Your parents own a zoo, right?” Anna also liked to talk and neither of them noticed the age difference between them when they were talking about their interests. “This is a very strange place”, Suzie said somewhere in the middle of the conversation “with some very weird people”.
“I would call it different, interesting and beautiful. This camp comes to show that the world is not what it seems and you’re going to find out more about that later, but I do get your point”, Anna explained. Suzie was a little ashamed of herself for not noticing what Anna saw. Suddenly Anna got up. “Well it’s time to go. If I’m not wrong you have art with Primrose”, then she announced it to the gathering of girls and they all went to the terrace.
Primrose turned out to be an old, short lady with big glasses, a bandana on her head and flowery clothes; she didn’t look like someone that knew a lot about art. “Hello girls, take a pencil and a sketching pad each and sit down” she ordered. The man in a costume brought over a table and Primrose brought over a vase full of flowers. “This is a flower combination I made, on our next lesson we will draw this but today we are learning the basics, so please go look for an interesting flower you would like to draw and bring it here for me to see and give you some tips, now get to work,” she said and all the children spread around the forest looking for flowers. When the pictures were finished the old lady examined every single one and critiqued them. “Great talent over here, especially that your using your left hand, beautiful picture”, Primrose admired Lila’s art piece. After the class when everyone went to lunch Primrose stopped Lila and told her to bring her personal art copy. Lila brought it over and the two of them shared their talent with each other. Lila admired the lovely pictures of still life such as flowers, trees and buildings and Primrose loved the portraits of people and animal pictures. They had a great time talking before Lila had to go to her next activity.
Swimming, that word made Abigail shiver; she hated water except for when it was in a bottle or in a warm bubble bath. It was because when she was an innocent little girl hen uncle which she truly hated from then on pushed her into the deep end of the pool. She was in her bikini and stared at the water. To het it was like the lake of death; her doom and there was the fact that it was dirty full of fish. Don’t think about it she thought. She wanted to run away and hide or at least sunbathe on the beech which in her opinion was not even half as good as the ones she’s been to. Then the coach came, a lovely woman she saw at the cafeteria with ocean green hair and big lips. She was wearing a blue swim suit. “Today we are not going into the water and that I am sorry for.” Yes, yes, yes Abi was relieved. Everyone even Erika and especially Suzie were disappointed because the water glistened in the light of the sun. It was while Susan was looking at the beautiful shimmering lake she thought she saw something she didn’t believe. It seemed like something as big as a submarine was swimming in the water making waves. If it was real it had to dive deeper because the strange rough shape disappeared in a few seconds into the depths of the lake. “For starters I want to remember everyone’s name, let’s play a simple game”. She blew up a beach ball and stated explaining the rules, “ When I throw the ball to you shout out your name and throw the ball back to me.”
“ How absolutely fun!”, Erika shouted sarcastically. Everyone looked at her, the woman seemed very irritated. “Well, sorry for interrupting but I thought this camp was meant to improve our creativity and stuff…I just don’t see how throwing a ball at each other and shouting out our names in a totally boring game, can do that”, she continued. Some girls started to whisper, some laughed and some just stood there. Abi didn’t interfere, everything was better than swimming. Everyone looked at the swimming coach, everyone thought she’d be mad but she smiled and said, “If anybody has an idea of how to improve this game then I’d love to hear it”. Quite, nobody dared to speak. “ Since nobody has an idea then I will just think of one”, she paused and moved her eyes from child to child. “After you say your name just add something interesting about yourself, I’ll start.” She picked up the beach ball she dropped during Erika’s speech. “My name is Emerald and I love to swim”,
“That’s a surprise, considering your our swimming teacher”, Erika pointed out just loud enough for everyone to hear. The ball started moving from person to person.
“ I’m Mia and I love horse riding”, said one of the girls Abigail hung out with.
“I’m Abigail and I have 200 pairs of shoes.”
“My name is Lila and I love to spend my free time drawing.”
“My name is Emily and me and my mum make homemade chocolate.”
“I’m Erika and in my life I bet up 10 boys my age.”
“I’m Julia and my parents are monster hunters”, said a voice of girl with curly light brown hair, her message seemed to alarm Emerald but nobody knew why.
“My name is Susan and I am a so called by some people a tree hugger.”
They also did water safety exercises and had a sandcastle building contest. A short girl won it and got some sweets. At the end of the lesson Emerald seemed very pale and distant, Suzie thought it was because of Erika. She went after her swimming coach. “Don’t mind Erika she is just a pain and she really doesn’t mean it”, she tried to explain. “It’s not Erika I’m worried about, she is just a rebel, now I’m busy and I have to tell Anna something, so please go on your break now.”