Be careful of Zoloft, that's part of the reason my family member went batty... she was on it for years and then decided to stop taking it all of a sudden. If you go on it, you have to stay on it and only come off of it slowly with a doctors help.
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Be careful of Zoloft, that's part of the reason my family member went batty... she was on it for years and then decided to stop taking it all of a sudden. If you go on it, you have to stay on it and only come off of it slowly with a doctors help.
I won't post your diagnosis because you made me promise not to talk about it, but you really don't have to worry about telling the people here what you are. They're pretty bright (well, the vast majority of them are) and they can offer some good advice... plus, we don't know them anyway. No harm done.
I'll just say though, he's not talking about some common depression or anxiety disorder. His condition is pretty severe.
Well I wanted to wait till I got an official diagnosis before I posted it up here, as I figured without that I would most likely be made out as a fool or being overdramatic.
The last couple days since I made the appointment (which is on thurs next week) have been pretty rough. Spare Juniperwoolf no one in my life knows about it yet. My Dad just thinks I have depression (because I was too scared to tell them everything) and my friends are all guys, and guys have a tendency to either not understand or not believe. I think there will be alot of people surprised when it does come to light, as Ive expended a great portion of my energy hiding it from everyone, tho I think recently my friends may suspect something is up, as I have been slipping and unable to contain all of the symptoms.
I was ashamed really. Because I am supposed to be the rock, I am the steady constant in everyones life, Im dependable and earnest. I am the shining example of my family aswell, life somewhat on track compared to my sisters. I wonder if I will still hold those places.
Im sorry if I am using this thread a bit like a blog, but my head is all muddled and twisted up and through this (and your experiences) I am trying to find some sort of path through the dark quagmire.
I'm sorry if my first post seemed overly critical or insensitive of your actual condition.
My biggest recommendation is to be dedicated to getting better, whether this be through psychiatrists, counseling, sharing with friends or family, or doing whatever you need to do to focus your energy on getting yourself out of it.
Please tell your parents the reality of your condition... they may end up being less understanding if they think your condition is less serious than it actually is. A good way to go about doing this is inviting your parents to a session with your counselor or psychiatrist.
You will still be a good example to everyone who cares about you, because, IN SPITE OF YOUR ILLNESS you are still a shining example excelling in life, and being a constant supportive member of your family. There is no reason to be ashamed of needing support every now and then, it is part of what makes us human.
I define insanity in terms of the negative effects, and actions. I wouldn't use the word insane to describe anyone, though. I would almost say being mean is insane. :p
Another thing is how you feel. How you are by yourself and in your own mind. Most people are normal. I think that most chemical inbalances in the brain are caused by environment and behavior. I would say that a lot of people who are unbalanced chose to be that way. However there are certainly those who had no cause at all - but another cause for mental inbalances are when people are abused by others for long periods of time, especially when young. This I believe is a big cause of mental illness.
There is one person who I know who has had mental illness all her life. She fears noises of all kinds, keys jingling, bells, alarms, she is very anxious, she is afraid of people and many situations. She also doesn't go out much because she doesn't believe she can walk very much without hurting her feet. All of these things keep her at home most of the time. She is also paranoid that the FBI is after her. But above all of these things, about her I would say one thing stands out, which is just a sense I get about her, that she isn't well centered. She doesn't know where her center is. It's hard to describe it.
But... how to describe it... this is an issue with us all. When we're at our best, we're centered and we're not upset by anything. But when we're not, then we're more easily upset. And whether one is sane or not, that would be, whether they are balanced, centered.
The other thing, again, is how you feel. If you feel happy then you are, and if you feel at peace you are. A lot of the insanity in the world comes from the negativity which we throw at each other whenever someone says "I found peace."
Nax, if you do not want to share this as personal information, your diagnosis, do not feel that you have to. I am one of *those* posters who lack reticence, a fault that makes me annoying to some, but in truth I talk about being a disabled American and writer to try to make people aware that minorities still suffer, but not everyone is a let it all hang out type person, so do not feel you have to tell it all, but do not feel alone either and drop the shame. Brains get sick, and they can get better as well, but I do my best never to judge, and if you need to post, feel free. You can pm me too. I do not know much about the Australian system but I have an online contact who has cerebral palsy who does (we are like lodge members) and I am sure she would assist me if she is around.
I caution though that I am not a therapist. My job involved integrating the disabled and mental health clients back into the work force, but I can listen and assist with resources if you like. You can get through this, in any case.
Hmm all good posts. Ball a-be-a-rollin now.
I do intend to tell my parents the entirety of the situation, however until I have a definate answer I dont want to cause them any unnessicary stress and woe. The mindfield of mental illness diagnosis can be pretty complex. Even though I know something is wrong, it could be something serious and singular, or a group of things all combined. Either way, I feel it best to wait. Ive held off on telling them the magnitude of the situation this far, so unless I was at a crisis point they will do well to wait a bit longer.
Your last paragraph was inspiring Katy thank you for that.
Nikolai, luckily for me I am not yet at a state where keys frighten me and government organizations are watching me, and I do not wish to get to that point. I do however see shades of that in my behaviour which is why I am seeking help now while I am still centred enough to do so. Some of these behaviours have led me to do things which have been very benificial to people around me, while others have resulted in me emotionally damaging loved ones and past friends. Though I think if untreated, eventually even the benificial behaviours would degenerate to a point where I was no longer good to anyone and just a delusional wreck.
As for my thoughts when I am alone, they are not good, which is why I tend to try not to be alone for any period of time. I very quickly get very depressed and anxious, which triggers other behaviours in me which can be construed as good and bad also. I can become completely obsessed by things very easily. Great when you need a hobby to pass the time, or want to learn a new skill. Terrible when you are so poor that you live on bread and spreads because you spend every dollar you have trying to sate this obsession. It also causes me to become very spontaneous. I will reach a point of unhappiness where I will literally do or change anything to get out. Resulting in moving to a new town or going on some other completely illogical but fun adventure, or tossing aside someone you love deeply with hardly a thought (until the episode passes atleast, then comes the remorse, anxiety, greif, and shame) just because you know it will cause an environment shift in your life.
Sorry to be so ellusive, but much like my parents, until thursday of next week (or later possibly) I wont know for sure, so I would rather not discuss my guesses until I know for sure, lest the thread degrade into some sort of tangent completely irrelevant to the actual matter at hand. Till then I would rather keep everything broad and open and continue the already splended contributions of the Lit-Netters.
I understand, Nax.
I had a brush with anxiety when I was younger... it lasted for two years or so... it was brought about by nothing much... sort of a delayed reaction to some emotional trauma perhaps. When it happened I became terribly anxious around other people... especially strangers and in school and in a type of situation like a store. It was physiological rather than psychological. I say that because mentally I was fine, but I would have physiological reactions to these types of situations, and because of that it became mental. In my worst state, I would flinch even when others were around, did or said anything. I could hardly speak at all. It felt like suffering but it was really only in my head.
It was my own mind which told me I couldn't speak. And to speak gave me the greatest anxiety possible... it was speaking... to others, and having that communication... and since I thought I couldn't speak... speaking seemed to give me suffering because of the anxiety I felt... therefore there was more anxiety because I couldn't speak! I couldn't express myself...
And then gradually I began to see... how people were such idiots.. only what I mean is... how they would yell at each other, say hurtful things to each other... how could they do such a stupid thing with the amazing gift of speech? I felt as though they were completely ungrateful...
And the thing is -- this was a new thing for me...I remember, I came back to my home town to visit my friends... dear friends of mine all of them... and four of my friends, or five, came to pick me up at the airport... and all of this anxiety had happened to me since I saw them last. And there was one of their new friends I hadn't met yet, Karson.
And I was so anxious in the car... and I was having difficulty speaking and I was flinching now and then... again I thought I was suffering, etc... and then one friend and I had a brief and somewhat awkward conversation about a leather jacket he had given me a while ago... it was a wonderful jacket and I loved it.. and yet... I don't remember the details... somehow I just referred to it as "That jacket." And then he again referred to it as "that jacket," with a sort of inflection or something, questioning if I didn't like it.. but I didn't know how to tell him that I really liked it...
And there were other bits of conversation which were quite painful, which I don't remember... --- remember, all of this completely, utterly unnecessary... I wasn't doing any of this by acting or trying to get attention, yet it was completely the situation that it was all centered on me... there was nothing at all wrong with the situation, whatsoever... completely normal situation, and they came to see me and they were glad to see me and they were all dear to me... even their friend whom I hadn't met, I quickly liked him...
I cannot describe very well the scene. But I was in the greatest anxiety... the thing is, it was all captured in the exchange between me and my friend who gave me the jacket... I couldn't communicate... I really couldn't... only because of my mental block to it... and then my friend thought I didn't like the jacket, etc..
Anyway perhaps needless to say... at some point then... after so much of this, then I just began crying... a lot... and.. I was grieiving a lot... and my friends... they realized this and they treated me so, so, so kindly... and gave me so much love... and they understood me completely.. finally.. not that I didn't like them.. but they realized the state I was in... even though it was for no reason at all...
And later at different times they showed me the same kindness and love... at the time it moved me to even more tears, this time tears of gladness and gratefulness to them.. that even though I couldn't speak, and I was in such great distress... we never lost a connection, and perhaps at that time we had a very deep connection... it was the most honest communication I had ever experienced up to that time, and it was more deeply meaningful than I can describe.
One friend of mine who had been a friend since childhood later said, when I was asking him about it... something like... "We know you didn't do or say anything... mean, or... it's not that you didn't like us... we understand... and about it, we don't care about that.." basically is what he said... what he said exactly was "we don't care about that."
Another thing that was happening to me at this time was I would gulp... that is... involuntarily swallow out of stress of the situation, even though for anyone, everyone, it is a completely normal situation...
So it's like... if you can picture - you're with your friends, and suddenly you gulp! :p
But this other person - their friend, who I just met... the next day, I believe it was... I was with him and... then I apologized to him... and what he said was really touching. When I tried to tell him the symptoms of what I had been doing which I thought was wrong.... well what he said was "Oh, I never picked up on that." At that moment I cried again unexpectedly and unwantingly, but only for a moment, and I felt love and gratefulness toward him...
And anyway... this general anxiety disorder that I had.. which would cause me to gulp, flinch, feel great anxiety at speaking with others, (though with those outside my family only... never within... etc...) I was always okay by myself...
And this whole thing gradually abated. Now it's not with me except as a distant experience.
It left me with a greater sensitivity toward others. Now what I consider insanity is when people treat each other like crap. That is simple insanity to me.. Although it's not really insanity... sometimes maybe.
But back to the point.. all I would say is think of what you say before you say it. Don't say things which might hurt others' feelings. Even if you suddenly feel such an impulse - what you have to do is bear that feeling without acting. Don't worry because it will subside. Everything which comes into existence also passes. You just have to be uncontrolled by those feelings.
I probably shouldn't attempt to give you any more advice though, as I don't really know you... It's just I have a great faith in people - any of them... -'s ability to heal themselves...
But I won't give you any more advice because I don't know you... but I would just say... some of the most important things in life are communication... and knowing oneself.... trusting oneself... and in communication... relationships, and then love... I think that's the goal of life...
So best of luck. Last thing I will say to you is you absolutely can find and have whatever you want in life, whatever life you want to live... Don't pay any attention to those who doubt you, those who say you can't, those who would like to keep you from doing so! Unfortunately they are there... but I've found they're few and far between...
But it does take consistency.. that is important.
Best of luck Nax.
The way I see it is all is connected yet also there's a part of us which is forever unchanged! :)
Since we're sharing, when I was in college I had a strange mixture of anxiety and depression for about six months. At first it was mostly anxiety; I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and to relieve the stress I felt I pushed against them with pillows, and I had this odd feeling that I could see that everyone around me had "wings" but I was still waiting for mine to grow. It was, like Nickolai, all in my head. Life was just overwhelming me at the time and my imagination just found a way to provide an outlet.
When I started to get depressed because of everything that was going on I just kept falling asleep during times when I'd normally be focused and awake. Finally, I found a solution... I wrote and drew and was intensely creative for about 3 months and through that was able to find some sort of equalibrium.
I've found that almost everyone I've talked to has a point at some time in their life where they're fighting for their sanity... I think it's a part of the human condition.
I would also like to say that while you should always see a counselor or psychiatrist, medication isn't always necessary. A constant support system, however, is. I also wanted to say that being creative can be an outlet for a mental condition, though it shouldn't be used as an excuse not to seek treatment for said condition.
I commend your desire to confront whatever problems you may have by visiting a healthcare professional. There are also multitudes of information and studies on the web. I would suggest, if possible, visiting a psychiatrist (rather than bothering with counselors and professionals that do not study the interworkings of thought and physiology. Write out a list of your most upseting symptoms and present those only; too much info retards the initial diagnostic process. Most of us do not fall under a compartmentalized diagnosis; and the journey of finding the right medications is arduous.
Some medications may cloud intellect; others will make you hypervigilent.
Intellectuals often hypothesize of politically incorrect things. We, as humans, have violent and inappropriate thoughts; to think these thoughts and to properly channel the thoughts is what makes us sane. If the thought begins to "take us over"; then we are beginning to struggle with mental illness.
On radio recently, Australian author Barry Dickens spoke of his experience with depression and months of ineffective ECT in a mental hospital. In his new book 'Unparalleled Sorrow', he tells how he found his way back. In 2008 Barry was unable even to hold a pen and his spirits were very low after six months hospital, when he was handed a letter notifying the win a major literary award. He checked himself out of hospital, and has coped since.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Barry's story suggests that we have more control over our psychological state than we often think, once the thought begins to "take us over".
My own experience with insomnia has taught me that certain negative thought patterns can diminish sleeping hours and, directly and indirectly, impair well-being.
Gladys: I hate to sound like a defender of western medical practices, as disability advocates are suspicious of medical model control, but I'd say it depends. The class of mood disorders, to varying degrees, can be modified--me for instance. I am not lashing out at posters every week due to pain over loss of self-determination and economic means--partly because I inherited but also partly because I realize it doesn't help me any, though I do miss, now and again, the ability to be frank and contemptuous as I'd like, as I'd let loose on a few debates:D
But there is a difference between mood disorder, organic illness, and incurability.
My mother was functional, but sick with bipolar disorder from the age of 16. And the schizophrenias are a really tough class, as is unipolar depression, and certain personality disorder pathologies. I am cynical about my future well being because my options are limited (unless I become the new Rowling soon, eh) and I will not bore you with disability and the cruelty of the American safety net. It is horrible, and our Allies like you have every right to thumb your noses at us.:smilielol5:
I do not know what advice I can offer here, but I want to prevent you fromQuote:
Originally Posted by Nax
heading towards a garbage mountain. Don't. You'll regret if you do. Don't ruin yourself. Psychiatry has no scientific back up. Think again.
Psychiatry has a significant amount of scientific support, and has made huge advancements since the 60s. Paranoid schizophrenics and individuals with severe bipolar disorder are able to live semi-normal lives because of the advances in psychiatric pharmaceuticals.Quote:
Originally Posted by virginiawang
Yes, but only up to a point. It is not like A Beautiful Mind saga for those with a really serious diagnosis, and those of us with experience know there is usually no happy ending, just a plateau of stability if one is lucky.Quote:
Originally Posted by OrphanPip
Sometimes the medical cocktail does not work, sometimes it takes years to get adjusted properly, and good support services cost money. My mother was never not sick. She was not insane, but she was never well either, and the last pyschotropic drug she was on contributed to her fatal heart attack. None of her children have bipolar disorder, but we have all needed help with anxiety, and my adjustment disorder is a remarkably mild condition to have sustained, under the circumstances.
But I know from case managing my clients, as well, that success has to be taken in small increments.
Even with depression, traditional SRI's and counseling fail 1/3 of the time, depending on the severity and how disabling the depression is; this particular disease does not always interfere with daily living activity, but I have also had clients who could not put their laundry away.