Auntie's Brow Sinks Even Lower
This quiz is rated PG-13. Reader discretion is advised.
Question: where would you find lurid imagery, boldface buzzwords, and graphic violence? ( I mean, other than a programming meeting at a cable network.) The answer is a tabloid headline, where lowbrows can find satisfaction for every prurient need. Suffice it to say that a typical tabloid headline makes a sleazy show like Nip/Tuck look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.
Now, I know for a fact that the literary taste of the typical LitNutter lies considerably farther up the brow than that of the typical "readers" of scandal sheets, but I think all of you can ace this quiz. In the questions below, all you have to do is name the literary couples and/or character(s) to which the tasteless headlines refer. (Nobody will object if you feel like spraying your PC with disinfectant afterward.) Now to the quiz, which we cringe to call
Literary Love, Scandal Sheet Style
1. ROMAN POLITICO DUMPS WIFE FOR EGYPTIAN QUEEN
2. HOTTIE: “MONSTER HELD ME PRISONER –
BUT NOW I LOVE HIM!”
3. LIVE-IN TEACHER FINDS MYSTERY MAN’S WIFE IN ATTIC
4. HUBBY REINS IN FEISTY WIFE;
SETS WOMEN’S LIB BACK 500 YEARS
5. WIFE CHEATS ON CRIPPLED HUBBY WITH GAMEKEEPER
6. DANE’S SCORNED GAL PAL DROWNS SELF;
BODY, STILL CLUTCHING FLOWERS,
FOUND IN NEARBY RIVER
7.PRINCESS SHARES LOVE NEST WITH 7 SHORT GUYS;
CLAIMS: “SIZE DOESN’T MATTER”
8.TROJAN STUD RUNS OFF WITH WORLD’S HOTTEST BABE;
“OF COURSE YOU KNOW THIS MEANS WAR!” KING FUMES
9. TEENS’ FORBIDDEN LOVE DEFIES FEUDING FAMILIES
10.PRINCE FINDS ABUSED GAL’S FEET “PERFECT FIT”;
LUCKY CHARWOMAN SAYS “NO MORE SLEEPING IN THE KITCHEN!”
11. RUSHIN’ TRAIN ENDS LIFE OF STRAYING HOUSEWIFE
12. TWO-FACED SLUT VAMPS STRONG MAN;
HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW
13.DRUGGED PRINCESS WAKES UP AFTER CENTURY-LONG COMA; ASKS: “DID I MISS ANYTHING?”
Answers
1. Antony and Cleopatra
2. Beauty (and the Beast)
3. Jane Eyre
4. Petruchio and Katherina (Give yourself full credit if you said “The Taming Of the Shrew.”)
5. Lady Chatterley (and her Lover)
6. Ophelia (Hamlet)
7. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
8. Paris and Helen (The Iliad)
9. Romeo and Juliet
10. Cinderella
11. Anna Karenina
12. Delilah and Sampson
13. Sleeping Beauty