Perfectionism- tough criticism appreciated

Quote:

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Originally Posted by barbara0207

No problem. The parts I would have marked in my students' work are all at the end of your story:

Not that I hadn't begun (Tense is OK, it's just the participle)

Glaring at me is the upturned hem ... (It's the walk in the park)

I didn't know what to say to this... He laughed again ... He didn'twait (Flashback)

... mind returns back to the present ... it strikes me ... like there is a relief (better still: as if there were a relief - but that point is certainly disputable if you want to write informal language) ... has built up ... has become me (Walk in the park)

Perhaps your teacher didn't have the time to read your story very carefully - or she's less strict in matters of tense. :)

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Oh ok, so it was just the ending that was messed up? I guess thats why my creative writing teacher missed it. She just looked at the beginning and the first flashback.

Thanks Barbara

I'm surprised that he didn't fall in love with the girl that pointed out his sleeve. heh.

I'm going to echo everyone else that has been commenting on tenses. They know what they're talking about.

I liked the story. ^_^