Someone keep him talking. I'll call the vet.
curry
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Someone keep him talking. I'll call the vet.
curry
Curry - hotstuff to hasten a hurrying scurry
'Having too late realised that 'lost' had already featured way back on page 3 and been defined on page 4, the idiot savant declared "Curry me corns! I really is lost!"'
Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks Said of actors, to play a part so badly as to completely capture the hearts and souls of the viewing audience
sell
sell - else is less
carpet
carpet Messy floor covering under which all the family dirt is swept
Mushy
Mushy Descriptive of a mom and dad's discrete kiss as viewed by their children... :arf:
Doomed
Doomed - the unmistakable sinking sensation upon receiving a DIY shelf for Chrimbo. You open the cardboard box and take a cursory peep inside to see if any tiny loose bits will drop out from between the chipboard planks for to fiddle with, but no takers. So you think 'Interesting, but I'm not in the mood right now anyway.' And you go to close the packaging but the interlocking floppy flaps don't so easily flip close. There's some demonic puzzle at work here. It begins to engulf your mind: 'How does that flap slip into this slot so that that flap can slide over to there..?' You decide to put it away quickly before the obsession becomes so great as to take away the Christmas joy, but mere moments later you're back at it, flipping and slipping and slotting and flapping happily away (sadly to any onlookers) when suddenly you have a breakthrough in psychic clarity. 'Flippy A slots into Floppy B and slides into Flappy C!'
This entire process consumes half the afternoon and ensures that if you merely weren't in the mood before, your achievement will rank amongst those greatest in your personal list, and guarantee you will never be in the mood ever again
Flummox
Flummox (ed) Mad enough to curse and unable to restrain the inclination'
"Don't be such a flummox, Pete. Take it easy!"
"Who the bleep put your bleeping bleep in charge of my bleeping life, you bleep bleeper? Go to hell! (anything else after this positively glows blue with bad words.)"
Jealousy
Jealousy - lousy congealed jelly, the flavour of which resembles urinal pellets, the colour of which resembles a morning piss, the textures of which resemble both rancid clarified fat and fresh pus, the stench of which resembles a treatment works, the-... (excuse me a moment)
The overall effect is of such repugnance it is frequently used as a descriptive for the most vile human emotion (which it uncannily resembles)
Vitamin Pills
Vitamin Pills Placebos taken in the vain hope that they have any medicinal value
Vanity
vanity - the sad mistake of letting the other seven billion people feel sorry for you rather than you feel happy for them
drumkit
Drumkit - a torture instrument bought by disgruntled parents for their Grandchildren.
Glance
Glance (v.intrans.) - The hurried look a teenaged boy learns to take at women in revealing outfits.
Kaleidoscope
Kaleidoscope - the prototype design of the Hubble Space Telescope, but once NASA astronauts had installed the new mirror all simililarities vanished, granting astronomers more space for reflection and sharp focus
crumpets
R.Crumb's dog and cat.
Funkadelic
Funkadelic: A type of colour motion-picture film format for Blackploitation movies, often identified by the phrase 'Filmed in Funkadelic' at the beginning of the movie.
Rapture
Rapture A case of overreaction to something mundane enough to bore other people
Happiness
Happiness - a heightened state of self-delusion which permits the sufferer a feeling of euphoria and willing ignorance regarding the big picture
Irrational person: 'I believe I've discovered true happiness!'
Rational person : 'It won't last...'
Popular Song
Popular Song One with insipid lyrics that stick in your head longer than the last ice age
Infamous
Infamous Having pushed fame to the limits enough to piss someone off
disorderly
Disorderly When one has become intoxicated and moves about in unprecedented movements making him disorderly
Little
The Art of Much but so as to seem simple
'This is just a little thing I've come up with,' actually means 'if I'd known how much time and effort was going to have to go into it I would've written a Russian novel instead'
pompous
quoted meself by accident
pompous The puffed up style of someone one thinks to be inferior to one's self
Inferiority Complex
inferiority complex - state of complicated madness wrought by those enjoying a superiority simplex upon another who just wants to be depressed in peace
Loony Bin
Loony Bin Nebulous place where one thinks people deserve to go simply because they march to the beat of a different drummer
psychiatrist
psychiatrist: member of much maligned profession, who will be blamed for doing his job ("...now some loony doctor says he's mad and he's going to get off with a slapped wrist - more like bloody evil if you ask me...") and also blamed for not doing it ("....apparently they let him out because some loony doctor said he was cured - well, tell that to the poor girl's parents..." )
See also: social worker, police officer, general practitioner, teacher, priest
Logic
Logic - Something everyone believes they alone possess, though in truth it is rarer than common sense.
Failure
Failure - what teachers who don't want to be teachers threaten to do to get you to pull up your socks and tuck your shirt in
However, teachers who want to be teachers are equipped with an unmatched arsenal of far sinister menaces which would make it comparitively preferable if not downright desirable
Dream Job
Dream Job One where a person does no work and still gets a paycheck see: CEO
Pets
pets - (may also be spelt 'pests') greedy, selfish, lazy, self-important, messy, unappreciative and expensive stomachs on legs (or on bellies, or with fins)
Occasionally referred to as 'spouses' or, more frequently, 'ex-spouses'
An accident that the expression 'pet-hate' was coined? I think not
'This pet rock is the best pet I've ever had because it possesses none of the qualities I've come to associate with you...'
Singularity
Singularity Of or dealing with something so mundane that grants are government issued for the study thereof, such as cattle flatulence
Robbery
robbery - (deriv: rubbery, therefore bendable or stretchable) To bend the rules for financial or prestigial gain, and thence to stretch the truth on your day in court
Scotch Finger Biscuits
Scotch Finger Biscuits Pretentious name given to dry and tasteless biscuits served only when nothing better is available, often with weak and foul smelling tea
Imagination
Imagination - A rare quality and a scarce commodity, though not widely prized nor sought - when an individual displays evidence of being in possession of one they are shunned by general society, and can expect criticism from special society
An imagination in the wrong hands can be a powerful tool for change
Analogue
analogue a person who is afraid of using new technological devices
digital
digital - modern word meaning "dig it all" used by people who buy all the latest gadgetry and hence are "digital" people.
frustration
frustration - a word first appearing during the second world war during which food was in very short supply so that staples like eggs, milk, butter, bread and sugar were doled out in such meagre amounts they were hardly worth considering
Recipients would frust these mediocre rations back at the purveyor in disgust
Grand piano
Grand piano (n)- A piano worth one thousand other pianos. The compound word derives from the word 'grand' being synonymous with 'a thousand'. This is also the typically the going rate for grand pianos in today's market.
Buckskin
Buckskin - typographical error commonly found in amateur pornograpy. Compare the synonym boreskin; also see banny, brotteur and bellatio.
Cannibal