To Mom,
It's quiet at night. People sleep then. Let's keep it quiet. I like to sleep.
From,
Son
To new girlfriend,
Your saliva isn't meant to digest my face.
Regards,
Boyfriend
Printable View
To Mom,
It's quiet at night. People sleep then. Let's keep it quiet. I like to sleep.
From,
Son
To new girlfriend,
Your saliva isn't meant to digest my face.
Regards,
Boyfriend
Ok, this thread comes in handy today. :banghead: The text below is a quick and dirty translation of what I wrote for the local morning paper a couple of minutes ago:
We have had right hand traffic in this country since 1967. I still remember all the hooraw thrown up at the time, aimed at really making certain that EVERYONE knew about it...
Now then: Can anyone explain to me why a terrifyingly high percentage of the cyclists I meet on the bike lane swerves to the LEFT when we get close to each other? Due to the fact that the reflex to keep to the RIGHT is deeply ingrained in me (yes, since 1967!) this has caused a few rather hairy near accidents.
...like the one this morning. I met a bloke and he swerved (where else?) to the left, forcing me clean off the road! Needless to say, this upset me a bit, so I growled at him to shape up. To my surprise he yelled back, telling me that I should have turned the other way: He really did not KNOW!
That was a stupid move on his part, as I promptly blew every single one of my fuses and really let him have a decidedly nasty piece of my mind. I will not relate the rest of the discussion, but it ended when he crept away like a whipped dog. Now at least he knows, but I wonder how he has managed to stay alive this long?
/Claes
Doh! Claes, The same thing kinda happened to me yesterday as well, but it was with a jogger. I'm bicycling on the right side and this jogger is coming towards me on my side of the trail. What the heck is that?? Anyways he points at his right side. (Is he telling me to go to the right side?? ) So I point to the right side and stay where I'm at and he moved to his right where he belonged!! arghhh!!! You're supposed to be on the right side anyways!!
You know what else bugs me is that very few people know the rules of the trail. It's just like driving, stay on the right and pass on the left. If you're passing it's courteous to say "On the left".
Hahahaha!Quote:
Originally Posted by IceM
To the idiot football commentator (given that I loathe the game) who said : "If that had gone in the net that would have been a goal!" Yes, I know, I'm not that stupid, even somebody like me that has never played the game has worked that out, how the blazes am I supposed to explain your moronic statement to my 4-year old granddaughter, who had worked it out for herself!!!
This is so very unfair on your *new* girlfriend and in poor taste in my opinion. Rather than talking about it on the internet, why wouldn't you discuss it with her?Quote:
Originally Posted by IceM
R e m i n d e r
Swearing is not tolerated on this Forum.
Word-filters are in place to act as a reminder, not to give free tickets to those who struggle to string a sentence together without resorting to swear words.
Post containing such langauge might be edited without further notice.
MIke, I just reread this, I meant I agree with you....Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
I was talking to the other people about picking their nose; did that come off right?
Stop picking your nose - your head will cave in!!!!!
hmmmm is it too difficult to begin a conversation on your own even when you know you want it? If then kindly do spare a moment to learn it just like you learn your mathematics, chemistry, physics and all the nerdy stuff! :mad:
the same old Scher :) with the same old terrifying mod-button! :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Ha Ha, yes I understood what you were saying :pQuote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Er..that inversion of the premise of the thread was, in fact, my rant. I think that's permissible - don't you?Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielBenoit
Yes, we gamers have a tough prejudice to overcome since so many gamers are :conehead::troll::ack2::prrr::biggrinjester:; I've no doubt this person fits in to one of thos catagoriesQuote:
Originally Posted by DanielBenoit
You sound really cool; if you marry into my family, you'll get all of them...I think you're just in time to potty train one, and clean up after the 85 year old who is no longer potty trained and refuses adult depends...Quote:
Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf
Ah, but Mark, I could never be cross with you...should I tell my feelings on this rant page...a love that dare not speaks its name...Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkBastable
I found I could contain it no more, so I sat outside your publishers; someone threw a handful of change from an 8th story building (I still have bruises). I went to ask your wife to let you go, she sent me away with a good flea in my ear; your dog bit me, I sold his saliva sample on ebay (there seems to be a group who is buying anything of yours they can get their hands on)...I am now at home, complaining on this thread, a much sadder but wiser old woman:bawling:
Always good to see you Mary; whom no one could possibly rant about.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maryd.
Mike, you are much wiser for this experience (I guess I should give you my daughters email; she also experienced this when I became wild in my mid-forties) I might suggest that you look around for one of your 20 year old friends for mom; they don't tend to have the digestive problems, they usually walk out before she begins to argue, they will probably take over your chores also and mom will walk around with a huge smile on her face...Quote:
Originally Posted by mikemaster70
There was once a book out, an old boyfriend of mine bought it, it told you how to french kiss; first practicing on grapes...he got much better and when I broke up with him because he had to turn the book back in before it taught him anything else; he married a girl whose face looked like a raseberry.Quote:
Originally Posted by IceM
@ Claes: I always swerve in the direction I'm looking at or my hand is held...
I think we lost something in translation; do you want the person to talk about something nerdy; or move the conversation to something light...Quote:
Originally Posted by Pensive
Don't you love those people who always say; oh, i like that too...
Of course, that happened to me, some really hot fellow invited me to see the "Spandau ballet", I told him I loved ballet....:shocked: He didn't answer and he didn't call me back...:troll:
I asked one of the neighborhood boys to turn down his boombox, it was shaking my windows; a friend of his told him to turn it up...I began to walk down the block and yelled out, "hey" It must have been a very strange sight to see a 50+ year old woman, thin hair hanging down, wearing ran over yard shoes and mens sweats pounding down the pavement after a crowd of thugs:smilielol5: They turned off the music.
Ha ha, thanks for the advice, I'll start searching now! I wouldn't mind some help with the chores, and hopefully a younger man will have better eye sight to notice the door on the hinges of the bathroom.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
I like picking my nose, lol, blowing it is so disgusting and then you have to taste it if you dont do it right, and hurt your head. whats the point of that? lol.
anyway, my rant.
You call it drama, I call it being upfront. So hide in your little world and run from every problem for the rest of your life, but one day you will have to face the fact that anything worth being part of will have to go through harder times, it doesnt matter if its early or later, the fact is it will happen. Find your heart, its a big one, let it live for once.
Teehee I like this thread...
For crying out loud you are a company that boasts on it's foundation being that of "helping the working class" but what the heck, you call the working class and schedule them for an interview for a specific job opening - herd us altogether and tell us you want us to work on commission for a sales position - of which none of us applied for!!! You LIED to the working class you proclaim to help!! What the?!! REALLY?! I will not work for professional liars who think it is ethically okay to do this in order to boost sales. :flare: Wasted the first four hours of my already skipped work day!!!
I love you my bestie, but I can only ask you a million times if you are alright. I open the door to talk to you because I know you're feeling jealous that I am hanging out with someone to help her plan her wedding...and so I try to include you in the plans, parties, and make time to hang out with you - but if you don't want to talk to me I can't help. So pleeeeezz just stop holding it back and shooting nasty remarks at me about my personal life....I know what's really wrong and you just need to come out and talk to me!!
Or, if she doesn't like the young one; I'll send you my address and a shipping box:hurray:Quote:
Originally Posted by mikemaster70
No, no, no...you can only pick your nose on the toilet, in your bedroom....never in the class room and definitely not in the kitchen...I am curious how you taste it...wait, I don't think I want to knowQuote:
Originally Posted by Revolte
No, I have decided, I am not answering your phone calls...yes, I know you called 8 times today...
I am tired of being your part-time friend, post-time lover, all the time banker, taxi, messenger, phone operator...
I can be fudged up all by myself; I don't need you anymore:mad:
hella nah nose pickin for life! Yo! lol, well id have to be in a classroom for more then a week to be able to pull that one off, doesnt work well for me lol. lol well when you blow your nose sometimes it can fall into your mouth if you speek or yawn. lol I can feel the people cringing.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
I didn't realise that there was so much etiquette on the picking of the proboscis. I see I shall have to be more circumspect in the future. Are big, red, spotted handkerchiefs still acceptable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Revolte
Okay, I am holding a nose blowing etiquette seminar sometime before hay fever season...I spent too many years with a brother who did some awful hauking sound in the mornings and spit and a sister who seemed to think that snot spiced up the evening meals...NO MORE...Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
To my loan shark: it is not my job to insure that you collect collateral before handing me money...:hand:
To my brothers: Remember when you laughed because dad took me out of the will (because I always fall on my feet)...you might want to check the new will...yep, it all goes to our sister and her convict son...do you still want to spend all of your vacations bored to tears in Florida:smilielol5:
To my ex: I'm trying to figure out why I'm more fixated on your girlfriend than you...last I looked, she seems to have a shrunken head (like in beatle juice) on huge limbs, are the plumbing boots and tatooed writing all the way up the arm a fashion statement?
To me:HEY LOSER, FOCUS
Hey SELF! Why, oh why did you think that it would be a GOOD idea to pop three powerful zopiclone sleeping pills for fun? You moron, now you're going to be dead to the world for god knows how long, and your dreams are going to be all strange and vivid and trippy and inspiring... actually, now I remember why I did it and this probably will be f... f... funn....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I like to go to the faucet and wash my nose with water, then I use a steroid spray...Don't yawn anywhere near the same time you are clearing your nose; has the same affect as upchucking...Quote:
Originally Posted by Revolte
Only around your dogs neck, or old John Wayne movies. The problem with handkerchiefs is once used, they are just something nasty to carry in your pocket. Do they do kleenex in England, I noticed they are very environmentally aware there; I expected to have to blow dry after a wiz...:eek2: Oh, and then they have the paper cups that disentigrate 10 minutes after you pour your coffee...I guess that may be why you have the red kercheif...:idea:Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
Don't worry, I'm sitting at the bedside, listening and making sure you don't need to go to the hospital...Good stuff, why did you say my boyfriends name:toetap05: Oh well, I guess there may be a few Bobs around..:icon_bs:Quote:
Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf
Okay, Okay, :party: this person is having way more fun than I am and sharing their bed everynight with someone very sexy....
If I call her parole officer to tell that she is doing heroine; am I being a good dobee for saving a life or a bad dobee because it may be jealousy:leaving:
Why the heck should I care more about your health then you do? It is not my job to get you information on a personal medical condition.
And why do you have to be like that???
And, you I'm already annoyed at you because I'm pretty sure you aren't going to follow through.
Soundofmusic, we do indeed have kleenex or the equivilant, but heck, what are sleeves for? In truth, I agree, the "hankie" my mother insisted I always carry was one of the most revolting concepts known to man.
I did like embroidering hankies. Now, if a person would carry a whole pile, keep a little laundry bag with them and just throw them in after one use....Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
don't mind me; there are two areas of the body (that being a nurse has only made me more obsessive about) the respiratory tract and the female reproductive system... I could never eat lunch when I worked on either floor.
No, I am not prejudiced against your family because you are an immigrant, or because you are a particular ethnicity, or because you cannot speak english.
All I want is for you to keep your children from running wild all over the public places we have to share. The laundry is not a good place to bring beach toys, play tag or hide and seek in the washers. Please have the courtesy to bring extra diapers and if your child is not potty trained, keep them in something waterproof so that I don't slip on urine or worse. Why don't you bring your children little drinks and snacks so that they don't come to stare at me while I'm drinking; and why don't you bring a book and play quietly with them instead of Spending all of your time on the :incazzato::incazzato::incazzato:phone
I have a curious question for you: what makes you think I already haven't discussed this with her? This thread allows me to rant about what ticks me off. My girlfriend is a TERRIBLE kisser. I do believed I'm allowed to rant about it. Other people are ranting of ex-lovers and bad drivers and other assorted tidbits of information: what makes MY post unfair and in "poor taste?" (And I'm not saying that other posters have "poorer taste," whatever that phrase means). Does ranting about my girlfriend make my post any more unfair than the others for ranting much more seriously than I?Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Another curious question: could you not pose your "Why don't you discuss (insert issue here)" question to any of the other posters in this thread? I find it very unfair on me and in poor taste in my opinion that you single out my post because I mock my girlfriend's kissing. Just some food for thought.
It's cool, Iceman, there are probably just a lot more former slobbering kissers on the thread than young jailbirds datig women in their dottage or nosepickers.Quote:
Originally Posted by IceM
My hat is off to you for keeping ther girlfriend and for still kissing; maybe tell her to take a benadryl, it'll dry her up.
Damn grocery store. I don't want help taking my groceries to the car!!!
IceM,Quote:
Originally Posted by IceM
Whether you have discussed it with your girlfriend or not, posting about this issue on a public forum which has thousands of members is unfair, I believe, simply because (and I am quoting you here) "[you] mock [your] girlfriend's kissing." Had you been asking, for example, how to deal with this issue without hurting her feelings, it would have been different. However, making fun of someone for whom, in theory, you care on a personal and private matter is, indeed, in poor taste.
How would she feel if she found out about your post? How would you feel if you found out that she was "ranting" about a private issue in your relationship on a public forum behind your back?
Oh, and, here is some "food for thought" for you: "Don't kiss and tell." Especially not on a public forum.Sound,Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
It is such a great relief that you do not work as an agony aunt!
Darling, when I say that I've already seen the film and it was rubbish, I don't want to know what the next scene is, I don't want a precis of the plot, I don't want telling how funny it is, and if you want me, I shall be in my office, with a bottle of plonk, and on Litnet.
Did you get the disabled bagger that took 45 minutes to bag and put your cans on top of your eggs too:mad:Quote:
Originally Posted by papayahed
Darn Scher, I was going to ask you to give me a reference; they have an opening for the "agony aunt" position that Ivana Trump is retiring from...Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
I was thinking of doing something more like Dr Ruth or Helen Girley Brown...
I don't know, daf, you may be missing some a really good snack plate and lots of hugs; when I used to try and entice my man into watching one of my movies, I had ulterior motives...Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
I'm still waiting for the day when I can say anything I want in public and it's okay; because I'm old....Also, I want to break wind in the back of a church and have people ignore me; because I am old...I don't think I will ever darken a church door again...no, not even for anyones funeral...I might show up for a will reading:bigear: I wonder if I could break wind then?
Oh, Sound, if only you were right. Nothing to do with my poor, dear long-suffering missus, but more that her 90-year old mother lives with us, and trying to get her to go to bed is like trying to raise the Titanic. Difficult, dangerous and ill-advised. Also, highly desirable, but there would be complaints.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
What is it with those old folks, they never need to sleep! I remember all the home nurses I worked with had them addicted to Nyquil.Quote:
Originally Posted by dafydd manton
I don't envy you and the wife. I saw this couple at the grocery store yesterday, they were both white haired themselves and they had mom, still in her silky nighty and bedroom slippers and was trying to get 90 year old dad out of the car, "Now remember day, both feet on the ground...dad didn't look like he had a clue he had feet...:shocked: :confused5: :eek6:
What ever happened to the days when folks went early in their sleep and left you their cool collectible car and a comfortable house and bank account...of course, since I am only 10 years from that age; I'm not quite as much of a cheerleader for the idea as I was at 30:hurray:
Strange, that, isn't it. When you were 25, 55 was positively antediluvian, but now 55 is just a mere spring chicken, a slip of a lad. Hardly feel older than I did when I was 3 stone lighter, had hair which was jet black, no wrinkles, no livers-spots on the hands, all my own teeth, and didn't have to go out once a month for the Preparation H! My dear old Dad is 84, a widower, and spending my inheritance all over the place. Good job I've got used to being poor!!
10 year old keeps house up all night because he is afraid of the dark.
I HATE selfish and inconsiderate people like you. You know what? You're the baby. Act like your 20 and not three years old! [insert name] is afraid of the dark and so he has to sleep in the living room with me, sorry if you can't play your bloody games! That's life. You know what? Sometimes in life, we don't always get to play the Playstation 3 when we want to. Sorry to tell you this, but slamming doors around and making absurd and infinitely selfish and inconsiderate demands is not how a supposed grown-up should act. Jeez man, do you believe that the world revolves around only you? That everyone must sucuumb to every demand of yours? [insert name] at least has a justification for his bratiness; he's 10 and is afraid of the dark, you're 20 flippin' years old and are throwing a fit because you can't play the PS3 at what time? uhhh, 12 at midnight? AND you expect ME to loose even more sleep so that you can play your mindless games? No. Life ain't like that, and if you can't accept that, you'll never move beyond your lethargic video-gaming habits.
I do believe, Scheherazade, considering the premise of the thread I was posting in, I was not asking for help on how to deal with a terrible kisser. I realize you present a hypothetical situation, but considering the context of my post, I was "rant{ing} at people who tick [me] off in real life." My intention was clear.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Don't give me the guilt trip. Because my name and identity has not been revealed, I am anonymous. I never directly stated my girlfriend's name. She, too, is anonymous. Don't pity me into feeling sorry if my "girlfriend ever found out about my post" because she won't. We're both anonymous. I'd agree that my rant was in poor taste if I named her, and made a concerted effort to defame her publicly. Saying she's a bad kisser hardly qualifies as offensive. Similarly, wouldn't every other person alluded to in these posts be offended by the content? Wouldn't they feel betrayed and slighted that they were ranted about behind their backs? Mind you, the others are complete strangers, free to be defamed at will. I recurrently face this issue at every intimate moment. I'm sure, after tolerating this issue long enough, I'm allowed to joke about it.
Leading me to another rant (but not about you).
Your 18th birthday party was not worth cancelling a trip to Washington D.C., my friend. Sorry you seem to think it was.
To the people who run this building:
Half past one in the morning is not a suitable time for a fire drill. At that time of the night, I expect someone to actually be on fire for my troubles. If you do it again, I will makes sure this is the case. Thank you, you cretins.
I do not give a **** that you want salt on your cucumbers, you will get your goddamn salt on the meat side JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I will not compromise my artistic integrity just so you can feel as if you have a special sub sandwich. If you really want salted cucumbers, take your business to some thrice accursed corner of the world...like Quiznos. Particular *****.
...later
Oh come on Rod, don't fire me, it was just one slip up.
To my brother's friends: when he passes out on the soccer field, you draw all over him in black magic marker then leave him there? Not cool, what if it snowed and he got hypothermia? What if he had alcohol poisoning? What if some weird old Gacy-esque rapist were cuising around and found him lying there unconcious at six thirty in the morning?
It's pricks like those that give my bad age group a poor reputation. Good on you for confronting them.Quote:
To my brother's friends: when he passes out on the soccer field, you draw all over him in black magic marker then leave him there? Not cool, what if it snowed and he got hypothermia? What if he had alcohol poisoning? What if some weird old Gacy-esque rapist were cuising around and found him lying there unconcious at six thirty in the morning?
Edit: Lol, I meant: give my age group a poor reputation. They've even got me thinking it on a subconscious level.
Catie: I teased you about forgetting my last name FOUR YEARS AGO (one single time) and you gave me an un-vitation to your wedding (in a red envelope delivered to my house for christ's sake). Do you know how lame that is? You glare at me every time you see me. Now you won't let me talk to your husband, and you won't even let him be my facebook friend. What the hell is this, middle school? This is so awkward for us, Dave and I as well as your husband. Why are you doing this, is it honestly because you had a crush on Dave in highschool? I can't do this girl fight crap, I'm not going to get into a tiff with a married woman (which is what you are, in case you've forgotten). I just don't have it in me to act like a retarded, bubbleheaded pre-teen. I agree with Steve and Dave, you are way too young and immature to be married and have a child. It's pathetic that the only thing that you have to entertain you in your life is putting other people down that you don't even know. If you had taken the time to get to know me before you became so determined to despise me, you'd know that I only look like a meek little book-mouse.