Printable View
murmered some words I'd picked up from Marie LaVoe during a stretch in New Orleans, and turned her into the toad that she really was! I took my tickets, thanked the googled-eyed clerk, and as I waited for my train, I tried to remember how that spell of forgetfullness started. Hummmm....
Take the zest of one lemon and add to a mixure of flour, butter and garlic. Wait, no that isn't it. ER, eye of newt? Nope that doesn't sound right either. Gosh I am so forgetful. Why I can't even remember my...
...own phone number. Not that that matters much, since it's been disconnected every since the winged pig chewed through the cord last June and nearly electrocuted himself, not to mention the catfish. But of course...
Ah! I turned and walked back to the man at the ticked counter. "Did you forget something, Sir?" He asked me. "No. You will however forget you ever saw me, and pass over any indications I was ever here." I said four words that were in a language archaic when Rome fell. He passed over my information, and I went back just in time to catch my train. Close one. They'd be finding that body soon, and then...
my matched set of winged pigs and catfish will begin to mistrust me. Ah, cruel fate! I bellowed at my fellow train riders "Cursed, cursed am I!!!" Just then something even more peculiar happened...
...................to me. But....
que sera sera, eh? The 2 headed bearded lady with blue hair looked at me and said (out of her left head) "Pal, you think you are cursed? You should meet my friend Sally, now there is a..."
----" At which point her opposite hand slapped her and her other head growled "Shaddup, Dolly, you old idiot! I've told you to quit talking about me behind our back!" "Well," Retorted the first head, "You are the one that got hit with an ugly stick so hard it crossed your beady eyes!" "Like we ain't twins, dear heart!" Sally snapped back with venom in her voice. Both yelled at me. "Hey! Where you going?" I named a nice warm place I thought they should go...
namely, Arizona, because it is a dry heat and would be good for uglystick induced arthritis. "Capitol idea, my dear fellow" Dolly said approvingly. Sally took the opportunity to whack her twin upside the head and ask her why she "is talkin' like some Masterpiece theater snootyboots." This gesture did not go over well, so I ...
decided to find a seat in the next car. A well dressed gentleman was sitting there smoking. No, I mean He was smoking! "Ah, Eddy, how ya doin'?" He knew I hated it when he pulled that New York accent. "Enjoying your new digs? I see you have already dined...
...because you are such a slob. You really are, Eddy". "Do I know you?" I asked. He said...
..."No... but you will." He then turned away. Apparently, I was dismissed, as he was now absorbed...
at picking very disturbing, unidentified yet nasty looking "chunks" out of his teeth. I shuddered in disgust and even (I will admit) a little fear and said....
"Uh, I suppose you know you're on fire?" He grinned showing a double row of sharp teeth. "Blimey, mate! So that's where th' ruddy smoke's coming from." He stopped smoking at once, fished a cigar out of his pocket and lit it with his finger. "Senor, you disappoint me. I who have done so very much for you. And you don't even recognize Old Nick when he comes to see you. Bad for business." I searched for a reply...
...by cracking open a fortune cookie. I read it silently to myself, first. It read, "The secret to happiness lies in giving happiness to others." Now, I believe that any fortune cookie saying can be made more profound by adding the words, "in bed." I read the slip of paper out loud. "The secret to happiness lies in giving happiness to others in bed." Nick looked at me oddly, then...