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I once ran into a trio of black US servicemen who were a bit lost and they asked me for directions, I have to say they were the most friendly, courteous and polite people I ever remember meeting. Of course, they were only armed with a fifth of scotch at the time. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin
Thanks Haunted & Cafolini
I watch my neighbour’s son
on his way to school
without his older brother.
His shoulders hunch
toward each other
as if to keep his loneliness close.
That's interestingly phrased, Prince - 'keeping his loneliness close'. One would assume the child would want to be rid of his loneliness, but in the circumstances, maybe this is all he feels he has. Thought-provoking as usual.
Another woderfully observed piece, Prince. Flawless in expression.
Thanks, Hawkman andI kind of imagined that loneliness for his older brother was vicariously holding on to him.Quote:
Originally Posted by [B
Another wonderful piece. I find that loneliness is a strange thing. You can want to be rid of it, but when it is gone you just might miss it. It can be comforting, especially a shared loneliness, (I'm thinking of your intended meaning, Prince, of his brothers loneliness holding onto him), and I think this piece speaks of that paradox.
A sort of shrivelled radish
of a woman
notices me
noticing her
as she walks by.
shrivelled radish
of a woman
Prince kudos for delivering another unique and unforgettable image, even in a fleeting moment.
Johnnie comes into the Mission
as soon as it opens,
his body curved around the smile
in his smashed-up Inuit face,
which wants to be loved
but is ready to hit back
when he feels himself to be insulted.
Good one, but the last line isn't necessary. Stronger to end with "hit back." But then, can a face hit? Perhaps "bite back" might work better? Very good visuals here.
I don't think I'd keep "hit back" unless I specified a provocation. This was one of my mornings to volunteer at the Mission. Johnnie lives just across the street, drinks (beer?) regularly and has problems with "anger management" but there is somehing unspoiled and maybe naive about him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Apostrophe
ooo, i'd like to hear about that in a poem. i didn't get enough of it near the last of the first one.
"his body curved around the smile
in his smashed-up Inuit face,
which wants to be loved"
Is so evocative. Marvellous descritpion in context. I like this immensely.
Live long and prosper - H
A spindly Chinese woman
walks the block,
back and forth,
back and forth.
It will take a long time
to pass yet another day.
Rather a sad image. I can't help wanting to know more about her.
Ahh, this one makes me ache to read it.
Thank you. She lives a few doors down from me, must be in the neighbourhood of 70. Lives alone but has a son and possibly a few other relatives who come to visit. Sometimes sweeps the walks of neighbours on either side of her. Speaks not a word of English but at times addresses me in spirited Mandarin or Cantonese, seemingly confident that if she speaks with enough conviction, I'll get the message.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawkman
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin
She seems to me a personification of boredom. What a sad life!
Like all your stuff, it is well thought out and creates real impact. Am I alone in thinking 'pass yet another day' jars a bit? I'd hoik the 'yet' out.
I was aware that "yet" did not flow but I wanted to emphasize that this had been going on for yet another day. Thanks for your comment.
It's implied, though, is it not?Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin
Sure it is but I wanted, if possible, to mimic the plodding of her feet over sidewalks she'd walked many times before. In her mind, I imagined, everything carries the memory of having been done before.Quote:
Originally Posted by hallaig
An unusually tall,
thing young man
with a pimpled face
scowls his way
into the café.
Sorry. Double post.
This builds around "scowls (his way)" thus opening your snapshot to a world of possibilities!
"thing" or "thin" ? I wonder what made him scowl so. One hopes he found a sympathetic friend waiting for him; or improved his mood with a meal and drink...
Thank you for sharing.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY