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…doo-Doom…
…doo-Doom…
Pick up your scalpel
Cut through my flesh
…doo-Doom…
…doo-Doom…
Crush my ribs and pull it out
That darn pulsing lump
…doo-Doom…
…doo-Doom…
Take it out, take it
Hold it up, bleeding, red
…doo-Doom…
…doo-Doom…
It still hurts, you know,
Under the cold neon light
…doo… d…
… …
Hurts less now
Than when it beat for you
The flat line has begun to form,
A new exception to the norm.
I try to tell them I don't mind:
That light refreshingly feels kind.
Invisible Surgery
the man with the
sightless eyes
leans over me
his hand
with rusty knife
begins its invisible
surgery
a bloodletting
the corpus christi
flows
benign and mirthful
down my throat
streaking the white
with the memory of birth and violence
but of all this I remain unaware
the blood is gone
the light is all around
and all I can hear is your
laughter, good, and clean,
and strong
Qimissung
December 2010
We've got plenty of excellent entries thus far, but only one day remains! I'll judge the entries around six tomorrow night, so there's plenty of time if anyone wants to take a last stab at maximizing the potency of their language.
Death comes
happy
but
sad
Lots o good entries. Let's take a look, shall we?
Dark Muse- Great concrete imagery, my favorite lines are:
"white hot pain
beneath the cold knife,
a heart beat of awareness,"
SarahDrago- Excellent manipulation of form, your poem reminded me of the groggies post op. Favorite lines were:
"And if I wrote a thousand
Sonnets -" and
"Saliva ships,"
jajdude- Two entries it seems, so I'll go with the most recent poem.Truly bare bones and simple, you use several potent words to create a strange dichotomy surrounding death. I most enjoyed the simplicity created through formatting and a lack of punctuation.
Autolycus- Wow. Your poem straddles both micro and macro at once. Either the world is operated on, or the speaker is, or both. In three stanzas a story that winds back into itself is told with a florid and colorful portrayal of Gaia under the knife. Very well done, my favorite lines included the last line's punch, and
"They went all armed once more into my breach
Their blades and tools into the deeper mines"
Pendragon- Touching and personal, Pendragon, your work is always a pleasure. In my opinion, the poem sports a steady flow and an intricate rhyme scheme surrounding the solid imagery. It is a bittersweet tale, in that order. Favorite lines:
"I broke my leg as a teen somewhat wild" and
"When the metal in my ankle stabs pain
At least I can still walk and even run..."
DieterM- Good repetition using the ominous heart beat's "Doom" that reminded me of "Bodies" from the Smashing Pumpkins for some reason. Strong.
Favorite lines:
"It still hurts, you know,
Under the cold neon light"
YesNo- A nice bite in rigid form, and highly efficient. It's the kind of short that you can carry around and think about. For the nice little break my favorite lines were:
"I try to tell them I don't mind:
That light refreshingly feels kind. "
Qimisung- Haunting. I went through line by line, and I am still unsure of whether I should be afraid, or satisfied by the speaker's sacrifice. There seem to be two voices within the last two stanzas. Each stanza carries several lines that strike the reader, but my favorites were:
"streaking the white
with the memory of birth and violence"
"laughter, good, and clean,
and strong"
Good entries, all. I enjoyed going through each, weighing and balancing who, for me at least, provided the most bang with the least blah. For me, that was Autolycus. Congratulations, you win this round.
Congratulations, Autolycus. A fine poem, but then yours always are. I do not, however, know what it means.
Also, per your earlier comment, you have a point, but please don't make us be too minimilist. Although I like the challenge, minimilism is essentially a state of mind, isn't it? :D
Most sincere congrats, Autolycus. I just love this contest as it allows us to discover so many great poems!
krymsonkyng, thank you very much for the honour...
qimissung and DieterM: thank you very much for the encouragement...
...and to all my worthy colleagues, thank you all for the continuing inspiration!
=====
The subject of the next contest will be: Zero.
I don't think it can be much more minimalist than that! :)
Let's make the deadline midnight GMT, between 2359 on 9 Jan 2011 and 0001 on 10 Jan 2011. :)
infinity
confined
to finite dimensions
a nonentity
destroyer of
sanity
black oblivion
white void
matter
time
ripped apart
shredded
then stitched back together
mutated
strange
and unruly
two
half-entities
so perfectly
opposite
that they are
identical
indistinguishable
two parts
of a whole
unending optical illusions
invisible infinity
false randomness
conjoined twins
one cannot
function
without the other
blasting us with
nothingness
until we are
blinded by darkness
deafened by silence
impossibility
meets
reality
There is no sound in a vacuum
No joy in a frozen heart
Absolute zero is more than a temperature
For some it's a way of life...
zero
the discovery of
zero
left them
none
the wiser
A zero here, a zero there won't get you anywhere.
.....oh!
ahhh... your guys' poems are a lot more "minimalist" than mine :)