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Random? Alright! So this is going to be one of those long, rambling, stream-of-conscience Sancho-posts that doesn’t really have a point. It may have something to do with child brain development. I don’t know.
Yeah, so anyway, lately my neighbors have been kind of down on me about my yard. They think I’m bringing property values down around here. “Frankie-the-Yankee” from across the street has this “putting-green” lawn (which is the standard) and I have more of an “ecosystem” at my house. Well, I’m out there yesterday with one of those hose-end sprayers trying to feed the flowers and kill the weeds and keep everybody’s property value from tanking due to my lack of horticultural acumen.
Sure enough, the neighborhood urchins start showing up. I have this dog, “Maggie,” and the kids really dig her. So they’re all out there in my yard playing Frisbee, riding the dog, and trying not to get bitten. My next door neighbor, “Umbear,” arrives and immediately takes an interest in my fertilizing technique. (Umbear is around 6 years old, she is Korean, but she learned to talk in Georgia, so she sounds like a cracker)
Um: “Hey meester Sancho, what’cha doin’?”
For some strange reason, I like to talk to children as though they are adults. I don’t think that they resent me for this.
Sanch: “I’m trying to kill the weeds and feed the flowers and keep everybody’s property values from tanking due to my lack of agricultural acumen. I bought this sprayer contraption for 12.95 at the Home Depot today, Umbear”
Um: “What’s that green stuff?”
Sanch: “That’s ‘Miracle Grow,’ it’s high in nitrogen so it helps to green-up stuff real quick and it makes guys like me think that we’ve got a real green thumb when actually we’re just screwing up the environment with this crap”
Um: “Umm”
Sanch: “Yeah, Umbear you know, plants need to eat just like you and me, so that’s what I’m doing; I’m feeding these flowers.”
Um: “Phew! That stuff stinks.”
I’m thinking, - What the hell is she talking about? Well, I look down, and right next to her little pink sandal is a great big-ole wet dog turd.
Sanch: “Umbear, this plant food has no smell. What stinks is that big pile of dog crap that you’re standing next to.”
Um: “Uwe, Maggie made this?”
Sanch: (proudly) “Yep. In fact, there are piles of dog crap all over my yard.”
Um: “where?”
Sanch: “You tell me, Umbear”
By this time, the rest of the neighborhood deck-apes have caught on to the game and are running around my yard on some weird sort of a scavenger hunt for dog turds. - “Here’s one! Here’s one! Here’s one over here. Jeeesus Christ, they’re everywhere!”
Well, last weekend we had a block party in my ‘hood and I was in charge of drinks (go figure). The theme was tropical so I was making a bunch of those Rum-based boat drinks. Anyway, it involved simulated coconut cups and little paper umbrellas. I had several packages of those tooth-pick umbrellas left over.
I said, “Hey kids, when you find one – stick one of these umbrellas in it.” – I’m thinking - that’ll make ‘em easier to find, and I won’t have to just chop ‘em up with the lawn mower this time. In pretty short order my yard was looking like a Tiki garden.
Well naturally, ‘bout that time, my wife drives up in her car on her way home from work. I can see her confusion as she slows down, rolls down the window, looks out at all of the multicolored paper umbrellas sticking out of dog turds in our yard. She gives me one of those, “Sancho, you putz” looks and says, “I’m not even going to ask.”
What!?
So, that’s my random thought for the day.
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hehe Sancho that's a crack up I can just picture your yards with tons of little umbrellas sticking out of dog poo. May i suggest wearing a grass skirt when you "collect " the umbrellas.
Actually i just wanted to post to see how my new avatar looks.
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a random note for simon: is it me or you ARE as bitter as I've imagined? (in fact, until I found out you're a girl, I pictured you as a 30-year-old cranky bald man) http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smil...nking02y20.gif
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Sancho, that made me as happy as anything i've read in a while. :) all around fun.
thank you, thank you, thank you!
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Ajoe, lets say that if I had a doctor and would ever let that doctor near me that doctor would say you suffer from AB, Acute Bitterness, and if your not careful it will escalate to CB, Cronic Bitterness and there's no turning back after that. My sunny smile throws people off.
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ruminating on something tiny and weird earlier:
if "pac" as in pacifier, pacifist, and pacify is pronounced "pass," was the pacific ocean originally pronounced "PASS-if-ic"?
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I think I've been spending too much time here lately.
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I heard a nasty idea the other day upon my return to the states that they(I don't know who) are thinking of conscription of males and females.
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Ah yes, the ubiquitous “they,” they’re every where, those guys. (don't think it'll happen, but never say, "never.")
Thank You, amuse. Happiness can be contagious and reading your post made me happy.
Papaya, I dig the new avatar and I’d’ve worn a grass skirt if I’d’ve thought of it, but I wound up wearing a festive aloha shirt instead. I was going to just leave ‘em there for awhile because the little nippers seemed proud of their work. But I had to take action because, unbeknownst to me, the bambino brigade had escalated their assault to a neighborhood wide campaign. So with heavy heart, and bucket and shovel in hand, I had to follow their path of destruction yesterday. I was somewhat responsible after all.
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Sancho, that was truly wonderful. well written, expressive, and very vivid imagery. i can almost smell the dog turds, and i get to see the umbrellas sticking out at various angles all over the yard. i also really liked the way you described the childs diction and voice. i know this was not supposed to be taken as a sample of writing, but as a random thought. however, I think that if you cant write your thoughts, well...you know. i like your narrative style, is what im saying. i read this to my son, who thought it pretty funny, he was still laughing when he left for school :lol:
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VBM is right about your sense of dialog Sancho. Your random thought has no dull or confusing points, is funny and eloquent. It is a viniette.
And (think of many expetives) "they" better get their act together, while I try furiously to get married to a Canadian. I sent out emails last night to all the guys I knew from University asking them to marry me, somehow I don't think any of them will say yes.
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I haven't done a **** this weekend and I've been cussing too ****ing much.
:argue: --> that's me vs. myself... what language am I unknowingly able to speak??
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When I was a kid I read a book in which the protagonist was named “Geoff.” I went all the way through that book thinking his name was pronounced, “Gee-off.”
Good thing he didn’t have a friend named “Sean.”
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http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/lachen/12.gif
A similar thing happened to me, but worse. When I first came to the U.S., the guy sitting next to me in class was named Sean. I knew how his name was spelled, but I thought I kept hearing other people calling him something like "Shawn," so because I wasn't sure, whenever I needed to call him, I called him Hey instead until I eventually learned that English is such a mess up language where spelling do not determine pronunciation.
Also, I used to pronounce Shea "She-a" instead of "Shay." :D
