Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

The Will of God: The excuse people use for why bad things happen, why they have a bad attitude, and why they believe things without question.

Extraordinary:

Extraordinary: Even more than normally normal. Or to paraphrase Steven Wright, it's ordinary, just a little extra.

Din:

Din: As any parent knows, this is the state of parental insanity caused by having several dozen children in close quarters such as at a birthday party, summer camp, or a play date

Amnesia:

Amnesia: 1) Oh wait... I fogot; 2) What Nesia am; 3) Milk of amnesia is used often to cure stagnant thought, and curiously enough as an aid for constipation

Constipation:

Constipation: The most important and politically evolved founding document ever written, it outlines a system of government which is the best anyone's come up with, even if it sucks, and is rarely adhered to anymore. Also, the Constipation came with an addendum stating that we as citizens have certain rights, called Constipational rights, therein enumerated and said to be given to us by God, or possibly the makers of Metamucil, which may never be infringed upon--an assertion the NSA laughs at till they spew dietary fiber from every orifice.

Surveillance:

Surveillance: The word used by the NSA to cover anything from illegal wire tapping to gross infringement of Constitutional Rights. The word is usually part of sentence that also contains the words "in the interest of Home Security" or "for the greater good." Both are to be defined by the NSA on a need to know basis. If you are watching, NSA, I deny the preceding sentences were actually typed by me. It is that darn Poltergeist, Willy, doing more "automatic writing."

Basis:

Basis: Speaking of willy, I'd like to show mine to the NSA on a regular basis.

Police State:

Police State: America. Where else do cops murder with impunity, while the Government still proclaims us a free people?

Murder:

Murder: The dark, devastated landscape where can be found Sauron's tower and Mount Doom, and if Frodo and Sam aren't careful, the Dark Lord'll catch them and eat them.

Legend:

Legend: 1) Fantasy movie w/ Tom Cruz & Tim Curry with music by Tangerine Dream & Jon Anderson, et al; 2) What rewritten truth and/or fiction becomes after time prior to attaining mythological status; 3) Elevated status of popular sports figures, Holly/Bollywood actors, etc. (usually) after their prime. 4) John & Johhny's last name

Shred:

Shred: What happens to evidence that doesn’t fit the facts.

Fact:

Fact: That thing few people will allow to interfere with their theories.

Ideology:

Ideology: The study of idiots.

Alliance:

Alliance: A thing asserted to exist between the Federation and the Klingon Empire in Star Trek: The Next Generation, but since that show sucked harder than an industrial vacuum cleaner, I maintain that we and the Klingons are still enemies.

Enema:

Enema: Extra-extra-extra strength laxative... 2) No me fren', yo!

Yo!