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Monster Any of a number of fictional horrors, or a home grown serial killer described by his friends and family as "Such a nice guy. It's hard to imagine them doing this." From what I know of humanity, the signs that this person was not all he or she seemed was glaring like a spotlight on a stage.
Lie
What keeps politicians and businessmen in a job. The world's greatest lie is "it's in the post". (There is one other, actually, but I don't need the Infraction Points!!!)
Magazine
Magazine A publication that once held articles and stories but now is almost totally devoted to advertisements
Book
Book : what you cannot do for love nor money at Zucca in Southwark since it was featured in the Guardian's restaurant review section last Saturday
Queue
Queue - the only word in the English language that has no German equivalent.
Crumpet -
Crumpet - The symbol of British foppishness
Umbrella -
A device purporting to be a portable shelter from rain, but is actually a lethal weapon. Its main attritional appendage is the pointed steel tip on the end of the main shaft, used for short range stabbing in situations like The Harrods Boxing day sales. In addition to this, in the open position there are aproximately 12 razor sharp spikes arranged around the circumference of the canopy. These spikes are deployed at eye level and provide the skilled umbrella warrior with an almost unassailable defensive perimeter, ensuring it is the oncoming pedestrian that must quit the pavement and step into the gutter. To become a Master of The Way of The Umbrella, takes many years of practicing and honing of skills. It is obvious to even the most casual observer, that Little old ladies are the leading exponants of the art.
Disruption.
The street term for "My hernia".
Also used to describe the cumulative effects of state visits by religious leaders.
Cycle
Cycle Trying the same experiment 100 times and expecting different results
Science
A belligerent in the fight against religion.
Keyboard
What Francis Scott Key was before an English drinking song came to mind.
perverse
perverse - a particularly saucy limerick.
annoying -
Annoying: A healthy doling-out of woeful sentiment, in Yiddish!
Blatherskite
Blatherskite An annoying self-righteous person who carps about everything one does
Punk
Punk: the sound made by dropping a garbage bag full of wet blankets into a large steel drum.
Pretentious
Pretentious Refers to the condition of having a lifestyle better than one's own, also termed "Uppity"
Cat
man, fellow, dude, bloke, Joe, Tom, Dick, Harry, and others of the same ilk.
spaniel
spaniel - creature created by Walt Disney in his much maligned production of Romeo and Juliet, featuring the star-crossed lovers from the warring factions of sheep and sheepdogs.
star-crossed -
star-crossed State of intoxication in which one is so pie-eyed as to see everything double
Whisky
whisky - the first triumph of marketing.
"If it came in medicine bottles, grown-ups would pour it down the sink." Adrian Mole
cocktail hour
cocktail hour The time of drinking until you cockup things and get your tail plastered
Motive
Motive: Pertaining to bodies of water that surround castles, keeps, or fortresses.
Hobgoblin
hobgoblin - an derogatory term describing ferocious gluttony and poor table manners - "Oh you should have seen him, hobgoblin' his way through his Christmas dinner!"
bilgewater -
bilgewater Water that comes in a bottle marked "Mountain Spring" which actually is pumped out of the bilge on a rusty freighter in dry dock for repairs, in the idea that you might as well make a buck or two off it.
News
News Printed or broadcast facts that may or may not be necessarily what is going on in this rum old world
Imagination
Imagination - in literature and the arts, an extremely common commodity which is a vital complement of, but no substitute for, talent
Calibration
Calibration Marked in small increments such as the amount of times you actually do good deed in a selfless manner
Fortune
Fortune
a) a large but variable amount of money, equal to about ten times whatever you've got
b) the outrageous but specific amount of money they charge for a drink at the theatre, regardless of how much you've got
Evidence
A bloke down the pub told me his mother's cousin's friend said it was an indicator of veracity.
Important.
Important: Describes an unplugged dongle.
hackneyed
hackneyed Indicative of a outrageous lie told when the truth would have been perfectly acceptable
Excuse
We've done 'excuse' before (Excuse - a post eventum explanation that even the explainer doesn't find convincing.)
Pick another one.
brainstorm
brainstorm - rather quaint Thirties word overused as a newly-fashionable verb by inept middle managers.
"I want you, me, Simon and Tamsin to get together round a piece of wood and brainstorm this re-implementation issue."
Translation: "I have no f*****g idea what to do, but if I get other people talking about it, something might come up that I can steal."
synergy
synergy: A dangerous side-effect of group-activity causing disasters that would have been avoidable by allowing people to act individually.
Delectable
Delectable - prone to or permissive of a reversal of the process of lecting (see lect)
matricular
matricular- 'pertaining to the Matrix'. see 'matricular awareness': A type of kinaesthetic awareness developed by Keanu Reeves in the process of filming a famous science fiction film, that allows him to dodge bullets by detaching the lower part of his spine.
Fossilization
Fossilization - the ultimate end of an ardent fossicker
Emergency
Emergency- The state when a baby's head has come out but they are not really fully out and involved in the world.
Furnishings
Furnishings - A very hot town north of the equator where a doctors chief business is the treatment of shingles.
Righteous