Jamesian, ah, poor man, broke the laws of nature. While posting in the kill-the-PAM thread, he failed to do away with his target. A fatal mistake! Now he and his scorned intended must suffer the same fate.
DEATH BY BAD MYSTERY NOVEL!!!!
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Jamesian, ah, poor man, broke the laws of nature. While posting in the kill-the-PAM thread, he failed to do away with his target. A fatal mistake! Now he and his scorned intended must suffer the same fate.
DEATH BY BAD MYSTERY NOVEL!!!!
Mir Gets the Bump
The dame blew into my office like a bad mystery novel.
And, brother, I should know. I’ve written most of them!
She looked like a wretch that lived in a run-down hovel,
She was slender, short bobbed black hair; red dress without a hem.
She said she had a case. I thought she looked like one, myself.
There was going to be a particularly gruesome murder.
I pushed her for details. She said the victim would be herself,
And she wanted to hire me before the Reaper called her number.
I didn’t think she had my price, and that’s what I told her,
She dumped her ratty purse on my desk and it held a lot of ice.
“Think you can find your loot among that pile of sparklers?”
“Um, yeah, baby, I think we can do a deal. Right price.”
Well, she’s on the slab down at the mortuary right now, looking handsome:
But at least when she took the bump it was quick, and not gruesome…
Pendragon
© 3/30/07
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...kShepherdG.jpg
Oh no ... I had entered an ending for mir
Pen's is better, and I don't have the heart to end him, so someone else can post....
Boo boo who was actually the real brains , could no longer bear yogi's incessant chatter and ate all the sandwiches in the pic en nic basket and so sadly yogi died of starvation.
...and upon blossoming mazz was swiftly picked and shoved in a vase.
While hyperinsomnia was reading some lovely poetry by our friend Oscar Wilde, her latest sculpture came to life and crept behind her easy chair. With a swoop she was lifted and tossed out the window, where passing by was a truck full of freshly caught fish.... need I say more -- alas poor hyperinsomnia! ;)
Kiz Paws
03-15-2007 - 03-31-2007
"All dogs go to heaven"
Requiem for a Somnambulant
Softly snoring in sonorous song, Hypersomnia sleepwalks,
Somewhere she sways in somnambulant slumber,
Someone should stay with her, spy silent stalks,
Someone should snoop on secrets so solemn.
So set up the surveillance, spy out stone-walled passages,
Seek for secrets, search suspiciously leave unturned no stone
We search silent spaces where somnambulant shoes stepped,
She cannot sleep soundly, some secret stirs her silent soul.
But, silence gives solutions, dare not wake the sleepwalker,
Since in stretches of sensibility, she sees not her secret so sure
Stay soft-footed and sharp-eyed, ever keen to spot her—
Once her secret is ours, she herself has served satisfactorily, true?
But who knew the sad somnambulant sought so swiftly suicide?
We hid and we watched as the poor sleepwalker slipped into the tide…
Pendragon
© 3/31/07
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...leepwalker.jpg
That's amazing. I couln't possibly top it; so somebody else will have to finish Pendragon.
I quite like the idea of it; better than falling into a truck of fish ahahaha.
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1.../Pendemise.jpg
How else would I shuffle off mortal coil?
Nicely done, Pen!
The Lady of the Lake offers Excalibur
Pendragon reaches for it
Pendragon slips
The children of Camelot learn to pass scissors handle-first
Poor Robin. He shot an arrow into his own butt and passed on shortly after. He was well liked, clumsy yet incredibly agile. R.I.P.
Alas, poor dastardly wench -- upon entering the garage where unsavory characters eked out a dishonest living, our miss kathy was bound, tied and tossed into a vat of dirty car wipes, where she sneezed herself to the promised land....
poor kiz paws. After going missing for several days it was decided to search her last known wherabouts. In the course of the search the team came upon a most grusome sight underneath the paws of the world famous giant elephant were the squished remains..
Baseball Kills Snoopy
The news came out during this crazy last war,
When baseball season was back in time,
The Bloody Red Baron was on first once more—
And Snoopy was needed to settle the rhyme.
The Baron mocked Snoopy, took a lead off of base,
As Snoopy wound up to pitch, on a three two call.
The Baron thumbed his nose and laughed in Snoopy’s face,
But he never even saw the flash of the oncoming ball.
The ball caught the Baron smack dab on his head,
And ricocheted off, just like a bullet from steel—
And it was poor Snoopy who fell over dead,
Fast ball ricochet was the cause of the kill.
Now the church bells ring up on the hills, all across the land:
If you’re are going to throw a guy out at first, be sure he doesn’t have a helmet on his head!
Pendragon
© 4/6/07
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ane/SNOOPY.jpg
Poor Pen. Ate up by a dragon...hence the title. Poor mister pen....:lol:
Asa Adams, we knew him well, but that is the sad point. Knew. Only moments ago, he decided to indulge in his evening tea and weekend newspaper comic. He laughed so merrily at the comic that his tea spilt all over his brand new pajamas and burned him so that he faded away... if you listen very very carefully, you may still hear his laughs above the clouds....
kiz paws left this world when she accidently ingested the Lady Clairol bleach she uses to get that platinum blonde coiff. While her death was tragic, her corpse was beautiful.....
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Locks of Love and Wigs for Kids
:shrug:
:shrug:
We regret to inform you that Special Officer Doofy died in the line of duty last night. We believe a slip and fall was the cause of death, and one very suspicious banana peel is currently being sought for questioning.
:banana:
If you see this banana or it's peel, please call 555-6789
Not even five minutes ago, the police were called to investigate a very mysterious death. It appears that a dastardly wench was practicing celtic knots, tied herself up and succumbed to a fatal fall into her sewing basket. RIP dear wench...
Dastardly Spirits
The ship sails through the violent swells,
It’s Captain hold fast to the course and wheel;
The Dastardly has a reputation as a haunted vessel,
But the Captain gives no signs of fear of hell.
Across yon deck as the storm swell suddenly cease,
In the glare of the lightning specters pass—
The one, Auld Arrow long has been deceased,
The other seems to be a much younger ghost, a lass.
But who among the crew knew that the Dastardly Wench,
Was that bold spirit—She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?
She came aboard the ship from a haunted Massachusetts beach,
And Old Salem well knows this fair ghost’s fame.
But She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will rise to life:
And Auld Arrow is a ghost forever and all time…
Pendragon
© 4/7/07
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...vis_brides.jpg
After reciting a very lovely poem, Pendragon decided to take a rest underneath a tall, leafy oaktree. He didn't notice, however, Bookinator up in the trees, whispering to the squirrels around her. Suddenly (once Pen fell asleep) the squirrels came flying out of the tree, acorns in hand. It was a mighty battle- acorn versus scale, tiny claw versus very sharp teeth, but in the end the squirrels won. A single nut flew into the dragon's nose and distracted him long enough for the squirrels to do "the job."
The moral of this story is...
Don't mess with squirrels. When they throw nuts, it hurts.
FIN!
Stark Reality
You cannot believe every thing that you think.
And “denial” is not a long river in Egypt fair.
Nor can one twist the truth like a rag o’re a sink,
And shake out all the things one doesn’t want to be there.
The Bookinator, poor lass, lived in a world of her own making,
Where she dreamed of squirrels taking on a Dragon and winning.
In sooth, The Grey Sentinels would find it a noble undertaking,
And be brave to the finish e’en whilst their fur was disappearing.
The Egg-born Immortals cannot die, but lie asleep for a time,
Why sacrifice the Acorn Hunters on such an unfair quest?
Dragons have watched many oaks grow from acorn to tree, wither and die,
The Grey Sentinels pass many generations before a sapling at best.
The Bookinator is trapped now for her eyes had beheld things I deem:
That tell her all life is but “a dream within a dream…”
Pendragon
© 4/8/07
with a nod to Poe for the last line…
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...f_dreams_p.jpg
Dear Pen, he scrapped together the money to buy a flight on a Russian Rocket to the internatinal space station. He trained for months. On the final day after Pen said a joyous goodbye to friends and family he got in the car to drive him and the other astronauts to the launchpad, on the three mile drive out the car was hit by a meteor. What were the odds?
While sifting through the remains they found a partial burnt piece of paper with the lines:
"The was a man from Litnet
Who decided to leave the atmosphere
So he grabbed his pen and paper
and opened a Schlitz Malt Liquor beer"
(I'm not a poet and I know it!!)
it was a sad sad day when the puppy we all so enjoy ran out into the street chasing the ball so loved, so chewed, so tantalizing that the fast flying bike could not react fast enough to avoid the poor little puppy so loved by all in the neighborhood....a puppy fest is planned this weekend to celebrate the passing of that bad barking ball chewing puppy...charlie brown will give the eulogy...
littlewing took flight and flew high into the sky, so close to the sun. It was glorious, and for one brief shining moment, littlewing was one with all the power of the universe. Then...splat. Summarily drawn in to the engine of a Boeing 747, all that was left was a sweet memory and a few sticky feathers. :(
It's a sad, sad day for... beach-goers, because it is raining. Apart from that, word is that Kathy, minding her own business, fell into a manhole. That didn't do her much harm, but down there genetically-enhanced rats took her for a big chunk of cheese. Today is a day to mourn and reflect upon the frail human condition...
Oh dear... it seems that kandaurov has died from an accident concerning a monkey, a trampoline, and a marshmallow and cucumber sandwich. Don't ask me how he managed to do so. It boggles the mind...
Lord Voldemort murdered the Bookinator with Avada Kedavra.:bawling:
Srp couldn't live in a world without the Bookinator, so in turn, cast the evil spell on themselves. Too bad....It turns out Harry's not the only one that can withstand such an evil spell. Welcome Back, Bookinator, too bad about Spr, eh? :lol:
Asa smoked too many cigarettes. And then he died.
Alas poor Shalot, we mourn thee well. It appears that the rope that was slung on the branch of the tree that you were tire-swinging from took a brief leave of absence -- long enough to send you hurling over the fence and into that ditch of ice cold water.... The last thing we heard was a bit of a splash and then a blood-curdling scream...
Paws was devoured by a gigantic cat with orange and black stripes. It seems that Paws did not realizes that her name, i.e., Paws, is the TM of Jim Davis, the guy who gave us Garfield. A call to Paws, Inc. was answered with a loud belch. C'est la vie! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...es/Trashed.gif
the headlines read...the mousetrap caught yet another!...even tho pen knew what the possibilities were he could not help but for one sniff of the tastee morsel of cheese..as he crept closer losing all control thinking he could beat the trap...snap..his tail caught...so was the end of the last story he wrote..
LittleWing Falls
The night has fallen and the whippoorwills call,
A very eerie sound that the mountain people know;
Is the sign that another soul has taken the final fall—
Where or when it was is something the song may show.
It was something rising in the evening as the sun sank in the West,
Much like a tiny fledgling when the time to fly has come—
The moments comes when one must leave the safety of the nest,
And take a chance on wings that have finally strong become.
So LittleWing took to flight amidst the glory of the eve—
But a fell-thing awaited and struck from out of the dying light;
LittleWing found out that flying takes more than courage and belief—
You have to be able to hold your own ground in a fight.
So scorched by a blast of dark magic poison breath:
LittleWing fell, and lay quite still in death…
Pendragon
© 4/12/07
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...FaerieGlen.jpg
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1.../TownCrier.gif
Dragonslayer wanted: References required. Report to the Another Creative Game thread. Guaranteed employment. You pay your own insurance.
Once upon a time there was a kindly spirit named Pendragon who dearly loved to drink his morning coffee and catch up with the goings on in the LitNet community. Until one day, when he went to add his usual sweet smilies to his text, the smilies all ganged up on poor Pen, jumping off the screen and making so much racket, and this scared dear Pen to death, and that was the end of Pen, but the beginning of a new epoch, the Smilies Revenge on Planet Earth... which is another tale. RIP dear Pen! ;)
“Whatcha got so far, Murphy?”
“Well, the dame’s dead all right. Not a very pretty looking sight either, so if you got a weak stomach, Lieutenant, you might not want to close a look.”
The big man sighed. He was getting too old for this anyway. “What was the time and cause of death? Bones through with her examination?”
“Yessir. She’s arranging for the body to be removed as we speak. Cause of death was severe blood loss, the body was drenched in the stuff. Time of death as judged by body temperature was around 12:15 last night.
“But here’s the kicker, Lieutenant: That girl never had a mark on her body. She was a pretty enough dame, platinum-blonde hair, a nice face, curves where it counts. Her face was frozen in an look of absolute horror, fair gave me the willies, and I’ve seen plenty of stiffs. She had on her nighty and underpants, like she’d gone to bed. There were funny creases in the material like a knife had passed through, but no cuts. Blood patterns like cuts, though, and she bled out. Freaky case.”
The Lieutenant shook his head. “Why do you suppose she was even here? The Bates Motel has been closed down for nigh on a decade. I’m surprised the dump hasn’t fallen down.”
“Ah, well, that’s another thing, sir. All the rooms in this joint are shot except the room she was in. That room looks as new as ever. Even the lights and the water work. Heck, even the TV works. And something else—the office is the same way. Figure that one out for me, will you, sir? I don’t want to have to write Miss Paws’ case up as “apparently killed by a ghost…”
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...e/skelcoff.gif
"P" is for Pendragon, pummeled by pachyderms...http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h5...s/elephant.gif
http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h5...mileys/rip.gif
"K" is for kathy, kept in the cage until her poor soul departed....