Thank you Fifth Element. I love reading contemporary poems - I feel like I'm learning something important.
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Thank you Fifth Element. I love reading contemporary poems - I feel like I'm learning something important.
Sorry for the delay. Here are the results of the contest:
Pendragoln, I liked the gravity you gave the tanka by ranking it with an epic poem's subject matter.
alexar, I especially liked your last line "she do but agree. And go." You get around to making a point, poetic.
quimissung, ,"the willow loves the water". What can't you read into that? The willow has always spoken to me of timelessness.
The Fifth Element, "mind stilled to beating silence -". You've succeeded in making the line tangible. For me, your poem is raised one step above music. It examines substance in the simplicity of poetry. Well done. You win.
Thanks alakungfu :)
For the next form I’d like to propose a Persian form of poetry called ruba’i,
This type of poem was first encountered in the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, translated by Fitzgerald and from which it gains its name. Here’s an example of a poem from the Rubaiyat:
The ruba’i is a fairly straightforward form consisting of a quatrain with the rhyme scheme AABA. It can be used in stanza form (i.e. multiple quatrains) in which case the rhyme scheme alters to AABA BBCB CCDC and so on; in theory you could go all the way to Z but that would surely take some willpower! A very well known example of the ruba’i form is the very eminent Robert Frost’s poem Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening which is below. In the poem you can see how Frost has followed this strict rhyming scheme quite effortlessly with a slight cheat in the final quatrain. No cheating will be permitted in this contest, I’m afraid ;)Quote:
Ah, Love! could you and I with Him conspire
To grasp this sorry Scheme of Things entire,
Would not we shatter it to bits--and then
Re-mould it nearer to the Heart's Desire!
and with that most excellent poem in mind I leave you with a final request of my own:Quote:
Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
I look forward to reading your poems.Quote:
Friend poets I ask you, turn your art
to the ruba'i, and please take part
in this small contest, but beware, you'll see
the ruba'i tests both mind and heart.
Deadline is 07th August.
Congratulation, fifth. It is a fine poem.
I don't often come to this thread so I missed this fine poem until now, but I love the evocativeness of it and the economy. The reference to willows could not but remind me of this spontaneous quatrain my grandson, 4 or 5 at the time, addressed to his 2-years younger sister:Quote:
Originally Posted by qimissung
I love you more than a fish.
I love you more than a cornstalk.
I love you more than a willow
floating on a mud pool.
Congratulations, fifth!
Erm, regarding the quatrain-- no meter I hope? :alien:
Oh no, I think you've probably got your hands full with the rhyming scheme, adding meter would be cruel...erm, on second thoughts...no, only kidding! No metrical rules apply.Quote:
Originally Posted by symphony
Yes, I would like to try. Thank you!
I'm in. I haven't written anything in ages. I need to start again.
:lol: Thank you Prince. I think I like your grandson's best!Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin
Yes, I know it is long, but you can blame that on Fifth. LOL I kid, but as soon as Fifth brought it up, I had to make the challenge, and take this thing all the way to z.
My Lover in the Night
Darkness came upon my soul
into the shadows we stole
to ride upon the tides of night,
my troubled dreams the reaper will console.
Cast beneath pure moonlight,
may her silver highness grant insight,
before the wind bores me away,
and on my dark horse I hold tight.
I hear the whispers of the fay,
for a moment in my saddle sway,
where we descend to the world of dreams,
dazzled I watch in dismay.
There a distant castle gleams
the ruins of ancient regimes,
among fallen pillars I walk,
and listen to caressive streams.
And above a majestic flock
summoned by the wizard's clock,
to breathe this sweet still air
that speaks of a far away dock.
For a tinge of salt lingers there,
let us attend the spirits fair,
already their haunted lutes begun,
in this masquerade of the dead we'll share.
Around the fire we are spun
in the ceremony of the pagan
this is the winking witching hour
cackling in our macabre fun.
Strong are the threads of power
drawing us now to the marble tower,
from the ghoulish party we depart,
crossing through the mystic shower.
Here now a shudder in my heart,
awestruck by this realm I became apart
where I wander with my worthy guide,
how I'll mourn when we must depart.
To him my secrets I confide,
he takes my hand and sets our stride
to find ourselves within a dark hall
where lonely echoes seem to glide.
Faces shimmer upon the wall
and take up their desperate call
for we have found the corridor of the lost,
soundlessly they forever fall.
This threshold swiftly crossed
less my own soul suffer great cost,
now before us a lake of stars
where all forgotten wishes are gently tossed.
Shadows of the trees make foreboding bars
reminiscent of fading scars
and I feel a growing sorrow,
this precious moment forever ours.
But this time I had to borrow
and now there comes a new tomorrow
already the sun begins to rise
amongst a filed of pungent yarrow.
So I look darkness in the eyes
ever the reaper did well advise,
painful is our leave taking
as we ascend back into the skies.
Yet ever I feel the dull aching
certain my heart is breaking
stoically he gives me a hush
while in death's arms I am quaking.
A touch of his cold lips brush
and then we are off in a rush
this dreamland left far behind
and I in full flush.
Now ever with shadows my soul entwined,
for the memories never shall unwind,
as the world comes back upon me
someday again each other we'll find.
Never again can I be free
as you carry me across the sea,
and all too soon in my bed I sleep
wishing we stood beneath the willow tree.
And until the morning I do weep
when at last the light begins to creep
I waken with a sense of wonder
for a secret I will always keep.
Yet ever more torn asunder
in my mind rolls a distant thunder,
to spend my days in an outward gaze,
surely I fear I will sink under.
For lost within this haze
wishing once more for your surreal maze
I call into the night for your return
for you have set something inside me ablaze.
Over a thousand eternities I would yearn
while my soul continues to burn
for you were my otherworldly lover
and that I could never spurn.
Let us once again secret worlds discover
while beneath her dark majesties cover,
for as I lay me down again to bed I pray
that your mysteries I will once more uncover.
OMGOSH!!! Dark Muse! That is amazing. I am ashamed to even pick up my pencil now. You are truly amazing and skilled. I am still taken back by your poem. Well done Dark Muse, well done.
Thank you very much
Woowee!!!! Thanks for getting us off to a cracking start DM :D
Ut Nex
I feel Death stare at me with fiery eyes,
I should be, but I am not surprised—
That bony hand has long reached for me
Clasped in its fingers a bloody scythe…
What will I be when at long last I die,
Cast off my shell, this earthly disguise
Can someone out there please tell me?
There are no seers among the wise…
But pass I shall, no pathway goes otherwise,
Clasp hands with Father Death, say my goodbyes—
And who among you shall mourn me?
Or just say “Good riddance to that guy…
Pendragon
7/9/09
Yipee! And now we have a contest! Thank you kindly, Pendragon.
Andromache sing us your lament
Beloved son tossed from high battlement
Husband thrice dragged dead around Troy's wall
Yourself weepingly to slavery sent
Of those fates sealed at Troy's fall
Yours is worst but none recall
Songs of Deeds are what we sing
No epics for the weak or small
But those who've grieved because a king
Brought swarm of war for some trifling
Can't have hearts or backs unbroken
So what good can a poem bring
Works of art are but poor token
For all the tales left unspoken
Of those who did not do but were done to
Silent ghosts best left unwoken
Chocolate is as chocolate does
Dizzy sees as busy was
If I lost my breath today
I'd feel at ease still just because
Watch your weight is what they say
Cultivate health and hit the hay
The object is not an ego trip
But to rid your world of decay
Eager to take any tip
And to avoid voyeurship
The subject hosts their own parade
To display their perceived Blue chip
Appearance falls under the grade
Of having means above a shade
Of mere basic existence; yes, charge
You've drawn on the silhouette you've made
So listen to the trivia at large
Ride the train and ship the barge
You never know how the story ends
'Til you've paid your dues and served as Sarge
Yeay, another two poems. Thanks March Hare and Alakungfu!
Keep 'em coming!
Still a week to go if anyone else would like to enter?
I'm considering it.
What are the eligibility requirements? Does one have to have been a member for any length of time, etc.?
I am by no means a scholar of poetry and admit that I am intimidated by this group; not for harsh comments, but by the talent, knowledge and experience.
Let me know about the requirements and I'll see if I can pluck up the courage.
~L
Hi LMK :D
There are no requirements other than the poem you post must utilise the form which is currently being contested. For details see here: http://www.online-literature.com/for...&postcount=600
As long as you're a member of Lit-net and you want to take part then you're more than welcome here.
Her Reply
by (LMK)
You speak to me these words of love
See in my eyes the stars above
Taste on my lips sweet honey wine
My hand in yours fits like a glove
You ask me for this life of mine
To ever join with thee and thine
And we shall stay eternally
With heart’s allegiance e’re align
This gift from fate, our destiny
You say is how it’s meant to be
Only my happiness you want
Your life, your love, it’s all for me
Yet there remains a skittish haunt
I’d overlooked not cared to flaunt
But now I fear it’s time to speak
Of what will be my coup detente
Perhaps you thought me far too meek
To have brought forward such critique
Of you and she who share a bed
Are you alright, you’re looking weak
Your face now flushes brightest red
I hope t’was not a thing I said
Perhaps desire’s warmth does rise
Please don’t provoke and shake your head
I’m sure you see with no disguise
That knowing this I would despise
The thoughts of you and her mid-pant…
…perhaps to leave it there is wise
You have your leave to gallivant
To yearn I’ve none to rave and rant
But at the risk of sounding twee
To marry you, you see, I can’t
/*
~L
Nicely done LMK.
Thank you March Hare, I enjoyed the imagery you conjured.
~L
Thanks for joining us LMK :D
Still a few hours to submit your poems...
Okay, the contest is now officially closed. Thanks to everyone who's entered.
Now for the difficult part....
Thank you all for submitting your poems; it's been a pleasure to read them all and very difficult to judge. But as with all contests there must be a conclusion so it now falls to me to take the difficult decision. First though, a comment on each of the poems.
Dark Muse
Wow! DM what a journey! I can't help but be impressed with the commitment and expansiveness of this poem. Not only did you scale the A-Z but you made it look effortless in the bargain. Throughout the poem you never drop the rhyme, nor vary from the stringencies of the form but it doesn't feel forced or difficult. Overall it's a classic lyrical poem bordering on the epic. It's impossible to pick out one part or another, each stanza works well in its own way, each one a step along the way of this mystical journey.
Pendragon
Pen, as always your poetry has the power to wrench the heart, and though this one was brief it wasn't lacking in emotional content. Rhyming is one of your real skills, I've always admired it, and here you use rhyme with subtlety and discretion to great effect. I loved this interjection:
and the terrible sadness of those final lines:Quote:
There are no seers among the wise…
Quote:
And who among you shall mourn me?
Or just say “Good riddance to that guy…
March Hare
You chose the tragic story of Andromache as your theme and it served the form well. I think you used the more archaic language well - normally it would grate on my nerves (personal foible!) but actually I think you've woven it in to the poetry beautifully and it simply works. These lines really brought the story home:
Yes! And you follow it up so well with these lines:Quote:
Songs of Deeds are what we sing
No epics for the weak or small
and here:Quote:
But those who've grieved because a king
Brought swarm of war for some trifling
and that sharp reminder:Quote:
Of those who did not do but were done to
yes, art is but a thin veil in the face of true suffering. A tragedy made more tragic still. Impressively written.Quote:
So what good can a poem bring
Alakungfu
You really grabbed with those opening lines:
creating a curiously disjointed and intriguing opener which makes the reader want to read on, and I love the way you've weaved these common phrases in and twisted them into something a little different! It's a mind-bending piece. Nicely done.Quote:
Chocolate is as chocolate does
Dizzy sees as busy was
If I lost my breath today
I'd feel at ease still just because
LMK
What starts as a classic love poem quickly turns into something else! I love the sharp wit of this piece, the way it leads you one way then turns and slaps you in the face! Again, I think you've used the archaic language well, in this case it strikes me as ironic and slightly wicked, particularly considering where the poem ends up. I love this part in particular:
not least of which for that lovely rhyme with 'coup detente', yes! that's rhyme with flair and it is at this point the poem turns and looks itself in the cold hard eye. This line really made me smile:Quote:
Yet there remains a skittish haunt
I’d overlooked not cared to flaunt
But now I fear it’s time to speak
Of what will be my coup detente
yes! Wicked and cheeky ;)Quote:
The thoughts of you and her mid-pant…
They're all excellent poems and it's hard to pick a winner, but for sheer scope, breadth and audacity it has to be....DRUM ROLL PLEASE....
DARK MUSE
Congratulations DM, and I look forward to seeing what you pick for the next form.
Congratulations Dark Muse!
Your poem was powerful in its journey and descriptions. Epic was a word that came to my mind while reading it and watching in my mind’s eye the unfolding verse.
Fifth Element,
Thank you for your kind words.
To all,
It was a pleasure to have participated with such talent, versatility, skill and passion. It was great fun and hope to take part again.
~L
Thank you! It was indeed quite challenging, but a fun process and experience.
Darn, I missed it. I wrote half a poem and didn't get to finish it. Congratulations Dark Muse.
Congrads, Dark Muse! And thanks Fifth for the positive feedback! Looking forward to the next contest!
Cograts to DM and thanks to 5th.
Congratulations, Dark Muse. What will the next form be?
I am going to choose a personal favorite of mine, that sounds fairly simple, but can prove more difficult than my first appear.
It is called a Septolet
The Septolet is a poem consisting of seven lines containing fourteen words with a break in between the two parts. Both parts deal with the same thought and create a picture.
Here is an example of my own:
Deadline: October 1stQuote:
Winter's blush
blooms my soul,
cold embrace
Eyes close,
drift away
forever
to sleep.
Death arrives
taking me out
in a carriage
Driving
me over
to the
graveyard...
Pendragon
8/27/09
Arjan
breaths dreams
upon Anangi's
sleeping form
Anangi,
eyes aslumber,
clasp's Arjan's
truest words
I really liked that qimissung, it has a very fantasy feeling to it.
Nice entry as well Pengradon, very dark and haunting.
Thank you so far for your entries.
I look forward to see what others come up with.
Fields
rich with
yellow yarrow
and goldenrod
may outshine
kings and
rival the
sun.
That is beautiful, everyone is doing so well so far