Poetry Contest

Arg! I always hated contests, but, well, I sorta, kinda wrote a poem for the pic so I might as well post it . . . right :) Don't ask why I saw it this way, maybe cuz the neighbourhood I live in or b/c I have bad manners ;)
Anyways . . . here it is . . . :D

Good grief!
What is it this time?!

Is he selling something?
Or is it money?
Lost and can’t get home?
Man that line is old . . .
Or is it more???

Either way
Can’t he see feigned interest for just that
FEIGNED . . .

OH bloody hell,
He keeps leaning further
Like that’s something I haven’t seen before . . .

Why do I always get these people who ramble
Who seem to think I was born yesterday
Do I need a leave me alone sign

Damn manners and
Not feeling right about ignoring him
But the hell with it, if he’s here again tomorrow

One thing’s for sure
These steps aren’t big enough for the both of us

Well, there it is . . . think what you will . . . :D

Nice poem, Gimmy! :)

Thanks mir! :blush: I wasn't too sure about it . . . :)

You have a unique, strong voice Gimmy :) Well done.

Gimmy, Your poem made me smile!

A Gem from Gimmy! :thumbs_up

Thank you guys Dramas, Susan, and Pen!!!! I was worried someone (or everyone) would think I'm mean or something . . . :)

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/85/22...3ba8bbf9_b.jpg

Okay, here it is.

Rap

Look at how he’s swinging his hands.
Nonsense is filling my ears.
What is it with these people?
Or do I just not understand.
His rhymes tell a story of how he lives…
Feel the beat of his life.
Feel the words calming your mind.
Get lost in the rythm of his heart
...His soul.
And just listen...
Then maybe you’d understand
It's Who They Are...
It's All They Are...


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Okay so there it is. i havent written in a while and ive never written something like this but i figured i had to enter something. its different...

:)

I love the poem, Pendragon!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rintrah

Sorry to hear you had problems, vintagepiper. If anyone has any difficulty seeing the image just let me know. It is my image, and I can email it. Glad it is provoking some thought . . .

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Don't worry about it, it's just that the internet company here is extremely strict.

Well, I gave it my best shot. I'm glad to be participating for the first time in this contest and I truly admire some of immaculate poetic works that this enduring thread has produced. In time, perhaps, my work too may be comporable but as of now, it's constant work and enlightenment :)

Here is my banal attempt to classify the most recent image presented in poetic terms:

Blocked
Upright on a surface of stony layers we cast our thoughts into the wind,
adjacent, though physically it seems,
our minds self reflect, rendering speech, prolonged and dim
a pole of steel, in my wake, lays an impregnable boundary
where I may sit and he may watch,
telling swashbuckling tales,
while I am huddled in my cubicle,
and neither his speech,
or his tone,
leaves me desirous of hearing more.
I tell him this is so
but my words flow over him,
as does his over me,
for blocked we are, barricade in between, on this endless pillar of stone.

Nice one, 'Dole! ;)

I have enjoyed the entries so far . . . you have 2 weeks left to post your poem in this round. Good luck!

Your last poem was fantastic Rintrah. You are very adept at this.

Took me a few readings to really grasp the poem, but I like it, Female Mind! :thumbs_up Not bad at all. Good show! ;)

OK I'll try this "contest", here goes

A twenty-one year old runaway



I sat there listening
just listening
his tale fascinating
drawing me in
yet all that ran through my head was
a twenty0one year old runaway
running away is for two year olds
maybe 12
but not twenty-one
you cannot runaway from life
he will find it were he's going
he's a twenty-one year old runaway
bags packed
cigarette in hand
and I can't help thinking
Can I run away to?



I don't know if it's that great but.....

Right hand, Left hand
Yinging, singing, yang
Two by two by two by two
Bilaterally symmetrically similar

North Pole, South pole
Four floating orbs
Two turtle doves
Divided there, in the middle

Man made, stone brigade
Natures shade
Cascading barriers
Falling down grey stone

Hey you
Seek you
Reach you
Similar not the same

;) || ;)

LOVED the poem Orion!
Very...balanced :D

Your poem was moving and convincing at illustrating the impossibility of successfully running away. And, to top it all off, as I began to feel like an expert on such things, for being educated by your poem, you turned it all around in the last line and reminded me that we mustn't condescend the runaway. Very moving, in sum, connecting me with emotional insight, brotherhood, and introspection!

Some more wonderful entries! Thanks to all who have submitted. If you haven't submitted yet you still have some time.

BTW, thanks Adolescent09 for your kind compliment - very much appreciated.

Good luck all!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dramasnot6

LOVED the poem Orion!
Very...balanced :D

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Thanks! Especially since balanced is the last word people use when they talk about me.:lol:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jab

Your poem was moving and convincing at illustrating the impossibility of successfully running away. And, to top it all off, as I began to feel like an expert on such things, for being educated by your poem, you turned it all around in the last line and reminded me that we mustn't condescend the runaway. Very moving, in sum, connecting me with emotional insight, brotherhood, and introspection!

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Thanks! I like turning things around and giving different views of one thing in one poem. Some people say I'm contradicting myself but I think it makes for a more interesting poem.:D

Introduction

An electron has four quantum numbers,
A human being made of dust has five:

Friendships - number and degree, deception;
Hardships - in sense of quality and weight;
The will - to live, or die, or vegetate;
Strangeness - of the inner mind's perception;
Magnetism - attractive kinds of state.

These are the things which keep our songs alive,
Distill the stuff of dreams from our slumbers,
Make sense of both pre- and post-conception.

Deduction

Given that electrons exist
Here is a little human list:

Humans can be bond-paired
Humans can be non-bonding
Humans can be so very scared
When other humans are responding

Humans can be lone-paired
Humans can be radical in bent
Humans can be startlingly shared
By what seems a human accident

Reduction

I realise I am a singularity
I look out of a window which cannot be:

And I see at once with blinding clarity
Electrons are fortunately not like me.

Nice poems. Seems like people are waiting till near the due date to enter their poems:nod:

Nice one, Orion! Could almost hip-hop to that one! Are the smiles the last line? If so, neat idea!

Pen

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AdoreroDio

OK I'll try this "contest", here goes

A twenty-one year old runaway



I sat there listening
just listening
his tale fascinating
drawing me in
yet all that ran through my head was
a twenty0one year old runaway
running away is for two year olds
maybe 12
but not twenty-one
you cannot runaway from life
he will find it were he's going
he's a twenty-one year old runaway
bags packed
cigarette in hand
and I can't help thinking
Can I run away to?



I don't know if it's that great but.....

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I think it's very good! I'm 46, and God knows there's times I feel like running away myself! You hit the bullseye, Dore'do! :thumbs_up

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pendragon

Took me a few readings to really grasp the poem, but I like it, Female Mind! :thumbs_up Not bad at all. Good show! ;)

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thanks. i usually dont write like that. ill do better next pic.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pendragon

Nice one, Orion! Could almost hip-hop to that one! Are the smiles the last line? If so, neat idea!

Pen

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Thanks Pen,

The smiles occured to me as I was posting it. I thought it would be a fun addition. Glad you liked it. :thumbs_up

OOo that gave me an idea for the personal poetry forum, does anyone like the idea of a smiley poetry game/contest/misc. poetry thread?
Maybe it will turn out better than the How do you do EMOTICON STYLE? thread

Could work, Drama. One vote, anyway! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...lies/acc32.gif

OK, time for an update: there's one more day to post your entries in this round! I'm in the UK, so I will post an 'event closed' message 8am GMT 7th March. Thanks for all our entries so far!

Well, since the deadline is upon us, here's a last minute effort:

He has traveled and he has traveled
To Iraq and back
Then with backpack
And army issue duffel
Along the long highways
Of the fifty states,
And again across an ocean.
Now backpacking through Europe
To round out the experience of youth,
To find excuses to keep moving on,
To make an army cut a rebel’s shaved head,
To change into the uniform
Of a wandering poet,
Twenty-first century bard.

The beat of the same songs,
Still the beat of the same songs
Have accompanied him through the experience
Of food, sleep and death
In lands of war and lands of peace.
Now he wears those songs about his neck
Prepared to try, in the beat of his own words,
To fill the space between his hands
In which he suspends the whole round earth as he has seen it.
He searches for the words to show
The way the wide curious eyes of children are the same
As they watch him pass
In a Jeep through Baghdad,
In a Ford through Kansas,
In a bus through London
Searches for the words to show
The white teeth of welcoming smiles
The white teeth of grimacing pain
Searches for the words to show
Dirty alleys
And long stretching grasslands.
Hot desert sun
And long northern nights of questioning darkness.

She has lived her whole life in the same city
And in the same city
Of tree lined streets she walks to work each day
And each day takes a break
To have a smoke at noon.
Sits on the steps
Leans forward in the bright noon sun
To hear the words of a stranger
What he has to say
What he has to share
And he pauses before
Simply asking for a light.

OK, it's a little late - but here's the notice; this round of the contest is now closed. Thanks for all your entries. I shall post the results anon!

Congratulations everyone - what an interesting and diverse poetic response to the image! I'd like to respond to each of the entries before posting the final results:

Pendragon: Stairway Proposal
I love the tension which builds up as you contrast the seemingly opposing forces, and then it is all finally resolved into harmony. The ending surprised me, a welcomed unexpected denouement! I loved the imagery completeness offered:'Then as his hands form a small circle', as if he is offering a symbol of wholeness, which she desires.

GimmyDiamond: These steps aren't big enough
This is a wickedly accurate internal monologue - haven't we all felt that at times! I was particularly struck by the 'Damn manners and/
Not feeling right about ignoring him'. Here the woman has pressures from both sides; the more obvious force which is trying to engage her in conversation, and the more mystical sense of social responsibility and etiquette, which struggles and competes for attention. Though she wants to shut it out with, 'But the hell with it', it doesn't every really go away - this is the real tension at operation here.

thefemalemind: Rap
Wonderful rhythm here! And 'swinging his hands' gets us into the meter. Again there is a theme of social norms here - the central question 'how do I fit into society' is picked up with the idea that either I am crazy for not understanding this guy, or everyone else is crazy but me; 'What is it with these people?/ Or do I just not understand.'

Another interesting theme here is the notion that a person is what they say - their speech defines them in some way. People are what they talk about, or even HOW they talk. The poem ends with the sense of mesmerizing trance that the rhythmically spoken words can induce - like a spell.

Adolescent09: Blocked
Wonderful use of oppositional ideas such as 'a pole of steel, in my wake' giving a sense of motion and movement, when in fact the 'action' is inert, the will stifled and the characters arrested. This tension builds; words 'flow' and move, as the wind may carry their ideas, but our protagonists are planted in concrete, boxed in and framed.

AdoreroDio: A twenty-one year old runaway
The poem draws you down one chain of thought and that cleverly inverts in the final line, making us want to reread to see if there is any hints that this was to happen! So we must examine the sincerity; the tone from the fifth line introduces the rejection of running away, but line eight is the one to watch - 'perhaps' hints at possibilities, if 12 maybe older still? The poem, while disparaging, 'you cannot run away from life', maintains the appeal; 'bags packed' sounds all too alluring!

Orionsbelt: The Problem
This clever poem picks up on several motifs from the picture and draws them together to develop the theme of polarity - oppositional but connected forces, 'similar, not the same'. I love the lines 'Man made, stone brigade/ Natures shade'. It operates to contrast the artifice and the natural so succinctly, and stone brigade for the steps is wonderful, as is the 'Cascading barriers'. There is a feeling of magnetism from the poles to the orbs, and push and pull of gravity, like some big generator or electro-magnetic engine turning over, and this is picked up by the rhythm of 'Two by two by two by two'

Autolycus: Both ways at once
The poems introduces us to the closeness we share with electrons, having five quantum numbers, and gives us a quantum recipe for humans: Friendships, Hardships, The will, Strangeness, and Magnetism. The rest of the poem seems to examine these notions, and shows that while we are made of the same 'stuff', we are so different; 'Humans can be bond-paired/Humans can be non-bonding'. There is a fascinating rhyming scheme at play here, which changes and develops, shifting like the variations and unpredictability of humans. The instability of humans is examined, and the closing remark sets us at odds with the natural world, which is more fixed and definite. Thus the poem sets out with our closeness to electrons, then in examining that closeness shows that we are in fact opposite.

Petrarch's Love
I love how the weight of experience and adventure is drawn to a an ironic 'Simply asking for a light'! The clever lines 'The white teeth of welcoming smiles/ The white teeth of grimacing pain' show us that things which appear the same can have very different meanings, setting us up for the ironic ending. I also loved the motif of transition: 'To make an army cut a rebel’s shaved head'. The woman here is offered as a willing ear, the man is presented as an perhaps an unwilling speaker, perhaps as one who fails to draw lasting conclusions about his experience. Yet it could be said that the woman operates at a much needed level of grounded reality - while the man is all ethereal experience.

Needless to say, a horribly difficult choice, and I'm sure you don't envy my job right now. But the conventions of the contest force me to select a single winner, so here goes. Congrats to everyone who participated in this round, your entries were a joy to read!

The winner is autolycus with his poem Both ways at once.

I loved the interesting definitions, the almost scientific quirkiness, the sheer dog-gone silvery slipperiness of the rhyming scheme, and the line 'These are the things which keep our songs alive/ Distill the stuff of dreams from our slumbers' is mesmerizing! Well done!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by autolycus

Introduction

An electron has four quantum numbers,
A human being made of dust has five:

Friendships - number and degree, deception;
Hardships - in sense of quality and weight;
The will - to live, or die, or vegetate;
Strangeness - of the inner mind's perception;
Magnetism - attractive kinds of state.

These are the things which keep our songs alive,
Distill the stuff of dreams from our slumbers,
Make sense of both pre- and post-conception.

Deduction

Given that electrons exist
Here is a little human list:

Humans can be bond-paired
Humans can be non-bonding
Humans can be so very scared
When other humans are responding

Humans can be lone-paired
Humans can be radical in bent
Humans can be startlingly shared
By what seems a human accident

Reduction

I realise I am a singularity
I look out of a window which cannot be:

And I see at once with blinding clarity
Electrons are fortunately not like me.

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Congratulations Autolycus. That was very good and innovative. I like the originality of that.

Congradulations Auto! What new picture awaits us now? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...Kane/acc31.gif

Congratulations Auto!!! A very productive piece:D

Congratulations Autolycus. I really like your poem. Shape changer ... good fit....

Rintrah - your analysis is outstanding thank you for all of that effort.

Congratulations Autolycus! I think Rintrah made an excellent choice. :) Lovely sense of rhythm, with some memorable lines. I also particularly liked the ones Rintrah quoted and the whole "deduction" section.

And, come to that, thanks to Rintrah for doing the work of judging and for giving us all some great feedback.

Congratulations Autolycus! I loved your unique interpretation of the structure of that poem.