Form Poem Contest

This thread was looking a bit lonely and I realized I hadn't tried my hand at this one yet. What an interesting form this is.

One hot afternoon my friend Jim
Suggested we go take a swim
So I stopped reading Blake,
We went down to the lake,
And, not hesitating, dove in.

While underwater
Our lips met. We kissed deeply.
Floating limbs tangled
In a moment's suspended
Ecstasy, like the world's birth.

Then up to the surface we seethed
And laughed as we struggled to breathe
Then Jim splashed at my face
And we started a race
And played just like Adam and Eve.

To Petrarch's Love: Although I'm not familiar with all the entries, this one is well done, animated and subtle. quasi

Thanks, Quasi. Glad you liked it. :)

Very lively, PL!

Don't forget the syllable count though... part of the fun of this contest is the brain-twisting problems we have to work with to squeeze into the given form.

;)

Did I make a mistake somewhere? I thought I had it down. I'll go back and count again.

edit: My, I had overdone a few lines there. I think it's all ship shape now unless I've missed something.

Oh dear, not so many entries... was this form too complicated?

We've got three solid entries. Anyone else?

Let's extend it one week, to 7 Oct 2007, 2359h GMT...

ok so by 8-8-6-6-8 i assume you mean sylables?

If the contest is still open, I will try this weekend to come up with something. I had an idea when this form came up but i got busy and never got it, and now I've forgotten my idea. :(

stephofthenight: yes, syllable count...

Virgil (and others): please do enter; the deadline is 2359h on Sunday 7 Oct 2007 GMT.

I eagerly await the pleasure of reading your entries.

Interesting form, I'll have a go at it.

(BTW, my dictionary shows "fire" as one syllable; if you feel that's not correct, I'll have to make changes)

"Dear niece," said my old Auntie Jess
at breakfast, "the world's in a mess!
Setbacks and disasters -
are we still the masters
or do we deserve the distress?"

"Please, don't fret, dear Aunt,"
I said and sipped my coffee.
"What about good things,
like a beautiful sunrise
accompanied by birds' songs --"

"Oh yes," sighed my old Auntie Jess,
"the world's in a terrible mess!
Floods flowing, storms blowing
and forest fires glowing
and I burnt your toast, I confess!"

I'm fine with 'fire' as one syllable and stuff like that... as long as it's reasonable, i'll swallow it.

:)

This was a very difficult form!


Escaping Death

Death stood at my door with a grin
demanding that I let him in,
I turned away instead,
and with lightening feet fled
leaving old man Death in a spin.

I ran through the fields,
past green forests, and oceans
blue. But no matter how
fast I flew, Death was close by,
and escape was just a dream.

He caught me in Starbucks café
whilst drinking a skinny latte
he had an espresso
and sang in falsetto
until the lights took me away.

Competition closed... results by 10/10!

Hello everyone!

Pen: When you're funny, you're very funny! Your poem about the fate of poetry brought tears of laughter to my eyes because of the image of the hapless author - something most of us have experienced.

Riesa's on second reading and third sounded more and more like a psychological thriller. I was thinking 'Stepford Wives' partway through... but of course it isn't anything like that. I think...

Petrarch's Love: Heh, this one actually fulfils the content requirements perfectly. There are clear phases and transitions. Not so sure about Jim though... *grin*

barbara0207: the adventures of Aunt Jess are truly funny, and rhymes like 'masters' with 'disasters' are one mark of the epic limerick - along with the transition from disaster to coffee to toast.

FifthElement: here was one I didn't expect - Death's hunt. I enjoyed it, a bit like the car chases one used to get in 'The Streets of San Francisco'. Oops, have I just given away my age? *grin*

=====

And the winner, based on scansion, theme and structure is...

*dang*

Hold on while I look through my notes.
This thing isn't run just on votes;
You have to consider
That creature, Derrida,
And not just sound off on the quotes...

*grin*

OK, barbara0207, Aunt Jess wins it this time!

Oh yes, sorry for being such a Nazi throughout... I've always been a bit particular about limericks and such. Terrible. Do forgive me...