Would You??

Get out as fast as I can say good-bye. I had that happen to me when I was young and dating. Dated a girl for two years, and now we were both Seniors in high school and there was talk of marriage--all on her side, I wasn't sure at all that I wanted that. She pushed to far and I did some checking up on her. What I discovered wasn't at all pretty. But it lead to me asking out the girl I'd been a best friend with since 9th grade. We went steady for 11 months and got married. December 21 marks our 27th anniversary.

Pass the question.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kelly_Sprout

I am required to maintain insurance and a perfect driving record and for that I get paid... gas money. My income comes from my tips. How much did you think a pizza place would pay its drivers for a $10 pizza? My guess is that the same thing applies to a $10 haircut.

My answer to your question is: yes, I think that tipping for service is appropriate in all cases, as a form of saying "Thank you for the service" even when the service itself is also being paid for. In other words, the employer guarantees that the service is available, so you pay for the service, but this individual, not some other flunkie, actually provided the service, so if it was service that merits a common-courtesy "Thank you," the appropriate way of saying "Thank you" is with the tip. Depending on the complexity of the service, I value the "Thank you" between 10% and 18%, but since 18% is difficult to calculate in my head, I'll often round up to 20% or down to 15% depending on the quality of the service. And... if I want to say, "Thanks for nuthin', bozo!" I'll tip ten cents. Leaving no tip at all can be misconstrued as forgetfulness.

Next question: should computer data recovery or user training be considered a "service"?

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Well, then I guess I tip the pizza person about 20 to 30 percent since we never spend more than about 10 bucks on a pizza. We're not rich either --- in fact I almost took a job as a pizza person because the starting hourly wage was the same as what I make now with the possibility of tips. But instead of I have a desk job. So I guess I have not stiffed the pizza delivery person. Maybe I just won't buy any more pizza. It's too much of an extravagance for me, apparently. Apparently I can't afford pizza.

Oh and to answer the previous question, I hope I would get out of the relationship. It might take it a while for the reality of the situation to register depending on how infatuated I was with the person but I know me, and I only put up with crap for so long and in the past I have always found a way to extricate myself from bad situations or relationships.

Suppose it's a girl scout mini-olympic team tryouts and your daughter is a really slow runner and kind of clumsy, but you think she might be able to compete in the softball throw competition. So you volunteer to help out with tryouts and you're measuring the softball throw distances. You see that your daughter wasn't able to throw the softball far enough. Would you kick her softball ahead so that she can compete in an event?

No, I will encourage her to do better.

What will you do, if you have a friend who consistently has problems, which obviously are for no apparent reasons, and at times you feel as if they just want to gain sympathy and even though they are capable, they always want others to solve their problems (no matter how much you encourage them to do it themselves, they insist that you do it for them coz they are, oh so incapable), and they are never there for you when you need them coz they are again incapable to help as they are facing huge problems?

Maddie, I think of the words of a song:

Someone to Lean On by Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Sharing and caring is a two-way street. My friends here on the net have helped me through many dark hours. But I will always be there for them, if they need me. I'm a PM or e-mail away. Talk to me, and if I can I'll help. I think that is duty of people to each other. Sooner or later you need someone to lean on.

Pass Maddie's question:What will you do, if you have a friend who consistently has problems, which obviously are for no apparent reasons, and at times you feel as if they just want to gain sympathy and even though they are capable, they always want others to solve their problems (no matter how much you encourage them to do it themselves, they insist that you do it for them coz they are, oh so incapable), and they are never there for you when you need them coz they are again incapable to help as they are facing huge problems?

So it is not wrong to have expectations, as in, if one has given a lot, it is not unreasonable for the person to expect some validity of the efforts. It is okay to expect to have a chance too, to feel for the same care that was given.

If yes then why do I hear this phrase so often 'unconditional love'?

The question passes.

Unconditional love - in my experience is usually bargaining chips people use with each other to get what they think they want-need that's a bit more out of the ordinary--or to avoid dealing with problems. My ex daughter-in-law saw absolutely no reason why I should think she was crazy when I refused to take her to a (3 days late) 21st birthday party at her rreal father's aunt's home so she could celebrate by getting stone cold party animal drunk. (irony is she really wanted a free ride to meet up with her lover since at least for a short while her mother was ignoring her infidelities (my son was at his Army base at the time waiitng for her to get moved down) (this was the first of several trysts she had until my son got the divorce but the child custody is getting interesting.

Bottom line for me I'm old enough (55) to realize I put conditions on ALL my relationsships---I just hope MOST of them are tinged with mercy and empathy. The mantra for me is There but the for the grace of God and I've stepped off that platform a few times and it's never pretty.

Certainly, one may expect to have others be there for them if they have been there for others. It is not unreasonable to feel that way, it is a normal human reaction. We may aspire to the "unconditional love" of giving with no thought of receiving anything in return. Sometimes we may even succeed. But since we are only human, the time comes when we hurt, when we have to deal with something we cannot understand nor handle by ourselves. I feel it is justifiable to expect a person you've stuck by in a crisis to stick by you through yours. It doesn't always happen. I stuck by a family member when he was in a very bad crisis, risking a lot for his sake. When my own crisis struck, I reached out to him, and he spurned me. I reminded him of how I stuck by him when no one else would. To this day, he still doesn't support me at all.

Bottom line, Maddie, it is no wrong to expect it, but steel yourself for the possibility of rejection.

How do you react when someone you've risked everything for shuns you?

Who would want to look at me naked? Yuk. No.

Same Q.

No - but Virgil's response to this is up in the wrong spot. It's funny.

Are you in the mood for coffee and doughnuts right now?

And apparently so is mine?

Would you pose nude for YouTube while eating coffee and doughnuts?

Are there time stamps on these posts? I read earlier that things were going wrong on the forum but I thought it was corrected. What do you do when some technical problem arises? I was going to report the post but I saw that was only for harrassing posts and posts that are political, offensive or whatever. (I don't like to look for directions --- I don't mind reading them but if someone could point out where I should look...)

I have no desire whatsoever to own one million dollars, so I'll pass the question.

Hmmm, where will this one end up?:D

Personally, I would be very frustrated, but hurt at the same time. After the hurt has passed, I would have to say, I would get angry, passive though it may be.

What would be your limit if the person you "love" asks you to do something for them or else they would leave? I mean, what would be the worst thing?

If someone were to say that, I would leave. No one is allowed to abuse me in such manner, not even someone I love. Now, if someone asks me to do something, I might do it, but trying to get me to do it by threathing to leave will be a mistake.

Would you eat a pie made by your friend who absolutely can't make a pie, but tried to and failed?