Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

Stale: Not fresh, so there is a lot of stale wit displayed by people each and every day 2) The only bread available in the house when you desperately need that midnight snack!

Enthusiastic:

Enthusiastic: An eagerness, perhaps foolish, perhaps not, but the eagerness will make it difficult to tell which one it is.

Foolish:

Any person hailing from the land of Folly, the world's most populous nation.

Half-wit:

Half-wit: 1) A person whom you feel that you have an advantage over in the brains department 2) What that person thinks about your IQ level

Morbid:

Morbid: To raise your offer at an auction

Trellis

Trellis: An object, like a pole, around which certain plants, who did not have the evolutionary motivation to bother solving the support problem, can entangle themselves. Often these plants have noticed this vertical object is something a human has left near them. Some of their members have even advanced theories suggesting that humans place these objects near them on purpose. Most plants, however, are sensibly skeptical of such theories and maintain the evidence for human intentionality is still weak.

Pole:

Pole: During the teenage right of passage process in High School, it goes like this. Several Seniors grab a Freshman and drop them nuts first onto an outside banister rail. The painful result is called Polling, and the action "to pole." Used thus: "Did you hear that nerd scream when Mac and me poled him? HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Swirly:

Swirly: A hairdo made possible by the invention of the flush toilet and laws requiring the educational system to continue teaching certain children long after they could be taught anything.

Tank:

Tank: An old friend of the "swirly" back when toilets had exposed tanks for flushing. The victim's face would be dunked or "Tanked" by forcing their face into the tank on the commode. To do this to a hapless victim was to "tank" him

Wedggie:

Wedgie: 1) A large Italian sandwich consisting of layers of cold cuts, stacked on a hero, 2) Any occasion on which an unwitting high school boy has his undies hoisted northward as far as nature will allow by itinerant bullies, creating a sensation which, in some few cases, the victim finds pleasurable, such that later in life he finds himself ordering couture women's unmentionables from foreign vendors in an effort to relive it in ever new and exotic ways.

Herculean:

Herculean: 1) A task requiring great strength and courage 2) A task given by a sadistic boss that even Hercules could not do


River Styx:

River Styx: The final of five rivers the dead must cross in order to find rest in the underworld of the ancient Greek hell, a place the dead have about the same likelihood of escaping as the living do from their debt obligations.

Debt:

Debt: That thing you acquire as a mature adult which brings to a frustrating and disappointing end the era of carefree and impulsive spending which during your youth allowed you to fill your Amazon shopping basket to your heart's content.

Impulsive:

Impulsive: A wave of action followed by regret which is soon forgotten for the next wave.

Wave:

Wave: That part of the great oceans that laps forever at the edge of land. Sometimes they are small and sometimes large enough to cause drastic restructuring of the map...

Breakers: