Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

We've not had snow like this in the Midlands for 30 years. Has it been worse this year up there old chap? I know you get a lot more than the plains people get.

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The weather is definitely turned on it's ear; we are having winter in florida instead of rain all winter. I've actually had to turn off the a/c a few times and wear socks.:cold:

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

Ah.

There was snow in Auckland once. In about 1932. For about a minute.

I couldn't live somewhere that cold.
No, but Baje caught a paddle crab!
Just look forward to it being the new weather pattern under global warming.
:D

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So glad Baje is well and out playing with water creatures. Tell her to get me a lobster next time.
I wonder how long it will be before I can sell my house, now 15 minutes drive from the ocean, for beach front?:cool:

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Originally Posted by jocky

I have lost my muse, some of you may say I never had it in the first place, but I am desolate. One minute she was whispering bizarre things in my lug about Shakespeare, The Metaphysical Poets, Machiavelli etc and suddenly she took off with absolutely no explanation. If any of you lot have tempted her with sychophantic temptations and false promises, I will find out and God help you. She has never been the same since we joined the blokes thread. :(

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Sorry to hear of your desolation. Ah, women are a plague sent from god to make mans paradise a living hell:reddevil:

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

I consider this thread to be like a shed - you know, the male retreat from the wiles and worries of the world. Shed Thread. I have a garage so stuffed with...stuff that I can't use it. otherwise I'd have a comfy armchair, TV + X Box 360, and my extensive library.

Ah the power of dreams...

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She's on her way back to you Jocky, we packed her C.O.D. this morning; right after she converted Paulclems garage to a luxury suite. I've decided to move to the lovely land of snow and sheep, all I need to bring is my 2nd Xbox controller and woolies:idea::driving:

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Sorry to hear of your desolation. Ah, women are a plague sent from god to make mans paradise a living hell:reddevil:


She's on her way back to you Jocky, we packed her C.O.D. this morning; right after she converted Paulclems garage to a luxury suite. I've decided to move to the lovely land of snow and sheep, all I need to bring is my 2nd Xbox controller and woolies:idea::driving:

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I could quote Milton's Paradise Lost, the part about heaven and hell but I canna be bothered. Suffice to say we manage to mess up all by ourselves and, believe it or not, I attach no blame to womankind, well at least not this week. :smile5:

A second Xbox controller shows a degree of compassion which has humbled me. Now remember my words, when you arrive in the land of the Polar Bear, on no account trust the taxi driver as he will have you round Ben Nevis at least three times on the grand tour. :lol:

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Originally Posted by jocky

GB this may sound a wee bit sexist, but she is a cracker,
You are so right Gilly, it was bourbon.
A master of blank verse at work, a joy to behold. I forgive you the videos. :lol:
Atheist, what happened to the coffee thread?

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Not to worry Jocky, we have sent your cracker to the coffee thread for a mass revival of women's topics: there will be a blend of coupon passing, a tupperware party complete with a fireman stripper, latest spring handbags and sandle wear to go with the shabby sheik cotton bloomers, and if she is truly a cracker...The Souths plans to invade and retake Jockyland:gnorsi:

I don't know, I think Gilly finally went to far with Waylon and Merle...maybe if Merle were singing Crystal Chandaliers, I might consider a reprieve:smile5:

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I was so busy catching up on here this morning, I've burnt my porage.

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I'll send you a pack of quakers instant maple and brown sugar oatmeal. A bowl of water in the microwave for 1 minute, stir in the oatmeal and cream...you'll never burn another pot.

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Originally Posted by jocky

I could quote Milton's Paradise Lost, the part about heaven and hell but I canna be bothered. Suffice to say we manage to mess up all by ourselves and, believe it or not, I attach no blame to womankind, well at least not this week. :smile5:

A second Xbox controller shows a degree of compassion which has humbled me. Now remember my words, when you arrive in the land of the Polar Bear, on no account trust the taxi driver as he will have you round Ben Nevis at least three times on the grand tour. :lol:

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Ah yes, happiness is an Xbox with two controllers in one room and a PS2 with two controllers in the other, a tv in everyroom, a computer and a packed refrigerator and library...who needs a muse.

I took Sara Palin with me, she shot the cab driver, ran over the last of the Polar Bears, and wound up crashing into a bar with a tilted sign "Ben Nevis"; everything after that is a blur. :crazy:

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Originally Posted by jocky

I have lost my muse, some of you may say I never had it in the first place, but I am desolate. One minute she was whispering bizarre things in my lug about Shakespeare, The Metaphysical Poets, Machiavelli etc and suddenly she took off with absolutely no explanation. If any of you lot have tempted her with sychophantic temptations and false promises, I will find out and God help you. She has never been the same since we joined the blokes thread. :(

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Thats terrible! I once lost my mueseli, and that was bad enough.

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Thats terrible! I once lost my mueseli, and that was bad enough.

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:lol: Mick, how can I put this, you seem to have an issue with cereals, coco pops, porage and now meusli ? If I was to mention, for example, weetabix, or perhaps rice crispies, does this provoke an angry response? I have written you a prescription for bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms, beans and toast to be consumed every morning for the next three months. You will feel like a new man I guarantee it, the only problem is your missus, who may not be overjoyed at cooking it, I speak from experience here, may remove you to the shed, or garage. For every solution a new problem arises. :)

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Originally Posted by jocky

:lol: Mick, how can I put this, you seem to have an issue with cereals, coco pops, porage and now meusli ? If I was to mention, for example, weetabix, or perhaps rice crispies, does this provoke an angry response? I have written you a prescription for bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms, beans and toast to be consumed every morning for the next three months. You will feel like a new man I guarantee it, the only problem is your missus, who may not be overjoyed at cooking it, I speak from experience here, may remove you to the shed, or garage. For every solution a new problem arises. :)

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Every morning? He'll have to squeeze into the shed..:piggy:

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

The Souths plans to invade and retake Jockyland:gnorsi:

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Och Soundo, no worries on that score, we kicked their asses in 1314, I still have old Mick's anscestor's sword and spurs in my attic. The big problem for us is their unerring ability to boot our asses when it comes to football and rugby union. Will the humiliation never end ? :(

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Originally Posted by jocky

Will the humiliation never end ? :(

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You beat them at curling.

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Originally Posted by The Atheist

You beat them at curling.

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Atheist, you are a light in the darkness. :lol:

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Originally Posted by Paulclem

Every morning? He'll have to squeeze into the shed..:piggy:

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Which brings a new resonance to the immortal line; " I saw something nasty in the woodshed. " :ack2:

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Originally Posted by jocky

:lol: Mick, how can I put this, you seem to have an issue with cereals, coco pops, porage and now meusli ? If I was to mention, for example, weetabix, or perhaps rice crispies, does this provoke an angry response? I have written you a prescription for bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms, beans and toast to be consumed every morning for the next three months. You will feel like a new man I guarantee it, the only problem is your missus, who may not be overjoyed at cooking it, I speak from experience here, may remove you to the shed, or garage. For every solution a new problem arises. :)

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Since visiting England, I have new respect for our nonamerican brothers. Anyone who can eat eggs, those huge things the British call sausages, and add things like beans, tomatoes and mushrooms...I would spend every waking minute looking for the toilet. I noticed that the French grabbed a bit of yougurt and a piece of fruit, the Italians grabbed stacks of bread and warm milk....I don't know Mick, I would stick with the cereal, perhaps some nice granola. :smile5:

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Originally Posted by jocky

Och Soundo, no worries on that score, we kicked their asses in 1314, I still have old Mick's anscestor's sword and spurs in my attic. The big problem for us is their unerring ability to boot our asses when it comes to football and rugby union. Will the humiliation never end ? :(

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Well, if you still have those snakeskin boots and the ten gallon hat, add the spurs and the women will follow you quietly into the barnyard:thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by jocky

Which brings a new resonance to the immortal line; " I saw something nasty in the woodshed. " :ack2:

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My god man, you have a photographic memory, don't you...I had totally forgotten that line...and I only remember the end of the movie:nod:

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Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Since visiting England, I have new respect for our nonamerican brothers. Anyone who can eat eggs, those huge things the British call sausages, and add things like beans, tomatoes and mushrooms...I would spend every waking minute looking for the toilet. I noticed that the French grabbed a bit of yougurt and a piece of fruit, the Italians grabbed stacks of bread and warm milk....I don't know Mick, I would stick with the cereal, perhaps some nice granola. :smile5::

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Typical woman, misquoting and putting words into my mouth. At no point did I mention tomatoes. That would have been a serious offence indeed. :smile5:

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Originally Posted by jocky

Typical woman, misquoting and putting words into my mouth. At no point did I mention tomatoes. That would have been a serious offence indeed. :smile5:

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:ack2: Well, I should have talked with you before allowing those Selwyn wincehes to hand me a huge plate of beans, tomatoes, fried eggs and huge sausages. I had a lump in my throat and stomach all day! I should have known something was up when they told me they had no idea how to make French toast:confused:

Right now I'm burning to post several breakfast related anecdotes.

However Jocky is right, we lost the heirloom of our house at Bannockburn, an ancient sword forged from a phrenologists measuring device and named Excaliper. On being approaced by a large, hairy and very mercenary Scotsman, my ancestor decided to preseve the family jewels, he threw Excaliper at him, turned and ran, with the words- "Hwaet! Ye can only leave via the gift shop!" ringing in his ears.

Sounds: is Granola as bad as it sounds.

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Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Right now I'm burning to post several breakfast related anecdotes.

However Jocky is right, we lost the heirloom of our house at Bannockburn, an ancient sword forged from a phrenologists measuring device and named Excaliper. On being approaced by a large, hairy and very mercenary Scotsman, my ancestor decided to preseve the family jewels, he threw Excaliper at him, turned and ran, with the words- "Hwaet! Ye can only leave via the gift shop!" ringing in his ears.

Sounds: is Granola as bad as it sounds.

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oops..