Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

Sense of humor: A rarity, although they used to be quite common, sarcastic wit being one of the species of a sense of humor I dearly loved. Nowadays, when you have be so careful about saying ANYTHING, a sense of humor is not given the hilarity it deserves...

Speech Police:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mona amon

Politically Correct: Not being able to call a spade a spade, let alone an effing shovel.

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:lol:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pendragon

Speech Police:

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You mean speech paternalistic oppressor, hater.

Speech

Speech: What one’s mouth does when it’s running.

Speech Police: The dog catchers paid to chase running mouths.

Mouth:

Mouth: the way the English write moth.

Cocoon

Cocoon: A privacy covering used by some insects to hide their metamorphoses.

Snarky:

Snarky: Lewis Carroll's attitude while hunting

Attitude

Attitude: Once you've figured out your latitude and longitude, you know exactly where you're attitude.

Atlas:

Atlas: The guy back in ancient times who literally had the world on his shoulders

@Pompey Bum: Me a hater? Mais non, ami!

Text Message:

txt msg: gr8 new literary form using abbreviations, emoticons, acronyms, lack of punctuation and most important, brevity and economy of style.

Abbreviation:

Abbreviation: A shorter way of saying something that didn’t need to be said at all.

Dearly Beloved:

Dearly Beloved: Phase uttered by the person officiating at a wedding to add the pretense that everyone there is actually held in high esteem, even the third cousins twice removed that showed up drunk and without an invitation and have the bride gripping her bouquet tight enough to make her fingers white

Ring Bearer: (Please not Bilbo, Frodo, or Sam!)

Ring Bearer: Besides Frodo, this is usually a young boy, about the size of Frodo, who carries the rings for the bride and groom on a white cushion marching up the aisle after them and since one can’t trust such children with real rings, let alone the one that rules them all, they are often fake but the kids don’t know it and for those couples who postpone weddings until the very last minute this could be by the time they get around to it one of their own children.

Flower girl:

Flower girl: Cute little girl who litters the aisle with flower petals before the bride enters. Also the precocious little imp who gets into a pushing contest with the ring bearer during photos of the wedding

Matron of Honor:

Matron of Honor: The woman who stands up for the bride when she can't get one Maid to order.

Groomsman

Groomsman: On the the groom’s male attendants at a wedding who make sure the bride doesn’t pull a fast one.

Pull a fast one: