Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

Printable View

02-12-2010, 06:26 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

God, and there was me thinking the one piece of clothing you needed to be really concerned about was the sporran!

Funny you should mention head lice, because it's a hot topic in my house right now.

When I was a kid, the only people with head lice were those fresh off a refugee boat, or actually resident in some third world place. On the rare occasion a kid was found with head lice, teams of former Nazi wardresses dressed as nurses would scalp every kid within a 10km radius to ensure they didn't spread.

Nowadays, we get a letter from the school every couple of weeks reminding parents that head lice infestations are common and to actually wash and check kids' hair every now and then.

I think this is actually a subclause of the question, "Why are 21st century parents so bloody useless?"

Start a scabies infestation in the school. Perhps they'll lump the nasty, infectious ailments togeher and do a whole school fumigation/ cream rub. You'd need to be careful who gets into that particular party. Certainly no boots/ ten gallon hat people.
02-12-2010, 06:50 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Funny you should mention head lice, because it's a hot topic in my house right now.

I think this is actually a subclause of the question, "Why are 21st century parents so bloody useless?"

That is karma Atheist, Jocky has his finger on the pulse of all the contemporary issues.

That question deserves a thread in its own right. I can only answer for me and the wife in saying our kids have told us we are ' bloody useless ' for years. Perhaps it may have something to do with the modern psychology of encouraging our children to speak their minds. My old mans right hook tended to stifle debate. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Start a scabies infestation in the school. Perhps they'll lump the nasty, infectious ailments togeher and do a whole school fumigation/ cream rub. You'd need to be careful who gets into that particular party. Certainly no boots/ ten gallon hat people.

You forgot to mention impetigo and rickets, which are still thriving in Scotland. It must have something to do with our misty glens, shortbread, haggis and buckfast. Good to hear from you Paulcelm. :)
02-12-2010, 07:16 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

That is karma Atheist, Jocky has his finger on the pulse of all the contemporary issues.

That question deserves a thread in its own right. I can only answer for me and the wife in saying our kids have told us we are ' bloody useless ' for years. Perhaps it may have something to do with the modern psychology of encouraging our children to speak their minds. My old mans right hook tended to stifle debate. :)

:D

We all - sisters and brothers - have a family nose - broken by the old! man.:biggrinjester:

It's nice to be back Jocky.

I must say this is a very pleasant thread. Can get a bit heated out there in the pit.
02-12-2010, 07:39 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

:D

Can get a bit heated out there in the pit.

That is the understatement of the century. I have to admit to causing a lot of the touble out there in literary land. It can get a bit heated here at times as well, and I take my share of the blame, but what else can you expect from an illiterate jock ? We are all buddies here, well mostly. I will have to speak with Atheist about rule 23, paragraph 12, addendum 32, where it clearly states; No two Yorkshiremen will be allowed on the thread simultaneously. :)
02-13-2010, 02:02 AM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Start a scabies infestation in the school. Perhps they'll lump the nasty, infectious ailments togeher and do a whole school fumigation/ cream rub. You'd need to be careful who gets into that particular party. Certainly no boots/ ten gallon hat people.

Nah, not even that would work.

The Sikhs boys and the Muslim girls aren't allowed to remove their headgear and we're very culturally sensitive about that kind of stuff over here.

Makes me want to move to France!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

You forgot to mention impetigo and rickets, which are still thriving in Scotland.

Impetigo!

That's another blast from the past. Jesus, a kid with impetigo could expect to be sent straight to the district nurse, bundled up in antibiotics and chained to his/her bed until non-infectious. And rickets! That was eradicated in the 1970s.

Am I having deja vu or has the world just gone nuts?

Maybe both!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

No two Yorkshiremen will be allowed on the thread simultaneously. :)

Parker had that one rescinded.

I'm sure he has a quiet predilection for pork scratchings and has been got at!
02-13-2010, 05:10 AM
prendrelemick

This thread has now been swamped by cures for various infestations, courtesy of google ads.
I remember the visits of the Nit Nurse to our class, resulting in a lucky few being sent home with a discreet letter and a bottle of something resembling sheep dip.

I've always found pork scratchings ideal for greasing palms and Pontefract Cakes make an excellent sweetener. However parker remains impervious to food related incentives. He is the best administrator money can buy.
02-13-2010, 01:10 PM
jocky

Before you start Mick, we managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The biggest comedy of errors it has been my misfortune to witness. They will be rolling in laughter in the valleys tonight, it is enough to drive you to drink. :(
02-13-2010, 02:59 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

This thread has now been swamped by cures for various infestations, courtesy of google ads.

Classic! Great spot - I wouldn't have noticed, but scrolling up showed me ads for anal itching and ringworm!.

Now that I've said that, we'll have some more.

:lol:

The power of Google.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I've always found pork scratchings ideal for greasing palms and Pontefract Cakes make an excellent sweetener. However parker remains impervious to food related incentives. He is the best administrator money can buy.

Ah. That explains his driving a new Roller on a salary of ten pound a week.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Before you start Mick, we managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The biggest comedy of errors it has been my misfortune to witness. They will be rolling in laughter in the valleys tonight, it is enough to drive you to drink. :(

Ugh, I hate games like that. I once had $50 to win on Bay of Plenty to beat Auckland at $10. They were 14 up with five minutes to play and gave up three tries in five minutes to lose by 7.

Mind you, at least I hadn't lost to Wales!

That's one of those black holes with no escape.
02-13-2010, 05:19 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

...Impetigo!

That's another blast from the past. Jesus, a kid with impetigo could expect to be sent straight to the district nurse, bundled up in antibiotics and chained to his/her bed until non-infectious. And rickets! That was eradicated in the 1970s.

Am I having deja vu or has the world just gone nuts?

Maybe both!

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

This thread has now been swamped by cures for various infestations, courtesy of google ads.
I remember the visits of the Nit Nurse to our class, resulting in a lucky few being sent home with a discreet letter and a bottle of something resembling sheep dip.

Have you noticed how all the great classical names for ailments have become “syndromes”?
Such as:

“RLS” (restless leg syndrome) - Used to be known as the nervous jitters. For example when one is nervously awaiting their obligatory beat down by the playground girls.

“IBS” (irritable bowel syndrome) – We used to say: “dude, quit eating so many beans and cabbage and stand on my leeward side!”

“TWS” (Tiger Woods Syndrome) – THIS IS NO JOKE. I was heading into work and heard a commercial for a law firm comprised of all women. The add was aimed at women who, and I quote…”Is your marriage suffering from Tiger Woods Syndrome…?”

I enjoyed the "sheep dip" reference Prendrelemick.
My parent's cure for just about anything you could imagine was either generic pet salve, Campho-Phenique or 409 household cleaner.
02-13-2010, 06:07 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Have you noticed how all the great classical names for ailments have become “syndromes”?
Such as:

“RLS” (restless leg syndrome) - Used to be known as the nervous jitters. For example when one is nervously awaiting their obligatory beat down by the playground girls.

“IBS” (irritable bowel syndrome) – We used to say: “dude, quit eating so many beans and cabbage and stand on my leeward side!”

“TWS” (Tiger Woods Syndrome) – THIS IS NO JOKE. I was heading into work and heard a commercial for a law firm comprised of all women. The add was aimed at women who, and I quote…”Is your marriage suffering from Tiger Woods Syndrome…?”

I enjoyed the "sheep dip" reference Prendrelemick.
My parent's cure for just about anything you could imagine was either generic pet salve, Campho-Phenique or 409 household cleaner.

My wife says I have restless leg syndrome, but I supect it's just another excuse to knuckle me in the ribs.

She says I have lots of syndromes..
02-13-2010, 06:47 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Soundo, I don't quite know how to tell you this, it is all very embarassing, I suffer from athlete's foot and headlice, two highly infectious ailments. Not to worry, my doctor has advised me that with the right, expensive treatment you should be cured in a month or two. :)

:sad: And I've been wondering why the Beegees won't return my calls; they asked me to do alittle naked back walking for their "syndromes":ciappa:

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

God, and there was me thinking the one piece of clothing you needed to be really concerned about was the sporran!

Funny you should mention head lice, because it's a hot topic in my house right now.

When I was a kid, the only people with head lice were those fresh off a refugee boat, or actually resident in some third world place. On the rare occasion a kid was found with head lice, teams of former Nazi wardresses dressed as nurses would scalp every kid within a 10km radius to ensure they didn't spread.

Nowadays, we get a letter from the school every couple of weeks reminding parents that head lice infestations are common and to actually wash and check kids' hair every now and then.

I think this is actually a subclause of the question, "Why are 21st century parents so bloody useless?"

The first couple of times I got those letters asking me to look for a louse; I hopped in the car and tracked down the ex :auto: sent my daughter back to school the next day and got a second dirty letter.:nono:
What do you say to the children, "now dear, don't play beautyshop with the girls, don't let any adorable boys show how strong they are by picking you up.
Of course, the kids love it, It's the parents who have to take off work; go buy that awful shampoo and hear the child cry; go to the health department where you just know you are going to pick up a number of infectious disease while waiting:ack2:

[QUOTE=Paulclem;845099]Start a scabies infestation in the school. Perhps they'll lump the nasty, infectious ailments togeher and do a whole school fumigation/ cream rub. You'd need to be careful who gets into that particular party. Certainly no boots/ ten gallon hat people.[/QUOTE

Now that's not fair, I was going to get a free body gel and shampoo at the school.
I used to notice all of these 7 year olds in the neighborhood with dyed hair; I
thought, "My goodness, children are certainly precocious nowdays". A friend recently said they dye their grandchildrens hair to get rid of lice; it's milder than the lice formulas...Ooo, I'm feeling gross after all that talk of bugs:sick:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Have you noticed how all the great classical names for ailments have become “syndromes”?
Such as:

“RLS” (restless leg syndrome) - Used to be known as the nervous jitters. For example when one is nervously awaiting their obligatory beat down by the playground girls.

“IBS” (irritable bowel syndrome) – We used to say: “dude, quit eating so many beans and cabbage and stand on my leeward side!”

“TWS” (Tiger Woods Syndrome) – THIS IS NO JOKE. I was heading into work and heard a commercial for a law firm comprised of all women. The add was aimed at women who, and I quote…”Is your marriage suffering from Tiger Woods Syndrome…?”

I enjoyed the "sheep dip" reference Prendrelemick.
My parent's cure for just about anything you could imagine was either generic pet salve, Campho-Phenique or 409 household cleaner.

God, the little wanker actually has his own syndrome now...disgraceful:goof:
I imagine you would get restless legs if you had irritable bowels:lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

My wife says I have restless leg syndrome, but I supect it's just another excuse to knuckle me in the ribs.

She says I have lots of syndromes..

I was married to a fellow with restless leg syndrome, the bed vibrated all night...
02-13-2010, 07:42 PM
jocky

While we are on the subject of nits, whoever started that one? I have to relate a tale of abject cruelty. It used to be my wont to explain confidently to the wife and kids that despite my poor background I had never suffered from that despicable disease, as nits never invaded clean hair, big mistake. One day, to my horror, the missus said the dreaded letter had arrived from school and explained patiently that the whole household had to be treated. Despite my protests I had to sit down and be scourged by the dreaded nit comb, I am sure she raked it through my scalp harder than was necessary. She pronounced, in a doomladen tone, that I was infected and the sheep dip treatment was unavoidable. Imagine my shock in the morning when I asked the kids if they had been treated and they replied, what are you on about da? The moral being no one is immune and my wife is fit for me. :)
02-14-2010, 01:26 AM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

“TWS” (Tiger Woods Syndrome) – THIS IS NO JOKE. I was heading into work and heard a commercial for a law firm comprised of all women. The add was aimed at women who, and I quote…”Is your marriage suffering from Tiger Woods Syndrome…?”

I think lots of blokes wish they were rich enough to afford one of those.

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I was married to a fellow with restless leg syndrome, the bed vibrated all ight...

Some people would think that's a good thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

The moral being no one is immune and my wife is fit for me. :)

Go bald!

No hair = no lice. I blame Propecia!
02-14-2010, 05:06 AM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

While we are on the subject of nits, whoever started that one? I have to relate a tale of abject cruelty. It used to be my wont to explain confidently to the wife and kids that despite my poor background I had never suffered from that despicable disease, as nits never invaded clean hair, big mistake. One day, to my horror, the missus said the dreaded letter had arrived from school and explained patiently that the whole household had to be treated. Despite my protests I had to sit down and be scourged by the dreaded nit comb, I am sure she raked it through my scalp harder than was necessary. She pronounced, in a doomladen tone, that I was infected and the sheep dip treatment was unavoidable. Imagine my shock in the morning when I asked the kids if they had been treated and they replied, what are you on about da? The moral being no one is immune and my wife is fit for me. :)

It's true, Jocky, no ones immune; the critters jump...:iagree:
I had a very hairy friend who always wore suits. I suppose he liked to get a few days wear from them (as they had to be dry cleaned). One day I saw him on the beach and every inch of him was shaven (except the top of his head); he explained his wife "just wanted to see if it improved their lovemaking....:icon_bs:

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

I think lots of blokes wish they were rich enough to afford one of those.

I hear theres a new one, "Tiger Woods Alimony Syndrome":nopity::incazzato:
02-14-2010, 02:57 PM
gbrekken

new infestations? watched a bit of some frogs (not TCU) pounding some potatoes in the ground yesterday (courtesy BBC). I picked up a bit of humor at the bar the night before last. She wasn't good looking but did laugh at everything I said. Definition of a good day: beer, beer, more beer, Daytona 500, and women's ice hockey; plus more beer. Hairless is good, eh?