papayahed :...Much pleasure thou can'st give me;
How often has the Christmas tree
Afforded me the greatest glee
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Much pleasure thou can'st give me...
basil : *buries his face in his hands*
Printable View
papayahed :...Much pleasure thou can'st give me;
How often has the Christmas tree
Afforded me the greatest glee
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Much pleasure thou can'st give me...
basil : *buries his face in his hands*
Check out the bulbs on that thing:
http://www.moonbattery.com/christmas-tree.jpg
:lol:
http://www.moonbattery.com/christmas-tree.jpg
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
You fill my heart with music
Reminding me on Christmas Day
To think of you and then be gay
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
You fill my heart with music
Oh, don't let all those tinsel and baubles dazzle you; the beauty is only skin deep, after all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Basil
The real question is whether you will still care for the Christmas tree when it it has passed its prime and looks like this:
Nah, I'd probably just take it in the backyard and set fire to it. That's actually how most of my relationships end.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
That is so unfair; ' A thing of beauty is a joy forever ' Remember that tree had leaves at one time, it had D.N.A. it could have been a prince among trees, it could have supported birds, squirrels, insects and sasquatch. What time are you burning it I am freezing? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Basil
In Estonia, men who perform such acts with Christmas trees are traditionally poked to death with Christmas ornaments and no wonder - monstrous creatures who stalk the forests of Estonia even now are known to be born of such unnatural unions of man and tree. These creatures possess both the cunning, strength and allure of a Christmas tree and the intellect of a human - creatures even more dangerous than the ordinary Christmas-trees.
Fortunately, due to genetics, half-Christmas-trees cannot produce offspirng themselves, although they are unarguably sexy - even I, who I am not a treesexual can see it.
Basil, I don't know whether the creatures you engage in relationship with are real Christmas-trees or the halfbreeds(they can be uncannily similar to ordinary Christmas trees if they take after their wooden parent) and, being a liberal-minded European man, I do not condemn your lifestyle, but please, and I cannot stress this enough: use protection. For the sake of general and personal good.
:)Quote:
Originally Posted by Taliesin
So you are not a treesexual, this is a new phenomenom which may branch out and take root. I believe half of this post, yes and that is the half that is patently untrue. ' God stand up for treesexuals ' :santasmil
1. Mobile numbers 07700 900000 to 900999 are reserved for fictional numbers in TV and films.
2. Smoking first thing in the morning is worse for you than other times of the day regardless of the number of cigarettes smoked, US research shows.
3. There is one CCTV camera for every eight people in London.
4. The world's oceans are believed to absorb about half of the total carbon emissions from human activities.
5. Italian police have a Lamborghini patrol car worth 165,000-euro (£150,000).
6. Pubs in England pull about 10 million extra pints when the national football team plays in the World Cup.
7. Jane Austen probably died of TB - commonly caught from drinking infected milk - when she passed away aged 41.
8. Feet movements reveal who you are sexual attraction to.
9. The feet of the blue-footed booby, a bird which is native to the Galįpagos Islands and Ecuador, get brighter in colour the less sex it has.
10. There are just four minarets on mosques in Switzerland.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinem...st_w_115.shtml
He and Tiger Woods must have been on double dates. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
I was eating beef at a pretty early age. :pQuote:
2. To be a Beefeater you have to have done 22 years military service.
Well, there is a loss of consciousness when one is a vegtetarian too long. :DQuote:
3. Seemingly vegetative patients are asked to think of playing tennis while being scanned for evidence of consciousness.
And its first customer was William Wordsworth who wrote a sonnet on it:Quote:
4. The UK had its first curry restaurant in 1809.
His editor didn't like it and so had him change it to "The World is too much with us..." :lol:Quote:
The curry is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our curry;
Little we see in curry that is ours;
We have given our curry away, a sordid boon!
This curry that bares her bosom to the moon,
The curry that will be howling at all hours...
Isn't that the pissing spot outside the Borrowdale Pub. :pQuote:
5. The hamlet of Seathwaite in Borrowdale is, on average, the wettest inhabited place in England.
Hmm, of course they were designed in 1809 and so now you have a problem. ;)Quote:
6. All British infrastructure, including bridges, is designed to at least withstand the kind of flooding that would happen on average once every 200 years.
And what optomitrist is going to tell them otherwise? :nod:Quote:
7. Hammerhead sharks can actually see rather well.
And what happens when you get a mole? Does one grow deaf? :eek2:Quote:
8. And humans use their skin to "hear".
Ooh, I bet they have lots of my birthday images searches for lit netters. :DQuote:
9. Google will only remove images from its image search facility if legally ordered to do so.
It's not exactly nutritious. ;)Quote:
10. Christmas trees can be dangerous.
And if I dial one will I get charged? It was fictional? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
That is very interesting.Quote:
2. Smoking first thing in the morning is worse for you than other times of the day regardless of the number of cigarettes smoked, US research shows.
Shh. Don't let all the 1984 people hear that. They already see Big Brother everywhere.Quote:
3. There is one CCTV camera for every eight people in London.
Now that was very interesting. Here's a quote from the article:Quote:
4. The world's oceans are believed to absorb about half of the total carbon emissions from human activities.
"It had been assumed?" You mean that this has not been modeled correctly in those famous models that are predicting global warming? Does that support that global warming is a crock and flawed science? It does to me.Quote:
Professor Watson said that it had been assumed that the amount of CO2 absorbed by the oceans remained constant.
Oh, it's almost worth getting arrested just for a ride. :DQuote:
5. Italian police have a Lamborghini patrol car worth 165,000-euro (£150,000).
I guess they have to drown their sorrows somehow. :pQuote:
6. Pubs in England pull about 10 million extra pints when the national football team plays in the World Cup.
What a shame. Only 41. She hadn't even hit her peak yet.Quote:
7. Jane Austen probably died of TB - commonly caught from drinking infected milk - when she passed away aged 41.
Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the phrase my wife is a ball and chain. :lol:Quote:
8. Feet movements reveal who you are sexual attraction to.
Hmm, kind of like my feet. You want to see how bright my feet are? They couldn't get any brighter. :pQuote:
9. The feet of the blue-footed booby, a bird which is native to the Galįpagos Islands and Ecuador, get brighter in colour the less sex it has.
Virgil, I absolutely love your retorts! They're fantastic, and I do hope you keep it up!
Thank you Skib. I really appreciate that. :) :)
:lol: I hope that you just mean your relationships with old christmas trees.Quote:
Originally Posted by Basil
Ummm....yes. That IS what I meant.Quote:
Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf
Taliesin, your words of solidarity are very much appreciated.
http://babyhatchetblog.files.wordpre...ee-costume.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by Taliesin
Yes, you can't deny they possess a certain slatternly appeal.
Interesting.Quote:
Originally Posted by Basil
I had put you down as a "chop-store-and-consume-as-and-when-needed" kind of a guy, actually.
10. Some people eat goat and horse meat :(
9. If you fry your mothers microwave she will probably get pissed, especialy if she doesnt like what you are using it for.
8. It is not wise to microwave your lip rings, they are metal and make lovely blue, purple and green sparks before causing the microwave to go boom.
7. The capital of argentina is not San Juan
6. There are only 15 days left until Christmas
5. Not everyone appreciates house goats, even if they are potty trained
4. There are lots of educated Idiots in this world
3. Always back your computer up daily during finals, this way if your wonderful computer decides to crash you do not have to rewrite the paper that has taken you over a month again in 2 days.
2. Ups trucks do not have doors, and it gets VERRRY cold in them, you should so be nicer to the delivery guy/girl next time, its not as easy as it looks!
1. This is my 1,000 post YAY
Personal experience, Scher?Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Do I sound like I have been chopped, stored and consumed as and when needed? :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Taliesin
1. The Queen travels to Sandringham by scheduled train each Christmas.
2. The Moon has the coldest place in the Solar System measured by a spacecraft
3. About 3.8 million cheques were written in the UK every day last year.
4. Australian stingless bees immobilise intruding beetles by mummifying them in resin, wax and mud.
5. The Royal Mail's missed parcel cards are also known as "739" cards.
6. 748 million burgers are sold in the UK annually.
7. Women's touch is more sensitive than men's.
8. The Na'vi language spoken in James Cameron's new film Avatar took four years to write and develop.
9. Female spiders eat their mates despite them being nutritionally poor.
10. Milton Keynes central railway station appeared as a UN building in Superman IV.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinem...his_t_21.shtml
I don't know about everybody else, but I have far better things to do with four years of my time. :lol:Quote:
8. The Na'vi language spoken in James Cameron's new film Avatar took four years to write and develop.
Coach or first class? :D I bet she gets an earfull from the fellow passengers. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
And I thought it was Rosie O'Donnell's heart. :lol:Quote:
2. The Moon has the coldest place in the Solar System measured by a spacecraft
Wow, that's probably about right. It is a lot but then we all have bills to pay. :(Quote:
3. About 3.8 million cheques were written in the UK every day last year.
Sort of like the American divorced woman immobilising her ex. :DQuote:
4. Australian stingless bees immobilise intruding beetles by mummifying them in resin, wax and mud.
I see the mail in Britain is as lousy as ours. :sick:Quote:
5. The Royal Mail's missed parcel cards are also known as "739" cards.
And all these vegetarians around here don't know what they're missing. :DQuote:
6. 748 million burgers are sold in the UK annually.
It all depends on where you're touching. :D [Geez I hope they didn't spend millions of dollars on that study.]Quote:
7. Women's touch is more sensitive than men's.
Four years to write a fake language? I could have saved him a lot of time and money. Plus why didn't they just take some remote language from a tribe in the amazon? It would have been a lot easier.Quote:
8. The Na'vi language spoken in James Cameron's new film Avatar took four years to write and develop.
Now here I am in a quandry. Do I quip on the fact that a female spider is sucking the life blood out of a male just like humans or do i quip that a males don't have any nutrition? Choices, choices. :DQuote:
9. Female spiders eat their mates despite them being nutritionally poor.
But it doesn't say who Milton Keynes is. Sounds like a merging of Milton Freidman and John Mayard Keynes. Quite an economic center. ;)Quote:
10. Milton Keynes central railway station appeared as a UN building in Superman IV.
It doesn't say they are beef/chicken burgers... For all you know, they might be veggie burgers, which I love.Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgil
:D
:D This is true. But I bet the overwheling majority are beef.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
1. The G-spot nearly came to be known as the Whipple Tickle
2. The average British woman's foot is a size five and a man's is a size nine.
3. You have a legal duty to clear snow and ice from your path if you know it would otherwise be a hazard to people legitimately walking up it.
4. Cleopatra's eye make-up may have protected against disease.
5. Breast implants can slow you down.
6. Swiss law allows enormous speeding fines.
7. The legal limit for flying is 9mg alcohol per 100ml of breath.
8. People are still buying audio cassettes - 8,443 were sold in 2009.
9. Mobility scooters are exempt from the Road Traffic Act, leaving police powerless to act against examples of careless driving.
10. You can spot signs of high cholesterol from looking at someone.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinem...st_w_117.shtml
1. Riot shields make good sledges.
2. You can assault someone without touching them.
3. Alligators and birds breathe the same way - in one direction only.
4. Hiccups can be caused by brain tumours.
5. South Korea has the fastest broadband in the world.
6. Snow causes potholes.
7. The same weather system that froze Britain also baked Greece in record temperatures.
8. Michael Winner had part of his leg cut away due to oyster poisoning.
9. It's OK to own military medals you haven't earned, but it's illegal to wear them.
10. Animal heaven is called Rainbow Bridge.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinem...st_w_118.shtml
*face palm* :lol: What can I say to that? Let's just be gratefull it wasn't called the finicky fankle. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Of course. Men are more evolved!!! :lol: It's that Y chromosone. :DQuote:
2. The average British woman's foot is a size five and a man's is a size nine.
Now what if you're out of town and no one is home? We have the same law and I have wondered about this.Quote:
3. You have a legal duty to clear snow and ice from your path if you know it would otherwise be a hazard to people legitimately walking up it.
But I bet it encouraged STDs. :pQuote:
4. Cleopatra's eye make-up may have protected against disease.
Yeah, but they are fun to watch as they slow her down. :D (Hey are these news items turning rated X all of a sudden?)Quote:
5. Breast implants can slow you down.
Was that 14 million euros? Or is the "m" a thousand? And the fine was calculated based on his wealth? You mean there are different catagories of punishment based on a person's wealth? Now that doesn't sound like justice being blind.Quote:
6. Swiss law allows enormous speeding fines.
And a few more drinks and you'll really be flying. :DQuote:
7. The legal limit for flying is 9mg alcohol per 100ml of breath.
I heard some people were still washing their clothes by the river. ;)Quote:
8. People are still buying audio cassettes - 8,443 were sold in 2009.
But if you're caught speeding in a car they fine you millions of dollars (see #7). Laws don't make sense do they? It's what ever capricious thought comes into the legislatior's minds.Quote:
9. Mobility scooters are exempt from the Road Traffic Act, leaving police powerless to act against examples of careless driving.
Well, if their face is about the size of a basketball, you know they've been over eating. :)Quote:
10. You can spot signs of high cholesterol from looking at someone.
I wonder if Sir Lancelot sledded on his shield? :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Well, smacking them with a hammer across the head isn't exactly touching them. Is it? :DQuote:
2. You can assault someone without touching them.
You mean they don't fart? :eek:Quote:
3. Alligators and birds breathe the same way - in one direction only.
And burps can be caused by hemorrhoids. :lol:Quote:
4. Hiccups can be caused by brain tumours.
Maybe we should get Admin to situate lit net there. :pQuote:
5. South Korea has the fastest broadband in the world.
And ice. The streets get torn up so around here after every winter.Quote:
6. Snow causes potholes.
It's global warming!!! :lol:Quote:
7. The same weather system that froze Britain also baked Greece in record temperatures.
He's lucky it wasn't shrimp or they would have gone after his penis. :D (Now this is getting into the gutter. ;))Quote:
8. Michael Winner had part of his leg cut away due to oyster poisoning.
Is it also ok to have diplomas one hasn't earned as long as you don't hang them on the wall? ;)Quote:
9. It's OK to own military medals you haven't earned, but it's illegal to wear them.
And animal hell is called the Vet's office. :)Quote:
10. Animal heaven is called Rainbow Bridge.
1. Mo Mowlam lied about her tumour.
2. The last remaining Royal Mail ship goes to St Helena.
3. Blind people can be taught to take photos.
4. Bolognese should be served with tagliatelle, not spaghetti.
5. Parliamentary candidates can put their own seals on ballot boxes under the Ballot Act of 1872.
6. South Korea's Ministry of Health is nicknamed Ministry of Matchmaking.
7. The first international cricket match was in the US.
8. The two most common pronunciations of Van Gogh are wrong.
9. Dead bodies do not necessarily pose a health risk to humans.
10. Cells surf.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinemonitor/
Well, provided you cook them long enough.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Well, I was thinking, "Tell that to those who have been chased by zombies..."Quote:
Originally Posted by Basil
:lol: That made me laugh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
I'm sure he's not worrying about money now, to be honest. He won't be short of a bob or two. :pQuote:
8. The Na'vi language spoken in James Cameron's new film Avatar took four years to write and develop.
Four years to write a fake language? I could have saved him a lot of time and money. Plus why didn't they just take some remote language from a tribe in the amazon? It would have been a lot easier.
1. By 57, men tend to wear their trousers just seven inches below their armpit.
2. Running barefoot may pose less risk for injury than wearing running shoes.
3. Motor home owners in the UK need a professional licence to drive one of the "homes on wheels". Not those in the US.
4. Swans divorce.
5. Texting may help children learn to spell btr.
6. Some dinosaurs were ginger.
7. Haggis has been banned in the US since 1989.
8. Among the first ever vacancies listed at early job centres were piano regulator, picture frame gilder and "girl confectioner's packer".
9. Mackenzie Crook keeps tortoises and three of them star in his latest play.
10. Face blindness - difficulty in remembering faces - is called prosopagnosia.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinem...st_w_120.shtml
It was only a pimple. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
St. Helena? Isn't that where Napoleon was confined to? Boy are they late with the mail. ;)Quote:
2. The last remaining Royal Mail ship goes to St Helena.
Of course the pictures look like Picasso portraits - body parts missing. :lol:Quote:
3. Blind people can be taught to take photos.
Of course, and my mother makes it so good, and she makes the tagliatelle from scratch. ;)Quote:
4. Bolognese should be served with tagliatelle, not spaghetti.
I didn't realize they owned seals. Kind of hard to vote if you got these barking creatures swinging their flappers at you. :DQuote:
5. Parliamentary candidates can put their own seals on ballot boxes under the Ballot Act of 1872.
Makes one wonder how they play doctor over there. :pQuote:
6. South Korea's Ministry of Health is nicknamed Ministry of Matchmaking.
And that was probably the last time. ;) Now that is amazing. I don't think a single American has ever figured out how the game is played.Quote:
7. The first international cricket match was in the US.
I pronounce it Van Goosh. Is that right or wrong? :pQuote:
8. The two most common pronunciations of Van Gogh are wrong.
Unless of course you're vitually trapped in the movie Night of the Living Dead! :DQuote:
9. Dead bodies do not necessarily pose a health risk to humans.
Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the Beach Boy's "Surfer Girl."Quote:
10. Cells surf.
Quote:
Little surfer little one
Made my heart come all undone
Do you love me, do you surfer girl
Surfer girl my little surfer girl
Hey I'm almost there 57 now and my pants are just three inches from my arm pit. :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
I heard this earlier in the week and I really find it hard to believe. Of course all it takes is one thumb tack on the ground. :DQuote:
2. Running barefoot may pose less risk for injury than wearing running shoes.
Hmm, that is interesting. It'd be cool to own one, just for the easy access to a toilet while on the road. :)Quote:
3. Motor home owners in the UK need a professional licence to drive one of the "homes on wheels". Not those in the US.
And the alimony is three fish per month. :lol:Quote:
4. Swans divorce.
Yeah right. And typing has mde me suhc a grate speler to.Quote:
5. Texting may help children learn to spell btr.
And some were Maryann. ;) (Gilligan's Island TV show for those that are too young.)Quote:
6. Some dinosaurs were ginger.
Stuffed intestines should be banned everywhere. :sick:Quote:
7. Haggis has been banned in the US since 1989.
Can I put in an order for a pack of girl confectioned? Please?Quote:
8. Among the first ever vacancies listed at early job centres were piano regulator, picture frame gilder and "girl confectioner's packer".
I hope they learn their lines. :DQuote:
9. Mackenzie Crook keeps tortoises and three of them star in his latest play.
Hmm, I don't usually forget a face, but I have a heck of tme with names.Quote:
10. Face blindness - difficulty in remembering faces - is called prosopagnosia.
it's a delicacy in Iceland and my favourite food as a kid, and has nothing to with me being a vegetarian!Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Virgil you are so funny. Loved to read this with your personal comments added :D
Thank you Walker. I'm glad you enjoy it. I have fun coming up with comments. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Walker
virg you are a nutter! :lol:
:D Thank you Niamh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Niamh
1. When the term "nostalgia" was coined in the 17th Century, some thought it was a uniquely Swiss phenomenon.
2. The removal of bales of straw can legally constitute building work for planning law purposes.
3. Half of the world's 7,000 languages are in danger of disappearing.
4. Some bugs do not get tackled for years.
5. Glass attacks in bars and pubs cause 87,000 injuries a year in England and Wales.
6. You can pay for university courses with Tesco Clubcard points.
7. Italy has 180 products with protected origin status, the most in the EU.
8. Racing camels can be worth millions.
9. Lego fanatics use computer modelling to design their creations.
10. "Baby brain" is is just a myth.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/magazinem...st_w_121.shtml
Well, if you make such wonderful chocolates, you would be nostagic for it too. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Incredible. There must be a union that governs removal of straw. ;)Quote:
2. The removal of bales of straw can legally constitute building work for planning law purposes.
Not that is actually very sad. I love English, but really does it have to absorb all the other languages?Quote:
3. Half of the world's 7,000 languages are in danger of disappearing.
Then they ought to play in the super bowl. They would make a heck of a running back. :lol:Quote:
4. Some bugs do not get tackled for years.
Maybe they ought to switch to plastic bottles and glass. ;)Quote:
5. Glass attacks in bars and pubs cause 87,000 injuries a year in England and Wales.
And here I thought monopoly money was valueless. I could have paid for college on game money! :lol:Quote:
6. You can pay for university courses with Tesco Clubcard points.
:banana: I bet most of it has to do with food. What kind of cuisine would the world have without us Italians. :DQuote:
7. Italy has 180 products with protected origin status, the most in the EU.
Did you ever see the jockies for those camels? Completely bow legged. ;)Quote:
8. Racing camels can be worth millions.
Are you serious? That is actually really cool. I bet those are good skills for a kid to develop if they want to get into engineering.Quote:
9. Lego fanatics use computer modelling to design their creations.
Oh yeah. When you're born you already start with the brain of a ninety year old. How silly. :pQuote:
10. "Baby brain" is is just a myth.