Thank you for starting us off. Anyone else?
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Thank you for starting us off. Anyone else?
Well seeing as there are only two entries, and it is kind of late, but I don't want to put off judging any longer because I have already got quite behind as things have been a bit hectic here, forgive me for not giving a detailed critique as usual. But think you both for entering.
The winner is Pendragon, I loved the haunting imagery of your poem and the fluid and elegant style. Beautifully written.
Thank you, Dark Muse!
From "Some Hallucinations" by Lewis Carrol
"He thought he saw a banker's clerk descending from a bus"
We will wait on a ending date when I see how many poems we have. :willy_nilly:
He thought he saw a banker's clerk
descending from a bus
at 5:19, just after work,
he looked like one of us;
his clothes were neat, he didn't stand out,
he slipped into the crowd;
he followed routine, there isn't a doubt,
deviation wasn't allowed.
He'd hidden himself over the years,
unnoticed like the trees,
unnoticed like the shoes one wears,
unnoticed by degrees.
Aside from this a smiling glance
would tell you of the time he had spent -
for now there isn't any chance
anyone knows where the money went.
Some More Hallucinations
He thought he saw a banker's clerk
Descending from a bus,
But now he knows that aliens
Will soon get all of us,
And though he thinks that might be bad
He doesn't make a fuss.
The last time that he told his friends
That aliens were here,
They laughed, so now he drinks alone,
Consuming Belgian beer
To wash away what's in his brain
Should aliens come near.
He should have told them bankers' clerks
Had landed over there.
They might have seen those ray guns raised.
Perhaps then they would care.
But as he lifts another glass:
"There's aliens everywhere!"
Har! Two good ones to start us off, very much in the spirit of the original! Keep 'em coming!:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:
Any other poems? The deadline is September 15th.
He thought he saw a banker's clerk
descending from the bus.
He looked again and saw it was
a fat rhinoceros.
'You're quite well rounded sir' he said,
'without being pointless!'
He thought he saw an eagle scout
preparing for a game.
He looked again and saw it was
an empty picture frame.
'If you won't do your job' he said
'I shall not take the blame!'
He thought he saw a devil dance
upon a poor pinhead.
He looked again and saw it was
whatever Sarah said.
'But why Ben Bellingham' he cried,
'must all love end up dead?'
He thought he saw a falling star
beneath the blushing moon.
He looked again and saw it was
the jolly month of June.
'Were I to pocket you' he said
'your heat should not leave soon!'
He thought he saw a plagiarist
getting his forum kicks.
He looked again and saw it was
graffiti upon bricks.
'The writing's on the wall' he said,
'of all the dirty tricks!'
Well the time has come. Small turnout but excellent poems. I will say right up front that I was very pleased with all the poems. All of you must have read Lewis Carroll's original poem, for you all kept faith with the original intent.
jajdude Liked the closing couplet best:
Quote:
for now there isn't any chance
anyone knows where the money went.
YesNo
That final line is priceless! So that's what hallucinations are, alien induced! It explains so much!
But the winner has to be krymsonkyng for the lines:Quote:
He should have told them bankers' clerks
Had landed over there.
They might have seen those ray guns raised.
Perhaps then they would care.
But as he lifts another glass:
"There's aliens everywhere!"
Congrads, kyng! You are up next! :hurray::hurray::hurray:Quote:
He thought he saw a plagiarist
getting his forum kicks.
Woops! Sorry all! I must have missed this Friday :/
Thanks a million, and great work to everyone who entered!
(YesNo, yours got me to belly-laugh. Jajdude, My favorite stanza was the "unnoticed" second that set up for the big reveal at the end. Fun stuff)
:drool5:
So, let me find a line and we'll get this contest back in business...
And now for something completely different:
"That I am weak, and she has horns" from T.S. Eliot's unpublished "Cows" which may be found at the below link.
http://entertainment.timesonline.co....cle6439548.ece
Judging shall commence upon the 30th.
No Excuse Accepted
She knows that I am weak, and she has horns.
Her lips drip foam. From them she scorns
Whatever I might do to rectify
Whatever I have done, except to die.
That I am weak and she has horns
Is a fact I cannot deny
She flaunts her power and she scorns
My every feeble try
Her eyes burn bright with an eerie glow
They watch me in the night
I try hard to leave her but I know
I'll never escape her sight
She purrs with pleasure and snuggles close
But I shrink away in fear
She's about as warm as an ice-cold ghost
I cannot bear her being near
Doom awaits the both of us
I'm haunted by a succubus
Pendragon
9/21/2011
Indian Summer
In the sweltering heat
beneath the angry sun
I lie among blood stained
sweat drenched sheets,
still I would half believe
it was only a fever dream.
She knows that I am weak
and she has horns, while
once more she is on the
rampage, she would tear
my life apart.
I hide behind cynicism,
cloudy eyes, and tobacco
colored fingertips, a ready
wit dangling from parched lips.
But she charges through
these defenses like a bull
with red in its eyes and a
one track mind, she is taut
full of electric physical energy.
I always manage to laugh
just at the wrong time
with a smile that betrays me
in a sneer, and she reads
all of my lies.
I know it is only a matter
of time before she aims her
knife right for my heart
and even I could not
lay blame.
Helpless, caught between
the unyielding glare of Summer
sun and her smoldering inferno
I no longer keep track of the
countless things I have done
to turn the temper of her moods.
High champion and Alabaster warden, YesNo- Short, sweet, to the point (horn humor anyone?), I enjoyed your poem for its quick rhyme and ambiguity: It brought thoughts of my ex.
Pendragon the Great- Fun, creepy, and I could relate (again with the ex, heh). The rhyme scheme and the breaks in meter were effective. My favorite lines were:
She purrs with pleasure and snuggles close
But I shrink away in fear
Oh Darkest of Muses- For an epic post I should have talked about your poem first, but I'm sure you'll forgive me seeing as I liked yours best. Here's why:
I hide behind cynicism,
cloudy eyes, and tobacco
colored fingertips, a ready
wit dangling from parched lips.
Well done to all and you've each more than earned the titles I offer, but I must volunteer Dark Muse as this contest's latest master.