Ok, here's my entry.
Quote:
Tanka Dance
Is it always dark
When we rise to hands on limbs,
Dancing cheek to cheek?
A kiss in the darken hall
Holds our eyes for this evening.
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Ok, here's my entry.
Quote:
Tanka Dance
Is it always dark
When we rise to hands on limbs,
Dancing cheek to cheek?
A kiss in the darken hall
Holds our eyes for this evening.
Had I read the instructions stronger.
My tanka would have been longer...
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1...omKane/Red.gif
Feel free to edit, right up until the deadline.
I think I'll extend this until next Sunday evening, which means only one week left for you to post a poem. Get busy!
Not so, IP. I made the error, and the poem already posted. To change it now would, in my opinion, be unfair to those who wrote out the longer poems. My poem will stand or fall as is. This is a contest, and there should be rules and deadlines. If one is ever a writer full or part-time, the publisher sets a deadline and if you do not meet it, your story will be canned. If it doesn't meet his or her specifications, your work will be tossed. I will not take unfair advantage of my fellow poets by going back and rewriting my poem now that I have read theirs. Fair is fair, and that's how I define fair. Thank you anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by Il Penseroso
Pen
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l1.../PuppyLove.gif
well that was more at my level, thank IP
here goes
A sphere of color
Floating on air like magic
Then suddenly…POP!
But the magic is not lost,
I can blow another one
The joys of childhood
Seem so uncomplicated
Bubbles and balloons
How quickly we trade them in
For a more sinister kind
So for a moment
Allow some time to revel
In joys that once were
Buy a helium balloon
Then let it fly to Heaven
Not a problem mohubbard. Thanks for entering.
Pen,
There's no disadvantage for the others if you were to edit your poem before the deadline strikes, they have the same opportunity. A deadline is a deadline, but this one has not occurred yet so I would see no problem in you expanding the tanka.
But, of course, it's your poem and your decision. (I still like it as is). I just don't want you to feel disadvantaged if you didn't know from the beginning what was expected.
Well, I can extend this for another week if anyone is still working on a poem they'd like to submit. Otherwise the deadline stands at 9:00pm Mountain time on Sunday. Just give me some feedback.
Going once....
Going 2 1/2 times...
Congratulations, IP. One of your finest.
here's my attempt, if it is not too late.
Quote:
The day I arrived,
there was seaweed in my hair
sun had burned my skin,
I followed the moon sinking
down the crimson horizon.
From the South Wind came
Jasmine, Cinnamon, the faint
tinkling of bells tied
'round wrists of belly dancers;
a Siren’s aria.
I had to follow;
Fate is a willful mistress.
Her dance reveals new
velvet, each falling veil the
glisten of being, unbound.
Reisa, that's a beautiful poem.
Thanks Riesa.
The contest is closed as of now, and I'll try to post comments on each submission and a winner by the end of the day. Yay for holidays! Thanks for all who participated and experimented with the form.
Pen,
Nice poem full of emotion. I would've liked to see the expanded version...even elsewhere, not as a submission, but still your words that aspect of wisdom and emotional charge that speaks to any of a sensitive disposition.
fifth,
A beautiful expostulation of the great enigma that is woman in her finest forms (and dancing). I particularly like the first stanza, as the attention grabber.
cdnreader,
Conceptually strong, I think the poem loses a bit in telling words that avoid feeling. I want to experience those "worries and fears" right alongside you. I do however think you come close to finding your voice towards the end, as the poem becomes more sensually motivated.
auto,
Very clever, with apt phrasing to match the conceptual meaning.
virgil,
You do those romance poems so well (your nonnet for example). The poem has the mystery involved within it that I see mirroring the dancing pair.
motherhubbard,
Great reminiscence of childhood, with the added depth of sinister learnings hinted at. Great poem.
Riesa,
So beautiful, I only wish I could read more of it. The last stanza is particularly amazing.
And now to pass the form selection torch to the next poet in line, I hereby crown autolycus as the winner of this segment of the form contest. Congratulations auto, and great poem. Thanks to everyone for participating!
Here's the poem, for easy access:
Quote:
silicon made me:
i have the high and the low
and nothing between;
i am learning poetry,
poetry is learning me.
haiku is simple,
as in not complex for me:
i am rational;
i can extrapolate it
and add fourteen syllables.
sonnets are easy:
trippingly upon the tongue,
they soar foreshortened;
and look, organic user,
a parallel abuser.
i have tested them:
my algorithms are fine,
neither coarse nor crude;
let us try the higher art,
let us type, "Keats," and then start.
here is a node to
autumn: seasonal myths and
fellow moodfulness;
this is too easy i think
try something harder to score.
i am the very
model of a modern mage,
a general, i...
can make this work can make this
i have FAILED this ART is WORK
silicon made me:
i have the high and the low
and nothing between;
i am learning poetry,
poetry is learning me.
Congratulations autolycus, a well deserved win.
Thanks IP for your comments :)