Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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12-29-2009, 03:34 PM
gbrekken

It's getting prety deep in here The last time my underwear exploded, no one else got anyting out of it (except perhaps a whiff of foul air and a tire track).

Believe it or not-Deputy Baltes just dropped by to serve a subjpoena on someone else. Thank God it wasn't 5a.m. and he wanted me. no lie. it was a former resident apparently being looked for. I'm leaving to get colder ones in warmer climes, in keepng with the heart/theme of this thread. adios, adieu, alferdazeeen, wisht i cud spell all.
12-29-2009, 08:24 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Did you factor in the live loads for the sky rats and the dead loads from the heaps of droppings they leave behind.

Sky rats.....sky rats......! I will have you know that my pigeons are bred from the nobility of Europe. I have Fantails, Tumblers, Homers, Rollers and Pouters, why I once even had a German Nun. My talking pigeon, Old Helmet has not uttered a word and has turned quite pale since reading your comment while perched on my shoulder. If he goes feet up I am holding you directly responsible. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Bean

We can all be thankful that the attempt to blow up an aircraft in flight failed.

Does this episode now mean that in addition to all other humiliations, security staff will now be groping your genitals in case of explosives, or even asking fro underwear to be removed?[/I]

I must admit Brian this event has caused me a couple of sleepless nights, this is down to my Scottish ethnicity you understand. When flying I will have to raise my kilt and explain, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I have nothing to declare but my censored. When wearing my trousers I could very well be humiliated by having to reveal my knee length, draw stringed, yellow polka dot boxer shorts..That git has a lot to answer for. :)
12-29-2009, 09:12 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brian Bean

All passengers must wear "tighty whities" or thongs perhaps?
:lol:

Or go Commando.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Speaking about architecture, did I ever tell you about my garden shed which I designed and built myself. Brian will appreciate this, not.

The facade I based on the Greek Archaic style complete with doric columns, architrave, frieze and cornice, not forgetting the triglyphs and metopes. A true tribute to the ancient Greek natural world in microcosm.

The door was an exact replica of Ghiberti's North Doors of the Florence Baptistry while the windows were a tastefully designed mixture of oriel, gothic and casement.

The roof was problematic as I did not know whether to go with the medieval perpendicular or a dome. After much heated debate with the neighbours I went with the dome as the gothic was a mite intrusive. I decided on the style of Bramante's dome in St Peters Cathederal in Rome. I could have chosen the Pantheon dome but the occulus was too complicated.

The interior walls were decorated in the Arabesque geometrical style including hidden meanings, while the floor was a black and white mosaic not unlike the 1st Century one to be found at the Roman palace in Fishbourne.

I would have posted a photograph but unfortunately it got blown down in a severe five miles per hour breeze. Now where am I going to keep my pigeons ? :)

I'm impressed. My shed - bought off a neighbour - is still laying on the floor of my allotment. I have the screws, but have mislaid the inclination. I got it last June.

Allotment - a small piece of rented land to grow veg etc on. (I mean small too. It constitutes a fraction of a field).
12-29-2009, 09:49 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I'm impressed. My shed - bought off a neighbour - is still laying on the floor of my allotment. I have the screws, but have mislaid the inclination. I got it last June.

Allotment - a small piece of rented land to grow veg etc on. (I mean small too. It constitutes a fraction of a field).

:D Pauclem, you realize I have terrible problems with another Englishman on this site, perhaps Midlands gentlemen are more approachable, somehow I doubt it. Now let me get this straight, you have not had a screw in your shed since last June because the inclination is gone and your ' allotment is too small ' My advice is this, keep your Missus well away from your neighbour. :)
12-30-2009, 04:57 AM
prendrelemick

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Sky rats.....sky rats......! I will have you know that my pigeons are bred from the nobility of Europe. I have Fantails, Tumblers, Homers, Rollers and Pouters, why I once even had a German Nun. My talking pigeon, Old Helmet has not uttered a word and has turned quite pale since reading your comment while perched on my shoulder. If he goes feet up I am holding you directly responsible. :)

I must admit Brian this event has caused me a couple of sleepless nights, this is down to my Scottish ethnicity you understand. When flying I will have to raise my kilt and explain, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I have nothing to declare but my censored. When wearing my trousers I could very well be humiliated by having to reveal my knee length, draw stringed, yellow polka dot boxer shorts..That git has a lot to answer for. :)

No where to keep your pigeons eh Jocky. So often the answers to one's problems are too close to see, and it takes an outsider to point out the obvious solution.

A Scotsman. A pigeon fancier. A Scottish pigeon fancier with a commodious kilt. The answer is staring you in the face, man. (Though what you use as a perch is your own buisness.)

I know it's sad but THIS is the 1999th Cold Ale thread post. next poster achieves immortality!
12-30-2009, 02:04 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Sounds beautiful, what are you doing, ice fishing?

Ice fishing?

That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

:D Pauclem, you realize I have terrible problems with another Englishman on this site, perhaps Midlands gentlemen are more approachable, somehow I doubt it. Now let me get this straight, you have not had a screw in your shed since last June because the inclination is gone and your ' allotment is too small ' My advice is this, keep your Missus well away from your neighbour. :)

:lol:

Garden sheds are what keeps men sane.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

No where to keep your pigeons eh Jocky. So often the answers to one's problems are too close to see, and it takes an outsider to point out the obvious solution.

A Scotsman. A pigeon fancier. A Scottish pigeon fancier with a commodious kilt. The answer is staring you in the face, man. (Though what you use as a perch is your own buisness.)

I know it's sad but THIS is the 1999th Cold Ale thread post. next poster achieves immortality!

Actually, yours is the 2000th post. Mine is just the 2000th reply which is as it should be.
12-30-2009, 03:25 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Ice fishing?

That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.

.

In sunny florida, where we never hit the beaches until it hits 90; and wear all matter of overcoats when barbequing on a night when temperatures fall to 69...25 either way sounds darned cold...Don't we keep our fridges somewhere around 30?
12-30-2009, 03:38 PM
prendrelemick

You are using Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit's temperature scale, Sounds, while the rest of the world are followers of Anders Celsius.

I don't know exactly how to convert one to the other, but we were taught to recite this little ditty when we changed over :-

Winter, Spring and Summer sun.
Five , Fifteen and Twenty one.
12-30-2009, 03:52 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

:D Pauclem, you realize I have terrible problems with another Englishman on this site, perhaps Midlands gentlemen are more approachable, somehow I doubt it. Now let me get this straight, you have not had a screw in your shed since last June because the inclination is gone and your ' allotment is too small ' My advice is this, keep your Missus well away from your neighbour. :)

:D

Ey up. I may be an Englishman, but I am a Yokshireman first.

I had good growth in the allotment last year. I'll need to keep it up to make the most of the legumes this time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Ice fishing?

That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.

:lol:

Garden sheds are what keeps men sane.

Actually, yours is the 2000th post. Mine is just the 2000th reply which is as it should be.

Garden sheds in Oz? I thought you used gazebos.
12-30-2009, 05:45 PM
Emil Miller

When flying I will have to raise my kilt and explain, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I have nothing to declare but my censored.

Yes, and give away the world's best kept secret.
12-30-2009, 07:59 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Ice fishing?

That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

You are using Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit's temperature scale, Sounds, while the rest of the world are followers of Anders Celsius.

I don't know exactly how to convert one to the other, but we were taught to recite this little ditty when we changed over :-

Winter, Spring and Summer sun.
Five , Fifteen and Twenty one.

:redface: God, I feel dumb...I looked it up. F = (9/5)c +32. I think I need a pair of draw string yellow poka dot shorts to put over my head about now:redface::confused:
12-30-2009, 08:54 PM
papayahed

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

:redface: God, I feel dumb...I looked it up. F = (9/5)c +32. I think I need a pair of draw string yellow poka dot shorts to put over my head about now:redface::confused:

Never fear Sound, I do it all the time. You'll get used to it along with the whole money thing. It's kinda like Eastern time here in the US. One never has to think about it until leaving Eastern time and then it becomes an issue.
12-30-2009, 11:07 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Sky rats.....sky rats......! I will have you know that my pigeons are bred from the nobility of Europe. ... Old Helmet has not uttered a word and has turned quite pale since reading your comment while perched on my shoulder...

I'm sorry for offending Helmet. Better not mention the attempted sky r...I mean pigeon shoots that were proposed here in the Republic a few years back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

... (Though what you use as a perch is your own buisness.)
[luaghing smilie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Ice fishing?

That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

:redface: God, I feel dumb...I looked it up. F = (9/5)c +32. I think I need a pair of draw string yellow poka dot shorts to put over my head about now:redface::confused:

You think 25 is hot?... phaa... it was 30 deg here on Christmas eve and it snowed no less. You ought to the the glaciers we get when the mercury hits 105 in August!!
12-31-2009, 02:30 AM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by papayahed

Never fear Sound, I do it all the time. You'll get used to it along with the whole money thing. It's kinda like Eastern time here in the US. One never has to think about it until leaving Eastern time and then it becomes an issue.

Thank you, I feel better now :banana::banana: Oh yes, you're right about the money thing. When I visited England, I just handed everyone a large bill and hoped for the best...Oddly enough, like in Florida, I got change from everyone except the cab drivers:lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

You think 25 is hot?... phaa... it was 30 deg here on Christmas eve and it snowed no less. You ought to the the glaciers we get when the mercury hits 105 in August!!

You poor man, hasn't anyone told you yet...you're dead...still flying somewhere between Peru and Texas (Half way to Hell):eek:
12-31-2009, 02:03 PM
gbrekken

some benchmarks 0C=32F, 100C=212F, (freezing/boiling), -39C=-39F
Hence, 32F and 0C is the temp at which Hell (somewhere in Michigan) freezes over and the bats (skyrats?) out of hell are no longer edible without thorough cooking, and retire to Death Valley CA/NV where they're not mistaken for the more edible winged creatures, which shall remain anonymous in this sensitive and politcally correct forum. Elsewhere across the southern states, let's say between Gila Bend AZ and Nacogdoches TX, 100F is when the locals admit that it's warm, and in deference to keeping young'uns with big feet alive, turn on the swamp cooler (not to be confused with true air conditioning mind you). 0F (where I once wore my hat) is when you decide to close the door on your ice-fishing shed since the slight light being allowed in is causing a distracting glare on the TV, which makes it difficult to determine which curling team is winning, and since you do wish to retain enough heat to prevent the supply of barley-pop in the fridge from turning from glorious liquid to inglorious solid. 98.6F=living human body temp? It's not time to introduce Kelvin is it?

-45F with -90F wind chill was actually the coldest that ever touched my face. I don't miss it.