Ok becasue this thread has been slow and I don't want to make those who have submitted have to wait too much longer, I am changing the deadline.
New deadline is May 15
Printable View
Ok becasue this thread has been slow and I don't want to make those who have submitted have to wait too much longer, I am changing the deadline.
New deadline is May 15
THE MORTAL ROSE
Oh Rose, thou art sick,
but no remedy sent
for the stab of thy thorn
or the sting of thy scent,
for the blush of thy petals
when fevered with dew
or the fade of thy beauty
when days bid adieu.
H
Sorry if sound like Hill, but I did not intend to be.
You are rose by nature.
But you're thorn by deceit.
With your gleaming petal by reflection sun.
With your touch to the skin as prickly as they come.
Your perfume drain the scent of me away.
O Rose, thou art sick!.
I was wrong dear Muse, new entries. Sorry. I gotta stop posting while drunk.
We may have more life yet, but this depends on you Pen.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
haha
I want to think everyone for taking the time to partake with your great entries. I had a really hard time with this one, as there were a few different poems I had considered for the winner but had to narrow it down to pick only one.
So here goes:
Pendragon: I enjoyed the dark humorous aspect of your poem. Though perhaps it was not meant to be humorous, it tickled my macabre funny bone. I also really liked the way in which you kept with that Old English style of writing in your poem. And I really liked how you took the common image of the rose, and the cliche of how much the rose is commonly used in poetry and twisted to make it something grotesque.
YesNo: I enjoyed the playfulness of your poem. It is short and to the point, and the ending made me laugh which is generally a good thing. I also liked the aspect of the spurned lover (as it seemed to me) turning away from the hard to get rose. I liked the idea of snubbing the rose so often used to being celebrated in poetry for favor of the orchid instead.
hillwalker: Your poem reminds me the most of the original poem. I thought it was very well crafted and elegantly expressed. You did a very good job of keeping in the tone of that Romantic style which is something I generally enjoy. It was a beautifully mournful poem. The ending was a perfect conclusion to this poem and was quite moving.
zoolane: I loved the opening line of your poem. It was one of the few poems that did not use the quote as the first line, and it caught my eye off the bat and really drew me into the poem. You produced some great imagery and I really loved the line "With your gleaming petal by reflection sun." You managed to play upon the originally concept while at the same time still being original with your poem which was quite enjoyable.
But alas without further ado the winner is............
jajdude: I love the originality of turning Rose into a name and instead of speaking purely metaphorically creating this story about a woman. I also really enjoyed the back and forth aspect, of the conversation between the two different figures, and the dark tone behind the story. It brought to my mind issue of women and insanity during the Victorian era. There were times when I was not certain if indeed the presumed lover was not intentionally trying to convince her that she was insane, and I liked that touch of the ominous about it. Also I enjoyed the use of rhyme.
Thanks DM - and congratulations jajdude!
H
Thanks Muse - and congratulations jajdude!
Thank you Dark Muse and well done Jajude.
Thank you muse and all above me. It took a piece out of me to write that actually on a caffeine-laden morning. Was somewhat about my dear old mumsy, nice old bird, crazy as a duck. Schizophrenia, so they say. She's 75 now god love her. Daddy died 20 years ago.
Been having major internet issues at my crib in China, in coffee shop now, works ok.
Next Quote: I,m Just going to invent one:
" The beauty of life is without forgiveness"
Deadline: Whenever no one writes for a while.
The Beauty of Life is without forgiveness,
The Reality of Life is a feast unknown
The Temptations of Life are omnipresent
The Road of Life is narrow and trecherous
The Love of Life is all too fleeting
The Joy of Life turns swiftly to tears
The Pain of Life is often all we know
The River of Life is wide and deep
The Decisions of Life are what truly makes us
The Living of Life our one true choice
The Twilight of Life can be sunshine or shadow
The End of Life but a return to start...
Pendragon
Am I the only one playing this game?!! :(:(:(
So it seems, Pen. Oh well. Maybe I should have found a proper quote?
Life is Beautiful
Weep not
for your despair
how cruel it may to you
now seem
the darkness in which
you were cast
unjustly,
but such suffering
comes from
your own short-sightedness
you perceive not
the greater truth
of the gift you have been given,
for the beauty of life is without
forgivness, so rise from
your prostate position
and greet the day
that you are yet still alive
for all else that may befall.
My World.
My world had to crumble.
When you saw fit to deceiver me.
My world had to crumle.
When you rise you hand to me.
You ask for forgivness.
My heart will give in.
My head stand firm.
I said to you.
"The beauty of life is without forgiveness".