Can boys and girls be friends?

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Originally Posted by Taliesin

There are people you are sexually attracted to.
There are people you can or have fallen in love with.
There are people you find aesthetically good-looking.
There are people you're friends with.
These categories might overlap and they often do, but they are different categories.

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I think a lot of these categories kind-of overlap in various ways all the time. Except maybe not the fall in love part, at least not for me.

Maybe I'm like Sleepy's "muddled" friend, I don't know. But I can pretty much end up being at least somewhat attracted to almost anyone that I spend enough time with . . . Since I'm straight for most general purposes, in the case of girls that means finding them aesthetically good-looking and in the case of guys that means something that could feel more like a crush, even if it usually isn't all-out sexual attraction. Once I get to know a person emotionally/mentally/whatever, I usually end up recognizing more of their physical beauty too. Because pretty much everyone is beautiful in some way.

I have had a handful of male friends who it seems like I could only ever just be friends with them. But even them, I can very much appreciate the way they look and things like that. Not that there is sexual tension necessarily.

You know, this topic has been on my mind recently. Cause I want to hang out more with this married guy friend of mine. But I feel like he feels a little bit uncomfortable about it. I do have a crush on him, but I'm in a relationship too. I have no intentions of that sort. I just want to spend time with him cause he's an awesome person. But I feel like the fact we are both in relationships seems to be getting in the way. And it's frustrating.

Yes, that's why it's so difficult to be friends with someone of the opposite sex! Not only do signals get sometimes confused, but one's partner tends to get a wee bit jealous!! It seems to happen to me a lot, and that's why I tend to discourage people from the opposite sex when I'm in a couple, which is a pity because I quite enjoy their company.

I remember I met someone once when I was in my late teens. She was a very attractive girl, about a year older than me, and we got on extremely well (she would eventually invite me to stay with her family for several months when I decided to visit her country). However, there was never really anything more than friendship to it. She was definitely a good looking girl, but for whatever reason (and I'll confess, this was very unusual for me), though I was single at the time, I never thought about trying to make anything else of it.


We were good friends for about 2 years, but then we drifted apart, for a number of reasons, not least geography. But I thought I'd mention it, because we were both sexually mature and single, and yet neither of us was really interested in the other on that level.

As far as I can tell, all the female friends I have I was or currently am attracted to. It's sad, really. I've even confessed my love to one, and we are still friends (she didn't like me that way, it seems). I went to prom with another, and yet another probably has no idea how fond I am of her.

Maybe this is best for me as my love life has been nothing more than pitiful.

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Originally Posted by Dori

As far as I can tell, all the female friends I have I was or currently am attracted to. It's sad, really. I've even confessed my love to one, and we are still friends (she didn't like me that way, it seems). I went to prom with another, and yet another probably has no idea how fond I am of her.

Maybe this is best for me as my love life has been nothing more than pitiful.

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Love life of a seventeen year old? :lol:

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For example, I have a friend who does not have any guy friends and whenever she talks to a guy she starts checking whether he "ticks all the right boxes". She simply cannot be friends with any guy. This girl is an extreme example, because her mind's totally muddled anyway, but lots of people seem to think that whenever you say as much as "Hello" to someone of the opposite sex, it's a pick up line. I find this really confusing, because I've got a handful of guy friends with whom there is no sexual tension whatsoever.

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This kind of behaviour particularly annoys me. First of all, personally speaking, I never feel the sexual tension or whatever when any person from the opposite gender asks me a question/talks to me or anything, but that might be because I am cold or whatever, so I can admit other people might be able to feel what I can not. But the thing is that we human-beings have got something called 'will' or 'self-control' which enables us to put a guard on ourselves. I mean what use will it be if you can't even handle a proper conversation with someone from the opposite gender without blushing? Though of course it isn't probably something very big and your friend has a right to choose whatever gender she likes to befriend, but personally I will feel highly uncomfortable (and sort of annoyed too) if somebody from the opposite gender will keep on blushing while trying to answer a question of mine and his friends would be exchanging meaningful glances beside him...

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Originally Posted by kratsayra

Maybe I'm like Sleepy's "muddled" friend, I don't know. But I can pretty much end up being at least somewhat attracted to almost anyone that I spend enough time with . . . Since I'm straight for most general purposes, in the case of girls that means finding them aesthetically good-looking and in the case of guys that means something that could feel more like a crush, even if it usually isn't all-out sexual attraction. Once I get to know a person emotionally/mentally/whatever, I usually end up recognizing more of their physical beauty too. Because pretty much everyone is beautiful in some way.

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nope, you're not like my muddled friend at all. in fact, she does not get attracted (sexually or even emotionally) to people. She is stuck in a cycle (and in denial about it) and follows a "pattern" (she says so herself and is proud of it). She does not get gradually attracted to someone. As soon as she talks to a guy she looks for rational reasons why she should get together with him (i.e. whether he fits her "pattern"). When she's got a guy, she doesn't know what to do with him :brow: I don't think she's ever had a crush or been in love, she just imitates the behaviour she sees around her but the emotional counterpart is missing. I told you she's nuts.

Hehe, I think I'm a bit like you. The better I know someone, the more beautiful they look, even if they are objectively the hunchback of Notre-Dame. This goes for friends where there is zero attraction as well as for not-really-crushes.

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Originally Posted by SleepyWitch

nope, you're not like my muddled friend at all. in fact, she does not get attracted (sexually or even emotionally) to people. She is stuck in a cycle (and in denial about it) and follows a "pattern" (she says so herself and is proud of it). She does not get gradually attracted to someone. As soon as she talks to a guy she looks for rational reasons why she should get together with him (i.e. whether he fits her "pattern"). When she's got a guy, she doesn't know what to do with him :brow: I don't think she's ever had a crush or been in love, she just imitates the behaviour she sees around her but the emotional counterpart is missing. I told you she's nuts.

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Ah I see, so it is a little different than being interested in or attracted to people she meets. Well, maybe one day she will fall suddenly and unexpectedly in love and it will be with someone who doesn't fit any of her rational reasons! :)

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Originally Posted by Dori

As far as I can tell, all the female friends I have I was or currently am attracted to. It's sad, really. I've even confessed my love to one, and we are still friends (she didn't like me that way, it seems). I went to prom with another, and yet another probably has no idea how fond I am of her.

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It's not sad, it's sweet!! I used to be that way too, and am still making efforts not to develop infatuations for every person who crosses my path. :lol: I guess some people are more prone to falling in love or harbouring crushes than others...

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Originally Posted by Bitterfly

It's not sad, it's sweet!! I used to be that way too, and am still making efforts not to develop infatuations for every person who crosses my path. :lol: I guess some people are more prone to falling in love or harbouring crushes than others...

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They're not crushes. Sometimes, though, I wish they were so I wouldn't be tormented as much.

And how is it sweet?

Well, it's sweet because it seems to indicate you have a tender heart. It's far sweeter, anyway, than someone who never falls in love. :)

I'm very tormented by this last girl's answer, and I made proper preassure, because I didn't want to boil it!

I'll rather have a no than a boiling don't know!

The shadow is awful to me! I like things clear. I tell: "hey, girl, I like you!" She says "aaaahh!!!", and runs away! It's completely like me! One day, one girl will say back "hey, I like you too! :) ", and won't scream or run away. And we'll be ... fighting for ever, happily.

That's somewhat what I'd like to happen to me.

Anyway, as long time passed, I decided not to let things within so much than to talk with the other part. No matter the answer. Better a "no" than a lot of confusing imaginatiive thoughts! I don't like to live on what my mind makes. It's better to live ... life.


:crash:

So, you guys talked about friends with benefits yet? Or is that too far on the immature-college level?

That NEVER works (not that I have partaken personally, but a number of my friends have)

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Originally Posted by aBIGsheep

So, you guys talked about friends with benefits yet? Or is that too far on the immature-college level?

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What is "friends with benefits"? Sounds interesting.

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Originally Posted by Bitterfly

Well, it's sweet because it seems to indicate you have a tender heart. It's far sweeter, anyway, than someone who never falls in love. :)

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Well, I suppose you're right.

Sometimes I liken myself to the phantom from Phantom of the Opera. Meh, I'm a hopeless romantic.

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Originally Posted by Bitterfly

What is "friends with benefits"? Sounds interesting.

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:lol:

FWBs are friends that are physically intimate with one another, to put it lightly.