Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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11-07-2009, 08:14 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Aye Gilliatt, you have reminded me of that old song: When the going gets tough, the Texans get going, usually away from the sound of the guns. :)

I’m afraid I must agree with you, at least regarding the one recent incident where I found myself running side by side with the Magnus Pedi’s trying to dodge the tranquilizer darts being fired at us from the Conservancy. One of the brutes was brought down by a dart that caught him in one of his “big feet”, but I was able to extract it soon enough to avert its deleterious effects. Soon he was up and limping on his good “big foot”. Later that evening while supping on pecans and rabbit haunches, I taught them how to recognize the alarming sound of a bolt action on a rifle being engaged.
11-08-2009, 10:17 AM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

I’m afraid I must agree with you, at least regarding the one recent incident where I found myself running side by side with the Magnus Pedi’s trying to dodge the tranquilizer darts being fired at us from the Conservancy. One of the brutes was brought down by a dart that caught him in one of his “big feet”, but I was able to extract it soon enough to avert its deleterious effects. Soon he was up and limping on his good “big foot”. Later that evening while supping on pecans and rabbit haunches, I taught them how to recognize the alarming sound of a bolt action on a rifle being engaged.

:lol:

In my experience the art of telling lies always comes down to the details. For example, was it a Magnus pedi minor or a Magnus pedi major ? You will agree that there is a world of difference between a small bigfoot and a big bigfoot. Still, the Conservancy and rabbit haunches does have an authentic ring to it. When it comes to telling whoppers watch Atheist at work. When he is relating one of his fishing exploits no detail, however small, is overlooked. It is no exaggeration to state he is a mastercraftsman in the art of fiction. :)
11-08-2009, 12:42 PM
prendrelemick

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

We were going to take it up, but we couldn't get anyone to remain sober for five minutes. It is not that tough, our ladies bowls team could have beaten that lot without breaking sweat. You realize a certain English individual, who shall remain nameless, has now got all the bragging rights. Can this day get any worse? Oh no, the wife has just ordered me to wash the dishes. :bawling:

An English Gentleman would never brag. (or wash up)

In a way I would have liked the Kiwis to go to Elland Road and stick it to the Aussies again. There is nothing quite like the sight of the green and gold to stir the blood of yer avarage New Zealand rugby league player.

Last time we played the Aussies at Elland Road, the highlight of the match for me, was the young Austrailian Lady who removed her clothes and ran across the front of our stand pursued by six English yellow coated stewards. They didn't catch her, a state of affairs that reflected what was happening on the pitch.
11-08-2009, 01:56 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

An English Gentleman would never brag. (or wash up)

Aah, that old chestnut. Much ink has been wasted on that subject. Here is Brian Jenner's definition of an English gentleman , ' he would prefer a silver salt cellar that didn't work to a plastic one that did '. As to the washing up, the credit crunch has forced me to let my maid and butler go. In fact, I am thinking of asking Atheist if I could borrow Parker for a while. :)
11-08-2009, 02:08 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

ANOTHER NEWSFLASH : It is with a heavy heart I have to report that Engerland have beaten the world champions by 20 points to 12, and it is all your fault Atheist. :(

I'd reply, but I'm too upset and have thrown my computer out of the window.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

An English Gentleman would never brag. (or wash up)

In a way I would have liked the Kiwis to go to Elland Road and stick it to the Aussies again. There is nothing quite like the sight of the green and gold to stir the blood of yer avarage New Zealand rugby league player.

Well, after beating their rugby team 4-0 this year, we'll just have to rest on those laurels.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Here is Brian Jenner's definition of an English gentleman , ' he would prefer a silver salt cellar that didn't work to a plastic one that did '.

That's funny; the last description I heard of "gentleman" is a bloke who gets out of the bath to pee.
11-08-2009, 07:46 PM
jocky

Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself. :)
11-08-2009, 07:56 PM
papayahed

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself. :)

hey, can i get some of those mushrooms??

Wait, they are magic right?
11-08-2009, 08:19 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself. :)

Oh my god!

Scotch and kava.

I'll call the ambulance now.
11-09-2009, 07:52 AM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by papayahed

hey, can i get some of those mushrooms??

Wait, they are magic right?

Well yes, in the sense that if you survive more than twenty four hours after eating them it would be a bloody miracle. It was, in fact , Lady MacJocky who told me to do it. She says we are going places and if I ' screw my courage to the sticking place we will not fail '. That woman will be the death of me yet. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Oh my god!

Scotch and kava.

I'll call the ambulance now.

Could you hurry that ambulance up, I dont feel well ? I am sure the Fijean coach switched plates on me when I wasn't looking. The wife warned me he was a shifty looking individual. :)
11-09-2009, 10:41 AM
prendrelemick

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Well yes, in the sense that if you survive more than twenty four hours after eating them it would be a bloody miracle. It was, in fact , Lady MacJocky who told me to do it. She says we are going places and if I ' screw my courage to the sticking place we will not fail '. That woman will be the death of me yet. :)

Could you hurry that ambulance up, I dont feel well ? I am sure the Fijean coach switched plates on me when I wasn't looking. The wife warned me he was a shifty looking individual. :)

The ambulance should be there tomorrow.... and tomorrow and tomorrow.
11-09-2009, 01:01 PM
gbrekken

"You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match. It takes more than one leather ball to play rugby. Hence, no women sport the same. It's bad enough they play soccer. Or is it that they play badly. One daughter of mine would put a smack down on our volleyball.
I think the only crazier sportsmen is a bullrider.

I was dry for a few days-can't remember the number-point being I visited COLD ALE and immediately had to drive away and get me some. Thanks guys.

If, to a closely associated man's hands, lips, etc., the sweat off Dolly Parton's chest is called mountain dew, then the the rugby player's closely associated female partner would call for a rocky mountain high?

The best lies couch the greatest truths. Not all treasures lie on the surface but the best do. Even omissons speak louder than words. I'll attempt to stop the diarrhea of the lip now.

Peyote is better than mushrooms, but I don't know that for a fact, sinc I didn't follow my children's advice to imbibe in fungus. It's ony legal for some natives to use peyote in religious experiences. I can only tell you that since I'm not native, I scraped out all the white strchnyne before the spiritual juices.
11-09-2009, 02:48 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

The ambulance should be there tomorrow.... and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Well spotted again Mick. The first lines from one of the Bard's finest soliliquies where Macbeth realizes that life is a ' tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing ' I wonder if Shakespeare thought that, though no one would say his plays are tales by an idiot.
11-09-2009, 02:59 PM
prendrelemick

Quote:

Originally Posted by gbrekken

"You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match.

:lol: That's so true!
11-09-2009, 06:09 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by gbrekken

Wiser men were not even involved in the match.

Absolutely right, they, even like the dumber men would have known the match has not been played yet.
11-09-2009, 09:46 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by gbrekken

"You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match. It takes more than one leather ball to play rugby. Hence, no women sport the same.

Hey, we have a great women's team in NZ!

They beat the US men's team three times last year.

:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by gbrekken

I was dry for a few days-can't remember the number-point being I visited COLD ALE and immediately had to drive away and get me some. Thanks guys.

We're all part of the Global Booze Conspiracy, or GBC for short.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gbrekken

"Peyote is better than mushrooms, but I don't know that for a fact, sinc I didn't follow my children's advice to imbibe in fungus. It's ony legal for some natives to use peyote in religious experiences. I can only tell you that since I'm not native, I scraped out all the white strchnyne before the spiritual juices.

Very wise.

:lol:

Mushrooms are better.

And safer.

;)