Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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02-06-2011, 12:12 AM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Hi Sounds. The Chippendales were really popular here. Never saw them myself. They filled a niche at the time - several probably...

Unfortunately, alot of the lads from Chippendales played for the wrong team, and, no doubt, filled the wrong niches...I mean, from a ladies point of view:svengo:

Quote:

Originally Posted by OrphanPip

You wouldn't believe the cost of a male stripper in Montreal, it can cost you upwards of 20 dollars per song for a lap dance. That's twice the price of a female stripper here, outrageous!

I think it's time to bring out the Lady Gaga outfit and run to the girls stripclub, Pip. I think both you and the dancer may be pleasantly surprised:lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

That is quite odd. I guess supply & demand is the issue, so more men must be shy compared to women.

Get some Kiwi blokes up there - as rugby players we're used to undressing in front of other guys and cuddling up to them!

It might be a nice change to get some Kiwis up here anyway; I've noticed that most of the male strippers I've seen are shorter than I am and look as if they haven't seen water in a while...:nonod:

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Perhaps a career change is in order, 20 dollars is 20 dollars. I know all the moves to the Macarena. Though my "alternative" body shape may be an issue.

Yeah, 20 dollars for 5 minutes work; if it wasn't for having to put up with the drooling customers:drool5:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

There's nothing wrong with a wise old interesting alternative body shape. You could be like the Chippendales living memento mori muttering "I was once like you...you will be like me" at inopportune and compromising moments during the routines. They'll be singing along "Hey...Macarena" with a refrain of "Hey...there's me back gone".

It'd be a laugh.

:lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

I'll get the video for you Jocky.
Let me see if I can get this queued up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ai9IEkYrZQk

(RIP Patrick and Chris)

.

Thanks Gilliatt, I loved that SNL

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

I am so glad that it wisnae me that downloaded the Chippendales video. What an embarassment ! :) Mrs Jocky went to see them and I enquired how it went? She said "I had to put a pound coin between my teeth and drop it down the front of one of their shorts" So are they cracked up as good as their reputation ? She looked at me with a flushed face and quietly replied "I don't know I never opened my eyes" You bloody liar, and that's a pound your owe me.

What a clever woman...did she tell you what happened after the shorts dropped from the excess weight of the coins:eek2:
02-06-2011, 01:50 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Say Jocky, what ever became of Helmet, your pigeon?

.

Unfortunately Old Helmet has departed this vale of tears for the great pigeon loft in the sky. Not to worry, I have created a new breed by crossing a Hungarian Giant with a German Nun ( believe me it took a lot of doing ) The result is a male who I have named Bartok. He has an eight foot wing span and a thoroughly nasty demeanour. He will only eat his maize if it is mixed in goulash and his water has to be consecrated by a priest before he will drink it. I really must see about a bigger loft. :)
02-06-2011, 09:03 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

...The result is a male who I have named Bartok. He has an eight foot wing span and a thoroughly nasty demeanour...

Haha !! funny.

Please keep the species over there!
I shudder to think of the mess Bartok and his progeny will leave behind!
City budgets will be depleted in no time!

.
02-07-2011, 01:17 AM
Big Dante

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Unfortunately Old Helmet has departed this vale of tears for the great pigeon loft in the sky. Not to worry, I have created a new breed by crossing a Hungarian Giant with a German Nun ( believe me it took a lot of doing ) The result is a male who I have named Bartok. He has an eight foot wing span and a thoroughly nasty demeanour. He will only eat his maize if it is mixed in goulash and his water has to be consecrated by a priest before he will drink it. I really must see about a bigger loft. :)

You should breed more.
I would pay good money to own one of these.
02-07-2011, 01:06 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Haha !! funny.

Please keep the species over there!
I shudder to think of the mess Bartok and his progeny will leave behind!
City budgets will be depleted in no time!

.

Racing pigeons, I can understand, but what I don't get are towns that allow - and even encourage - huge flocks of pigeons to live and defecate all over the place.

Keeps car groomers in business, I guess, but I think I'm going to have to wait for a global outbreak of H1N1 avian 'flu to take hold before someone realises that pigeons are not our friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Dante

You should breed more.
I would pay good money to own one of these.

You have a great line in hulking male avatars!
02-07-2011, 04:23 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Racing pigeons, I can understand, but what I don't get are towns that allow - and even encourage - huge flocks of pigeons to live and defecate all over the place.

Keeps car groomers in business, I guess, but I think I'm going to have to wait for a global outbreak of H1N1 avian 'flu to take hold before someone realises that pigeons are not our friends.

I suppose I had better make some sort of defence of pigeons.

All wild pigeons, apart from ring necked doves and wood pigeons, are descended from domesticated birds. In medieval times they were a vital resource hence the vast amount of dovecots. The birds were used for food and the feathers for bedding. The eggs were not only used for food but also a vital ingredient in mortar. Most of our magnificent Cathederals and Castles are held together with pigeon eggs. Technology eventually replaced the use of their eggs and improving food resources made their consumption redundant.
The result, they were released and became feral.

The principal reason they live in cities is the propensity of a large percentage of the population to feed them. That is why ring necked doves and wood pigeons are descending on the towns in increasing numbers. When advocating a mass cull it would be well to remember that with food resources coming under pressure, the ' rat with wings ' may become a vital staple once more.

Any more carping and I will set Bartok on you. :)
02-07-2011, 06:19 PM
prendrelemick

Alas, The Lord of the Manor would have the dovecote and the peasants were not allowed to catch them. It was the original steath tax, the pigeons would feed on the peasants corn, and his Lordship would feed on the pigeons.
02-07-2011, 07:44 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Alas, The Lord of the Manor would have the dovecote and the peasants were not allowed to catch them. It was the original steath tax, the pigeons would feed on the peasants corn, and his Lordship would feed on the pigeons.

Which kind of reinforces my point. Breeding pigeons is an aristocratic pastime and not for the serfs and villeins.
02-08-2011, 02:44 PM
The Atheist

:smilielol5:

I like the idea of them being used as food thanks to rising prices. Bloody easy to catch!

:idea:

Cheaper than chicken! Get your roast pigeon here.
02-08-2011, 03:38 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Unfortunately Old Helmet has departed this vale of tears for the great pigeon loft in the sky. Not to worry, I have created a new breed by crossing a Hungarian Giant with a German Nun ( believe me it took a lot of doing ) The result is a male who I have named Bartok. He has an eight foot wing span and a thoroughly nasty demeanour. He will only eat his maize if it is mixed in goulash and his water has to be consecrated by a priest before he will drink it. I really must see about a bigger loft. :)

Leave it to Jocky to raise a stoic religious group of pigeons; the ones around here have no appreciation for sensibilities, make love in flight...in traffic. We all start watching the birds...forget the car in front of us:eek:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Haha !! funny.

Please keep the species over there!
I shudder to think of the mess Bartok and his progeny will leave behind!
City budgets will be depleted in no time!

.

I had one blind pigeon nest in my roof a few years ago...the smell was around for two years during the summer...ghastly. I don't know if healthy pigeons like the roof, though...I have a few screens down and they don't seem to bother other than to dare each other to try to make it in one jump.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Alas, The Lord of the Manor would have the dovecote and the peasants were not allowed to catch them. It was the original steath tax, the pigeons would feed on the peasants corn, and his Lordship would feed on the pigeons.

In America, we've trained our pigeons to hang out on the steps of government buildings and dive at the bald heads of unpopular officials:cornut:

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

:smilielol5:

I like the idea of them being used as food thanks to rising prices. Bloody easy to catch!

:idea:

Cheaper than chicken! Get your roast pigeon here.

I'm always taking pity on the poor creatures, throw cat food to them; unfortunately, the cats are willing to share if it means a bit of bird meat later:arf:
02-08-2011, 03:45 PM
soundofmusic

By the way Jocky, did your snakeskin boots ever arrive; I mailed them express...still on one of the Chippendales, I'm afraid.....:banana::banana:
02-09-2011, 03:25 AM
prendrelemick

You sent them by male then.
02-09-2011, 09:49 AM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

:smilielol5:

Cheaper than chicken! Get your roast pigeon here.

Old Helmet went down very nicely accompanied by a red Burgundy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

By the way Jocky, did your snakeskin boots ever arrive; I mailed them express...still on one of the Chippendales, I'm afraid.....:banana::banana:

Due to our National psyche I could not accept the package as it was c.o.d. The collection plate has the same deliterious effect on me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

You sent them by male then.

I'll just get your coat.
02-09-2011, 04:35 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Old Helmet went down very nicely accompanied by a red Burgundy.

Lovely! Does it taste much like quail?

Reminds me of Speckled Jim.
02-09-2011, 06:37 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Lovely! Does it taste much like quail?

Reminds me of Speckled Jim.

seeing as we're onto drinking - how's this for a good game to play in the club?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGBTrCZObyA
02-09-2011, 08:08 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

seeing as we're onto drinking - how's this for a good game to play in the club?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGBTrCZObyA

:lol:

CARROT on AUBERGINE that TURNIP note ASPARAGUS i POTATO am LEEK going CAULIFLOWER to CUCUMBER my ONION bed. :)
02-09-2011, 08:41 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

:lol:

CARROT on AUBERGINE that TURNIP note ASPARAGUS i POTATO am LEEK going CAULIFLOWER to CUCUMBER my ONION bed. :)

CARROT I AUBERGINE will TURNIP be ASPARAGUS going POTATO up LEEK the CAULIFLOWER apples CUCUMBER and ONION pears COURGETTE too CARROT soon!
02-09-2011, 09:00 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

.
Funny clip Paul and great idea for a drinking game,

TURNIP green OLIVE oil LEEKS on PUMPKIN my CABBAGE head.

.
02-10-2011, 11:06 AM
Paulclem

Anyway - I want some of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT5kI...eature=related

In't the fast Show Brilliant.
02-10-2011, 03:28 PM
prendrelemick

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Anyway - I want some of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT5kI...eature=related

In't the fast Show Brilliant.

This week, I shall be mostly eating those.
02-10-2011, 06:04 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

This week, I shall be mostly eating those.

They suit you Sir.
02-10-2011, 06:08 PM
jocky

Cheesy peas, made with Gorgonzola and Birds Eye peas, garnished with the remains of Speckled Jim. A feast fit for a king. What to drink with it ?
02-10-2011, 11:37 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Cheesy peas, made with Gorgonzola and Birds Eye peas, garnished with the remains of Speckled Jim. A feast fit for a king. What to drink with it ?

Ipecac?
02-11-2011, 03:05 AM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Ipecac?

:lol:

Interesting results if you combine it with the drinking game above.
02-11-2011, 04:20 AM
prendrelemick

Although I fear I am repeating myself, I think a glass of Newkie Brown would be the perfect accompaniment. It'd certainly wash down the feathers.
02-11-2011, 11:01 AM
Gilliatt Gurgle

I too am experiencing a bit of Déjà vu. Was it not last year that we were talking about the new menu item from MacDonald's; The MacSquab sandwich?
Regardless, they are flying off the griddle here in Texas. That Cheesy Peas pate would go great on the Mac Squab.

Oh, here's something the blokes might find interesting; something I found under the "on this day" entry from wikipedia:

"...1938 – The BBC aired an adaptation of Karel Čapek's play R.U.R., the first science fiction television programme ever broadcast..."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R.U.R.

G
02-11-2011, 07:52 PM
jocky

Gilliatt, Atheist saw the original. Now for some spiritual joy. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSDaNIdmV-Y
02-11-2011, 08:35 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Gilliatt, Atheist saw the original. Now for some spiritual joy. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSDaNIdmV-Y

:lol:

Superb. What a face.
02-11-2011, 10:11 PM
jocky

The dark day when I blew my chances of a Knighthood. :(

http://www.dailyfunnystuff.net/wp-co...ldier-Fail.jpg
02-12-2011, 01:03 AM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

The dark day when I blew my chances of a Knighthood. :(

http://www.dailyfunnystuff.net/wp-co...ldier-Fail.jpg

Ah, was that you?

I thought you were the famous soldier in the photograph, with Her Divine Majesty in it, whose kilt had ridden up a little, exposing various bits to the wind.

I won't link it though.
02-12-2011, 01:16 AM
jocky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaJSGky4F4U

This one is just for you Atheist. Soundo look away now. :)
02-12-2011, 05:20 AM
The Atheist

Haha!

Isn't that the wrong way around?
02-13-2011, 03:41 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

You sent them by male then.

:smilielol5::thumbsup: Excellent!
I'm working on getting the little fellow back now, I just have to fill out this missing package form for the airline; but, I haven't quite figured out how to describe his package:(

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Due to our National psyche I could not accept the package as it was c.o.d. The collection plate has the same deliterious effect on me.

I had no idea security was so tight at your airports; though apparently, they failed to notice the stewardess who had stowed away inside my package. You would think they would have noticed all the bouncing and wailing...:dupe:
Did Mrs Jocky find a suitable substitute for her garden parties entertainment?

Yes, collection plates affect me the same way; I usually make a quick exit to powder my nose when they pass...Do your ministers collect tithes?

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Reminds me of Speckled Jim.

Great clip!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

seeing as we're onto drinking - how's this for a good game to play in the club?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGBTrCZObyA

:banghead: Tomato...no...cumquat....the hell with it:lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

In the meantime, I've had my fill of cold and snow and it isn't any better back home!
I'm ready to go trippin on the beach:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li0sM...eature=related

Gg

Look at those tiny waists...must be all that twisting and hola hoops...Now we have tight abs; but no waists:(
02-13-2011, 03:42 PM
soundofmusic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBC7pilGoPc

Ah Jocky, I looked around and found some great last minute entertainment for the Mrs.
02-13-2011, 05:53 PM
gbrekken

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaJSGky4F4U

This one is just for you Atheist. Soundo look away now. :)

awesome show! unintimidated.
02-13-2011, 06:22 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

The dark day when I blew my chances of a Knighthood. :(

http://www.dailyfunnystuff.net/wp-co...ldier-Fail.jpg

Ah, that didn't fool me; that was when the young queen was a lovely lass and the jocky found a unique way to see a bit more of the lady...I hear the Royals fancy Scottsmen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Ah, was that you?

I thought you were the famous soldier in the photograph, with Her Divine Majesty in it, whose kilt had ridden up a little, exposing various bits to the wind.
I won't link it though.

...so it isn't his fine grasp of literature that keeps her ladyship in Scottland?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaJSGky4F4U

This one is just for you Atheist. Soundo look away now. :)

Do you think you could find the other clip that shows the vantage point from the New Zealand team?
02-13-2011, 06:31 PM
soundofmusic

Oops, read on....
02-13-2011, 06:36 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by gbrekken

awesome show! unintimidated.

Obviously, you are hiding something from us:lol: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAJhR...eature=related
02-13-2011, 07:51 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Obviously, you are hiding something from us:lol: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAJhR...eature=related

I like South park - it feeds my uncultured side, as does Jackass. I have to laugh. I'm glad Jackass wasn't around when I was a lad - I had some mad mates!
02-14-2011, 10:48 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I like South park - it feeds my uncultured side,...

Amazing how such brilliant writing is married to such low production values.