Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Iain Sparrow

Gluten-free: A dietary cure for a disease nobody has.

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Heh heh.

Apple: The instrument of Adam's seduction by Eve at the behest of Steve Jobs

Fungus

Fungus: Extremely low class poor cousin of mushrooms

Funk:

Funk: A word describing something that’s bad, like a smell or a mood, but then, just when the definition appears to have stabilized and perhaps because the left brain crosses the right brain or the Sun moves from Pisces to Aries, it gets used to describe something good like rhythmic, funky music.

Vegan

Vegan: paternalistic oppressor of something vaguely resembling food

Aardvark

Aardvark: An African creature that has ears like a rabbit, a body like a pig and eats ants. Although there are many individuals in the species, so many that they are not considered endangered like just about everything else with an interesting name, the species appears to be the only one in its family. It makes you wonder what happened to the others. What is worse, the family appears to be the only one in its order. Hmmm.

Pasta

Pasta: a dish favored by those comfortable enough with their bodies to dine in the noodle

Hydra

Hydra: A nine-headed snake with Wolverine's healing powers

Hydrophobia:

Hydrophobia: Fear of water is one symptom of rabies. Once symptoms start, however, the disease is usually fatal even when the Milwaukee protocol is followed. That procedure tries to shut down the brain by putting the sufferer into a coma until the immune system can respond.

Peanuts

Peanuts: 1) For all y'all Southerners in America: "Goober Peas" 2) The cartoon featuring Snoopy 3) Little or no reward usually proceeded by "I work for -"

Slab:

Slab: 1) Large chunk of meat--i.e. Slab of Bacon 2) The cold tray in the mortuary where they put you after you clog your arteries by eating too much of number 1

Stiff:

Stiff: Something that goes on a mortuary slab.

Yinyang

yinyang - twin pandas who are both contrary and complementary.

Asinine

Asinine: The long practiced art of humans acting like an @ss Many people have excelled beyond all measure

Tacky:

Tacky: A feeling one gets on the fingers, because one can’t trust one’s eyes with their distance from reality, and so one reaches out and touches something that looks dry, but isn’t.

Clean

Clean: To a man a room is clean if there's nothing on the floor. To a woman clean means vacuum, dust, and put away stuff, getting rid of dust bunnies, and cobwebs, and maybe wiping down the wall. A man might adopt a dust bunny as a pet, and considers cobweb ambiance provided they don't contain live spiders. Yes his junk is strewn about the room but it's not on the floor and he knows where everything is. Clean sometimes causes divorce.

Stereotype: