Auntie's Anti-Poems

Hi Auntie, well I was taught to keep iambic pentameter to ten syllable lines, but I accept that the rule may not be universal. I did check with a few classic examples from Shakespeare (and others) but the examples I chose were all deccasyllabic. It certainly makes writing blank verse easier if you don't have to work in a straightjacket :D

Re. syntactical wrenching: well ok, but it's not common usage and does sound a little archaic. Strangely, it would have appeared less so if the sentence had continued beyond stand. e.g. "defies its peeling bark to stand unaided" otherwise contemporary useage would be to say, "...still stood, despite its peeling bark." but it's a minor quibble.

Best, H

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Hawkman

Re. syntactical wrenching: well ok, but it's not common usage and does sound a little archaic. Strangely, it would have appeared less so if the sentence had continued beyond stand. e.g. "defies its peeling bark to stand unaided" otherwise contemporary useage would be to say, "...still stood, despite its peeling bark." but it's a minor quibble.

H

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Well, I'm afraid I disagree and still believe that the structure is a standard simple declarative sentence:
S + V + O.
Also, "unaided" wouldn't fit the crazy-quilt rhyme scheme.

But seriously, thanks again.

Here's a ditty already posted long ago in the "Parodies" thread, but I felt like digging it up in order to change the title and the arrangements of the stanzas. Now, as at its premiere in 2008, Messrs. Gilbert and Sullivan are undoubtedly rockin' and rollin' in their graves.


“H.M.S. Tin Ear”

I'm no damned good at symmetry
and versifying gimmickry.
The wrenching rhymes that I've thus wrought
are often fraught with limerick-ry.
In track-wide doubt I ever can
train a wretchéd line to scan,
I am the very model
of a swayback poet also-ran.

I slice my bread before the wise,
and the sharp advice they live to give
says even the wriest loaf is stale,
très trite, if not derivative,
referring to my alluding skill
as swill from a cut-and-paster-er.
I am the moldy model
of a post-modern poet-taster-er.

The Greats whom I strain to parody
and flatter with temerity
I take more seriously than myself,
which “I say with all sincerity.”
No tears will drip,
but laughs may trip
out of my rash and leaky pen.
I am a photocopy
of a poet-slash-comedienne.

the Miss Communication one about noise is one of the most enjoyable poems I have read on this part of the forum! I love it's originality and the direction you take with it...though you say the subject matter is maybe not the biggest evil there is in the world I think it is a significant feeling of modern times. Saving that one!

Wonderfully funny! And all the more reason why you ought to rent Mike Leigh's "Topsy-Turvy"!

This is both clever and funny and I take it from the subject (and the title) that the extraneous beats are therefore deliberate :D

Live and be well. H

In my opinion --which becomes more and more aware of its inherent humility with every passing day -- "free" verse can be just as difficult to compose as metered verse. If she wants a piece of free verse to be effective, the writer has to invent a brand-new form to embody the particular subject matter.

Well, the chance of discovering an appropriate pattern in this next one is pretty slim. Whatever you do, don't attempt to scan the lines. It is an example of "free" verse, though, in the sense that it won't cost you anything to read the following, which we like to call

"No Soliciting"

At the table in a mismatched chair
you sat picking at your plate
to push away the lima beans,
like little bags of gravel
strewn about the buds of truth.

From the other room The News
announced the alarming change
in the– “Cost of Living”? What succotash!
Never in your life did you have to pay
to breathe, to live. You expected
no one, but the pounding came.

Your mother never stirred nor wiped
her ruddy hands on the faded apron front. Still,
the sudden sound had sped to a staccato,
opportunity this time
requiring more than one knock.
“Tell them,” she said, “we have no money.”

It could have been a drummer
clad in a blaring sports coat with a clashing
tie above which his Adam’s apple throbbed
to exclaim, “My, what an impressive-
looking lad you are!” through a de rigueur
smile designed to go with
a different set of eyes.

There might have been brushes in his bag: coarse
bristles arranged in neat rows across a block
of rough wood – and delicate handles of fine ones
For The Hair. He'd be more than happy to show
you a sample volume, with A-Ar
stamped in gold on its spine,
or a free demonstration
of the very Latest in Vacuums,
hungry – ravenous!– to devour
all the dirt in the world.
“We have no money.”

It wasn't until later that the kids would come,
college students in sandals or beat-up
sneakers, with idealism in their eyes
and in their sun-brushed hands a slim
pen and a thick binder, as they sought
sponsors for a week from next Saturday’s
Fun Run, or valid signatures for their petitions,
subscribers for moribund magazines –

long-shot wagers strategically placed,
a shot-in-the-dark manuscript
slinging itself over the transom, like a knife-
in-the-mouth ragtag soldier, scaling the enemy wall.

All over the world handshakes are offered
and heads are shaken and doors are slammed
and fortresses are rushed but seldom breached,

where arms stretch outward and upward
with an empty bowl for alms,
for a sale, for praise – everywhere, everyone
seeking, begging, asking.

I really like this one Auntie. It resonates on my sounding board. I have certainly felt that life is a gauntlet of demanding, threatening, grasping pleaders whose sole aim is to take what I've got, because they think they have a better right to it than me. Wouldn't it be nice if someone approached you out of the blue just to give you whaqt you need instead of relieve you of it!

However, back to the poem :D My only observation would be to perhapse cut the seventh strophe. it isn't that it's bad, but it feels like a digression from the rest of the poem. I think you could lose it and the overall effect would be to tighten it up. and l3 of the last strophe i would put a line break after breached.

Good poem. H

Thanks for reading and commenting, Hawk.

The seventh strophe was included for two reasons: military images, as well as the "unsolicited" label for
the typescripts of aspiring writers.

I will put the line break in.

Very topical - and perhaps 'free verse' is the only free thing that's left us.

I enjoyed the progression from door-to-door salesmen to the legion of doorsteppers all after our money, or at least a little respect and sympathy.

H

Thank you very much for your comment, Hillwalker. Actually, this wasn't at all intended to be acutely "topical," as it was based on a boyhood remembrance related to me by someone near and dear.
In any event, thanks again.

Imperatives

Give it away.

Give a little, give a lot, give a damn, give a darn,
give a hoot (and don't pollute), give a fig, give a you-know-what, give a rat’s you-know-what, give
a flying you-know-what.

Give me something to go on, give me a hint,
give me a clue, give me a sign, give me
my cue, give me a nod, give me your word
of honor, give me a hand, give me some slack,
give me a break, give me a second, give me
a minute, give me a couple of hours, give me
a few more days, give me shelter, give me
some room, give me space, give me land
lots of land under starry skies above, give me
whiskey (and don't be stingy, Baby), give me a hug,give me a kiss to build a dream on, give me some menwho are stout-hearted men, give my regards to Broadway, give me the old soft shoe, give me that old time religion, give me your poor,
your tired, huddled masses yearning to be free,
give me an A, give me a B, give me a V
for Vic-tor-y, give me just a little more time.

Give it a go, give it a try, give it a rip, give it some
gas, give it the gun, give him the old one-two, give him my love, give her the eye, give him the evil eye, give the gift that keeps on giving, give her the gift that lasts a lifetime, give a man a fish, give him a run for his money, give him a pat on the back, give him the cold shoulder, give him heat, give him a taste of his own medicine, give him the business, give him a knuckle sandwich, give him what for, give him the finger, give
him the bird, give him the gate,
give it your all, give it everything you've got,
give yourself a round of applause,
give it up.

And-

Take it away.

Take it from the top, take a little, take as many as you need, take a little piece of my heart now Baby, take one, take five, take ten, take a break, take a breather, take the day off, take a vacation, take your time, take it easy, take a load
off, take a seat, take it lying down, take it hard, take it the wrong way, take a compliment, take no guff, take a look, take a look at yourself, take another look, take a test, take a number, take my card, take my place, take a message, take my advice, take it from me, take it with a grain of salt, take it with meals, take it three times a day, take it at bedtime, take her out on the town, take a wife, take her home, take him to the cleaners, take it to the bank, take out a loan, take an offer,
take it to the limit, take me out
to the ball game, take your base, take it downtown.

Take a loss, take it on face value, take it for what
it’s worth, take the stairs, take the elevator,
take me to your leader, take him for a ride,
take the car, take the high road and the low road, take the Interstate, take the scenic route, take
the next exit, take a right, take a left, take the bus
(and leave the driving to us), take the subway, take
the A-Train, take the shuttle, take the red eye,
take a walk, take a stroll, take it on the arch,
take it to the streets, take it to the People.

Take me for a sap, take me for a fool, take it
outside, take a punch, take a beating, take
what’s coming to you, take him for every
penny he’s got, take him out, take
the money and run, take it to Court,
take the Fifth, take a plea, take it
on the chin, take it like a man.

Take a nap, take a snooze, take
a bath, take a shower, take a powder,
take an aspirin, take a moment or two
to reflect, take comfort, take heart,
take courage, take Communion, take it
as it is, take it as it comes, take it
as it goes, take one day at a time,
take the good with the bad, take
the bitter with the sweet, take your leave,
take leave of your senses, take a bow.

Take it or leave it.

My loss, for not having seen #157 until today. There was a seemingly inexhaustible bravura to the procession of detail. I loved it and could well see that, free or not, there was plenty of discipline to it.

But.. what to say about "Imperatives"? Unapologetic, irreverent fun, with a sidewise reminiscence of C. Porter's "Let's Not Talk about Love."

This is on 162.
Wow, incredible! I'm amazed by the sheer amount of research you must have done to put this one together, and the skill with which you've done it. You 'take it to a whole 'nother level' ! (Did you use that one?)
I love the narrative in it, or what I see in it.

But you've put me off 'give' or 'take' forever (or at least for a temporary 'forever') now, I feel like you've killed those words dead. :) You probably feel like you want to avoid these words as much as possible now too.

Hi Auntie,

Well they say a little give and take goes a long way ;) This has to be the ultimate list poem and for me at least, it really works. The rhythm just drives it ever forward. I can imagine you slaving over your keyboard all through the night, fuelled by caffine, and emerging with this magnum opus, proud and twitching, as the sun's first rays penetrated the curtains in the morning. Bravo! :D

Live long and prosper - H