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My uncle, my mother's brother, recently passed away. We, especially my mom, had a strong argument with him and there was no chance for reconciliation because he died so soon, and she's now feeling guilty. He died alone, after a little more than a year being detached from us. Before that, he had lived a couple of years with us. He had lost almost everything, including his house, in a big part because he spent much of his lifetime wasting money and supporting his lover and her daughters; daughters she had with her husband and from whom she never divorced. He practically got nothing at all from these women. Their main interest was his wallet. He had supported that family for more than four decades, and whenever my mother tried to make him see he was losing everything, he just got mad at her, yelling it was not her business what he did with his money and his life.
He was a good man, all in all, and he may have had many virtues, but he was the type of person you can't reason with. He thought he had it all figured, but he didn't, then became homeless, and came to live with us. After two years in our house, having frequent arguments with my mother, she finally tells him she would not keep making things easy for him so he could keep wasting his remaining scanty incomes in supporting these women, so he finally left us in much anger; anger he made an effort to hide.
He often made my mother feel that a good sister would have supported him, no matter what he had done with his life, and he even grabbed some kind of outer support by telling others that my mother had practically kicked him out of our house. He depicted my mother as the evil sister, but never told anyone about the reasons of my mother's behavior. In a way, he always appears as a victim. He always gave his version of the story, but never said that my mother didn't stand the fact that he was living with us for free, while wasting the little money he had left in these women, for whom he became a savior. Anyway, now my mother feels terribly bad because she's been the subject of much gossip, where she was made to appear as a villain.
I would like to ask what you would have done under a similar situation. Would you support a relative, keep them in your home, making life easy for them, and just stare at how they give away their meager income to other people, without trying to make them see they are acting wrong? Was it so wrong that my mother tried to make him see that he should prepare for the future, waste less and save more for the times when he could not work anymore? He was very aged by the time of his death, disabled and retired. He was living in a state of total misery, in a dirty room he was renting, and we knew he was eating too little, claiming his retirement income wasn't enough. How could his income be enough if he had the most of it devoted to a woman who wasn't even his wife, and to her daughters, who were not even his own? Would you tell such relative to get serious or would you let them do whatever they want, even if the consequences would affect you in the future? Was my mother's severity too severe? Did we act wrongly?
All opinions will be highly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
