a little jot last night...

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Originally Posted by breathtest

I really do

Its a nice way to express how you want to be loved.
You should write that on a piece of paper and give it to every man you meet and then tell him to go away if he cant meet the criteria :smile5:

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Great idea!...but I wonder if that will scare them off...:lol:

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

Maybe a jot about the dolphins could be appropriate ;)

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Water, like the cold wind on a winter's day,
when the sun sets is when they play,
in and out the dive again,
showing off their dorsel fins
calling to the birds above,
greeting those surfer fans they love
with our admiration, their hearts do we win,
they love to hear, "Look mommy, a dolphin!"

You like?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

Excellent idea, like a list of prerequisites to apply for the job as Beautifull's hubby :p

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hehe :blush:...well, I wouldn't really say it's a job. That sounds like an obligation....wouldn't it be an honor to be by my side?(I'd like to think...)
But yes....you could say that Max.

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Originally Posted by Beautifull

Great idea!...but I wonder if that will scare them off...:lol:

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These days, people often get scared before even being scared :frown2: Here's what you have to do: wield the list before his very nose. If he's not able to comply with it, then he's not the right darling, and you should do something like http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/beee.gif should he ever insist :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Beautifull

Water, like the cold wind on a winter's day,
when the sun sets is when they play,
in and out the dive again,
showing off their dorsel fins
calling to the birds above,
greeting those surfer fans they love
with our admiration, their hearts do we win,
they love to hear, "Look mommy, a dolphin!"

You like?

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In my opinion, I would call it a brilliant oceanic pastoral http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/drinks.gif

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Originally Posted by Beautifull

hehe :blush:...well, I wouldn't really say it's a job. That sounds like an obligation....wouldn't it be an honor to be by my side?(I'd like to think...)
But yes....you could say that Max.

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I was kidding :p Of course it would be an honor http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/yes3.gif

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

These days, people often get scared before even being scared :frown2: Here's what you have to do: wield the list before his very nose. If he's not able to comply with it, then he's not the right darling, and you should do something like http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/beee.gif should he ever insist :D

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:lol: You're absolutely right. I shall do that. :lol:

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

In my opinion, I would call it a brilliant oceanic pastoral http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/drinks.gif

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Aw, thanks!

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

I was kidding :p Of course it would be an honor http://smiles.kolobok.us/standart/yes3.gif

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Of course. Who do you think I am? Beautifull, of course. :lol:

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Originally Posted by Beautifull

Aw, thanks!

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http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs51/f/20...by_Mirz123.gif

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Originally Posted by Beautifull

Of course. Who do you think I am? Beautifull, of course. :lol:

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:patriot:

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs51/f/20...by_Mirz123.gif

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Heehee. cute welcome!

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Originally Posted by Maximilianus

:patriot:

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That's right, salute me! haha! Just Kidding. :D

There's a loneliness in her eyes,
She can't seem to erase
She looking to the skies,
With no answer

(it's a work in progress...)

Looks promising :)

Clipped Wings

Spiraling, spiraling down
screaming and yelling without a sound
hard to lift up what's pushed down
not a hint of confidence, not a ounce or pound

my wings are clipped
and I'm falling to the lowest pit.
I see my demise
filled with hopelessness and cries

how am I supposed to find a new road,
when buried benaeth this heavy load
Clipped wings won't help me fly above
and see what's needed to be done,

so I spiral out of control,
not able to protect my soul.

my demise is near.

I like the theme of this poem. The downward spiral, the inability to soar above one's own destiny with death inevitable.

There is a slight overuse of same words which do not add to its value. Spiral, clipped and demise. Perhaps you could give the reader a deeper imagery rather than in the context in which they are repeated.

The theme and how you develop it are both sharp :nod: and Delta's opinion sounds noteworthy :nod:

Thanks. On my way to make changes. :p Thanks Delta and Max. :D

Welcome http://smiles.kolobok.us/personal/hi.gif and anxious to spot the changes, if there are any, or whatever... just anxious to read... something :p

So I did some revisions. Does it sound better or worse?

Clipped Wings

Spiraling, spiraling down
screaming and yelling without a sound
hard to lift up what's pushed down
not a hint of confidence, not a ounce or pound

my wings are cut down
and I'm falling to the lowest pit profound.
I see my demise
filled with hopelessness and cries

how am I supposed to find a new road,
when buried benaeth this heavy load
Severed wings won't help me fly above
and see what's needed to be done,

so I plummet out of control,
not able to protect my soul.

my end is near.

In my humble opinion, this version sounds more elaborated, hence more poetic. I think so :nod: :hurray:

I like the way you have used some words repeatedly. They sound good to ear. The title reflects the theme of hopeless surrender quite well. Keep writing.

Best wishes. :)