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Upon his lap are two more eyes
To analyze the world out there,
Awaiting patiently surprise,
Coordinated, well-aware.
If one of them were a machine,
Would they enjoy that lap as much?
They both seek out what can be seen
Beyond the window linked through touch.
He gazes out the window
His little dog stares as well
His daily dose of life as it goes by
There's his neighbor doing laundry
The postman with the mail
Old Lady Jones with binoculars to her eye
Simple life and simple treasures
Shared with a shaggy four legged friend
He smiles as he sees something to amuse
Until the days fade into memory
The two silent in the ground--
But he left you a restful legacy to use!
Pendragon
(C) 8/17/2014
Anyone else? Two days left.
Thank you, YesNo and Pendragon. I think there was a third entry but they must have deleted it? :( I wish more people would participate in this thread. I enjoy this so much, however, I am lousy at critiquing. I will, though, give it a go.
Yes/No: "coordinated, well aware"...amazing that you picked up on that for it is true, if Grandpa looked out the window, so did Smokey. If Grandpa moved, so did Smokey. They really were in-sync. The second stanza really intrigued me and made me think of a laptop computer, the eyes to the world, the window to the world. In one instance the touch of life and companionship through a living breathing pet. In the other, perhaps not as 'warm', nevertheless a comforting companion through the touch of a keyboard. Am I even close?
Pendragon: As always, you have brought life to the picture you are writing about, for I could also 'see' everything he might be seeing out that window. It is a quiet picture and that is how you presented it, quiet on the inside watching the action on the outside. I loved 'daily dose of life as it goes by'. How many tmes I have sat across the room looking at that 'picture' in real life.
This is difficult. I almost want to toss a coin, but that really would be a cop-out, I suppose. There is just something about that intriguing lap comparison so I will go with YesNo. Thank you both again. I look forward to the next photo.
Congrats, YesNo! :wave:
Thank you, ampoule! And thanks, Pendragon! I thought the touch of the dog would be far more satisfying than that of a machine, but I suppose we can be tied to inanimate objects as well. I enjoyed the critique, ampoule.
I will try to have a new picture up today sometime.
Here is the next picture. It comes from the Chauvet Cave:
https://www.google.com/search?q=chau...hp%3B750%3B540
Deadlline September 21st
I've already written this poem :D
That will work for the contest. Thanks, Hawkman!
Anyone else?
Cave Paintings
Venture into the primal depths,
where shades of apparitions
seem to dance in the dwindling
evening light.
Buffalo leaps over the fire,
sacred tribal rites,
may the old gods
whose names are long forgot,
grant the hunters spear
with true flight
and the Earth sacrifice
life for life.
Stories unfold
though they may yet
still conceal mysteries
of their own,
a weaving of complexity
within subtle simplicity.
The Ancestral spirits
are laughing in the shadows
for all our perceived knowledge
is but the dim light of a dying
candle flame compared
to the wisdom
passed in secret silence
from horse to man.
“One Original Thought is worth 1000 Meaningless Quotes.” - Banksy... http://news.yahoo.com/photos/best-of...919103192.html
Chauvet walls are one thing -
Thrust a mote into the public's eye
And it's like: it's only graffiti
3/30/2015 r.3/31/2015
http://www.gocomics.com/lio/2015/04/27
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
I see I have neglected this one. I will have a winner announced tomorrow on April 1st. There is still one day left to enter!
Spirit Cave
Only this I ask of you,
Trespasser in the black womb
Of our mother's night:
When you have frightened up
Those horses from their doom,
And written them into her fertile sides,
Then trace there, too, your hand,
And I will look upon my hand, unfurled,
And so the mist of both our worlds
May come to touch us both,
And send the spirits soaring
From her mouth.
Time is up!
Hawkman: I like the last stanza held together with "bears" and "years".
Dark Muse: The Ancestral spirits in the last stanza laughing at us thinking we understand what we see on that cave wall is very nice.
tailor STATELY: Yes, that wall was the first graffiti that we are currently aware of.
Pompey Bum: Nice sound to this poem of the spirit cave and the spirits soaring from it.
They were all good!
The winner, and the one to keep the contest going, is Hawkman!
Congratulations Hawkman !
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Yes, congratulations, Hawk. I liked your poem particularly.