In a duel, I would save myself a trip and shoot the perp
If you were the injured party in a duel and so had choice of weapons and rules, what would you choose?
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In a duel, I would save myself a trip and shoot the perp
If you were the injured party in a duel and so had choice of weapons and rules, what would you choose?
Tickles, or tummy blowing if it was a lady.
How can I convince my wife that Mercury and Peter Pan are not the same person?
Was Peter Pan influenced by Mercury?
He didn't do well on cold mornings.
In a parallel universe, do giant daisies pull us limb from limb to predict their carees?
Not us, but people from that alternate world, who are all less intelligent than the daisy
If wings were a feature of all earth life, could pigs fly?
If pigs had wings, Applebee's appetizer menu would be a heck of a lot better.
What kind of tears do crocodile's shed when they're actually upset?
The same ones, only different
Does a difference that makes no difference still a difference?
Certainly. 5-0=5 is a difference that makes no difference, but will still make a difference in your grade if you screw it up.
Why "math" in some places and "maths" in others?
It's complicated.
Why are elephants rumored to fear mice?
If you spread rumors, they'd trample you.
Is there really any need to make a distinction between large and small curd cottage cheese?
Size does matter.
What actually was gone with the wind in Gone with the Wind?
Probably the plot
If Robin Hood were alive today, would he use a compound bow?
That should be "compound-bow." With compound words you need a hyphen.
Before the Zombie Apocalypse, is there going to be a Zombie Rapture?
Well, there has to be a resurrection to create a zombie anyway...
Why not a Vampire Apocalypse?
Vampire's could not survive without a steady supply of formal tailors.
How does the Mummy go to the bathroom with all those bandages? I don't actually need all that graphic an answer. In fact, if you'd like to forget I asked and just move on, that would be just fine, too. Your next question, then?
They have to be careful not to get the TP mixed up with the bandages.
How would the Frankenstein monster keep out of jail, considering his hands were from hanged murderers?
He could only use his hands when they got furloughs (and, although it's not a pleasant thought, during conjugal visits).
How come the monster read Plutarch, Goethe, and Milton in the book, but could hardly manage "Woman goooood!" in the movies?
The same reason Tarzan who speaks multiple human and animal languages did the "Me Tarzan. You Jane" crap in the movies. It's a disgrace!
Why would all four parts of Oz be so divided on colors?
Ferguson?
Is Antichrist married to Uncle Christ?
In the words of a favorite old time radio show-- "T'aint funny McGee!"
If you don't believe in God and talk about Him irreverently, is it still blasphemy?
Everybody's a critic.
Who says I don't believe in God?
If Bruce Jenner gained weight, would it count as trans fat?
Doesn't He/She go by Caitlin now? I used to look up to this guy as an Olympic hero, now in his dottage he decides he's a her!
Do the blues have anything to do with the weather?
Yes. They are responsible for cloudless skies and the occasional bolt there from.
Why did plans 1-8 from outer space have to be scrapped?
Budget restraints...
There is a Secret Agent X and a Secret Agent X-9. What happened to Secret Agents Y and Z?
That question is clearly intended to distract us from looking into the fates of X-1 through X-8. Stay in your home. We will be there shortly.
Who cast The Shadow?
The studio nurse, after he broke his arm.
Could Haile Selassie have been any less Selassie?
Not according to the Zion way of thinking.
Do woodchucks know (or could they know) they are used in a playful word scheme?
Do they know? Nobody ever asks them anything else. That's why they've worked so hard to be known as groundhogs, hoping "woodchuck" will be forgotten.
BTW, rumor has it that the originator of that line was gnawed to death, so be careful where and when you use it.
How is it that a loaf of bread always comes down to one slice, even when you start with the remaining slice from the previous loaf?
And besides, I think his brother's name was Les.Quote:
Originally Posted by tonywalt
Because that's the will of Jesus Crust. (:))Quote:
Originally Posted by Calidore
Did Bluto and Brutus used to take exams for each other?
Actually they used to, then Bluto got in trouble and Brutus denied even knowing him. (This actually happened with a set of twins three doors up from my Uncle Bob on Park Street in Marion, VA. One twin got in serious trouble and the other did everything he could to look different from his brother.)
Does Popeye realize that spinach has little effect on muscle?
Popeye never made it past Kindergarten. (Nice to see you Pen!)
What does Popeye eat when there is a spinach shortage?
Collard greens, Mustard greens, Turnip greens, Dandelion greens, etc.
How did Popeye get those big forearms with such skinny upper arms?
Too much ink from his anchor tattoos.
Why is it the door is always "Pull" only when you have your arms full?
It's a Government Conspiracy, Man!
Why do people think it's amusing to play with automatic opening doors?
Cruelty to automatic doors is just an ugly part of human nature.
What happens when none of your bees wax?
Your hive goes "hum drum"
Did you ever hear a tree bark?
Yes, when it was ready to leave.
What happens when pasta and antipasto collide?
The Entree-prise goes into warp speed. (Ooh--worked for that one...)
Did Bram Stoker?
Well he did write some weird stuff at that. with plenty of female characters...
How was Mark Twain?
Samuel Clemens can answer that, and did.
What happened to people named 'Chuck'! (I'm concerned)